Ask the Rabbi

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Shevat 7

Rewarding Children

We have two boys, ages 4 and 5. They don't like to be treated differently, yet sometimes it is necessary. For example, rewarding one for using the bathroom properly would be a joke for the other. But then they feel it is unfair when they are rewarded differently. How should we deal with this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You should persist in rewarding them differently for different things. Why? Because proper education must reflect the reality of life. We each have different challenges, and are rewarded based on our own level.

How do you get the children to accept this? The key is to remind them of the "inequity" – not when the other sibling is getting rewarded – rather when they are the one getting rewarded! In other words, as you hand the boy his prize, tell him, "Notice how only you are getting rewarded for this. See, it's not always equal. But this is something you're working hard at. Maybe next time your brother will get a reward for something he's working hard at."

Here’s another useful suggestion. If the reward is a cookie, for example, you could give the child two cookies and say, "One is for you, and the other is for you to give your brother." That way, the one who gets rewarded learns the value of sharing. And the one who didn't get rewarded learns to take pleasure in the success of others.

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Shevat 8

Rape

I was reading in an online forum that Judaism advocates that a rapist marry his victim. This sounds so backward and oppressive, and difficult to reconcile with the compassionate Judaism that I know and love. Is what I read accurate?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Highly inaccurate. (Are you surprised?)

Judaism takes a strong position against rape, with the Talmud comparing it to murder. As such, Judaism permits one to kill a rapist who is in pursuit of a woman, in order to save her from attack.

Rape of a married woman is a capital crime. (Deuteronomy 22:25)

Rape of a single woman carries a heavy monetary fine (depending on the age of the victim), plus the rapist has to pay reparation for damages, as well as for her suffering, embarrassment and emotional anguish. The rapist also incurs lashes. This is all intended as both a deterrent and a punishment (Deuteronomy 22:28-29, see also Rambam Rotzai'ach 2:4-5).

As regards to what you read, it is true that the Torah states that the rapist must marry (and may never divorce) his victim (actually only if she is at a certain young age at the time), but both she and her father can refuse the "match" – which they are extremely likely to do. I believe the message of the Torah is not that the rapist can have whom he wants, but quite the opposite. If he wants to enjoy another human being, he cannot just do so and split. He becomes responsible for her – for the rest of his life.

Feel free to post this response on that online forum.

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Shevat 9

Waiting Between Meat & Milk

How long after must I wait between eating meat and milk? And why?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

After eating meat (or fowl), you must wait 6 hours before eating any dairy products. (This is measured from the last bite of meat, even if the meal continued longer.)

The issue of waiting between meat and dairy comes from the Talmud (Chulin 105a), and the reason is discussed by the two great Torah commentators:

Maimonides says that we are concerned about strands of meat being stuck between the teeth. After 6 hours, however, that meat has undergone a sufficient enough process of "digestion" whereby it becomes "pareve." (Laws of Forbidden Foods 9:28)

Rashi, on the other hand, says the 6-hour wait is based on the fatty nature of meat. Not only does meat leave a residue in one's mouth and throat, but when meat is in your stomach, the fatty gasses can escape (through burping, for instance) and cause a "meaty flavor" in one's mouth. If a person would eat dairy during this time, they would have the combined flavor of milk and meat in their mouth, which is prohibited. (see Rashi – Chulin 105a)

In cases of a health concern, or for children under the age of six, a one-hour wait is sufficient.

By the way, these laws due not apply in the reverse case: After eating dairy, there is no necessity to wait six hours before eating meat. It would suffice to wash the hands and mouth. (Some are stringent to wait following hard cheese.)

To learn more, read "The Laws of Kashrus," by Rabbi Binyomin Forst (artscroll.com)

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Shevat 10

Responsible One for Another

I am involved in Jewish communal work and it really makes me crazy when I see one Jewish group disparaging another. Even worse, people will look at a situation of need and say, “Oh, that’s not my problem!” Why can’t we work together!?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Jewish people are considered as one “organism.” What happens to one limb affects the entire body.

Every Jew recognizes that all the Jewish People are bound together. When there's a terrorist attack in Israel, we all feel it. The Talmud says "Kol Yisrael areivim zeh la-zeh" – Every Jew is responsible one for another.

The story is told of the religious man who died and went to heaven. There, he appeared before the Heavenly Tribunal to hear a listing of his good deeds and bad. The man was quite satisfied to hear of all his mitzvahs. But he was shocked to have included amongst his transgressions the prohibition of eating pork.

"What?!" the man protested, "but I never once ate pork!"

"True," spoke the Tribunal, "but for 20 years you lived next door to a man who ate pork, and you never made an effort to discuss it with him. For that, you are responsible."

The Chasidic writings compare this to a wealthy person who needs to warm himself in the winter. He could build a fire – in which case everyone in the room would benefit. But instead he warms only himself with a heavy coat and blankets. In both cases he's warmed; the only question is to what degree he's concerned about others.

Rabbi Motty Berger of Aish HaTorah once spoke to a group of Holocaust survivors in Jerusalem. He told them: "When I was a child, I would look at my grandparents and wonder, what were they doing during the Holocaust? The fact that millions of Jews were being placed into ovens was no secret; these horrors were reported regularly on the front page of the New York Times. So I wondered... were my grandparents out raising money to help ransom Jews? Were they organizing secret rescue efforts? Were they demanding media attention and marching on Washington?"

Then Rabbi Berger continued: "Today there is a grave problem threatening the Jewish people: Assimilation. Every year, 50,000 young Jews are opting out of the Jewish people. Lost to us forever. So what are we going to do about it? Because one day, our own grandchildren are going to look at us and wonder..."

Today there are many fine organizations committed to helping Jews in all area of need: building communities in Israel, connecting young Jews with their heritage, confronting the physical threats to Jews worldwide. Everyone needs to do there part, and everyone needs to support each other. Otherwise, we are losing the battle.

