Growing Each Day by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski

[phkrause]

Av 20 
There are four categories of people who give tzedakah ... [the fourth of which is] one who does not give and discourages others from giving; he is wicked (Ethics of the Fathers 5:16).

Since this passage is listing varieties of those who give tzedakah, why does it include a category of someone who does not give? Not giving is not a sub-type of giving.

In the effort to streamline everything and make life less complicated, we have centralized many things, including tzedakah. Communities often have one organization that has one major fund drive a year. Those people who wish to operate in this manner are certainly at liberty to do so, but when they insist that this unified drive be the only one in the community, and they discourage all other tzedakah collections or campaigns, they are actually infringing on the privilege of others to dispense their tzedakah as they see fit.

I have the right to invest in mutual funds and allow others to diversify my investments for me, but I also have the right to choose for myself which stocks I wish to own. No one has the authority to deprive me of the right to make my own selections.

The passage cited is indeed considering only those who give, but among them there is a sub-type of those who give only once to a centralized drive and refuse to give to any other collection. While they certainly have the right to do so, when they try to exert their authority to prevent other collections in the community, while insisting that everyone must give only as they do, their behavior is unacceptable.

If you give tzedakah once, you have done one mitzvah. If you give tzedakah twenty times (even if you give a smaller amount each time), you have done twenty mitzvos.

Today I shall ...
retain my right to give tzedakah as I see fit.

[phkrause]

Av 21 
Our Sages gathered these sections in an order ... according to the requisite steps (Introduction to Path of the Just).

While character refinement is an important and desirable goal, we must be careful to stride toward it in a reasonable and orderly manner. Overreaching ourselves may be counterproductive.

Physical growth is a gradual process. In fact, it is not even uniform; the first two decades are a sequence of growth spurts and latency periods. Generally, the body does not adjust well to sudden changes, even when they are favorable. For instance, obese people who lose weight too rapidly may experience a variety of unpleasant symptoms. Although the weight loss is certainly in the interest of health, the body needs time to adjust to the change.

If we are convinced, as we should be, that spirituality is desirable, we might be tempted to make radical changes in our lives. We may drop everything and set out on a crash course that we think will lead to rapid attainment of the goal. This plan is most unwise, because psychologically as well as physically, our systems need time to consume new information, digest it, and prepare ourselves for the next level.

Luzzato's monumental work on ethics, The Path of the Just, is based on a Talmudic passage which lists ten consecutive steps toward spirituality. Luzzato cautions: "A person should not desire to leap to the opposite extreme in one moment, because this will simply not succeed, but should continue bit by bit" (Chapter 15).

Today I shall ...
resolve to work on my spirituality gradually and be patient in its attainment.

[phkrause]

Av 22 
Let us strengthen ourselves for our nation and in behalf of the cities of our God (II Samuel 10:12).

At our rehabilitation center, we used to call the weekly meeting of all the residents and staff "Bus Stop." A great many people may be congregated at a bus station, but each person is going his or her own way. Everyone at the bus stop is detached from everyone else, and there is no common goal. Nothing ties these people together, except that all are making use of the bus station for their individual purposes. Yet, it is not a place of anarchy, chaos, or unruly behavior. All is orderly and peaceful.

Our "Bus Stop" was intended to focus on whether each person was pursuing a private goal, or whether he or she had a sense of community, where people could have a broader perspective and join together in achieving common goals that could not be reached individually.

We have various types of communities where we work together: cities, neighborhood organizations, unions, religious and educational institutions, cultural groups, and various other special interest groups. In some, our membership is merely perfunctory, and while we pay lip service to the sense of community, essentially we proceed on our own. If conflict arises, we choose the individual good over the good of the community.

A true sense of community among all participants would avoid such conflict, and all could benefit from it.

Today I shall ...
examine my commitment to the various communities of which I am a part, and work toward a sense of community that will be mutually beneficial.

[phkrause]

Av 23 

A person should do everything in an orderly manner (Rabbi Yisrael of Salant).

