Ask the Rabbi

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Tammuz 5

Eternal Nation

I have been reading a lot lately about the possibility that the Jewish people as they have been known for the past 3,000 years will not be the same, because of so many Jews intermarrying and not identifying with Judaism anymore. This thought is scary to a 14-year-old. So I am wondering – do you think the Jewish people are going to gradually melt down to a non-existent group?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You are a very special person to be worried about the future of the Jewish people. I am also worried. When a Jew drifts away from Judaism, it is both a tragedy for the individual involved, and also a tragedy for the Jewish nation which loses that precious energy. The primary purpose of Aish.com is to help counteract this trend.

That relates to individuals. But I'm not worried that there won't be any Jewish people anymore, because God promises that the Jewish people will be eternal. As God told Abraham: "And I will establish My covenant between Me and you, and your descendants after you throughout their generations, an eternal covenant, to be your God and the God of the descendants after you." (Genesis 17:7)

The phenomenon of Jewish survival is truly remarkable, and defies all sociological norms. The story is told of King Louis XIV asking the philosopher Pascal for some proof of a supernatural force in the world. Pascal answered, "The Jews, your majesty. The Jews."

The great civilizations throughout history – the Greeks, Persians, Babylonians and Romans – all exist today as only an archaeological relic. Yet the Jewish people – even in the face of incredible persecution, and exile to four corners of the world – thrive and flourish to this day.

What is the secret of Jewish survival?

Tolstoy wrote: "The Jew is the emblem of eternity. He whom neither slaughter nor torture of thousands of years could destroy. He whom neither fire nor sword nor inquisition was able to wipe off the face of the earth. He who was the first to produce the oracles of God. He who has been for so long the guardian of prophecy, and who transmitted it to the rest of the world – such a nation cannot be destroyed. The Jew is as everlasting as is eternity itself."

When God makes a promise, He keeps it! As we say at the Passover Seder: "In every generation they rise up to destroy us – but the Holy One Blessed be He saves us from their hand."

On some level, every human being seeks immortality. Some try to achieve it by erecting tall buildings; others by setting athletic records. But when all is said and done, only the Jewish people are eternal. In the synagogue service, we cite the verse from Proverbs 3:18: Torah “is a tree of life for those who grasp it.” So keep focused on the Torah – and you and your grandchildren will enjoy being part of the Jewish future.

(Biblical references: Leviticus 26:44-45; Isaiah 54:10, 54:17, and 59:21; Jeremiah 5:18-19, 31:34-35, and 46:27-28; Malachi 3:6.)

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Tammuz 6

Visiting the Sick

I work near a hospital and on my lunch hour I have been volunteering to visit the Jewish patients. Are there any specific Jewish traditions regarding visiting the sick?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You are engaging in the mitzvah of "Bikur Cholim" (literally: "Visiting the Sick") which is a Jewish tradition dating back thousands of years.

The Talmud (Sotah 14a) relates that when God came to Abraham in Genesis 18:1, Abraham was recovering from the painful surgery of circumcision at age 99. We find that God does many things in the Torah through angels, but when it came to visiting the sick, no messenger would suffice. The Talmud explains: Just as God visits the sick, so too is it incumbent upon us to imitate God and visit the sick. (Maimonides - Avel 14:4-6; Shulchan Aruch - Y.D. 335)

Many Jewish communities have a Bikur Cholim Society, which insures that sick people are visited regularly, and that all their needs are attended to - e.g. food in the house, rides to the doctor, plus cheering up and companionship. Indeed, a person's psychological state in large part determines their recovery and state of health.

When a person is sick, they want compassion. They want people to be sensitive to their needs, and to help alleviate the discomfort - both physical and emotional. Just by being there, much good will be accomplished. You can spare someone from loneliness, or be there to listen to them take a burden off their chest. Or just chatting with them distracts them from their condition and lifts their spirit. The Talmud (Baba Metzia 30b) says that "He who visits a sick person takes away one-sixtieth of their illness." The idea is that your visit helps reduce/mitigate/lighten the sick person’s suffering.

At times, visiting the sick may even be a matter of life and death. By visiting a person who is ill, you might be able to advise him about a doctor he should consult, or obtain medication for him.