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Shevat 11

What is Holiness?

I recently heard a rabbi speak about the need to bring holiness into our lives. He spoke about eating kosher food, speaking positively about others, and acting in a generally holy way. But I don't feel I have a handle on exactly what is holiness. Can you explain?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I applaud you for perceiving the necessity of finding the right definition. You can't begin any serious process unless you have a definition.

Rabbi Noah Weinberg tells the story of a young man who came to him and said: "I've been all over Israel - the Western Wall, Masada, and points in-between - and I have yet to find holiness."

Rabbi Weinberg asked him, "Are you a bafoofstik?"

"What's that?"

"Just answer the question: Are you a bafoofstik or not?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Rabbi Weinberg continued: "Nor do you know what 'holiness' is. So until you have an objective definition, how can you expect to recognize it!"

In Hebrew, holy ("kedusha") has the connotation of separate and distinct. We make Kiddush on Friday night to distinguish between Shabbat and the weekdays. Israel is the holy land - as distinct from all other lands. And Kiddushin, the word for marriage, is so named because the one we marry is designated for a unique status, vis-a-vis every other person in the world.

Holiness, no matter which form it takes, is a metaphysical substance which our souls can perceive. A few years ago, I had just returned to Israel from a two-month trip to America. I had not been off the plane for more than a few minutes, when I saw someone pick up a pen and begin writing. Instinctively I said to myself, "Hey, we don't write on Shabbat!" Then I realized it was Wednesday.

Puzzled, I came to comprehend that the experience of arriving back in Israel had given me a surge of holiness - which I'd intuitively associated with the feeling of Shabbat. The form may have been different, but the substance was the same. For as Israel is holiness in space, Shabbat is holiness in time.

Given that we live in a physical world, much of the goal of Judaism is to infuse the physicality with holiness. We say a blessing before eating our special kosher food, we have a framework for sanctifying our marital relations, etc.

My advice is to try observing a few of the mitzvot, and as you do so, concentrate on tapping into the spiritual message behind it. In time, you will find more and more of these "moments" to infuse with spirituality, and be well on your way to becoming a true holy person.

For more insights, see "Holy Woman": a book and essay by Sara Yoheved Rigler.

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Shevat 12

Tzedakah Basics

It is well-known that Jews are charitable. I'm wondering if you can help me trace the source of that historically. And perhaps shed some light on what my obligations might be today.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Back from the time that Abraham welcomed the strangers into his tent (Genesis chapter 18), charity has been a foundation of Jewish life.

The Torah says to give 10 percent of our earnings to people in need, based on Leviticus 25:35 and Deut. 15:7-8. This is called Ma'aser, literally "one tenth" (hence the English word "tithe"). This is colloquially called tzedakah (charity), which Maimonides lists charity as one of the 613 mitzvahs.

Maaser Ani, or the "Poor tithe," is an obligation to set aside 10% of produce grown in Israel for the poor (Deuteronomy 14:28). "Ma'aser Ani" is given only in the third and sixth year of the Shmittah (Sabbatical) cycle.

In the same spirit, a Jew today is obligated to give 10% of income to charity. This is known as ma'aser kesafim.

Ten percent of a person's wages after taxes should be set aside for tzedakah. Business expenses and Jewish education costs may be deducted from the 10 percent. (Some people deduct only two-thirds of a boy's Torah education cost.)

For those who want to do extra, the Torah allows giving 20 percent. Above that amount is unrealistic. By giving too much, one will come to neglect other aspects of life - and may even need to rely on charity themselves!

The important thing is that this money be set aside in a separate account. That way it will be available when the need arises.

U.S. President Herbert Hoover said in 1923: "I have frequently had cause to comment upon the extraordinary generosity and liberality of the American Jews in their charitable contributions. Indeed, their voluntary contributions exceed that of any other American group, and range from the stinted savings of the poorest workman to the full outpouring of those in more fortunate positions."

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Shevat 13

Carobs on Tu B’Shvat

Why is it that many people eat carobs on Tu B'Shvat? Even though it’s a native fruit to Israel, it is not one of the seven species. (Note: the Holy Land is specially praised for its “seven species” – wheat, barley, grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives, and dates (Deuteronomy 8:8).) Is there any special significance to eating carobs on that day?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The simple answer is that Tu B’Shvat marks the new year for all trees, not only the trees of Israel and not only the seven species. In fact, one of the earliest sources which makes mention of the customs of Tu B’Shvat simply states that many have the custom to eat fruit on this day (Magen Avraham, quoted in Mishna Berurah 131:31). There is no mention of the seven species. The day is an appropriate time to praise God for all the delicious fruits He created.

At the same time, not only are carobs native to the Land of Israel, they are often associated with great rabbis and events. In the famous story of R. Shimon bar Yochai and his son hiding in a cave for 13 years (while studying the deepest secrets of Kabbala), they subsisted on a carob tree and stream of water (Talmud Shabbat 33b). R. Chanina ben Dosa was likewise said to live on a kab of carobs every week (Brachot 17b).

In another episode (Baba Metziah 59b), the sages of the Talmud were once involved in a massive debate. R. Eliezer stood alone against all his contemporaries, but refused to yield. He invoked certainly heavenly signs to prove he was right. At one point, he cried out, “If I am right, let this carob tree prove it!” – and the tree picked itself up and moved over.

Finally, the Talmud (Ta’anit 23a) learns a powerful lesson from the carob tree. In Talmudic times, the common species did not bear fruit for 70 years. (Species today are much quicker but are still relatively slow to bear fruit. Wikipedia states that a typical tree does not produce a full yield until 20-25 years after planting.) The early Mishnaic scholar and wonderworker Choni Ha’Me’Agel once observed a man planting a carob tree. He asked him how long until it bears fruit. The man responded 70 years. He asked, “Do you think you’ll live for another 70 years?!” The man responded, “I came to a world with carob trees. Just as my ancestors planted for me, so too will I plant for my descendants.” Choni subsequently fell into a sleep for 70 years. He awoke to seeing the man’s grandson picking fruit from that same tree.