Rabbi Yisrael of Salant founded the mussar movement, a formal and programmed study of ethics. All his writings deal with ways to achieve spirituality. How can orderliness and organization be a method to achieve spirituality?

People on vacation use their time haphazardly. They arise at any time of the day and let their whim determine their activities. They feel no accountability and no purpose in what they are doing.

The essence of Judaism is the concept that each person has a mission on this earth. There are no "after-work" hours, and one is never really on vacation from working toward an ultimate goal. While judicious rest and relaxation are necessary for optimum health, they are in fact part of the "workday." One cannot do things according to whim. Within reasonable parameters, a person's life should be orderly and scheduled.

Employees are held accountable for time while they are on the job. Schedules allow for lunch and for coffee breaks, but they are not free to do whatever they wish, whenever they wish.

A person should know that we are on earth "on a job," and since we are accountable for every minute, it is essential that we have order in our lives.

Today I shall ...

try to bring greater order into my life, knowing that I am here for a specific mission.

[phkrause]

Av 24 
For after I fell, I have arisen (Michah 7:8).

The Midrash comments: "Had I not fallen, I would not have arisen," and so indicates that some heights are not attainable without an antecedent fall.

Obviously, no one designs a fall in the hope that it may lead to a greater elevation. Michah's message, however, is that if a person should suffer a reversal, he or she should not despair, because it may be a necessary prelude to achieving a higher level than would have been possible otherwise.

We can find many analogies to this concept. When we swing a pickaxe, we first lower it behind ourselves in order to deliver a blow with maximum force. Runners often back up behind the starting line to get a "running start." In many things, starting from a "minus" position provides a momentum that would otherwise not be attainable.

When things are going well, most people let well enough alone. The result? Mediocrity has become acceptable. Changing might involve some risk, and even if we could achieve greater things, we might not wish to take a chance when things are proceeding quite satisfactorily. However, when we are in an intolerable situation, we are compelled to do something, and this impetus may bring about creativity and progress.

We even see this concept in the account of creation in Genesis. First there was darkness, then came light.

Today I shall ...
realize that a reversal may be the seed of future growth, and I must never despair.

[phkrause]

Av 25 
There is no person on earth so righteous, who does only good and does not sin (Ecclesiastes 7:20).

Reading the suggestions for ridding oneself of character defects, someone might say, "These are all very helpful for someone who has character defects, but I do not see anything about myself that is defective."

In the above-cited verse, Solomon states what we should all know: no one is perfect. People who cannot easily find imperfections within themselves must have a perception so grossly distorted that they may not even be aware of major defects. By analogy, if a person cannot hear anything, it is not that the whole world has become absolutely silent, but that he or she has lost all sense of hearing and may thus not be able to hear even the loudest thunder.

In his monumental work, Duties of the Heart, Rabbeinu Bachaye quotes a wise man who told his disciples, "If you do not find defects within yourself, I am afraid you have the greatest defect of all: vanity." In other words, people who see everything from an "I am great/right" perspective will of course believe that they do no wrong.

When people can see no faults in themselves, it is generally because they feel so inadequate that the awareness of any personal defects would be devastating. Ironically, vanity is a defense against low self-esteem. If we accept ourselves as fallible human beings and also have a sense of self-worth, we can become even better than we are.

Today I shall ...
be aware that if I do not find things within myself to correct, it may be because I am threatened by such discoveries.

[phkrause]

Av 26 

Greet every person in a pleasant manner (Ethics of the Fathers 1:15).

Occasionally, when I walk into an office, the receptionist greets me rudely. Granted, I came to see someone else, and a receptionist's disposition is immaterial to me. Yet, an unpleasant reception may cast a pall.

A smile costs nothing. Greeting someone with a smile even when one does not feel like smiling is not duplicity. It is simply providing a pleasant atmosphere, such as we might do with flowers or attractive pictures.

