Openly Lesbian Friend Wants to Connect on Facebook - Advice?

[LifeHiscost]

Well, I went ahead and accepted the girl as my friend on Facebook and emailed her the following letter. Please join me in praying for her as she reads this and thinks it through. Also, I would welcome feedback on the letter. If there is something that could be misunderstood, I want to be proactive.

With Brotherly Compassion,

[ChristIsLife]

What a beautiful testimony. Let God be praised!

[LifeHiscost]

Great Witness. I would just caution that 'maybe' this person does not desire your 'way of life'.

So true. Not too many people accepted Noah's personal testimony either, even after repeating it for 120 years. Bummer.

[LifeHiscost]

Either way you have done your faithful duty.

Not to mention finding joy in the Lord for sharing your walk with Him.

[LifeHiscost]

At least she now knows clearly where I stand and if at some point in the future she wants advice, there is an open invitation.

Let your life speak for itself and if necessary, say something.

[LifeHiscost]

Two kinds of sinners,

a - Those who have been caught

b - Those who have not been caught

What about the sinner who's been caught but is in denial, Stan?

teehe I'd laugh louder but I understand that's not kosher.

[LifeHiscost]

My friends I have now are a much higher quality friends.

May I suggest the Jesus in them is of higher quality but the disciple is in training as long as they're on this earth.

Regards!

[ChristIsLife]

I sent the email, thinking my chances were slim of ever hearing back. However, this afternoon I did get a reply and I wanted to share it and get advice on how to handle it. Here again, I am sure many of you have grappled with these very arguments.

Also, I think this is a good opportunity to clarify to her that I will only continue to share my views if she is interested in hearing them. By multiple emails I really do run the risk of making her feel like I am nagging.

Here is her response:

-------------------------

[ChristIsLife],

Let me preface this by saying that I have a deep respect for those who are passionate about their beliefs. Even when they are different than mine. I read your comments and although I initially took offense, I truly believe that you composed that message with a loving spirit and I would like to respond in kind.

Unfotunately, throughout history, certain Bible verses have been used to support many acts of degradation and persecution. Men have called on the Bible to condone slavery, and to oppose scientific discoveries. My hope is that eventually we will come to learn and accept that the authors of the Bible were writing according to their understanding and for their specific time period. I think that is why we can find similar verses that state laws that our society and our churches would never accept. Obviously we are all human and while we believe that the Bible and it's texts are infallible, our understanding may not be.

Like you, I have struggled with many temptations throughout my life. Also like you, I have (sometimes painfully) come to the understanding that of my own power, I cannot overcome these things. It was a great relief to me when I learned that a loving God could take my struggles from me, bear them for me, and beat them for me! I was finally able to stop fighting a losing battle. I have many defects of character that I am constantly surrendering to Him. I have come to an understanding of humility though, and will not condemn myself for what are obvious gifts from Him. What I mean is, I am sure that in the eyes of an all-powerful and perfect God, my sin disgusts Him. Mine does, and yours does. All sin. The love I have in my heart though, is not a sin or a temptation. It is a gift for me from my Creator. Let me explain what I mean.

Many studies have been done proving that homosexuality has a biological component and is part of an individuals development. As more research is done, it has become apparent that it is not a mental health issue although that belief was popular 30 or so years ago. So called reparative therapy is both fruitless and counterproductive. It is a way for people to exhibit social prejudice. Homosexuals can no more change their orientation than an African American can change the color of his skin. I know that it is difficult to have an open mind about things you feel so confident about. Historically it has been difficult for the church to come to terms with their misunderstanding. If you had asked Christians 500 years ago what they thought about the new research proving the earth to be round, they would have argued vehemently! In fact, Galileo was tried and convicted of heresy, and died under house arrest because of the Church's unwillingness to take the Bible for what it is. A divinely inspired book written by men about God. Not about scientific principles or human sexuality.

My point is that this is how He made me! He certainly didn't make a mistake. I take my life very seriously and I am grateful for every day that I have. I am grateful for my family, and all the beautiful things that I took for granted for so long. I am also so grateful for the love in my heart and the relationship that He has provided for me. It is neither unnatural, or indecent.