On a practical note, carobs no doubt have always been a popular Tu B’Shvat fruit because they store very well – albeit in a dried-out, very-hard-to-chew state. Thus, even in past generations they were easily available even Tu B'Shvat time, when many fruits are not. (I believe they are actually in season in fresher (but still rather hard) state in the late spring.)

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Shevat 14

Burial in Israel

I see that many people fly a body to be buried in Israel. Is there a special merit to be buried there? I heard someone suggest that my deceased father, who is buried in the U.S., will suffer when the Messiah comes because he is not buried in Israel. Is this true?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

It is considered a great merit to be buried in Israel. In fact, when burying outside of Israel, the custom is to sprinkle some dirt from Israel into the grave.

There is a concept in Judaism, that at the time of the Messiah, all the dead will be resurrected. We also know that at the time of the Messiah, all the Jews will return to Israel. So what will happen? Those buried outside of Israel will "roll" through underground tunnels, and be resurrected in Israel. Apparently traveling through these tunnels will cause some distress.

It is for this reason that Jacob requested to be buried in Israel, and why many other Jews over the centuries have followed suit. (see Rashi – Genesis 47:29)

Nevertheless, there are many great Jews buried outside of Israel, who will have to make this journey. In fact, the Talmud asks: If God did not permit Moses to enter the Land of Israel, why did God go further and insist that Moses also be buried outside the land?

The Midrash (Devarim Raba 11:9) says that Moses was buried outside of Israel, so that at the time of the Messiah, Moses will serve as a merit to make things easier for everyone else who is buried outside the land. Similarly, this is why the prophet Ezekiel was buried in Babylon, and Mordechai from the Purim story was buried in Persia. (see "Sifsei Kohanim")

Interestingly, the Jewish custom is not to reinter a grave after a person has been buried. There a are a few exceptions, however, one of them being the transfer of remains to Israel. In particular, I know of many people who have made aliyah to Israel, and then later reentered the graves of parents and grandparents to Israel – sort of a “posthumous aliyah.”

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Shevat 15

Birthdays

In my social circle, everyone makes a really big deal about birthdays. I’ve got a birthday coming up and I was wondering: Is there any Jewish source that gives insight into the significance of birthdays?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Ironically, the one birthday mentioned in the Torah is that of Pharaoh (Genesis 40:20-22). In celebration, Pharaoh made a feast for all his servants. He also made an accounting of all his servants, and rewarded and punished them according to his estimation. It was then that Pharaoh took the Butler out of jail, and executed the Baker.

From these few lines in the Torah, we see that Pharaoh treated his birthday like a Day of Judgment. We find a similar concept in that the Jewish Day of Judgment – Rosh Hashanah – is the birthday of mankind. Just as on Rosh Hashanah God judges all of mankind one by one, and decrees, rewards and punishes, so Pharaoh did with his subjects. And just as Rosh Hashanah is a celebration of God as King of the Universe, so did Pharaoh – who promoted himself as a deity – view his birthday as a celebration of Pharaoh, ruler over all.

Although the Torah gives this unusual example, we can deduce the proper way to celebrate one's birthday. A person should introspect, take stock of his life, identify personal strengths and weaknesses, and make a commitment to improve. Think about all the positive things that have happened to you in the last year. And think about what you would like to change in the year coming up.

But don't worry – a Jewish birthday can also be filled with fun and joy. Eat chocolate cake and ice cream. Invite your friends over and express how thankful you are for the many blessings in your life. Express gratitude to God for being alive and healthy, and to your parents. I always call my mother on my birthday and thank her for giving birth to me.

Happy birthday! And as we say in Judaism, may you live to 120 (the age that Moses attained).

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Shevat 16

Foul Language

I am always bothered when I hear Jews using foul speech, or when they use such pejoratives as “[theN-word].” It led me to wonder: Does the Torah actually forbid such behavior? I can’t really think of what verse or heading such behavior would go under – other than “es past nisht!”

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for your interesting question. The most explicit verse which comes to my mind is Leviticus 19:2: “You shall be holy unto the Lord your God.” It sounds very lofty and noble, but what does it actually mean to be “holy”?

Nachmanides, in his commentary to that verse, explains as follows. It’s quite possible for a person to meticulously observe every law of the Torah but to basically be a lowlife. A person can spend his life running after only kosher indulgences. He can likewise speak as coarsely as crudely as he pleases – provided he does not transgress any laws. Kosher gourmet food, fine wine and marital relations are all permitted – and even appropriate in the right degree. Yet clearly, if a person’s raison d'être is satisfying his passions, something fundamental is missing.

For this reason, explains Nachmanides, the Torah included the general injunction of being holy. It means as it sounds. Don’t just be prim. Don’t just be particular about the letter of the law, utterly ignoring its spirit and missing its point. To truly be a servant of God we must simply go beyond.

The purpose of the Torah is not that we fulfill a bunch of commandments. It is that we become greater, more ethical and more spiritual human beings. Overindulging in pleasures, using foul language, dressing provocatively may not transgress any specific law of the Torah (although they certainly might). But they are not what it’s all about. The Torah does not attempt to micromanage our every deed and waking moment. It gives us the basic laws. But the laws are not what Judaism is about. It’s about being a better person, about being “holy.” “Es past nisht” (Yiddish for “it is inappropriate”) goes a long way toward teaching us what God really wants of us.

A few technical points I should add. If you address a fellow Jew with a pejorative, it would transgress Leviticus 25:17: “You shall not aggrieve your fellow,” which although seemingly refers to monetary issues, is understood by the Sages to refer to verbal abuse (Talmud Baba Metziah 58b; see also Exodus 22:20). And lastly, if you refer to a class of Jews disparagingly, it is considered a form of gossip (lashon hara), as well as a denial of the fact that all human beings are created in the image of God (Pirkei Avot 3:18).

