Openly Lesbian Friend Wants to Connect on Facebook - Advice?

[Woody]

I would treat this gay friend as I would treat my son or any relative ... if they were gay. I think Gramma has articulated a good way. Do as she treats her gay son.

We are all brothers and sisters remember ...

[Dr. Shane]

I tried to find my old gay friend on Facebook but I guess they have not joined yet. I have a lot of old friends from college and AA on Facebook. I do not use it to preach to any of them but let my life be a witness.

[Joe_in_RP]

Quote:

let my life be a witness.

This is great. Few people realize how this works.

witness

Dictionary: wit·ness

Function: noun

1 a) One who can give a firsthand account of something seen, heard, or experienced: a witness to the accident.

One who furnishes evidence.

2 Something that serves as evidence; a sign.

3 Law:

a)One who is called on to testify before a court.

b)One who is called on to be present at a transaction in order to attest to what takes place.

c)One who signs one's name to a document for the purpose of attesting to its authenticity.

4 An attestation to a fact, statement, or event; testimony.

When we share with people what God is doing for us, how we FEEL, what we see, what we hear, that is powerful. That's what a christian witness is. There is a young girl (22) in our church who is constantly doing that. It draws people to God. We all need to learn to do it better.

[GreatLakesGramma]

I think you will do just fine, ChristIsLife

[Stan]

I have more of a problem with some lifestyles/hatemongers of straight folks than I do some of my gay friends.

[scripturewisdom]

my suggestion would be to first tell her that you are not judging her, but the picture she has on her profile offends you personally. then add that you cannot, in good conscience, add her to your friends list on facebook because that would make it appear that you accept her lifestyle. if, however, she would want you as an email friend you would be happy to be her friend.

we should try to be kind and loving without accepting or associating with the thing God abhores. scripture says that we should "avoid even the appearance of evil" (which is why you can't have her on your facebook page). being obedient doesn't mean you are being self-righteous, however, pointing out the splinter in another's eye without seeing the 2x4 in your own eye is an whole other arena. works without love are fruitless. it is a balancing act for us as Christians to realise that we have to love first before anything we say or do will be of any effect..

hope this helps. God bless

[Key Guy]

Quote:

This girl and I were relatively close in academy, and we had some pretty deep spiritual conversations back then. I think it would be possible to lovingly approach her about her choices and it would be fairly well received.

If you two haven't kept up the friendship/relationship for awhile, you both may need time to determine if you can trust each other enough to have those close talks like before. Some friends can take up right where they left off, even after years apart. Not all friendships are that way so you may need to determine the level of closeness you enjoy right now and find ways to improve it to where you may be a witness once again.

[Woody]

my suggestion would be to first tell her that you are not judging her, but the picture she has on her profile offends you personally. then add that you cannot, in good conscience, add her to your friends list on facebook because that would make it appear that you accept her lifestyle. if, however, she would want you as an email friend you would be happy to be her friend.

we should try to be kind and loving without accepting or associating with the thing God abhores. scripture says that we should "avoid even the appearance of evil" (which is why you can't have her on your facebook page). being obedient doesn't mean you are being self-righteous, however, pointing out the splinter in another's eye without seeing the 2x4 in your own eye is an whole other arena. works without love are fruitless. it is a balancing act for us as Christians to realise that we have to love first before anything we say or do will be of any effect..

hope this helps. God bless

As I said previously ... treat this person as family. If it was your son or daughter ... would you have them on facebook?

My wife has family that is gay. I have them on my facebook. To not have them would be a slap in their face and drive them away from truth. They know how we feel. What they need is love and acceptance for who they are not what they do.

Are you telling me that I should remove family from my facebook. It is obvious that they are gay. No doubt in anyone's mind. Should I disown them?

[GreatLakesGramma]

If I had a facebook page, I would not have a problem with having that girl's picture on my page just because it shows her kissing her partner.

[Woody]

Well ... I do have to confess that I feel some embarrassment. They promote their gay causes and that shows up on my facebook wall. But those who are on my facebook and can see that stuff ... they very well know where I stand.

[olger]

my suggestion would be to first tell her that you are not judging her, but the picture she has on her profile offends you personally. then add that you cannot, in good conscience, add her to your friends list on facebook because that would make it appear that you accept her lifestyle. if, however, she would want you as an email friend you would be happy to be her friend.

we should try to be kind and loving without accepting or associating with the thing God abhores. scripture says that we should "avoid even the appearance of evil" (which is why you can't have her on your facebook page). being obedient doesn't mean you are being self-righteous, however, pointing out the splinter in another's eye without seeing the 2x4 in your own eye is an whole other arena. works without love are fruitless. it is a balancing act for us as Christians to realise that we have to love first before anything we say or do will be of any effect..

hope this helps. God bless

Good post SW.

oG

[Woody]

Tell us what was good about it oG

[ChristIsLife]

Well, I went ahead and accepted the girl as my friend on Facebook and emailed her the following letter. Please join me in praying for her as she reads this and thinks it through. Also, I would welcome feedback on the letter. If there is something that could be misunderstood, I want to be proactive.