[ChristIsLife], I have enjoyed seeing the pictures of your beautiful boys growing up! I can see in the eyes of your kids a safety and peace that is awesome! I have no doubt that you are a dedicated father and husband and do those things in accordance with God's will for your life. It is perhaps the most difficult job anyone can do, and I think with your sincerity that you are well-suited for it. I do implore you to carefully and prayerfully consider the texts you quoted me. Is there a possibility that you misunderstand?

I appreciate your concern for me, but I feel confident and comfortable in the all-encompassing, unconditional love of God.

Write back if you want to, I'm always interested in respectful conversation!

[Friend]

[GreatLakesGramma]

That's great. Now she knows your position and you know hers. So long as you determine to respect her right to her own convictions, however strongly you feel that she is wrong, there should be no problem.

You have already stated your position and backed it up with Scripture. She has stated hers. Now it's best if you let it rest at that. Never bring it up again yourself, but if she brings it up, be honest and respectful while you stand up for the truth.

[John317]

Many studies have been done proving that homosexuality has a biological component and is part of an individuals development. As more research is done, it has become apparent that it is not a mental health issue although that belief was popular 30 or so years ago..... Homosexuals can no more change their orientation than an African American can change the color of his skin. ....

My point is that this is how He made me! He certainly didn't make a mistake.

She is right about all this but what she doesn't realize is that God is able to help us resist and overcome even hereditary sins and weaknesses. All people are born with sinful weaknesses and propensities, but that doesn't mean God intends for us to surrender to those sins and practice them all of our lives.

I am convinced that I was born "gay" in the sense that she speaks of here, and she is right that I will always have that "orientation." But God has been working on my mind to help me think differently about my body and about my masculinity. It doesn't mean that I will be truly heterosexual. God sometimes does change people by a miracle, but most of the time God goes with us through the trials and temptations and the hard experiences.

The truth is that there have been many homosexuals who stopped practicing homosexuality. 1 Cor. 6: 9-11 talks about some who did. It really all depends on whether a person is willing to give up everything in order to obey Jesus Christ. It was a 30+ year struggle on my part. I didn't gain the victory over it until I died to all sins, including the homosexuals sins in my life. Until that time, homosexuality was something I couldn't give up and didn't want to give up. We all have sins like that. All of us could say that God will simply have to accept the sins in our life because we can't stop doing the sins we love. But if we do that, it will be our eternal loss.

[Dr. Shane]

my suggestion would be to first tell her that you are not judging her, but the picture she has on her profile offends you personally. then add that you cannot, in good conscience, add her to your friends list on facebook because that would make it appear that you accept her lifestyle... scripture says that we should "avoid even the appearance of evil"

This sounds like the disciples explaining to Jesus why He shouldn't dine with Matthew the tax collector. The fact that I have friends that are sinners does not create the appearance of evil. Perhaps it creates the appearance of compassion but that is not the same as evil.

[Dr. Shane]

Quote:

It was a 30+ year struggle on my part. I didn't gain the victory over it until I died to all sins, including the homosexuals sins in my life.

I grasp this truth for the first time when I was working with the gay exit ministries. The reason many of us struggle unsuccessfully to overcome a specific sin that we want to get rid of is because we have not died to ALL sin. If we want victory we need to surrender all of our life to Christ, not just a portion of it.

Permit me to give an example. John has a gambling addiction that he wants to be free of. He prays and prays and tries and tries. Sometimes he goes weeks without gambling and other times months but continues to slip back into it. John enjoys lusting after the attractive women, watching violent TV shows and talking down to people he thinks are less than he. He has no desire to get rid of those sins. He wants to get rid of the gambling addiction but hang onto his pet sins. And he can't figure out why God doesn't give him victory over gambling.

[John317]

That's it, exactly, Shane. I was so hard-headed and hard-hearted that it took me almost a full lifetime to learn that. It's like being tied up with lots of little ropes and thinking that cutting just one of those ropes will give us freedom. Sometimes I enjoyed being tied up by that one rope, and other times I liked the other ropes, too, and I didn't realize that until I allowed God to cut me loose from all of them, I couldn't really be free from any of them.

That doesn't mean we never make mistakes or never fall, but it does mean that our will, by God's grace, has to be to give up all known, conscious sins and not hold on to any of them.

[Woody]

That's great. Now she knows your position and you know hers. So long as you determine to respect her right to her own convictions, however strongly you feel that she is wrong, there should be no problem.