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Shevat 17

Men's and Women's Clothing

I was in a vintage clothing store and saw a great shirt that looked comfortable. I was about to buy it and the salesperson said, "Is this for you? You know, this is a woman's blouse." I was surprised, and then I thought about the appropriateness of me wearing women's clothes. What do you say, rabbi?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

"Beged isha" is the Torah prohibition of men wearing women's clothing or vice versa, as is written: "Male garb shall not be on a woman, and a man shall not wear a feminine garment" (Deut. 22:5).

The Sefer HaChinuch (#542) explains that the purpose of this mitzvah is to help maintain a separation between the sexes. If men and women were to wear each other's clothing, they would eventually become intermingled and would fall into licentiousness.

The precise parameters of what constitutes "men's and women's clothing" depends on a given society's norms. For example, in Scotland it would be permitted for a man to wear a kilt (skirt), but not in other places. Earrings are another possible example. Years ago, before they became popular with men, it was forbidden for a man to wear one; today that might be changing.

This realm of Jewish law extends beyond clothing to other activities, such as dyeing one's hair to remove the gray. Again, it depends on local custom: If it is acceptable for men to do such a thing, then it is not considered a women-specific activity.

Further, it would be permitted for a man to wear one item of women's clothing for some functional reason -- e.g. he is stuck in the pouring rain and only has a woman's raincoat.

If you have a specific question, please write back.

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Shevat 18

Levels of Giving

I once heard a concept that a person should study the Torah laws even as they relate to performing acts of kindness, because there is always a better, more effective way of doing kindness, according to our Jewish tradition. When it comes to giving charity, can you provide some guidelines?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You are correct about there being better ways to do this. The Code of Jewish Law (following Maimonides' Laws of Gifts to the Poor 10:7-14) describes eight different levels of charity:

1) The highest category is someone who strengthens a fellow Jew in need by a gift, loan, or offer of partnership or employment.

From here comes the Jewish concept of a free loan fund, called a Gemach. If you help someone start a business, he can feed himself and 10 other people besides. As the old saying goes: Rather than give him fish to eat, teach him to be a fisherman.

Actually there's even one higher level of tzedakah: being sensitive to someone before he's in trouble. As the Sages explain: It takes one person to support something before it falls, but after it falls, even five people may not be able to lift it. (see Rashi, Leviticus 25:35)

What if you offer someone a job and he's too lazy to work? Then you don't have to give him anything. The Talmud says: If he doesn't care about himself, then you're not required to care about him, either.

2) The second-highest category is when the donor does not know the identity of the recipient, nor does the recipient know the identity of the donor. This saves the recipient embarrassment. It also means that the giving is more altruistic, since there is no possibility of being honored for the donation. Many people fulfill this by contributing to a charity fund.

3) The next lower category is a donor who knows the recipient, though the recipient does not know the donor. For example, great Sages used to secretly deposit money at the doorsteps of poor people.

4) The next category is when the recipient knows who the donor is, but the donor does not know who the recipient is. For example, some Sages used to wrap money in a small package and toss it behind them. The poor who came to collect the money were spared any shame.

5) The next category is one who gives to a poor person before he asks.

6) The next lower category is one who gives to a poor person after he asks.

7) The next category is one who gives an amount less than appropriate, but in a pleasant and cheerful manner.

8) The lowest category is one who gives ungraciously.

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Shevat 19

Chosen People Racist?

What’s behind the whole concept of the Jews as the Chosen People? Isn’t this idea racist?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

All human beings are God's people, as it says that Adam and Eve were created in the image of God. Further, the great prophet Malachi said, "Have we not all one father? Has not one God created us?" (Malachi 2:10) The Talmud likewise points out that one reason the entire human race descends from a single set of parents, Adam and Eve, is so that no one would be able to claim his ancestors are greater than his fellow's (Sanhedrin 37a). Judaism does not believe there is an inherently superior race of human beings.

Historically, however, the world slipped away from its relationship with God, and eventually the entire world was worshipping idols. Approximately 4,000 years ago, Abraham re-discovered the one God, and chose to accept the challenge of spreading the ideas of monotheism and morality to the world. Through his dedication and willingness to give up everything for God, he was chosen – and his descendants after him – to become the guardians of God’s message.

In other words, Abraham chose God, and thus God chose Abraham.

Abraham then passed this responsibility to his sons Isaac and Jacob. That mission was formalized 3,300 years ago at Mount Sinai, when God put these ideas into a written form (the Torah).

Till today, the Jewish mission is to be a "light unto the nations," to go out and teach what it means to be "created in the image of God." Abraham demonstrated how a human being has to take responsibility for the world. Abraham's undertaking was the first progressive, liberal movement the world had ever seen. And how it succeeded!

Yet Judaism is not exclusionary. The Torah presents seven mitzvot for non-Jews to observe. These seven laws are the pillars of human civilization, and are named the "Seven Laws of Noah," since all humans are descended from Noah. Maimonides explains that any human being who faithfully observes these laws earns a proper place in heaven. So you see, the Torah is for all humanity, no conversion necessary.

As explained in the Talmud (Sanhedrin 58b), they are:

1) Do not murder.

2) Do not steal.

3) Do not worship false gods.

4) Do not be sexually immoral.

5) Do not eat the limb of an animal before it is killed.

6) Do not curse God.

7) Set up courts and bring offenders to justice.

Furthermore, in God's great kindness, he opened the door for every human to potentially become part of the Jewish people. Anyone who is sincere can accept upon himself to keep all the commandments and convert to Judaism in the proper way. Once he converts, he then becomes a Jew in every regard and his relationship with God is the same level as that of every other Jew. Most Jewish communities today have a spectacular ethnic mix, many converts among them.