As a rule, "How are you?" is not a question to which we expect an answer. However, when someone with whom I have some kind of relationship poses this question, I may respond, "Not all that great. Would you like to listen?" We may then spend a few minutes, in which I unburden myself and invariably begin to feel better. This favor is usually reciprocated, and we are both thus beneficiaries of free psychotherapy.

This, too, complies with the Talmudic requirement to greet a person in a pleasant manner. An exchange of feelings that can alleviate someone's emotional stress is even more pleasant than an exchange of smiles.

It takes so little effort to be a real mentsch.

Today I shall ...

try to greet everyone in a pleasant manner, and where appropriate offer a listening ear.

[phkrause]

Av 27 
Do not say that the earlier days were better than these, because this is not a quest that comes from wisdom (Ecclesiastes 7:10).

I have been in the practice of relaxing myself each day with self-hypnosis, which allows me to go back in time and relive some very pleasant childhood experiences.

One time, I was relaxing (after having just emerged from the whirlpool treatment in a spa), and I used the opportunity to go back in time to enjoy a fun-filled day in a summer camp, some forty years earlier. Only later did it occur to me that at the spa I was also having a wonderful time! Why could I not enjoy this present moment? Why did I have to go back in time to an experience of the past?

The reason, I think, is because that enjoyable day at camp had closure; it had ended having indeed been a great day. While the spa was equally pleasant, there was still an uncertainty as to whether this spirit would be maintained. At any moment, there might have been a call from the office with some disturbing news. The subconscious expectation that something upsetting might happen did not (and still does not) allow me to fully enjoy the present.

King Solomon says that it is not wise to reflect upon the past as idyllic. Why? When circumstances are favorable, wisdom allows us to actually enjoy the present. As the Psalmist says, He will not fear bad tidings, his heart being firm in trust in God (Psalms 112:7). There is no reason to have an attitude of foreboding. While it is foolish to build castles in the sky, it is equally foolish to build dungeons in the cellar.

Today I shall ...
try to enjoy whatever I can to the utmost, and trust in God for the future.

[phkrause]

Av 28 
A clever wise person will understand his way (Proverbs 14:8).

This verse can be applied to understanding the ways and tactics of the yetzer hara. The yetzer hara has one mission: to cause a person to self-destruct. However, the yetzer hara is very wily. Realizing that a person will defend against his evil seductions, it seeks first to disarm the person.

Suppose that I was your sworn enemy, determined to destroy you. It would be foolish for me to make a frontal attack, since you would undoubtedly defend yourself. I must therefore seek to first disarm you.

Each time I meet you, I greet you pleasantly and inquire as to your welfare. I try to find occasions where I may be of actual help to you. Although you may have initially been wary that I might be hostile to you, my repeated benevolent behavior eventually leads you not only to drop your suspicions, but even to believe that I am your friend and have your best interests at heart. Once I have achieved this, I am then free to do whatever I wish to destroy you, since your assumption of my good intentions has caused you to relinquish your guard.

The yetzer hara operates in the exact same way. It may tell you to do things for yourself that seem innocent enough. "How can you go to shul in such a snowstorm? You may catch cold. You can pray at home, because God is everywhere." Strange, this same argument does not keep you from going to the office.

A truly wise person will think, "If I were the yetzer hara, what measures might I use to mislead someone?" And then use the very same cleverness to outwit the yetzer hara.

Today I shall ...
be on the alert for any suggestions that might be the work of the yetzer hara.

[phkrause]

Av 29 

There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9).

America was always there, long before Columbus 'discovered' it. Penicillin killed bacteria long before Fleming discovered it. We could go on to list numerous discoveries which could have benefited mankind long before they came to our attention.

It has been said that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. We can say the same thing about discoveries: they become evident to us when we are ready for them.

Just what constitutes this state of readiness is still a mystery. While technological advances are usually contingent upon earlier progress, many other discoveries were right before our eyes, but we did not see them.

This concept is as true of ideas and concepts in our lives as it is true of scientific discoveries. The truth is out there, but we may fail to see it.