You have already stated your position and backed it up with Scripture. She has stated hers. Now it's best if you let it rest at that. Never bring it up again yourself, but if she brings it up, be honest and respectful while you stand up for the truth.

I was going to say this ... but you have said it better ... so I will just agree and leave it at that.

[ChristIsLife]

These are some really good points from everyone. I really appreciate the input, and if my friend will give me the chance I want to share some of these thoughts with her too. Here is my reply to her. Even though I have a lot I want to share, I really want her to know that I respect her boundaries (like several of you have suggested here).

-----------------------

[Friend],

It is good to hear the underlying reasons for your beliefs. You of course have complete freedom to believe whatever you wish. Each person has boundaries that must be respected and I want to be very careful to not pressure you against your will. That is, after all, the freedom that God gives to every human. I brought this subject up once, because as friend I see danger. If you would prefer to agreeably disagree and leave it at that, I will not bring it up again.

You raised the question whether I possibly misunderstand the texts I shared, so I reread them and they still seem perfectly clear to me. I would welcome a more detailed interpretation so that I can better understand where you are coming from. Like I said, though, if you would rather not discuss it, we can drop the issue.

[ChristIsLife]

[GreatLakesGramma]

Sounds good to me.

[Woody]

Cool.

I like that you gave her the opportunity to drop it. That statement ... just may open the door.

[scripturewisdom]

I should just leave it with Stans advice...but...

Quote:

my suggestion would be to first tell her that you are not judging her, but the picture she has on her profile offends you personally. then add that you cannot, in good conscience, add her to your friends list on facebook because that would make it appear that you accept her lifestyle. if, however, she would want you as an email friend you would be happy to be her friend.

we should try to be kind and loving without accepting or associating with the thing God abhores. scripture says that we should "avoid even the appearance of evil" (which is why you can't have her on your facebook page).

In one sentence you say not to judge , then you suggest making a judgmental statement!

We have been told this person was raised in a Christian environment. Why take the position that you have to 'teach' her all over again? That would be seen as presumptuous and unfriendly. It is God who will guide her life and not us. He will take her just as she is and work with her when ever she listens. Religions failure is trying to do the work of God. Be her friend!!Do not condemn or preach, accept her as she is, the same as God does for each of us. It is a long journey for God and this individual, as well as the rest of us. His timetable is not the same as ours. Do nothing that will discourage her from believing that God still cares and sthat you care for her.

God loves the sinner, that is the most important issue here. Can we do any less without trying to convince others that our sins are of less importance? Just follow Christs example and how he ask us to treat others. Two commandments He gave us, Love God and love others!!!

you miss the point. it's not the friendship that is the appearance of evil, it is the photo. this is the crux of the problem this young christian woman has expressed such a burden over and i understand her completely. i would not consciously have a picture of anyone expressing or exposing what is unGodly on my facebook or in my home or anywhere else. having her friend's picture up there is fine, but when it comes to her friend exhibiting her homosexuality in that picture, no way. that's much more than just a photo.

you're reply here basically said i was being a hypocrit because i suggested that ChristIsLife "say she's not judging her friend but finds the picture personally offensive". i respectfully disagree with that post because it is not judgmental to be offended by that which is abhored by the God we are suppose to love and follow. just because our feelings and senses are not politically correct or of the majority,in this day and time, does not make them the least bit wrong. we can accept that the way they feel is the way they feel, which holds true for everyone, but accepting that that is the way they feel is not the same as accepting what they do. if we slowly meld into Sodomn and Gamorrha, "we become what we behold".

in "ChristIsLife"'s letter to her friend she quoted scripture beautifully. in her friend's letter back, there was no scripture but just man's words. this is where the problem lies (literally). the reply this young woman gave was sincere and kind but i saw the confusion that the homosexual community has set in her mind, teaching her it's normal and healthy and the way God made her. nothing could be further from the truth.

now what i am about to say is gonna be rough words for those of you who have bought into the politically correct way of thinking and speaking, but i have to call it like i see it according to how i understand God's words and my experiences in life. i do not mean to be harsh but i do believe in clarity.

not all homosexuals are as mild mannered and sweet as this young woman seems to be. for decades sexual perverts have had an agenda to force acceptance of their behavior on all of society. around the 1970s, homosexuals realized that in order for them to not be legally charged with sodomy and other sexual crimes they had to change the laws. in order to do that they realized they had to get into politics. i lived in a big city at the time and i saw the grassroots of this movement. the marches started, the organizations started and the agenda was clear: f"orce society to accept ALL sexual behavior". Doctors, Psychologist and Social Science professors were especially drawn in to "change the way society thinks". i know this first hand because i used to run with the "avant'gard" crowd and had lots of homosexual friends. i went to their dance clubs and partied with them regularly. some were close friends whom i loved and still have those warm feelings for, but i no longer accept what they do.