So, no, Judaism is not racist.

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Shevat 20

Finite Praise of God?

I am so grateful to God for all He has done for me. I try to verbally acknowledge this several times a day. But sometimes I feel that my words are inadequate. Any suggestions?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You have touched upon a deep spiritual truth.

The Talmud tells about a rabbi who stood up and praised God very extensively, and then finally sat down. At which point the others turned to him and said, "Is that all? You praised God -- whose praise is infinite -- in a finite way!" In other words, one can never say enough about God!

Approximately 2,000 years ago, the Sages formulated a standard text of prayer and blessings. By following this text, we are "praising God" in a way considered a proper format, and not an "improper finite" praise. If you aren't already doing so, you could add the Amidah prayer three times daily, and blessings over food, etc. There are some essays covering these topics at: http://www.jewishpathways.com/daily-living

If you want to continue to praise God in your own words, I suggest adding something to the effect of, "But His praise is truly infinite."

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Shevat 21

Feminism

I grew up in the era of feminism, and while I am thrilled at the vistas of opportunity it opened up for me and so many others, I have grown somewhat disenchanted after having seen so much negative fall-out: the rise in media exploitation of women, and the break-down of the American family. What does traditional Judaism say about this trade-off?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Tziporah Heller, a popular Torah teacher in Jerusalem, writes:

The feminist movement stemmed from women feeling disempowered. Men clearly controlled (and still control) the reins of power in the political, financial and judicial spheres, which determine most of the obvious facets of personal and societal existence. Thus, a primary goal of the women's movement has been to demand a share in this power through equal pay and equal employment opportunities.

Power, in essence, is the ability to effect change. If women have financial clout or high political or business positions, it is thought, then they too can determine the changes that will affect their lives and the lives of others.

But the feminist movement has failed to recognize another, more subtle form of power: internal power -- the ability to affect other people's ethics and values. While external power may procure a high corporate position, internal power will determine whether that corporate executive will be honest or embezzle.

Women's quest for external power has left a frightening vacuum in Western society in the area of moral training, where women formerly held sway. Rampant crime, child abuse, kidnapping, and the dramatic rise in violence against women are symptoms of a society gone amok, where many people have no concept of right and wrong, of honesty, fairness, compassion or self-control.

Today's internal decadence is eroding the quality of life in America as fast as external political and technological advances are improving it.

Clearly, the lot of women cannot be improved by political and financial progress if the inner dimension of society -- its morals and compassion -- is neglected by the very people who have traditionally been its custodians: women.

A typical male analysis of such societal problems customarily blames them on external factors, e.g., low income families in impoverished neighborhoods inevitably leads to a high rate of violent crime, substance abuse, etc.

If this were true, then Jerusalem's religious neighborhood of Mea Shearim, which has one of the highest poverty rates in Israel and where families typically number seven to ten children in a three-room flat, should be a hotbed of violent crime. Instead, Mea Shearim has virtually no violent crime and very little substance abuse, this despite the total absence of policemen on its streets.

A materialistic society, one which recognizes only that which can be counted and measured (income, titles, degrees, etc.), is bound to discount the imponderables such as compassion, courage, and selflessness, which ultimately determine the fiber of its citizens.

Ultimately, the people who have had the most significant effect on who you are today are not the President of the United States and the Chief Executive Officer of Bank of America, but your parents, teachers, and childhood role models -- the people who influenced your internal development. The wielding of internal power, while rarely accompanied by impressive titles or salaries, has a deeper, longer-lasting effect than the external power maneuvers of those who dominate the nightly news.

Women are the most proficient wielders of internal power because of their preponderance of insight, the intellectual vehicle of entering the very heart, mind, and soul of the other person. Insight accounts for mothers usually being able to understand the differences in their children more readily than fathers; for women historically being the pioneers in establishing orphanages, mental hospitals, and homes for the developmentally challenged; and for the no doubt accurate feminist claim that if women ran the world there would be fewer wars. The ability to view events in terms of their human cost rather than their political ramifications derives from insight.

The Bible is full of accounts of great women whose exercise of internal power had decisive effects on Jewish history.

Sarah understood the negative moral impact of Ishmael's example on Isaac. She insisted that he be sent out of the household, which Abraham could not bring himself to do until God emphatically told him, "In all that Sarah says to you, hearken unto her voice." Commentaries on this verse state that Sarah was a greater prophet than Abraham, for she could see the long-range moral corruption that could jeopardize future generations of the Jewish people through exposure to a violent and ruthless example at a formative stage.

The sages of the Talmud (that portion of Jewish law that was originally oral but is now written) credited the redemption from Egypt to the merit of the "righteous women," who, against the judgment of their husbands, saw that they must continue to procreate despite Pharaoh's death sentence on all Jewish male babies. In all these delicate situations, the women's ability to perceive the reality of a person or situation determined the course of Jewish history.

Thus, defined Judaically, the issue is not whether women should or should not have power, but rather on the kind of power on which they should concentrate, both for their individual development as well as for the good of the whole society.

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Shevat 22

Three Angels

The Torah recounts that three angels appeared to Abraham (Genesis 18:2). Later, only two angels go down to Sodom. What happened to the third angel? And what is the significance of three versus two?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Although the Torah does not mention the names of the angels that went to visit Abraham, the Talmud tells us they were Raphael, Michael and Gabriel. (Bava Metzia 86b)

Throughout most of their interaction, the Torah does not refer to them on an individual basis, but rather as a group, as it is written, "[Abraham] stood over THEM beneath the tree and THEY ate. [Afterwards,] THEY said to him..." (Genesis 18:8-9)

There are, however, instances in which the angels act as individuals. For example, only the angel Michael told Sarah that she was going to have a baby (Genesis 18:10). In Sodom, only the angel Raphael told Lot to flee from the city (Genesis 19:17). Similarly, it was only the angel Gabriel that informed Lot that the city was going to be destroyed.

