Why Do Our Teenagers Leave the Church?

[cricket]

I've yet to crack the binding on a recently purchased book, Why Our Teenagers Leave the Church by Adventist author, Roger Dudley.

Lately I've begun to notice that the churches I'm involved with have been neglecting our young people. Is this the reason why so many begin to leave the church in their late teens and early twenties? Is it neglect that is causing them to desire to be elsewhere?

What are some of your thoughts? What are some of your ideas regarding why our youth leave the Adventist church?

Today I discovered that the church I belong to has limited the children's story to 5 minutes or less. I am appalled at the lack of concern for our young people. We have a struggling Pathfinder club, no youth group, and a poorly-attended church school (for reasons I will not discuss on this forum).

Are we forgetting our young people? They are the future of the church. In my opinion, they should be our main focus of concern.

[bevin]

My eldest daughter (>20) has decided to get baptised - in her university Impact church - a student-focussed congregation planted at Magill University by the Baptists.

http://www.eglise-impact-church.com/impacten.htm

http://www.ccsb.ca/um/stories.htm

She was raised SDA, but like me finally had enough about 5 years ago. How can a denomination possibly expect to hang onto its intelligent youth while continuously failing to respect intelligence, organization, education, and emphasising following illogical rules, unquestioning obedience, and the denegration of women?

My middle girl has only been in any church a few times in the last 7 years. Then again, the treatment/support she received when diagnosed with mental health issues was not exactly bonding.

My youngest is having a great time with her Congregational church friends, with their interesting services, weekly bible studies, social activities, and occassional retreats. Then again, there were no kids in the local SDA congregations that she bonded with.

Is the SDA church neglecting its youth? Doesn't really matter - they don't have to offer what most kids want. A sensible set of values, and a good circle of friends.

/Bevin

[cricket]

Bevin,

As a faithful Seventh-day Adventist, I should probably be appalled at some of the things you've written here. Admittedly, I am not. It is becoming more and more evident to me that our church bodies do fail to respect the intelligence of our young people (teens and twenties); we do lack sufficient organization and education--all the while supporting denegration of women.

Even so! Our children are extremely important. I do believe that we need to develop better relationships with them and to encourage their participation more by giving them greater and greater opportunities to succeed.

With all sincerity, I say, it is wonderful that your children are involved in other churches. It is said that "even a little child shall lead them." Our children then, may be the very ones to lead us into the truths that we are not seeing.

Chrys

[Gail]

Wow- Bevin I wish that your family could have experienced the youth group here where we attend. The one my daughter was involved with was very active, although now they are mostly in college and away from home

All 3 of my kids have lifelong friends in the SDA church. I must say that the fellowship with their friends is still a most positive experience

[David_McQueen]

Over the years it is a number of reasons

Some just dont believe

Some are bored

Some dont feel church people are honest

Some dont feel they belong

When I left church it because I was bored and felt there was too much hypocrisy. Even since I came back and tried to address this it was deemed as trouble making.

I would love to see a book written about why do 30 somethings leave, cos I think it is the same reasons as teens, just a bit more deep seated. Maybe I should write it.

[Dr. Shane]

One Sabbath visit to a hispanic Adventist church will tell most anyone that the latin Adventist population is young - even in the NAD. I have not attended but two African-American churches but both of those also had a young congregation.

My wife and I attend an english-speaking church although I suspect that over 50% of the population is hispanic. It is very active. It seems almost like the purpose of the church is to raise its youth. (Kind of like Hilary Clinton's "It Takes A Village") Our youth are quite active in the church.

Studies have shown the #1 reason for the youth leaving the church is a father that is a weak spiritual leader in the home. While a father that is an overbearing, realious zealot will drive them out of the church just as fast, it is more often the spiritually weak father that does the job. A spiritual mother has not been shown to be effective at keeping the children in the church.

So I believe the answer is twofold. 1. Focus on the families. We need more family and marriage counselors in our denomination. 2. Focus on the youth. More activies that provide an alternative to the world.

[bevin]

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Studies have shown the #1 reason for the youth leaving the church is a father that is a weak spiritual leader in the home.

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What studies? This result is NOT the answer in ANY study I have come across.

/Bevin

http://news.adventist.org/data/2000/04/0958483789/index.html.en

http://www.reality.org.nz/articles/33/33-jamieson.html

http://www.users.bigpond.net.au/teencoach/Youthworkers/Articles.htm

http://www.ncccusa.org/nmu/mce/feast2002report.html

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Rodger outlined a number of reasons young adults give for not participating in congregations and then pressed behind the list for to what he sees as an underlying cause: a huge hermeneutical shift has occurred from a "duty and responsibility" orientation to a "what's in it for me?" orientation. Congregations and denominational systems are dominated by "duty and reponsibility people." For older adults, one goes to church because it is your duty and part of your responsibility as a contributing adult. Younger people, witnessing how the loyalty and commitment of their parents has been betrayed by the institutions of society (corporations, churches, educational systems, etc.), are more wary and willing to commit only when they see evidence that their commitment will be reciprocated.