However, if you think homosexuality should be accepted as a "lifestyle" then you should go to a "gay pride" rally or parade and see the disgusting preversion and degradation of this human condition. Not even atheist degrade Christ and moral values in such a vile way as these people do. Remember Sodom and Gamorrha? Has God changed? NO

or course, not all homosexuals behave like this and go to these extremes, but it is these extremist that are shoving it in people's faces, year after year after year, putting out all the political propaganda and rhetoric, pushing this "neo-pseudo-science" out there that, over the years, has made this behavior into an acceptable "lifestyle" known as GAY, teaching that you are born this way and there's nothing you can do about it, striking the "compassion" cord so so many people will accept it. there's nothing gay about it. we have to call homosexuality what it is. the word GAY makes it sound so innocuous. Christians need to stop doing that. according to God, it is perverted sexual behavior and always will be. they are homosexuals which the God of the universe, our Creator, calls an abomination and that's not "OLD BIBLE", which so many discard. it's clear in the last day events of the New Testiment as well. it is what God says it is.

the fact that there are other things that are abominable to God, and all of us are sinners, has zero to do with the basis of this issue.

if we continue to muddle up the Holy Word of God in order to be more acceptable in society then, we too, will be lost.

God loves people, we should to. He does not love their or our sin and we should not either. Christians are far from perfect, but if we want to call ourselves by that name, then we need to walk that way and not teach people that what God calls sin, isn't really a sin anymore.

you don't have to be hateful and harsh to believe and speak the truth. as Christians it is our job to speak the truth with love and when you are called upon to say what you believe, you better be prepared, lest not ye faint for fear. we must all be prayerful of this because more and more, just speaking God's words is called "hate speech". i think that ChristIsLife faced a really difficult situation with grace and faithfulness and i pray God's forever blessing upon her in this and the many other situations that will come upon her life.

[Woody]

Always best to love the sinner while you are hating the sin. And it's God's job to convict a person of what is sin ... not us. So ... we are always safe in loving the sinner.

[phkrause]

Good post Redwood. Don't have to condone something but we can always show kindness.

pk

[Woody]

Do they allow sexual behavior pics on Facebook?

[Woody]

Good post Redwood. Don't have to condone something but we can always show kindness.

pk

Thanks pk. I guess I could have chosen a better word than 'love'. I will amend it to what you said ... "show kindness".

[phkrause]

Love is fine Redwood.

pk

[Woody]

Love is fine Redwood.

pk

Yes ... love IS fine.

[GreatLakesGramma]

You went from being friends on Facebook to a rant about aggressive homosexual behavior...not sure of your real issue!

CoAspen, "Scripturewisdom" is not the person with the lesbian Facebook friend who started this thread. That was "ChristIsLife."

[olger]

Originally Posted By: CoAspen

I should just leave it with Stans advice...but...

Quote:

my suggestion would be to first tell her that you are not judging her, but the picture she has on her profile offends you personally. then add that you cannot, in good conscience, add her to your friends list on facebook because that would make it appear that you accept her lifestyle. if, however, she would want you as an email friend you would be happy to be her friend.

we should try to be kind and loving without accepting or associating with the thing God abhores. scripture says that we should "avoid even the appearance of evil" (which is why you can't have her on your facebook page).

In one sentence you say not to judge , then you suggest making a judgmental statement!

We have been told this person was raised in a Christian environment. Why take the position that you have to 'teach' her all over again? That would be seen as presumptuous and unfriendly. It is God who will guide her life and not us. He will take her just as she is and work with her when ever she listens. Religions failure is trying to do the work of God. Be her friend!!Do not condemn or preach, accept her as she is, the same as God does for each of us. It is a long journey for God and this individual, as well as the rest of us. His timetable is not the same as ours. Do nothing that will discourage her from believing that God still cares and sthat you care for her.

