Openly Lesbian Friend Wants to Connect on Facebook - Advice?

[ChristIsLife]

I went to an Adventist academy for four years with a girl who is now openly lesbian. Recently I signed up on Facebook and have had the opportunity to reconnect with many old friends. However, this morning this lesbian girl sent me a "friend request". Her profile picture is of her kissing her significant other. I am really torn with knowing how to handle it.

On the one hand I want her to know that I have brotherly compassion for her, I want to treat her like Jesus who welcomed sinners, and it seems I have the best chance of helping her if I am part of her life. God knows, I have done a lot of bad things in my life too, and were it not for His restoring grace I shudder to think where I would be right now. I am certainly in no position to cast stones. Furthermore, every single one of my friends is a known sinner (as the Bible says), and the wages of greed and covetousness are the same as homosexuality, so why should it bother me?

On the other hand, this girl has had many godly people counsel her and warn her about her course. What she is doing is blatantly wrong and there is no indication of repentance or sorrow for her lifestyle. I do not want to in any way give the sense that I am OK with it. Neither do I want my profile to turn into a marketing opportunity for her perversion. 1 Corinthians 5:11 says, "I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one." I have considered sending her a loving and frank email telling her why I do not want to add her as a friend on Facebook. Maybe it would stand as another barrier and warning sign hindering her on her way to ruin.

In this day and age I am sure there are others out there who have struggled with similar situations. I would be grateful for some advice.

[Woody]

I very much appreciate your attitude. God will bless you with the right course of action ... I am sure.

[Neil D]

I have a question......

As I understand it, God gives unconditional mercy and unconditional love to us....It's been my experience that love sets it's own boundarys.....

My question is this- What kind of love boundarys would you set for a friend?

[GreatLakesGramma]

That is a really tough one, ChristIsLife. I really don't know what to suggest.

I have a son who is gay. He is my son, and I am very proud of him and love him very much. And he knows it, because I have told him so. I treat him exactly the same as I would if he were straight, and treated his now-ex partner the same as any of my adult children's friends, in other words, like family.

But he also knows what I believe about his lifestyle choice. I have told him, but I do not KEEP telling him. It is his choice to make and I respect that. He does not feel at all rejected, but he also does not have the wrong idea of where I stand. His father and I have never punished him for his choices, by withholding anything we freely give to his siblings. If he needs us, we will be there, as always.

Your situation is different, and yet, now that I think about it, not so much. You could add her as your Facebook friend, but also send her the message that you do not agree with her lifestyle choice and you do not want her to put anything promoting lesbianism on your page, but that you respect her right to make her own choice and will not hassle her about it either. Then, if she still wants you as a friend, keep your word. Don't say anything either for or against her lifestyle. Just be a friend. And pray for her. And the time may come when she will want to talk to you about spiritual things.

[Neil D]

I have an exercise for you.....

I want you to set and pray for this woman.Clear your mind of religious concepts. Remove from thought any judgements that disturb you about her... Think about her...your past experiences with her, your friendships with her...I want you to picture her and take away those little imperfections that she may have...any lisps, or stutterings, or simple little habits that she has that bother you. I want you to remove from her swearing from her vocabulary.....Her taking God's name in vain....take away from her any "veggie" swearing...If she has a habit of stretching the truth a bit, take that away from her...Now, take away anything that causes her to steal from you or your friends....Now remove her sexual sins from her....Her coveteousness....her dissing her parents...

Now, ask your self....what bothered you the most when you took her sins away from her? That would be YOUR problem...And what are you going to do with YOUR new problem? Can you show unconditional love in spite of all those things you know to be wrong with her?

After all, she has had all those problems thrown in her face....She already knows that it's wrong...NOthing you are going to say will change her...but your unconditonal love will...

[Woody]

Quote:

Maybe it would stand as another barrier and warning sign hindering her on her way to ruin.

I doubt it. Are you saying that you have no friends that are not Bible fearing Christians? Goes to that question of 'open sin' again....as I have said before, I see no difference from one sin to next. By Boss is a lesbian, had been straight before, she attends church, sings in the choir. One of the people I work with is gay and very involved in church. I leave their lifestyle between them and God. Being her friend will say more about you and your beliefs in a positive way than shunning her. Remember Gods loves the sinner, not the sin.

(my two cents)

Yes. Great post.

Best way to love a lesbian is to get them to church and put them to work. That goes for most of us sinners. God does love each of us.

[Key Guy]

I immediately thought of Christ and the adulteress when I read your original question. On the one hand, I don't think you can approach her lifestyle with an authoritative command like "Go and sin no more". Yet, on the other, Jesus did say "neither do I condemn you".

It's true that we should surround ourselves with associates that don't bring us down spiritually (Satan uses those people to trip us up). A Facebook friend is not like a real close friend, so maybe you have a great starting point.. friendship with enough distance to protect you against the evil influence, yet close enough that your online friendship can gain her trust for future gut-level dialog. Many tight friendships have blossomed from online conversations. Many friendships became inappropriate, too, though. Be careful with this and pray, trust and obey.