-----------------------------

[Friend],

It is good to hear from you on Facebook! I made my profile public about a week ago and I am amazed how many old friends I have been able to reconnect with. There are a number of our classmates on there. It seems like such a short time ago we were all at [the academy] and now people are scattered all over the world. It is really interesting to read people's profiles and see what they are up to now.

We spent four years together there at [the academy] and I count you a good friend so I want to share with you as a brother to a sister. When I was checking out your profile I noticed that you have chosen a lesbian lifestyle. As one who has personally struggled with the power of temptation, lost a lot of battles, and finally found the secret to overcoming, I want to encourage you and share the all-important lesson that nobody ever taught me.

The Bible gives a lot of warnings about homosexuality, and I do not want any of my friends to suffer the consequences it outlines and lose out on the real life God has promised us. According to the Bible, homosexuality is an abomination (Leviticus 18:22); it is unnatural, degrading, and indecent (Romans 1:22-32); those who practice it will not inherit the kingdom of heaven (1 Cor. 6:9-11); it was what Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for (Jude 1:7); and it is a transgression of the law (1 Tim. 1:8-11), or in other words, it is a sin, the result of which is death.

I encourage you to read these texts for yourself, and I hope conviction will take hold in your heart. Now be forewarned: if you determine with all your heart to do what is right, and if you muster up all your courage and fight temptation with everything that is in you, you will lose every time. It is like trying to uproot a 100-year-old oak tree by wrapping your arms around it and pulling on it, or like trying to stand up with the weight of the Empire State Building weighing on your shoulders. It is a crazy impossibility. This is where I failed many more times than I care to remember.

My experience was one of falling and "repenting" and then falling for the same temptation, over and over and over again. I claimed to be a Christian but was completely void of the power to do right. For me it all came to a head one night when I was 19. The weight of guilt made it physically difficult to breathe. It seemed to me that I was about to plunge headlong over the edge of a dark and fearsome canyon but I did not have a clue how to stop myself. I had no peace. I was completely miserable. Once again I started into my routine of begging for forgiveness, but that night a text from childhood came into my mind, "But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was bruised for our iniquities. The punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5. Oh, the love of Jesus! How could it be that he would take my punishment so I could have peace, the peace I was so desperately in need of? Right then and there I prayed, "Oh God, I cannot stand to hurt you any longer. Please help me to do what is right."

Unbeknown to me at the time, God through his precious grace had just revealed to me the key to the Christian experience. This is the secret that I completely missed as a child, and it is a lesson that all-to-many Christians have also missed. We must depend on a power completely outside of ourselves, God's power, if we ever hope to overcome. From that time on I stopped trying to be strong and resist temptation on my own. Instead my entire focus was on depending on Jesus. When tempted I would get away by myself, often to the bathroom, kneel down and pray, “God, I do not have it in me to do what is right. If it is up to me I will utterly fall. I do not even have the desire to do what is right. Please change my heart. Please give me your power, a power outside of myself in order that I may be victorious.” I stayed there on my knees until I felt God strengthen my heart and I knew that He had given me the victory. Usually it did not take more than five minutes before I felt my desires miraculously change and the temptation lose its appeal.

This is what Jesus meant when He said, “The work of God is this, that you believe in Him whom He has sent.” John 6:29. By believing in Jesus, believing in this power that comes from God - not from within us - an entire transformation will be made in our lives. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him might not perish but have eternal life.” Believing in Jesus is the way that we can have eternal life. He saves us not only from our past guilt but from the current sin in us. This is true freedom. This is life. Victory is even sweeter than I had imagined.

This can be your experience too, [friend]. And more than just having victory over sin, you also gain the unthinkable privilege of knowing God heart to heart. In John 17:20-21 Jesus prayed, "I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me." Jesus wants us to have the same closeness of relationship with him that he had with his father.

I am one who has experienced the hopelessness of being lost and the joy of being found and I can say that it is well worth every sacrifice that has been required. There is hope for you too.

I am praying for you that God will reveal the depth of his love to you, and that you will pursue him with everything within you.

Friends are there for one another, whatever life brings, and I am here for you. Maybe you have questions about what I have written, so please tell me if you do. I will do everything I can to help you and share the way to life that has been such a blessing to me.