In psychotherapy, a therapist often points out something to a patient numerous times to no avail, until one day, "Eureka!" -- a breakthrough. The patient may then complain, "Doctor, I have been coming to you for almost two years. Why did you never point this out to me before?" At this point, many therapists want to tear out their hair.

Just as patients have resistances to insights in psychotherapy, we may also resist awareness of important ideas and concepts in our lives. If we could sweep out these resistances, we could see ourselves with much more clarity. We must try to keep our minds open, particularly to those ideas we may not be too fond of.

Today I shall ...

try to keep an open mind so that I may discover ideas that can be advantageous to myself and others.

[phkrause]

Av 30 
Walk in modesty before your God (Michah 6:8).

Good things can be accomplished with either a great deal of pomp and ceremony, or with a great deal of quiet and modesty. Some people like to call attention to themselves, while others go about their business without being noticed.

While both may have the same result, there is much to be said in favor of the latter method. Ostentatious performances are likely to arouse envy, and those who begrudge one's good works may attempt to undermine them or to upstage them. Critics seem to come out of the woodwork. Things that are accomplished in a manner that does not provoke attention are more likely to take shape and establish themselves firmly.

The Talmud uses the Ten Commandments as an example. The first Tablets, given at the Revelation at Sinai with thunder, lightning, and much fanfare, did not survive. The second Tablets, given to Moses in virtual silence, remained with the Israelites for centuries and exist to this day in the Ark which was hidden prior to the destruction of the First Temple.

We may feel an urge to make a public declaration of some worthy deed, but when we do it primarily to serve our ego, it is as unwise as it is unnecessary. When we do good deeds, the feeling of achievement that they bring should be reward enough. We should not need the acclaim of others to tell us that what we have done is good. We would do well to leave the noisemaking to the proverbial empty kettles.

Today I shall ...
do whatever I feel is necessary for the good of the community without any fanfare.

[phkrause]

Elul 1 

If you return, O Israel ... you shall return unto Me (Jeremiah 4:1).

Today is the first day of Elul, a period of time which is particularly propitious for teshuvah, for it precedes Rosh Hashanah, the Day of Judgment.

The Sages say that the Hebrew letters of the word Elul, form an acrostic for the verse in Song of Songs: I am devoted to my Lover and He is devoted to me (6:3). Song of Songs utilizes the relationship between a bridegroom and his betrothed to depict the relationship between God and Israel. Any separation between the two causes an intense longing for one another, an actual "lovesickness" (ibid. 2:5).

The love between God and Israel is unconditional. Even when Israel behaves in a manner that results in estrangement, that love is not diminished. Israel does not have to restore God's love, because it is eternal, and His longing for Israel to return to Him is so intense that at the first sign that Israel is ready to abandon its errant ways that led to the estrangement, God will promptly embrace it.

Song of Songs depicts the suffering of Israel sustained at the hands of its enemies, and we can conclude that the Divine distress at this suffering of His beloved Israel is great. Teshuvah is a long process, but all that is needed for the restoration of the ultimate relationship is a beginning: a sincere regret for having deviated from His will, and a resolve to return.

Today I shall ...

seek to restore my personal relationship with God by dedicating myself to teshuvah.

[phkrause]

Elul 2 

You will be above suspicion both before God and before Israel (Numbers 32:22).

Although we should not try to impress other people, we should take their opinions into consideration, for we should not do anything that can arouse unwarranted accusations of wrongdoing.

Accusing an innocent person of wrongdoing is wrong itself, and it is wrong for us to cause other people to do wrong, even if we cause it very indirectly. Secondly, if observers who do not know all the circumstances surrounding our behavior see a respectable person doing something which they had believed to be wrong, they may use this incident as an example for themselves that it is indeed right.

The Talmud states that the proper way to live is that which is honorable in one's own mind and will also appear honorable to others (Ethics of the Fathers 2:1). Attitudes are contagious, and how we behave does influence others.