According to Nishioka, young adults are seeking congregations that offer quality authentic relationshps; theological and ethical vitality and integrity; a connection to the transcendent; a connection to the realities of life in the society; a faith that embodies energy, passion, honesty, costliness; and a cosmic and universal claim to Truth while being open to other truth claims.

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http://www.catholicmatch.com/pl/pages/community/articles/details.html?ra=1;id=316

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They leave for different reasons. Some saw hypocrisy. Others were hurt by those in authority. Still more disagree with a Church teaching. Sometimes, all they’re waiting for is an invitation back. And often, it’s not the Catholic Church itself that the "fallen away" have a beef with but their particular experience of it.

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[bevin]

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So I believe the answer is twofold. 1. Focus on the families. We need more family and marriage counselors in our denomination. 2. Focus on the youth. More activies that provide an alternative to the world.

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Here is the NUMBER ONE problem with Seventh Day Adventism today.

The leadership (and yes, I see Shane as an SDA leader) simply does not understand that there are fundamental problems in the beliefs and culture of the denomination.

Always, ALWAYS, they seek to put the blame on something else.

/Bevin

[Dr. Shane]

The studies I reference are ones I have heard in sermons and on Christian radio. Instead of starting with those that have left the church and asking them why, they look at the family life of those that have left and try to find a pattern.

One such study looked at homes where a believer is married to an unbeliever. Where the mother was the unbeliever, the majority of the children stayed in the church. However in the homes where the father was the unbeliever, only a slim percentage remained in the church. The influence of the father is one of the most important spiritual influences in a child's life and is often the biggest factor in whether or not the child will remain in the church as an adult.

That is not to excuse the church from ministering to this group. However the church needs to minister to the family as well. With a divorce rate in the church as high or higher than that in society, keeping the youth in church needs to start with keeping the family together and spiritually healthy.

A church's rules have little to do with the youth leaving. Many religions that are stricter than Adventists (Mormons, Islamics, Jehova Witnesses) do not struggle with this issue to the same degree because they have strong family units.

[Gregory Matthews]

Shane, I very well may be reading into your post more than you said. If so, feel free to correct me.

It sounds like your knowledge of studies is not gained from reading primary publications of the research, but from hearing others discuss them.

Tell me, have you read any of the "Valuegenesis" studies? If so, why not cite and discuss them.

If you do not feel that the Valuegenesis studies are valid, tell us why.

These are the best that this denomination has ever produced. Share with us what you think of them.

NOTE: The Valuegenesis studies were done over a period of years, and under conditions that met scientific reliability and validity. Over the past several years, they have been published in a number of books for the SDA reading public. They contain a wealth of information, and conclusions. You can purchase any of the series through your local ABC.

[Dr. Shane]

I had never even heard of Valuegenesis by name but I suspect that is what I have heard being discussed in sermons and on the radio.

ValueGenesis: Is Anyone Listening?

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While scores for the home environment show more good news than bad, one key area for improvement is family worship, an experience many families have not been able to coordinate with their current lifestyle.

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Without question the weakest link is the local congregation. Of the 12 effectiveness factors in this arena, the 2 most important are a warm, caring environment and a thinking environment.

Who is responding at the church level? Hardly anybody. Few pastors have made young people a high enough priority At most, half of the Adventist churches in North America have volunteer youth leaders; less than 1 percent have youth pastors. The majority of conferences lack fulltime youth directors, and only one union, Southern, has a youth director.

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[Norman Byers, N.D.]

Hi Christine,

I can't talk about any studies that I have read or books that I have studied. But I can share what happened to me at the age of 26.

I was baptized at around 21 and then decided to go to Uchee Pines Medical missionary training institute because I wanted a deeper experience. I stayed there for about 2 years. While I was there I dedicated my entire life to ministry. I was completely dedicated to the SDA lifestyle as encouraged by EGW. I was feeling really good and was as happy as I could be. Then one day I found myself wanted to do things that I should not do. It started by leting my appetite get the best of me. I ended up leaving the church in spirit in 86 and in body in 88. I felt that I was a hypocrit and did not want to stay in the church. No one drove me out, neither did I disagree with the doctrine. I just wanted to go out and have fun like I used to. I wanted to and did go back into clubs and play in bands. I loved it, it was great, it's what I wanted. (keep that thought in mind)

Move forward to 1994, I'm in a prison cell waiting for the morning so I can see a judge to set my trial for beating up a guy.