From these verses, we can derive that an angel can only perform one mission: Gabriel's mission was to destroy Sodom; Michael's mission was to inform Sarah that she would give birth in a year's time; Raphael's mission was to heal Abraham and save Lot. (Although Raphael's mission included two tasks, they were considered a single mission since they were both acts that saved people). (Talmud - Bava Metzia 86b, Rashi - Genesis 18:2 and 19:16)

This now helps us understand your question: Why did three angels come to Abraham, but only two go to Lot?

The answer is that since Michael's sole mission was to tell Sarah she would become pregnant, he had no business in Sodom. Therefore, upon leaving Abraham's tent he went back to his post at God's Holy Throne. But Gabriel, who was left with his task of destroying Sodom, and Raphael, who was commanded to save Lot, had not yet finished their tasks, and continued to Sodom. (Rashi - Genesis 19:1 and 9:16)

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Shevat 23

Electric Shavers

I am becoming more observant and am now ready to “tackle” the mitzvah of not shaving the beard with a razor. Can you give me some guidelines for how this works, and what my options are?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The prohibition against shaving with a razor comes from the Torah, "You shall not round the corners of your head, and do not destroy the corners of your beard" (Leviticus 19:27).

The Talmud (Makkot 20a) says there are five "corners" of the beard – the upper and lower part of each cheek, and the chin where both cheeks come together (Rashi). Being that there are various opinions as to the exact place of these corners, it is not permissible to shave any part of the beard with a razor. (Rema – Y.D. 181:11)

Even shaving off one hair would be a violation of Torah law.

One may also not shave the neck with a razor. However, one may use a razor on the back of the neck. Further, it is permitted to shave the mustache with a razor, as it is not a "corner." (There are some authorities, however, that forbid using a razor on any part of the body.)

This mitzvah only applies to men. Women, even if they have facial hair, are allowed to shave.

From the word "destroy" in the verse, the Sages understood that the prohibition of shaving only includes something that "destroys," i.e. a razor that levels the hair until the skin. Rabbi Moshe Heinemann of the Star-K explains that the hair shaft grows under the skin as well as above the skin. When one shaves with a razor, the skin is pulled taut actually exposing the hair growing below the skin. The razor runs against the hair grain in the opposite direction of the pulled skin lopping off the exposed hair. When the taut skin relaxes, the hair is actually cut below the skin. That is the definition of “destroying the beard” which is forbidden by the Torah.

It is permitted to remove facial hair with scissors, which generally do not have the ability to cut the hair close to the skin.

Prior to the advent of electric shavers, the most practical method of kosher beard removal was the use of a depilatory – a shaving powder or cream.

Early-generation electric shavers consisted of a vibrating head and screen. The beard passed between the cutting edges of the screen and the vibrating head, and was cut off in a scissor-like cutting fashion. The shave was closer than manual scissors since the shaver cut the beard close to the skin, yet it never effectively gave a smooth shave because they were not as powerful as they are today.

As shavers got more sophisticated, some models with stronger motors made the head vibrate faster and cut the beard closer. The “lift-and-cut” shaving systems that evolved claimed to shave as close as a razor. As the skin was held taut, the shaver alleged to cut the beard below the skin like a razor.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein permitted electric shavers, with the exception of shavers that use blades that are too sharp. Today, according to many rabbis, most electric shavers utilize sharper blades than in the past and are thus problematic.

How close is "too close"? Rabbi Ivon Binstock of the London Bet Din is quoted as giving the following test: If one spreads powder on his palm, and the powder is scraped off in the process of "shaving," then it is not permitted for shaving the beard.

According to many opinions, the only widely available shaver that is permitted is the Norelco Lift & Cut model – but only after making it "kosher" by removing the lifts. A website called koshershaver.org provides instructions for how to remove the "lifts" without damaging or decreasing the shaver's effectiveness. Or you can mail them the 3 "heads" (i.e. combination of the 3 blades together with the 3 combs), and KosherShaver will mail back the modified shaver heads – as a free public service.

[Additionally, because the verse says, "You shall not round off the corners of your head," the sideburns should not be plucked or shaved even with a permissible electric shaver. The sideburns are defined as extending to underneath the cheekbone opposite the nose, about the mid-point of the ear.]

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Shevat 24

Jewish Values vs. Other Faiths

I am struggling with the sense that on one hand I want to instill Jewish beliefs in my children, but on the other hand I feel this would be diminishing the value of other faiths. I feel that love, harmony and happiness are the most important values, and that we need to be accepting of everyone's beliefs. People are different, so isn't truth relative for each individual?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

This is an important question, one that I think goes to the heart of today's society.

If you think about it, you'll realize that "truth" cannot simply be everything that everyone wants.

Consider the father of Protestantism, Martin Luther, who said, "The Jews are our misfortune," and fomented a hatred that later helped the Nazis generate anti-Semitism among the masses. Are you unwilling to diminish the value of this "father of a major religion" in the eyes of your children?

What about the jihadists who blow up planes, trains and buildings - all in the name of religion?

Hitler wrote in "Mein Kampf:" "I believe today that my conduct is in accordance of the will of the Almighty creator. In standing guard against the Jew, I am defending the handiwork of the Lord."

Do you agree with Hitler or not? Cannot you say unequivocally that he was wrong?

Reality is what is. You have to decide if you want to teach your children truth, or if you want to immobilize them with cushy phrases of political correctness.

This does not condone any disrespect toward other people. We teach that all human beings are inestimably valuable and deserve to be loved and respected. But we do not teach that all beliefs have equal value. We are firm in the perception of reality as defined by the Torah. It has served our people well over the generations, all the way back to the momentous event at Mount Sinai which changed the face of human history forever.