This principle applies especially in the case of children. We all know the saying, "Most kids hear what you say, some kids do what you say, but all kids do what you do."

Although we cannot use what other people think as the sole criterion for our behavior, we must nevertheless consider that while God may know what is in our heart, other people do not, and we should therefore not cause others to come to erroneous conclusions.

Today I shall ...

act in keeping with the Divine will, but in a manner that will be manifestly honorable.

[phkrause]

Elul 3 
A simpleton will believe everything (Proverbs 14:15).

Faith and belief are both defined as accepting as true something which transcends logic and which may not be subject to proof by rational argument. Yet, belief in God is not the "blind faith" of a simpleton.

A simpleton does not think, either because he lacks the capacity or does not wish to make the effort. Therefore, he is gullible and can be easily swayed in any direction. Being credulous is not the same as having faith.

When we reflect on the concept of a Supreme Being, Who is in every way infinite, we are likely to feel bewilderment, because our finite minds cannot grasp the infinite. Since all of our experiences involve finite objects, we lack a point of reference for dealing with the infinite.

When this reflection brings us to realize that the question of the existence of an infinite Supreme Being cannot be logically resolved, we then turn to the unbroken mesorah, the teachings which have been transmitted from generation to generation, from the time when more than two million people witnessed the Revelation at Sinai. When we accept our faith on this basis, we do so as the culmination of a process of profound thought which is no way similar to the credulousness of a simpleton.

This process also helps us with other questions that we have about God. For instance, the fact that we cannot possibly logically understand God does not preclude our coming to a knowledge of His Presence.

Today I shall ...
strengthen my faith by reflecting on the unbroken chain of tradition since Sinai.

[phkrause]

Elul 4 

It is customary... to say prayers for forgiveness and mercy from the beginning of Elul and onward (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 581:1).

In secular society, the new year is frequently ushered in with levity and drinking, whereas in Judaism, the beginning of a new year is a solemn occasion preceded by a month of soul-searching and teshuvah.

The first day of the new year is an undeniable indication that another year of life has receded into the past. If one looks back on the bygone year and sees nothing of real achievement, one is likely to become quite dejected. People who must face the realization that a year of their lives has essentially been wasted cannot celebrate the arrival of a new year unless they drink to the point they become oblivious to this reality. Only then can they exclaim, "Happy New Year!"

In Judaism we prepare for the advent of a new year with reflection and teshuvah. Whereas making a personal inventory should be done all year long, it takes on special significance during the month before Rosh Hashanah. A comprehensive reflection on the events of the past year enables us to see what we have done right, so that we may enhance our efforts in those directions, and to see where we have gone wrong, so that we can avoid repeating the same mistakes.

Such an analysis enables us to use the lessons of the bygone year to better ourselves in the coming one.

This is why we do not drink or behave raucously on Rosh Hashanah. If the past year has value as a lesson for the future, there is no need to drown it from our consciousness.

Today I shall ...

intensify my personal inventory of the past year, so that I may greet the new year with joy and serenity.

[phkrause]

Elul 5 

If one wishes to add on more restrictions than the law requires, one may do so for oneself, but not [make such demands] of others (Shulchan Aruch).

Some people employ a double standard. One set of rules applies to themselves, and another to everyone else. The Shulchan Aruch, the standard authoritative compilation of Jewish law, accepts this policy - but on one condition: the more restrictive set of rules must apply to oneself, and the more lenient apply to other people.

Guidelines exist for many things, such as the percentage of income that one should give for tzedakah. Many tzaddikim, righteous people, retained only the barest minimum of their income for themselves, just enough to provide for their families, and gave everything else to the poor. However, they would never expect anyone else to follow their example, and some even forbade it.

Our minds are ingenious in concocting self-serving rationalizations. Sometimes we may have excellent reasons not to give more liberally to tzedakah, even if it is within the required amount. We may project into the future, worry about our economic security, and conclude that we should put more money away for a rainy day. Yet we often criticize people who we feel do not give enough to tzedakah.