With Brotherly Compassion,

[ChristIsLife]

[Cosmin M.]

This is a good letter ChristIsLife!

[Woody]

Great Witness. I would just caution that 'maybe' this person does not desire your 'way of life'.

[Cosmin M.]

Yeah, Redwood is right.

[GoLions]

Great Witness. I would just caution that 'maybe' this person does not desire your 'way of life'.

Yes, that is true. My wife has a friend, whom she met through a homeschool group, she is a ex-adventist. She sends Emails and links that try and get adventist away from the faith. Each side pretty much has their minds made up. So conversations have pretty much stopped. But that's OK.

ChristIsLife,

You have written a very good letter, and I hope she responds in positive way. Either way you have done your faithful duty.

[GreatLakesGramma]

ChristIsLife,

It is a very good letter. But you haven't made it clear that if she does keep in contact with you, you won't keep preaching at her about her lifestyle, or about accepting Jesus. If she thinks she is going to get more of the same from you every time she communicates with you, she probably isn't going to react in a positive way.

[John317]

Great letter.

Don't necessarily expect any changes right away but if she is open to the Holy Spirit, it could be the beginning of a change. My advice would be to keep praying for her and invite others to pray every day for her, and show yourself a Christian friend to her. You can do no more, and God will bless. It sometimes takes years to see the results, so don't be discouraged.

[ChristIsLife]

But you haven't made it clear that if she does keep in contact with you, you won't keep preaching at her about her lifestyle, or about accepting Jesus. If she thinks she is going to get more of the same from you every time she communicates with you, she probably isn't going to react in a positive way.

Good point. Maybe I can use Facebook as a tool to just be a friend without bringing up anything on the spiritual side of things. At least she now knows clearly where I stand and if at some point in the future she wants advice, there is an open invitation.

[GreatLakesGramma]

You don't have to avoid spiritual things. She was used to talking with you about those things, and wouldn't have wanted you as a facebook friend if she was against that. But what you said about her lesbianism would definitely put her off if she thinks you're going to bring it up every time you communicate with her. She needs to know that now that you have told her where you stand, you aren't going to say any more unless she brings up the subject with you herself.

I don't know how facebook works, so maybe you don't need to write to her again. But if there is a way for her to block anything you might send to her site, and she does it, that will definitely tell you that you need to let her know that.

Being homosexual does not mean a person is against spiritual things. My son told me, not long after he came out to me, that he wanted to find a man who would go to church with him. He even looked up an all-gay (non-Adventist) church in his area, and went there. Even though they were all much older than he was, he did enjoy being with them. I encouraged him to go back, but they had lost their meeting place (small group, not a real church building), and were going to be meeting at each other's homes starting the Sunday after he went, and he did not pursue it.

[Gail]

Wow! Talk about needing to consult with the Lord! What does one do?

My nephew is gay, and I was happy to have him as my friend on Facebook. I am not gay, so I don't get propositioned or anything. People who know me know my viewpoint and position.

I agree with Stan: if someone is ostracised, chances are s/he won't come back. Then your opportunity to tell of God's love is gone.

But you also have to look at the situation. If you are someone for whom this would prove to be a temptation, then you can explain that and choose to opt out. That would be safer.

[Gail]

Who was it that said that Facebook friends are not real friends? Joe?

My goodness, man- where did you get that idea?

I consider my FB friends as real, honest-to-goodness friends! I have made lots of friends and have possibilities to come into real contact with many if not most of them (except for the overseas ones)

[GreatLakesGramma]

I've heard that before too - internet friends aren't real friends. I disagree. That would mean pen (pals) people used to write letters to in other countries were never real friends either. Real friends are the ones who care about you, who make the effort to keep in touch.

And if an internet contact makes the effort to keep in touch regularly, and pray for me and my loved ones, isn't a real friend because I don't have face to face contact, that would have to mean that my dear friends who have moved away, must not be friends any more, especially if they're too busy to keep in touch regularly.

Would a friend I used to have face to face contact with, who no longer lives near me, and I only get a letter from them once a year, the same letter they send to all their distant friends and relatives, no longer be my friend?

It isn't anyone's business to define who MY friends are but me.

Dictionary definition: One attached to another by affection or regard.

----

That is so crazy. If I write (pals) without the ( ), it substitutes two little smilies hugging each other.

[John317]

I've heard that before too - internet friends aren't real friends. I disagree.

Me too. One of my best friends married an internet "friend." Lots of people on the Internet end up calling their "friends" on the phone and often meet them in person. Some travel a long ways to see them.