For more on this, read: www.aish.com/sp/ph/48959701.html

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Shevat 25

Welcoming Guests

I'm a recent convert to Judaism, and one of the things that impresses me the most about the Jewish community is the way people have so generously opened their homes to me as a guest for Shabbat and holiday meals. Where does this idea stem from?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Hachnasat Orchim, welcoming guests, is one of the key ways of "emulating God." In describing the mitzvah to walk in God's ways, the Talmud says: "Just as He is merciful, so you be merciful. Just as He is kind, so you be kind." One example of God's kindness includes feeding the hungry, as God did by providing the manna bread to the Jews wandering in the desert (Exodus 16:4).

Abraham emulated God by performing endless acts of kindness. In Genesis (Chapter 18), we find God talking to Abraham. When Abraham sees three strangers approaching from afar, he suddenly jumps up to offer them food and drink. Abraham treats the guests royally and serves the finest foods, and involves his whole family in the mitzvah.

On what basis did Abraham prioritize the helping of strangers over talking with God?!

The answer is that even greater than talking to God, is to be like God. God is a giver. We are created in the image of God; thus giving is our greatest form of spiritual expression. Abraham achieved great spiritual levels because he emulated God by welcoming guests into his home.

Hachnasat Orchim is one of the mitzvot described in the Talmud (Shabbat 127a), for which we receive the rewards both in this world and in the world to come.

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Shevat 26

Tattoo: Burial in Jewish Cemetery?

I have a tattoo from my younger days, which I now very much regret. I am debating whether to undergo laser removal surgery, and one of my considerations is whether the tattoo will prevent me from (eventually) being buried in a Jewish cemetery. Any thoughts?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Although it is forbidden for a Jew to get a tattoo (see Leviticus 19:27), there is no truth to the idea that he is then unable to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Clearly, a Holocaust survivor with a number tattooed on his arm may be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Whenever someone makes such a claim, ask them for a source. That usually ends the conversation.

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Shevat 27

Kosher Travel

I travel a lot for business to small towns. I usually stay at a hotel that does not have a kitchen, so I am unable to prepare my own food. Also, these hotel rooms usually don't have a refrigerator, so I can't get kosher food from the store to keep and eat there. As for kosher restaurants – forget about it!

In fact, right now I’m in Butte, Montana. I don't think there are more than 10 Jews in the entire state, which must be close to 20 times the size of Israel. I don't know what to do and I'm starving! Maybe I'm missing something obvious since I am new to this. Do you have any advice?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

In general, eating kosher on the road may be easier than you think. Since so many national products have rabbinic supervision, most local grocery stores carry a large percentage of kosher products, even though there are no Jews within hundreds of miles.

In general, the key to kosher travel is easy-to-use, non-perishable food like peanut butter, tuna fish and salami. There are also dry kosher soup mixes that come in a Styrofoam cup – just add hot water. Also, matzah is a good substitute for bread, because it doesn't spoil.

To balance your diet, you can go into any store and buy an unlimited amount of fruits, vegetables, raw nuts and berries. Just be aware that some of the leafy vegetables – like lettuce, cauliflower, broccoli, etc. – need to be thoroughly rinsed and checked for bugs, which of course are not kosher! Most stores sell bags of fresh salad, which come with a kosher symbol to tell you they've been thoroughly washed to remove any bugs.

For cooked food, a good option is to bring a small heating element and a pot, which would enable you to cook vegetable soup, rice, or eggs – all of which are readily available in Anywhere, USA. By carrying a few utensils and plastic dishes, an electric skillet and a West Bend "Hot Pot" (a 2-quart electric pot with a temperature control), one can cook almost anything in a regular hotel room. For example, a packet of pilaf cooks up just fine in the "Hot Pot" if foil is used to seal the top. Break an egg on top the last few moments of cooking and enjoy a raw carrot, and you've got a complete meal.

Alternatively, before you leave home, pack-and-freeze your own meals. Transport them frozen in your suitcase (the altitude keeps things cold in the luggage compartment of a plane), and then stick them in your hotel fridge when you arrive. Travel guides can direct you to hotels which have rooms with kitchenettes. And if you’re traveling by car during the winter, your car's trunk makes a good freezer for prepared foods, cold cuts, etc.

A company called La Briute makes kosher self-heating meals, using a special "flameless" food heater. When the enclosed salt water packet is opened and poured onto the heating element, it produces real heat and steam right inside the box, creating a hot meal in just minutes. Also, there are many companies who allow you to order scrumptious meals, which are delivered overnight to any location.

There are many kosher Jews traveling the countryside – and no one has starved to death! It absolutely can be done. It just takes planning. I recommend using the wonderful online resource www.kosherquest.org.

Good luck, and remember that even if things get difficult, one mitzvah performed under challenging conditions is worth 100 regular mitzvahs!

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Shevat 28

Down-to-Earth Spirituality

I am perplexed about a certain juxtaposition in the Torah. Parshas Yisro describes the dramatic revelation of God to the Jewish People at Mount Sinai. And then the next parsha, Mishpatim, lists mundane laws regarding personal injury, property damage, returning lost objects, etc.

After the spiritual high of Mount Sinai, why would God "bring us down" (so to speak) with all these minute details of daily life?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Actually, they're two sides of the same coin. The spiritual high of Sinai may be nice, but it doesn't solve one problem of the world in which we live. Spirituality is not achieved solely by meditating on a mountaintop or in an out-of-the-way monastery. Jewish spirituality comes through grappling with the mundane world in a way that uplifts and elevates. That's why yeshivas are always located in the center of town, amidst the bustle of commercial activity. Jews don't retreat from life, we elevate it. On Friday night, we raise the cup of wine and use it -- not to get drunk -- but to make Kiddush and sanctify the Sabbath day. Spirituality, says Judaism, is to be found in the kitchen, the office, and yes, even in the bedroom.

