Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#1043   Maintaining Joy In Imperfection

Perfectionism and happiness don't go hand in hand. The human condition is imperfection. And that's why there is always more work to do in this world. And that is what will enable us to maintain humility even if we did accomplish a lot. But we need to maintain a sense of joy even though we aren't perfect. We were never meant to be perfect. But it is our mission to learn and to improve.

Perfectionism is the attitude, "It's either 100% or it's a total failure." In some areas this could be true. A serious operation that was almost successful failed if the patient died. If an airplane pilot almost made a safe landing but the plane crashed, it's a total failure for all those who were killed in the crash. But in the vast majority of the things we do, perfection might be nice, but it won't make too much of a difference.

A perfectionist is nervous the entire time. "What if it's not perfect?" they repeat to themselves. There are many ways that this won't be perfect and only one that would be considered perfect. Enjoy the positive activities that you are engaged in. Enjoy every bit of success. And enjoy the entire process of improving.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.191-2)

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#1044   Be a Solution-Seeker

Become a solution-seeker. When a problem arises, ask yourself, "What solution can I think of?" When a situation isn't to your liking, ask yourself, "What solution can I think of?" Whenever something is bothering you, ask yourself, "What solution can I think of?" Unhappy people become distraught, upset, frustrated, or angry when unpleasant things happen. They speak to themselves and to others in ways that increase the amount of time they will feel emotional distress. Happy people use their intelligence and memory to think of potential solutions. At times solutions might be easy to find if you just ask yourself, "What solution can I think of?" If a solution isn't easy to find, brainstorm in your own mind or with others.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.129)

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#1045   Accept Difficulties With Joy

Since it is impossible for a person to completely be spared the difficulties and misfortunes of life, it makes sense to accept them with patience, tolerance - and a positive attitude. This ensures living a good life, both for practical reasons and because it is the Torah's attitude.

Today, when something - even small - goes wrong, take a deep breath and accept the reality with joy.

(see Chochmah Umussar, vol.2, p.153; Gateway to Happiness, p.75)

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#1046   Let Go of Your Anger

Make it a regular practice to imagine being calm and relaxed in situations that are likely to arouse your anger. As you increase your levels of patience and humility, you will increase your freedom from anger.

Today, be totally committed to let go of any anger that you begin to experience.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp. 111-5, and Anger: The Inner Teacher)

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#1047   Assume Others Will Like You

I have met people who are totally free from self-consciousness. They tell me that they always assume that others will like them and think positively of them. As one person told me, "I decided to be the opposite of someone who is paranoid. A person who is paranoid always thinks that others are against him. Unless I have reason to believe otherwise, I always think that others will like me. Of course, I am careful to protect myself and don't do anything stupid. But assuming that others will like me has worked wonders for me throughout my life."

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Building Your Self-image and the Self-image of Others" (Artscroll) Chapter 92)

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#1048   Desire Higher Pleasures

Focus more on obtaining long-lasting meaningful goals, rather than short-term pleasures.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.198)

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#1049   Long Term View

Having a more comprehensive look at life and its true meaning will eliminate many needless fears and worries. This automatically gives us more courage.

One helpful tool is to keep asking yourself: "How will this be viewed 100 years from now?"

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#1050   Be Bold For Good

Never let fear of embarrassment prevent you from doing good deeds. Think of a good deed you did even though it was difficult due to possible embarrassment.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.211)

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#1051   A Cheer For Your Efforts

When you try to help others overcome their sadness, don't demand perfection. Don't expect to always be successful in cheering up every person every time you try. Demanding such perfection will lead to discouragement when you are not successful.

It is not realistic to expect perfection, but if you personally master an optimistic outlook on life and try to cheer up others, you have a chance of succeeding frequently. Be grateful for your successes, even partial ones, and learn from instances when you were unsuccessful.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.184)

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#1052   Respond With Fascination

Feel fascination instead of frustration. Today, make a commitment to be fascinated with what other people say and do. Particularly, focus on their reactions - and use this to trigger your own sense of fascination.

(see Rav Pliskin's "Anger: The Inner Teacher," p.342)

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#1053   Experience Is An Antidote For Worry

When you worry that something unpleasant might happen, keep in mind that we quickly get used to new situations, even those that are extremely negative.

Experience is an antidote for worry. Make a list of things you worried about in the past. See how many of those negative things turned out better than you thought they would. Also note how many situations turned out as you feared, but you were able to cope anyway.

By being aware of how frequently your worries are for nothing, you will eliminate a large amount of needless worry.

