Why is it that adultery isn't punishable?

[Robert]

Think about it....If a man's wife cheats she gets half the equity. So who is being punished? Something smells funny.....

[ChildofChrist]

I guess that works like a man molesting 8 members of the wife's family and she gets nothing when the wolf is put out.

[Robert]

Okay...that's injustice too, but the current subject is adultery.

We can turn this around. If the husband commits adultery his wife would lose half.....It goes both ways. Doesn't seem fair.

In my mind if someone cheats he or she should leave the marriage empty handed.

Robert

[olger]

Ok, we have heard two abstract examples. Thanks.

What is the will of God for sexual purity? What is the will of God in our marriages? How does God respond to adultery? How should we respond as a church?

Can anything be done to restore a marriage that has been decimated by an affair?

What does the Bible say about these things?

oG

[Robert]

I'm talking outside reconciliation. I’m looking at adultery per our judicial system.

[Dr. Shane]

There are many factors that play. That is why we have lawyers. Often both spouses are entitled to what they brought to the marriage and all assets acquired during the marriage are divided.

However there are other circumstances to consider. Did the wife, for example, decide not to go to college so she could marry? Did the wife work and help pay for the husband's higher education? Did the husband provide a lifestyle for the wife and children that he should be responsible to maintain even after the union is broken?

I do not like no fault divorce. If the marriage is ended due to adultery, the offending party shouldn't get an equal share of the marital assets. When children are involved, the "innocent" party should be given presence to custody. Yet when the guilty party receives custody, they need to be awarded support for the children accordingly.

[Neil D]

Think about it....If a man's wife cheats she gets half the equity. So who is being punished? Something smells funny.....

What caused the man's wife to cheat?

It is a valid question and needs to be factored into the divorce....

Sometimes, an innocent person is not so 'innocent', hence, the concept of a 'no fault' divorce...

Sometimes though, some couples have drifted appart and those couples divorce when there is no need to stay married. The origional reasons for marriage have gone....

[Robert]

Complicated, isn't it?

[Neil D]

Complicated, isn't it?

Sometimes....depends upon your point of view....

What bothers me the most.....is if I will ever repeat what I have done.....if placed in the same situation...

[Guest gem]

In my mind if someone cheats he or she should leave the marriage empty handed.

There are factors that need to be considered in division of assets. If the couple has under aged children, the case is sometimes get dragged if one or both parties are not willing to compromise. I have a friend who is in the middle of dividing their assets right now. She and her husband have four young children. She got the custody of the kids but the husband wants half of the assets they accumulated together. He was the one who cheated and is now living with another woman. He doesn't want to pay the childrens' education - college in the near future, so now she is going back to the lawyer see if she can still make changes, in favour of her and the kids. The problem is, she had already signed the separation agreement when there was so many things going on and not thinking more about the children.

Shane has made really good points above.

[Guest gem]

What is the will of God for sexual purity? What is the will of God in our marriages? How does God respond to adultery? How should we respond as a church?

Can anything be done to restore a marriage that has been decimated by an affair?

What does the Bible say about these things?

What if both wife and husband committed adultery. Does it matter who did it first? And if the couple chose not to get divorce because of circumstances....I doubt if it will ever be the same again. Restoring a marriage that has been decimated by an affair is not that easy especially if the affair is ongoing. And what if this happens to one of our church leaders - HOW SHOULD WE RESPOND AS A CHURCH.

Good thread, Robert. Thanks.

[Woody]

It depends upon what the job description of the church leader is. If the job description indicates that you have to have victory over certain sins ... then by all means if the leader has those sins ... then he/she should be fired.

But, I think that the sins that the leader is expected to have victory over should be spelled out in the employment contract. And I would love to see which sins are listed since in the eyes of God ... sin is sin. If you are guilty of one sin you are guilty of all.

Otherwise our response should be love and support. We should not treat them with distain or as an outcast. We should uplift them and restore them as much as possible.

[Nan]

From a civil point of view I think no fault divorce is the best option. And if the divorce is civil, and adultery is not illegal, then would there be any justification in suggesting that the person who first rocked the marriage boat should not receive his/her share of the common assets? For mamy people in our countries, marriage is a civil contract and not a religious institution.