Two cents from 'gay-land'.

[Nan]

Some very good thoughts here.

I have tried to approach it by considering two possible actions and their consequences.

1. You could choose to ignore her request for friendship.

2. You could accept her as a friend.

If you chose the first I doubt it would do anything to change her behaviour but would send the message

that you thought yourself too good to associate with her.

If you chose the second, you risk having her think you approve of her lifestyle - but if she knows you well, she will know that is not the case - and you can show that you accept her as a friend and not cut off the possibility for future contact.

Just my take on this matter. I hope you have gained some clarity with all the thoughts in this thread.

[LifeHiscost]

In this day and age I am sure there are others out there who have struggled with similar situations. I would be grateful for some advice.

"I do not ask that You will take them out of the world, but that You will keep and protect them from the evil one."John 17:15 AMP

"We know [absolutely] that anyone born of God does not [deliberately and knowingly] practice committing sin, but the One Who was begotten of God carefully watches over and protects him [Christ's divine presence within him preserves him against the evil], and the wicked one does not lay hold (get a grip) on him or touch [him]."1 John 5:18 AMP

"He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends."Proverbs 17:9 KJV

Your question is one that no one can answer except God and possibly yourself. There are too many variables that only God knows about.

"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."1 Samuel 16:7 NASB

OTOH if you are able to be a friend while keeping your ability to speak freely of Jesus' influence and care in your own life, it would seem to me you have the perfect opportunity

to glorify God in revealing His love for all at their worst, while in submission we can expect and desire Him to change us into His likeness.

Regards!

[John317]

That is a really tough one, ChristIsLife. I really don't know what to suggest.

I have a son who is gay. He is my son, and I am very proud of him and love him very much. And he knows it, because I have told him so. I treat him exactly the same as I would if he were straight, and treated his now-ex partner the same as any of my adult children's friends, in other words, like family.

But he also knows what I believe about his lifestyle choice. I have told him, but I do not KEEP telling him. It is his choice to make and I respect that. He does not feel at all rejected, but he also does not have the wrong idea of where I stand. His father and I have never punished him for his choices, by withholding anything we freely give to his siblings. If he needs us, we will be there, as always.

You are doing exactly the right thing, GLG. My parents did the same thing. They treated me lovingly and were even nice to my companion, but I knew that they didn't approve of my lifestyle and my choices. But my parents also got their friends to pray for me-- for years!-- and I did finally accept Christ into my life. And by the way, my "companion" also accepted Christ, was baptized and joined the church. Never give up!

[John317]

I went to an Adventist academy for four years with a girl who is now openly lesbian. Recently I signed up on Facebook and have had the opportunity to reconnect with many old friends. However, this morning this lesbian girl sent me a "friend request". Her profile picture is of her kissing her significant other. I am really torn with knowing how to handle it.

On the one hand I want her to know that I have brotherly compassion for her, I want to treat her like Jesus who welcomed sinners, and it seems I have the best chance of helping her if I am part of her life. .... I would be grateful for some advice.

I would be her friend, but I would let her know fairly soon, as honestly yet lovingly as possible, that you care enough about her to be honest with her. Tell her exactly what you believe in terms of the Bible's teachings, and tell her that you will be praying for her that she will experience conviction about it and give her life totally over to the Lord.

After that I wouldn't "preach" to her about it. Simply let her know that you are there for her if she needs you.

Be aware that when we associate a lot with "friends" who are living in sin, they can influence us to see sin as not so bad. It's one thing to be friends with people who don't know the truth and are practicing a sinful lifestyle; it is quite another to be friends with people who know the truth but insist on continuing a sinful lifestyle.

[GreatLakesGramma]

And by the way, my "companion" also accepted Christ, was baptized and joined the church. Never give up!

I do pray for my son's "ex" every day too.

[phkrause]

It looks like you've gotten alot of good advice, probably nothing more I can add to what's been already said. But I was thinking that maybe sher interested in rekindling the friendship, is for the purpose of being able to talk with someone she trusts and maybe see what she has been missing in having a relationship with God, and just needs someone to help with that. Just my 2 cents worth.

pk

[GoLions]

What is your facebook like? Does it promote other 'sins'? What is the purpose of having your facebook? I am not into the facebook scene, however my family members are. I have been shown things on other people's (SDA) facebook that totally remind me of the world. My point is that, you may once again give her opportunity to call all of us hypocrites. You have a responsibility to remove the sin in your own life before you can see clearly to help remove the sin in someone else's. You are your brothers keeper, you will have to give an account of how you handled this situation. Much prayer is needed. Faith, hope, love, the greatest of these is love. When I came into the SDA church, the friends that I had for years left me not I them. My life style had changed completely, I would still hang with them while they drank, smoked and other things. But I wouldn't do any of those things myself. I believe that they had seen sin in their own lives. You only have two choices in that situation. You can't live with the Holy Spirit pleading with you, you either shut him out or change. My friends know how to get a hold of me. I will welcome them into my life with open arms, I do miss them. My friends I have now are a much higher quality friends.