There's a lot to this so I'll just get to what happened when I came back to church. One Sabbath in June of 96 I walked into the church I used to go to with my girlfriend and my friend the pastor started weeping on the platform. I was greeted with love and respect by most of the members after the service. (Some didn't know me) I ended up studying all of our doctrines for myself for the 1st time and found everything to be sound and I was convicted I was in the right church. (I knew that already but never studied the 1st time I was baptized. I was the result of a crusade) After a short time I was asked to preach in several churches and I was sharing something that was important to young people. They'd come up to me after I spoke and say keep on preaching that.

I was telling them that I was hearing the same old message from pastors now as I was before I left the church. This was the message in a nut shell. Are you doing enough to be saved? If Jesus were to come back tomorrow would YOU be ready? Come on, I thought, how can you still be preaching that and expect anyone to thrive? I was experiencing God in a way that I had never before and I was sharing that with them. My message in a nutshell was, God really loves you, let me tell you what He has done in my life. I told them about the miracles and the communion with my Father and oh How much I love Him!

Young people were responding to this because they were tired of being run down by older hypocrits who had no love and did not have the time for them. They saw that the older folks were more interested in what knowledge they had and bla bla bla. I don't think things have changed much. I look at it this way, when I was young I used to go to concerts to see the bands I liked. When I went there I wanted to see them rock the house. Just let go and party till you drop.

I'm not suggesting that in church but I do think that when we adults learn the Gospel and live it, live like we mean it that the young people will take notice and desire the same. Love has universal appeal and age is no barrier to it's draw. A lot of the kids of today are drawn by what they get into as long as it's real and kicks. I'm sad to say that a lot of our churches are fake and dead, Laodica. Not only are the kids tired of it but Christ is too.

The question to us is, how long will we permit this to go on?

1 Cor 14: 23 If therefore the whole church be come together into one place, and all speak with tongues, and there come in those that are unlearned, or unbelievers, will they not say that ye are mad? 24 But if all prophesy, and there come in one that believeth not, or one unlearned, he is convinced of all, he is judged of all: 25 And thus are the secrets of his heart made manifest; and so falling down on his face he will worship God, and report that God is in you of a truth.

We adults can speak in a certain tongue that young people don't understand. If we begin to speak the truth in love and live the truth with intensity, like it's real for crying out loud! Then our younger people will say wow that's what I want, I need that!

Just my 2 cents

Norman

[cricket]

Thank you for that link, Shane. Valuegenesis is the very study upon which the book I am reading is based. The link you provided took me to another link that has some wonderful ideas for actually doing something about the problem of losing our youth. Hopefully, this will come in handy to many readers here: Piece of the Pie

Check it out!

[cricket]

"Not only are the kids tired of it but Christ is too."--Norman Byers

Norman,

This statement is excellent. It really hits home. Thank you for your testimony of why you left the church, and how you came back. It is vitally important that we learn from our own mistakes and improve: as you say, "Not only are the kids tired of it but Christ is too."

~Chrys

[LifeHiscost]

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Christine Wall said:

They are the future of the church.

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While this may be looking at the future of the Seventh Day Adventist church from a biased position, it is my belief that it's future rests in the hands of Jesus. Given that position to be true, it would appear that any teen-ager who clings to Jesus will eventually be in the organization which the Savior establishes. I believe that, to be the position of the Advent movement believers, and even though those Adventist teenagers stumble as a result of deceptive doctrine that would lead them astray temporarily, if their primary concern is to honor the Lord of glory, they will receive the promises of deliverance from all deceptive doctrines.

Those stable in their convictions can aid the misguided ones

by continueing to love and praying for them, as well as clinging to the promises given for intercessory prayer.

[:"red"] "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins." [/] 1 Peter 4:8 NASB

[:"red"] "But thus says the LORD:....I will contend with him who contends with you, And I will save your children."[/] Isaiah 49:25 NKJV

Trust!

[LifeHiscost]

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Shane said:

A spiritual mother has not been shown to be effective at keeping the children in the church.

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Perhaps it would be good to read the story of Dr. Ben Carson. One can always find scapegoats for other's failures. In the end the only thing that will keep one out of the kingdom is the individual who refuses to receive what they know about Jesus.

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1. Focus on the families. 2. Focus on the youth.

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Could it possibly be Jesus as Friend, Lord, and Savior would be more effective as the first focus? Then the conmplementary efforts would be helpful.

Keep the faith!

[Gregory Matthews]

Shane & Everyone elsle:

Your link was a vaulable one. Piece of the Pie ministries is well known in SDA circles as a resource for mininsty. It is also of value.

But, your cited article is 12 years old. There has been much more published on the research done by Valuegenesis. That research, conducted over a period of years, is the "gold standard" for the subject that we are discussing--why our youth leave the [sDA] Chruch.