We should be aware of such rationalizations and remember that the more demanding rules should apply to ourselves. If we are going to rationalize, let us rationalize in a way that gives the benefit of doubt to others.

Today I shall ...

remember to be more demanding of myself than I am of others.

[phkrause]

Elul 6 
Lest there be among you [someone with] a root that will produce bitter herbs (Deuteronomy 29:17).

A person who is diagnosed with, God forbid, a cancer, will submit to that treatment which has the highest degree of certainty of cure. If surgery promises a 50% chance, but the likelihood of cure increases to 70% with the addition of radiation and up to 85% with chemotherapy, a reasonable person will submit to all three treatments, in order to maximize his or her chances of survival. People also know that just removing most of the malignant cells is inadequate, because a single surviving cancerous cell can reproduce itself and be lethal. Furthermore, a malignant growth does not remain localized, but can spread beyond its place of origin to other vital organs.

This approach is also how we must deal with those character traits that endanger our spiritual life. Greed, envy, hatred, selfishness, vanity, and arrogance are all negative traits which must be totally eliminated. Allowing even the smallest remnant of any of these traits to remain is like harboring a single cancerous cell. If we value our spiritual life as much as we do our physical life, we will do everything possible to attain total elimination of negative traits.

Moses speaks of the "root" that will multiply and bear bitter fruit. Any negative trait will not only reproduce itself but, like a malignant cancer cell, may spread and affect other components of one's character.

If we value spiritual life, we will do whatever is necessary to preserve it.

Today I shall ...
think about how important spirituality is to me, and what I am ready to do to preserve it.

[phkrause]

Elul 7 

Throw your burden upon God (Psalms 55:23).

Imagine driving a car along the road and suddenly realizing that the brakes have been detached from the brake pedal and the wheels from the steering wheel. In panic, you stamp on the pedal and turn the steering wheel frantically, all to no avail. With the car out of control, your best chance may be to open the door and jump out. However, if you haven't realized that in fact you have lost control, you still try to maintain it, and your life is in danger.

While such dramatic happenings fortunately do not occur every day, we should realize we actually do not have control over many things in life. Trying to exert control where no control is possible is worse than futile, for just as in the above example, it precludes taking whatever other action may be possible.

Many people perform an action that they consider to be proper and accompany it with a prayer for success; others consider prayer only as a last resort. God listens to everyone's prayer, regardless of the circumstances in which it is said. However, even those who use prayer as a last resort should realize when it is indeed a last resort, i.e. when they can do no more, because the conditions are beyond their control. This realization may help them avoid futile behavior.

We may not like to face reality, but denying it is hazardous.

Today I shall ...

realize that many things I think I can control may actually be beyond my control, and I must turn them over to God.

[phkrause]

Elul 8 

[I thank You] for Your miracles that are with us each day (Siddur).

I once heard it said, "Coincidences are miracles in which God prefers to remain anonymous."

If we were to carefully scrutinize everything that occurs in our daily lives, we would find many such "coincidences." Sometimes we may not be aware of the significance of a particular occurrence until much later, when we may have forgotten how or why we think it occurred, and so we just write it off to chance. Other times, we notice that things seem to "just happen at the right time." And in some instances, the likelihood of the desired occurrence being chance is statistically so remote that it may penetrate the skepticism of even the most confirmed non-believer.

Why don't people see the Divine hand in so many things? Could it be that being aware would require them to be thankful to God, because it is unconscionable to be an ingrate (and if one has difficulty with feelings of gratitude, it is simply easier to deny the awareness of the Divine favor)? Could it be that the awareness that God is looking after them would obligate them to live according to the Divine will, and since that might entail some inconveniences and restrictions on their behavior, it is more comfortable to believe that "God does not care"?

Psychologists have great respect for the human capacity to rationalize, to convince oneself of the absolute truth of whatever it is that one wishes to believe or not believe. How much wiser we would be to divest ourselves of such self-deceptions.