(Chayai Olam, vol.1, ch.1; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.161)

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#1054   Difficulties Increase Your Merit

When you are trying to do good deeds and difficulties arise, realize that the difficulties actually serve to increase the merit of your good deeds.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.226)

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#1055   Don't Belittle His Pain

When someone tells you about his suffering, never say things like, "Cheer up." "It's not so bad." Or, "That wouldn't bother me." Saying these will only cause him extra pain.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.217)

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#1056   Inner Courage

Ultimately any courage you have is within you. You can choose to access your own courage this very moment.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#1057   The Most Enjoyable Change

Your view of "change" will either motivate you to keep making positive changes, or will make you fearful and avoiding of change.

One of the biggest changes a person can make is to stop viewing change as painful, hard work -- and instead to enjoy the entire process of self-development.

Of course, true change is difficult. But enjoying the process keeps you motivated.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#1058   Find a Way to Encourage Others

Don't become discouraged when you try to encourage others. Your persistence can accomplish a lot. If one approach doesn't work, try another.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.218)

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#1059   Serve the Almighty With Joy

"Serve the Almighty with joy." (Psalms 100:2)

Joy adds to our enthusiasm and love for the Almighty and will motivate us to cleave to Him. If a person is sad when he fulfills the commandments, it is analogous to a servant who serves his master with a sad facial expression. Try to feel joy whenever you fulfill a mitzvah.

The Talmud relates that some people saw that the Sage Abaye was very happy. They asked him why. "I have just performed a mitzvah, so I feel great joy," he replied.

(Rabbi Chaim Vital - Shaarey Kedushah 2:4; cited in Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," pp.93-4)

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#1060   Try This for a Change

Think of a positive trait you would like to master.

In order to integrate this trait, role play. Imagine that you have already changed that trait and see how this new pattern becomes a part of your everyday reality.

Be patient and practice regularly.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge,"pp.144-6)

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#1061   Share Your Knowledge

When you meet someone you know, ask yourself, "What knowledge or ideas can I share with this person that he would appreciate?" Similarly, when reading articles or books, try to think of people who would want to read them.

(See Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Self Knowledge, p.174-6)

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#1062   True Courage 

 

There are many forms of courage:

Have the courage to ask people for help when you need it.

Have the courage to say, "I don't know."

Have the courage to ask questions when you don't understand something.

Have the courage to push forward even if you might make mistakes.

Have the courage to do the will of our Creator.

(See Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Self Knowledge, pp.177-8)

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#1063   If I Were To Ask...

When you have an important question, but no one available to ask it to, ask yourself: "If I were to ask an expert for advice, what would he tell me?"

Imagining what someone without bias would say, helps you make wiser decisions. This technique will help you access your latent critical thinking ability. In this way, you can have a personal advisor with you at all times!

(Chochmah U'mussar, vol.1, p.21; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.265)

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#1064   Awareness of the Almighty

Awareness that the Almighty loves you, cares about your welfare, and orchestrates events in your life for your ultimate benefit is a powerful foundation upon which to build your life. Integrating emunah (awareness of the Almighty) and bitochon (Trust in Him) gives you a life of joy and serenity.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.91)

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#1065   Trust in the Almighty

Trust in the Almighty calms a person from fears and worries. A person who lives with trust in God is aware there are no accidents. He knows whatever happens to him is purposeful.

Trust in God does not mean we must assume that "everything will be all right." We have no way of knowing in advance exactly how events will turn out. Rather, trust in God means that whatever occurs is for our ultimate good, and we have the ability to withstand any tests.

Speaking pious sentiments of trust in God is not sufficient. A person has to actually feel this trust for it to actually effect on his emotions.

(Alei Shur, p.258; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.166)

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#1066   Coping With Adversity

While you should try ot protect yourself from harm, if you do suffer, the best tool is acceptance. Accepting your situation greatly minimizes the amount you actually suffer. The most unfortunate person in the world is one who has not learned how to accept setbacks and misfortunes. Either this day or the next he, like everyone else in the world, will inevitably drink from the cup of suffering, which is either a test or an atonement. By failing to accept suffering, the pain you feel will be much more acute and harsh than necessary.

(Chesbon Hanefesh, nos. 76-7; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.233)

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#1067   Courage and Humility

Humility makes it easier to have courage. Humility frees you from worrying about how others perceive you. You have less of a need to make a good impression on people, so you are more open to learn new things. You don't mind if people see you as imperfect, or that you are not as skilled or talented as you would like to be.

An arrogant or conceited person always needs to appear to be perfect, to be highly skilled and talented. This creates tension and anxiety. The truly humble person is calmer and more relaxed.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")