The way divorce and divorcees are treated in the church is more difficult but I agree with Redwood "Otherwise our response should be love and support. We should not treat them with distain or as an outcast. We should uplift them and restore them as much as possible. "

[cricket]

Assuredly, adultery is punished in more ways than financial. But know this as well--a marriage that can be recociled will never be the same again--but in many cases, it can be even BETTER than it was before.

There is no such thing as "no fault" divorces. There is also no such thing as "one-sided" fault divorces.

[Woody]

Quote:

There is also no such thing as "one-sided" fault divorces.

Let me put a different spin on this from my perspective.

IN my eyes there is only one UNforgiveable sin with divorce ... and that is with the one who files for divorce. That IS "one-sided" fault. The person who gives up hope IS at fault.

All other faults can be worked out. But not the fault of giving up. So, it CAN be one sided. There are always many options rather than divorce. Separation is always preferable to divorce. WHY? It leaves the door open to reconciliation. God does not want divorce. However our selfish desires want it.

We live in a "we want it NOW" mentality. Sometimes things that are best take time to come to fruition. But the ones who just give up and "want it now" ... they are at fault.

[Nan]

I was referring to 'no fault' in the legal sense of not having to produce a reason for the divorce. Meaning that all the dirty laundry does not have to be dragged up. That one partner does not have to skulk around on frosty nights with a private detective, getting evidence of the other party's misdeeds. That hopefully children will hear less mudslinging about and between their parents.

In this country either party can apply for a divorce after the stipulated time of separation. I did so after my ex had been living with the other woman for nearly two years and obviously had no intention of coming back. I did not have to produce messy details to justify my application. Is that 'giving up'? I would call it realism - probably justified as they are still together.

[Dr. Shane]

Adultery is even more previous when civil law allows no fault divorce. That is because if a person doesn't want to stay married they can get divorced without cause. So why are they committing adultery? If they want out of their marriage, let them get out of if legally before they start having sex with someone else.

[Amelia]

Quote:

So why are they committing adultery? If they want out of their marriage, let them get out of if legally before they start having sex with someone else.

To quote my ex when I asked why he moved another woman into our home after just 3 months of separation. "I felt we were divorced when I told you I wanted one. I knew there would be no reconciliation. I wanted to move on. Get on with my life".

[ChildofChrist]

The only good thing about 'no-fault' divorce is that a couple doesn't need to air dirty laundry which could destroy the children whether minors or grown and the other family members.

I really believe that most thinking and caring people do make all attempts at remaining together but it is the greedy ones like the latest Beatle's divorce. What does she want for 4 years or so of marriage? 50 million more or less...Wasn't this money he made before meeting and marrying her? Yes, he should pay child support but not take care of her too. But that is just my opinion.

[ChildofChrist]

So, having a relationship outside of the marriage does not constitute adultery?

OK we'll leave the criminal aspect out of it including the rape of a 13 year old girl down to the toddler(All family members)

How about if it is with another of the same gender?

Sad to say there are church members that have done both ends of this spectrum. Is this not adultery in the eyes of God? Anyone who lusts after another that is not their mate has sinned in their heart.

[Bravus]

Adultery is punished. It is its own punishment in terms of heartache, regret and the breakdown of relationships. Anything the church or the courts might add would be like a gentle slap to someone dying of thirst in the desert.

[D. Allan]

Ah, its true! so true!

[Stan]

Let's remember

"The wages of sin is death"

[Robert]

Let's remember

"The wages of sin is death"

And we are all dying....

Rom 5:12 Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned.

But judicially speaking it isn't a crime to commit adultery, yet we know that it is far reaching in its destruction. The reason that adultery isn't punished like others sins of the flesh is because sex sells. Think it out....

Robert

[carolaa]

There is no such thing as "no fault" divorces. There is also no such thing as "one-sided" fault divorces. /quote]

I disagree. Many times one of the parties simply has a problem that the other one can't live with or do anything about, such as gambling, abuse, addictions, etc., with the intolerable behavior issues that go along with such things. The only thing the other party can be faulted for is for marrying them in the first place, but I don't see how they can be faulted for getting smart and getting a divorce to protect themselves and/or their children from that type of environment.