If you are really interested in this subject, get the books, read and understand them, and share what you have learned with the rest of us.

[Gregory Matthews]

Here is a brief comment on Valuegenesis:

"The Project Affirmation: Valuegenesis study of Adventist youth begun in 1989 was an important landmark study carried out by the Seventh-day Adventist Church in North America. It was without question the largest and most comprehensive study ever made of church youth. It assessed their faith and values in the context of the most influential institutions: family, church, and school. It was possible to identify what it was in those venues that encouraged a mature faith, and positive values development. The impact of the study set in motion a whole series of events—planned changed conferences, vision-to-action focus groups, new concerns, attitudes, training programs, priorities of the home, school, and church, and publications—that resulted in more effective way to help youth to a life of commitment and loyalty to the Adventist church."

NOTE: The John Hancock Center is developing a website that is expected to have more information, to include information on the purchase of the books.

[Gregory Matthews]

Yes, the research for Valuegenesis 1 was done in the 1989/1990 time frame, and is 15 years old. But, keep in mind that research on Valuegenesis 2 was done in 2000. The basic research and analysis is ongoing.

Here is a URL that will take you to a brief comment on Valuegenesis 2:

http://www.pacificunionrecorder.com/105/4/25609.html

[Gregory Matthews]

A brief search on Google reveals well over 1,100 citations to Valuegenesis mentions on the Internet.

Here is a URL that will take you to a bookstore that lists on its first page four (4) of the Valuegenesis books for sale:

http://www.1-book-store.com/man+La-Sierra-University.html

[Gregory Matthews]

Amazon currently lists five (5) Valuegenesis books, with a comment that three (3) of them are out of print, and of very limited availability.

Folks, Valuegenesis is clearlyl the "gold standard." It is ongoing. If you are really interested in discussing our youth, and why the leave the chruch, you need to review this research. If you want to do so, there is much on the Internet that will be of value to you, and some of the books can be purchased easily. Others you may have to work to obtain.

[aldona]

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Shane said:

A spiritual mother has not been shown to be effective at keeping the children in the church.

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Well, I guess the apostle Paul was wrong when he commended Timothy on his faith, handed down from his mother Eunice and his grandmother Lois...

And now all those mothers out there who either do not have husbands or whose husbands are not interested in spiritual things, and who are laboring to bring up their children in faith and knowledge of God, can just give up, because it seems that they are wasting their time...

aldona

[Gregory Matthews]

Aldona has raised a very important point in regard to the many families that exist today where a female is the only effectie spiritual leader.

I will sugget that it is clear that at one time in a child's life, the female figure is the most effective spiritual leader, and more effective than the male figure is. This was probably the focus of Paul.

At another stage in a male child's life, the male figure is probably more effective than any female figure.

However, neither of the above make the other gender ineffective.

Shane has overstated the case.

Aldona has raised a valid point.

[Dr. Shane]

Shane has repeated what he has heard others in the ministy say, both Adventists and nonadventist. If the case is overstated, that is why.

Over the past 10 years I have been active in either youth classes, junior classes or Pathfinders and have found that to be my experience as well. The younger children, like the juniors, with spiritual mothers seem to be as well developed as their peers with both believing parents in the home. However I have noticed that the teenagers without a believing father are the ones that tend to stray more often. There are plenty of exceptions. I believe 20% was the number I heard being discussed of those without a believing father that stay in the church - and 20% translates into a lot of actual individuals.

Typically a son will follow his father as a role model. If his father is not spiritual he is not as likely to be as the individual with a spiritual dad. A daughter will typically look for in a boyfriend and a husband the qualities of her father. So if her father wasn't spiritual, she is less likely to marry a spiritual man.

Now, from my day's as a colpourter, I learned that in most homes the mother is in charge of the spiritual instruction. That is certainly how it was in my home as a child, even though my father was an Adventist - for the brief periods of time he was with us. (In my home now, the spiritual instruction is pretty equally divided between my wife and I.) While the mother may be the one teaching the children about Jesus, if the father is supporting her (instead of watching TV, etc) and practicing the faith in his life, it makes a big impact on the child even once the child reaches adulthood.

Brother Matthews, Is there a specific book you recommend?

[lazarus]

Last week was our Youth Week of Prayer. It was Youth Sabbath too and therefore a busy time so hadn't seen this thread before today.

Here's a book I bought recently

"We can Keep them in the church"

Compiled by Myrna Tetz with Gary L Hopkins

Pacific Press

How to love your children so they won't leave....success stories that really work.

You can get it from the ABC

Also "The Five love languages of Teenagers" is good too!

This is a topic dear to my heart because of what I do.

This issue speaks to the heart of the challeng for Adventism today in the US. If we cannot keep our children how on earth do we hope to win strangers?