[olger]

On the other hand, this girl has had many godly people counsel her and warn her about her course. What she is doing is blatantly wrong and there is no indication of repentance or sorrow for her lifestyle. I do not want to in any way give the sense that I am OK with it. Neither do I want my profile to turn into a marketing opportunity for her perversion. 1 Corinthians 5:11 says, "I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one." I have considered sending her a loving and frank email telling her why I do not want to add her as a friend on Facebook. Maybe it would stand as another barrier and warning sign hindering her on her way to ruin.

You express yourself well. I recommend communicating your concerns in a polite way. The Bible says to speak the truth in love.

og

[GreatLakesGramma]

What is your facebook like? Does it promote other 'sins'? What is the purpose of having your facebook? I am not into the facebook scene, however my family members are. I have been shown things on other people's (SDA) facebook that totally remind me of the world. My point is that, you may once again give her opportunity to call all of us hypocrites. You have a responsibility to remove the sin in your own life before you can see clearly to help remove the sin in someone else's. You are your brothers keeper, you will have to give an account of how you handled this situation. Much prayer is needed. Faith, hope, love, the greatest of these is love.

So true!

[Cosmin M.]

Please tell me about what age rank you guys are in. That is, if it does not bother you.

[Stan]

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord, and I accept all to be my friends.

My BEST FRIENDS are those who I support and those who support me.

I have found the Holy Spirit far more effective than I am for 'publicans and sinners'.

Far too many gay men and women have had incidences in life that are simply 'not fair' or 'just'. Alienating them does not seem to help.

[ChristIsLife]

But he also knows what I believe about his lifestyle choice. I have told him, but I do not KEEP telling him. It is his choice to make and I respect that. He does not feel at all rejected, but he also does not have the wrong idea of where I stand. His father and I have never punished him for his choices, by withholding anything we freely give to his siblings. If he needs us, we will be there, as always.

Your situation is different, and yet, now that I think about it, not so much. You could add her as your Facebook friend, but also send her the message that you do not agree with her lifestyle choice and you do not want her to put anything promoting lesbianism on your page, but that you respect her right to make her own choice and will not hassle her about it either. Then, if she still wants you as a friend, keep your word. Don't say anything either for or against her lifestyle. Just be a friend. And pray for her. And the time may come when she will want to talk to you about spiritual things.

Wow, GLG, my heart goes out to you. I really like your advice too. It makes a lot of sense.

[ChristIsLife]

OTOH if you are able to be a friend while keeping your ability to speak freely of Jesus' influence and care in your own life, it would seem to me you have the perfect opportunity

to glorify God in revealing His love for all at their worst, while in submission we can expect and desire Him to change us into His likeness.

Regards!

This girl and I were relatively close in academy, and we had some pretty deep spiritual conversations back then. I think it would be possible to lovingly approach her about her choices and it would be fairly well received.

[ChristIsLife]

I would be her friend, but I would let her know fairly soon, as honestly yet lovingly as possible, that you care enough about her to be honest with her. Tell her exactly what you believe in terms of the Bible's teachings, and tell her that you will be praying for her that she will experience conviction about it and give her life totally over to the Lord.

After that I wouldn't "preach" to her about it. Simply let her know that you are there for her if she needs you.

Be aware that when we associate a lot with "friends" who are living in sin, they can influence us to see sin as not so bad. It's one thing to be friends with people who don't know the truth and are practicing a sinful lifestyle; it is quite another to be friends with people who know the truth but insist on continuing a sinful lifestyle.

Thank you for letting God shine his wisdom through your words. Sometimes when we hammer a nail into a wall we miss the stud. Other times we hit it, and when we do, the whole hammer resonates with a solid clunk. In the same way, truth resonates when it is spoken, and that is the way I feel about this post.

[Stan]

Two kinds of sinners,

a - Those who have been caught

b - Those who have not been caught

[ChristIsLife]

What is your facebook like? Does it promote other 'sins'? What is the purpose of having your facebook?

Good point. There may be things on my Facebook page that are less than what God desires, but if so, I am not yet aware of it. I regularly ask God if there is anything that stands between me and him, and whatever he reveals I surrender to him and let him work in me to will and to do according to his good purpose.

The purpose of my Facebook is to reconnect with old friends.

[ChristIsLife]

Please tell me about what age rank you guys are in. That is, if it does not bother you.

I am 29 and my friend is 30ish.

[Joe_in_RP]

Quote:

Be aware that when we associate a lot with "friends" who are living in sin, they can influence us to see sin as not so bad. It's one thing to be friends with people who don't know the truth and are practicing a sinful lifestyle; it is quite another to be friends with people who know the truth but insist on continuing a sinful lifestyle.

I am not sure facebook friends are real friends. As such I doubt she would influence you in a negative way.

Just a little reality check here.