So if that's true, why did we need Mount Sinai in the first place? Because a powerful spiritual experience is what jump-starts our engines. We've all had such a moment of insight -- whether at a Discovery Seminar or standing atop Masada. But that feeling only lasts a short time. So the Torah tells us that when we have a moment of insight, we need to concretize it. The spiritual insight must take root in the reality of our physical world. The lofty level of yesterday is no guarantee we'll retain that level tomorrow. It is only through the laws of daily life that we can hope to transform ourselves and our world.

Maimonides explains this metaphorically as follows: Imagine that you're lost at night, trudging through a terrible rain storm. You are knee-deep in mud. And then suddenly a single flash of lightning appears, illuminating the road ahead. It is the only light you may see for miles. It is that single flash, says Maimonides, that must guide you on through the night. So too, one burst of inspiration may have to last for years.

The Zohar explains that the ideals of Sinai must be internalized and absorbed into our very bones. Whenever we have a moment of insight and clarity, we must translate that energy into a concrete daily activity. The validity of any religious experience is whether the result is a better person. That, the Torah tells us, is how we bring the heights of Sinai... down to earth.

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Shevat 29

Halal Meat

I try to buy kosher meat, but it’s not so easily available in my area. There is, however, a Muslim population in my city. I know that they also have some form of religious supervision of meat. What is the difference between Halal meat and Kosher meat?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

This is not “Ask the Mufti,” but Halal meat is ritually slaughtered according to the customs of the Muslims. It is not kosher, however, since there are a number of additional regulations for meat to be kosher – including the removal of the blood and certain veins and fats. All these are described in the Code of Jewish Law. A Jew may not eat Halal meat, though my understanding is that Muslims will eat kosher meat slaughtered by a Jew.

This reminds me of an interesting story that took place about 100 years ago in Israel. For their Halal meat, Arabs had come to rely on Sefardi Jewish butchers who had come from the neighboring countries of Yemen, Morocco, Syria, etc. But when Ashkenazi Jews starting arriving in large numbers from the European countries, the Arabs would not eat from their meat, since they did not believe these were "real Jews." Only when the Sefardi Jews testified on their behalf, would the Arabs then eat from Ashkenazi Jewish butchers.

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Shevat 30

Half-Shekel Equality

Before Purim, the rabbi put out a plate and told everyone to give a half-shekel (or its local equivalent). I understand this was done in the times of the Tempe to purchase public offerings. But what is its relevance today?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

When the Torah instructs every Jew to donate one Half-Shekel annually, the law is that everyone must give exactly the same amount. Nobody is allowed to give more than one Half-Shekel - even if they are wealthy and want to give more!

Why is it forbidden for anyone to give more?

The answer is that in God's grand plan, every Jew is equally valuable. If one person is born with physical strength and becomes a brick-layer, while another is born with a sharp mind and becomes a brain surgeon, each makes his own important contribution to society. Neither should feel any more or less valuable than the other. It is a mistake to think that being born with more talent somehow makes a person better. The Talmud says that the only thing we earn is our good name and character. Everything else is a gift. In the words of Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, true self-esteem comes from focusing on your spiritual growth, not on superficial signs of status. Because no one person's "package" is inherently better than another.

The story is told of the great Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (20th century Jerusalem), who asked his congregation to delay the evening prayers until the street sweeper arrived. Said Rabbi Auerbach: "This man is devoted and committed to his work, and takes pride in the contribution he makes to Jewish life. I wish I had such pure intentions in my own work!"

Yet we are still left with another question: Why does the Torah command everyone to give a Half-Shekel - why not a whole shekel?

The answer is that the Jewish people are an indivisible unit and we cannot achieve our goals without each other. The Kabbalists explain that just as 600,000 Jewish souls stood at Mount Sinai, so too there are 600,000 letters in the Torah (including the white spaces between letters). Because just as a Torah scroll is invalid if even a single letter is missing, so too the Jewish people are handicapped if even one Jew has fallen away from our people.

Every Jew is crucial, an indivisible part of the whole. This is why it is so important to reach out to fellow Jews who may be estranged from their heritage. We try to bring them back - not only for their own sake - but also for the sake of the Jewish nation which is suffering from their absence. In this way, the idea of the Half-Shekel is as relevant today as it was in the time of Moses!

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Adar I 1

Pisces the Fish

A recent Aish.com article mentioned the astrological sign Pisces the fish, saying that: "Pisceans tend to be on the spacey side, slightly out of touch with the physical world." This struck me as somewhat incongruous to Judaism. I realize you're not endorsing horoscopes, but where should we draw the line between legitimate mystical interpretation of "heavenly signs" and dabbling in pagan nonsense?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The line between "heavenly signs" and "pagan nonsense" is quite clear. We cannot indulge in superstition, chance, luck, horoscopes, etc. (Maimonides - Ta'anit 1:3, Avoda Zara 6:1-2 and 11:4-16)

Although a person is born under an astrological influence, the Jewish approach is not to put much stock in astrology. That's because the Talmud states: "ain mazal l'Yisrael" - by elevating oneself spiritually, a Jew can literally change their human nature, and thus are able to override their original astrological pattern.

And yet, the spacey nature of fish is mentioned in the Midrash ("Sifri D'Agadeta" Esther 3). - that Adar being represented with fish,

When Haman drew lots to determine decree the best time to destroy the Jews, he was happy that it fell in the month of Adar (Pisces). He reasoned that when pursuing food, fish are oblivious to dangers. Thus Haman assumed he could kill the Jews without resistance.

However, this is a double-edged sword. Either the fish becomes prey, or it takes others prey. They have a tendency for comeback victories. Esther and Mordechai were oblivious to the dangers of entering the King's palace without invitation, and thus the Jews were saved. The very astrological nature that Haman assumed would bring about the Jews' destruction is what saved them. For example, the gallows prepared by Haman became the tool of his demise. It was a complete turn-around: "VeNohapoch Hu" (Esther 9:1).