God loves the sinner, that is the most important issue here. Can we do any less without trying to convince others that our sins are of less importance? Just follow Christs example and how he ask us to treat others. Two commandments He gave us, Love God and love others!!!

you miss the point. it's not the friendship that is the appearance of evil, it is the photo. this is the crux of the problem this young christian woman has expressed such a burden over and i understand her completely. i would not consciously have a picture of anyone expressing or exposing what is unGodly on my facebook or in my home or anywhere else. having her friend's picture up there is fine, but when it comes to her friend exhibiting her homosexuality in that picture, no way. that's much more than just a photo.

you're reply here basically said i was being a hypocrit because i suggested that ChristIsLife "say she's not judging her friend but finds the picture personally offensive". i respectfully disagree with that post because it is not judgmental to be offended by that which is abhored by the God we are suppose to love and follow. just because our feelings and senses are not politically correct or of the majority,in this day and time, does not make them the least bit wrong. we can accept that the way they feel is the way they feel, which holds true for everyone, but accepting that that is the way they feel is not the same as accepting what they do. if we slowly meld into Sodomn and Gamorrha, "we become what we behold".

in "ChristIsLife"'s letter to her friend she quoted scripture beautifully. in her friend's letter back, there was no scripture but just man's words. this is where the problem lies (literally). the reply this young woman gave was sincere and kind but i saw the confusion that the homosexual community has set in her mind, teaching her it's normal and healthy and the way God made her. nothing could be further from the truth.

now what i am about to say is gonna be rough words for those of you who have bought into the politically correct way of thinking and speaking, but i have to call it like i see it according to how i understand God's words and my experiences in life. i do not mean to be harsh but i do believe in clarity.

not all homosexuals are as mild mannered and sweet as this young woman seems to be. for decades sexual perverts have had an agenda to force acceptance of their behavior on all of society. around the 1970s, homosexuals realized that in order for them to not be legally charged with sodomy and other sexual crimes they had to change the laws. in order to do that they realized they had to get into politics. i lived in a big city at the time and i saw the grassroots of this movement. the marches started, the organizations started and the agenda was clear: f"orce society to accept ALL sexual behavior". Doctors, Psychologist and Social Science professors were especially drawn in to "change the way society thinks". i know this first hand because i used to run with the "avant'gard" crowd and had lots of homosexual friends. i went to their dance clubs and partied with them regularly. some were close friends whom i loved and still have those warm feelings for, but i no longer accept what they do.

However, if you think homosexuality should be accepted as a "lifestyle" then you should go to a "gay pride" rally or parade and see the disgusting preversion and degradation of this human condition. Not even atheist degrade Christ and moral values in such a vile way as these people do. Remember Sodom and Gamorrha? Has God changed? NO

or course, not all homosexuals behave like this and go to these extremes, but it is these extremist that are shoving it in people's faces, year after year after year, putting out all the political propaganda and rhetoric, pushing this "neo-pseudo-science" out there that, over the years, has made this behavior into an acceptable "lifestyle" known as GAY, teaching that you are born this way and there's nothing you can do about it, striking the "compassion" cord so so many people will accept it. there's nothing gay about it. we have to call homosexuality what it is. the word GAY makes it sound so innocuous. Christians need to stop doing that. according to God, it is perverted sexual behavior and always will be. they are homosexuals which the God of the universe, our Creator, calls an abomination and that's not "OLD BIBLE", which so many discard. it's clear in the last day events of the New Testiment as well. it is what God says it is.

the fact that there are other things that are abominable to God, and all of us are sinners, has zero to do with the basis of this issue.

if we continue to muddle up the Holy Word of God in order to be more acceptable in society then, we too, will be lost.

God loves people, we should to. He does not love their or our sin and we should not either. Christians are far from perfect, but if we want to call ourselves by that name, then we need to walk that way and not teach people that what God calls sin, isn't really a sin anymore.

you don't have to be hateful and harsh to believe and speak the truth. as Christians it is our job to speak the truth with love and when you are called upon to say what you believe, you better be prepared, lest not ye faint for fear. we must all be prayerful of this because more and more, just speaking God's words is called "hate speech". i think that ChristIsLife faced a really difficult situation with grace and faithfulness and i pray God's forever blessing upon her in this and the many other situations that will come upon her life.

A very passionate and well reasoned post. Thanks for being willing to swim against a tide of political correctness.

oG