Today I shall ...

scrutinize my daily happenings with an alertness to how many favorable "coincidences" have occurred in my life.

[phkrause]

Elul 9 

I shall make you into a great nation ... and you will be a blessing (Genesis 12:2).

This verse is part of the first recorded Divine communication to the Patriarch Abraham, in which God promised him various rewards if he left his homeland and went to Canaan. One of the rewards was "you will be a blessing," meaning that he would be given the power to bestow blessings on others (Rashi).

The same Hebrew phrase can also be read: "you shall be a blessing," in the imperative. In other words, God commanded Abraham to lead the kind of life that would make his very presence a blessing to everyone in his environment.

In Generation to Generation (CIS 1986), I related that my mother told me how excited and elated everyone was when I took my first steps. An itinerant rabbi who collected funds for a yeshivah was also there. He sadly commented, "When I first walked, my parents were delighted too, but now no one is delighted when they see me walk in." My mother related this comment to me many times, and one of my goals in life has been to fulfill my mother's prayer that people should not be displeased when I walk in.

Abraham received many Divine blessings, but along with them came an assignment: he was to make himself into a blessing. If we read on, we can then understand the continuation of the above chapter, Abraham went as God had commanded him (ibid. 12:4); i.e. he conducted his life in such a manner that he was indeed a blessing. The commandment to Abraham was intended for all of his descendants. By living a spiritual life, we can both endear ourselves to everyone and be a blessing to our environment.

Today I shall ...

try to behave in such a manner that I will be an asset to my community.

[phkrause]

Elul 10 

The memory of a righteous person is a blessing (Proverbs 10:7).

At a family therapy session, one family member said something totally uncalled for, provocative, and insulting to another person. The remark was extremely irritating to me, even as an observer, and I anticipated an explosive outburst of outrage from the recipient. To my great surprise, the latter remained quiet and merely gestured to indicate that he was dismissing the comment as being unworthy of a response.

After the session, I complimented the man on his self-restraint. He explained, "A friend of mine once had a very angry outburst. During his rage he suffered a stroke from which he never regained consciousness.

"I am not afraid that if I become angry I would also suffer a stroke. However, what I and everyone else remember of my friend are the last words of his life, which were full of bitterness and hostility. That is not the way I wish to be remembered. Since no person can know exactly when one's time is up, I made up my mind never to act in such a manner, so that if what I was doing was to be my last action on earth, I would not be remembered that way."

The Talmud tells us that when Rabbi Eliezer told his disciples that a person should do teshuvah one day before his death, they asked, "How is a person to know when one will die?" Rabbi Eliezer answered, "Precisely! Therefore one should do teshuvah every day, since tomorrow may be one's last day."

The verse cited above may be explained in the same way. People should behave in a way that they would wish others to remember them, for that can indeed be a blessing.

Today I shall ...

behave as though this day is the one by which I shall be remembered.

[phkrause]

Elul 11 

Each day we hope for Your salvation (Shemoneh Esrei).

The Talmud states that one of the questions that will be posed to each person on his or her day of judgment is, "Did you look forward to salvation?" While the question refers to anticipating the ultimate Redemption, it can also refer to the salvation of the individual.

Positive attitudes beget positive results, and negative attitudes beget negative results. Books have been written about people who have recovered from hopeless illnesses because, contrary to medical opinion, they did not give up hope. On the contrary, they maintained a positive attitude. While this phenomenon may be controversial (for many people are skeptical that cheerful outlooks can cure), people certainly can and have killed themselves by depression. With a negative attitude, a person suffering from an illness may even abandon those practices that can give strength and prolong life, such as the treatment itself.

I have seen a poster that displays birds in flight. Its caption comments, "They fly because they think they can." We could do much if we did not despair of our capacity to do it.

Looking forward to Divine salvation is one such positive attitude. The Talmud states that even when the blade of an enemy's sword is at our throat, we have no right to abandon hope of help.

No one can ever take hope from us, but we can surrender it voluntarily. How foolish to do so.

Today I shall ...

try to always maintain a positive attitude and to hope for Divine salvation.

[phkrause]

Elul 12 
The dignity of a human being is extremely important (Berachos 19b).

The Talmud refers many times to the importance of preserving human dignity.

In Generation to Generation (CIS 1986), I related how my father used to discipline me when I was a child. When I did something wrong, he would shake his head and say, "Es passt nisht (This does not become you)." In other words, I was not bad for having done something wrong; I was too good to do something that was beneath my dignity. This method is an excellent way to discipline children without making them feel they are bad.

People share certain biological behaviors with animals, but our mental life is unique to us. Clearly, human dignity does not reside in that part which is animal, but in that part which is distinctly human: the rational mind, the creative mind, the capacity to be spiritual.

Isn't it simply beneath our dignity to indulge in those behaviors which are primarily animal, rather than uniquely human? As I observe the enormous efforts made and expenditures invested in catering to taste buds, I wonder, "Where is our self-respect?" Granted, we must eat to stay alive, and eating tasty foods may indeed enhance digestion. Still, is it not beneath our dignity to indulge in gustatory delights to the extent that we appear to be more concerned about stimulating our tongues and stomachs than our brains? People who honestly value the truly human part of themselves - their rational and volitional minds - have other priorities.

Today I shall ...
rethink my priorities and behave with the dignity that I owe to myself as a human being.

[phkrause]

Elul 13 

Acquire for yourself a friend (Ethics of the Fathers 1:6).

What is so important about "acquiring" a friend? Don't friendships occur spontaneously?

Many people think they have friends, and some people think they have many friends. However, let's reflect: "Is there anyone with whom I am so close and whom I would trust so completely that I would confide in him or her and tell everything and anything that is on my mind?" Many of us would find that such friends are few in number, and some of us may totally lack this type of relationship.

In his work on Ethics of the Fathers, Rabbeinu Yonah states that if a person tries to achieve perfection in all character traits at one time, he or she is likely to achieve nothing, but if the effort is concentrated upon improving one trait, success in that one area will facilitate improving many other traits. Similarly, trying to achieve a great number of friendships at once will likely create superficial friends. However, if a person will cultivate one friendship and so achieve the desired intimacy and trust, he or she may thereafter find it much easier to develop more profound and meaningful relationships with many people.

The teaching of the above Talmudical passage is now evident. Acquire "a" friend, i.e. try to develop a single relationship that grows beyond a superficial skin-deep level. Not only is that friendship important in its own right, but it will also enhance the quality of all the other relationships.

Today I shall ...

try to cultivate a single friendship into one of complete trust and intimacy.

[phkrause]

Elul 14 

They will eat them [the offerings] and will be forgiven (Exodus 29:33).

How can eating serve as an atonement?

My father used to tell of a tzaddik who was staying at an inn. One morning when they served the breakfast cereal, he said, "This is unusually good. Is there any more?" After being served a second portion, he again asked for more, ate it, and continued to request more cereal until he was told that it was all gone.

The tzaddik's disciples were bewildered. Their teacher usually ate barely enough for survival. When they asked him why he had deviated from his usual practice, he explained:

"When I first tasted the cereal, I realized that the cook must have by mistake poured kerosene into the pot instead of oil. I know that she is a poor widow, and that this innkeeper happens to be a very irascible person. If this mistake had been discovered, she would surely have been dismissed. I therefore wished to avoid anyone else tasting the cereal and exposing the problem."

Eating only to satisfy one's appetite obviously cannot constitute forgiveness, but it is possible to eat with other motivations, which can make it an act of Divine service. We may not all be capable of an act such as that of the tzaddik, but if we can bring ourselves to the point where we truly eat for nutrition, in order that we have the strength to function optimally, so that we may do with our lives that which God wants of us, then our eating, too, can be a Divine service.

Today I shall ...

try to make eating an act of Divine service, dedicating myself to do the will of God.