Part and parcel of this mitzvah is to pray for the sick person's recovery. When one visits the sick, one should pray that God should heal him (using the person's Hebrew name and mother's name), along with all the sick people (Code of Jewish Law - YD 335:5-6). It may only take the inspiration and heartfelt prayer of a close friend to tip the scales in favor of a speedy recovery. We should never underestimate the power of prayer.

It is also customary to say Psalm 121.

According to the Talmud, visits should not be made very early or late in the day, and one should not stay too long.

Can a person fulfill this mitzvah via telephone? According to most opinions, a phone call only suffices if there is no other option. However, if a person has the chance to pay a live visit, they may not discharge their obligation via telephone, since visiting allows one to help the patient in more practical ways and has inherent concrete value. (Igrot Moshe Y.D. 1:223; Yechaveh Da'at 3:83)

Even if one finds the patient asleep, the visitor is still in fulfillment of the mitzvah, as the patient will be informed about the visit after awakening, which will give them encouragement. (Derech Sichah, p. 66.)

Further, Rabbi Yisrael P. Feinhandler (Avnei Yashpe 1:230) observes that even if the patient is a baby and not aware of anything, the parents are aware, and certainly benefit tremendously from the support; thus the idea of bringing comfort is applicable, even if not directly to patient.

Unfortunately, many people reason that it's better not to visit the sick, because "maybe I will say something that will unintentionally hurt them, or make them feel bad just by the fact that I am healthy," and many other similar evasions. These justifications are poor excuses, perhaps because we prefer to live comfortably without confronting these issues. That may be one reason why God gave us this mitzvah - to help get us out of ourselves and feel the needs of others.

For more on how to fulfill this wonder mitzvah, see: http://www.heritage.org.il/innernet/archives/bikur.htm

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Tammuz 7

Vegetarianism

For the past few years, I have been eating meat only once a week. God made it possible for us to use animals, and I understand the essential use for leather shoes and vitamin B12 found in meat. But I do not believe we should use other creatures just for our pleasure. What does Judaism say about being a vegetarian, and is there any time that the Torah says we must eat meat?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Judaism permits the eating of meat, provided that proper intent and mindfulness are present: to elevate the Divine energy contained in meat to a higher human level; to use energy derived from eating to discharge spiritual and moral responsibilities; and to serve God through the pleasures of His world.

In Jewish consciousness, the highest level an animal can achieve is to be consumed by a human and used in the service of God. A chicken on a Shabbos table is a very lucky chicken! (see "Tanya" ch. 7)

Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook (purportedly a vegetarian) writes that man was granted dominion over animals in order to underscore our spiritual superiority and heightened moral obligations. Were man to accord animals the same rights as humans, then just as we don't expect high moral standards from animals, we would, tragically, lower our expectations of humans as well.

In the Temple times, it was necessary for the Kohanim (priests) and the owners of an offering to eat from its meat. For example, at the Passover Seder, each would Jew would eat a piece of roasted lamb (Korbon Pesach).

Nowadays, there is no commandment to eat meat. On Shabbat and Yom Tov, one should eat meat ("Code of Jewish Law" O.C. 250:2). However, if a person does not enjoy meat, he does not have to eat it even on Shabbat (O.C. 288:2).

For a thorough treatment of this topic, see www.aish.com/ci/s/48916842.html

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Tammuz 8

Torah versus Science

I don't understand all the fuss about certain school districts approving a mix of "evolution versus creation" in the classroom. I have undertaken extensive research of the natural world in light of the biblical account, and my conclusion is there need be no contradiction whatsoever. So what's the big fuss?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

To answer your question, I turned to Dr. Gerald Schroeder, a nuclear physicist who served on the staff of MIT and as a member of the U.S. Atomic Energy Commission, and who now lectures frequently at Aish Jerusalem. Here's what he said:

If I had to assign chief blame for the ongoing struggle between science and religion and the resulting erosion of biblical credibility, it would be to the leaders of organized religion. Since Nicolaus Copernicus had the audacity to suggest that the sun, not Earth, was the center of our solar system, their knee-jerk reaction to scientific discovery has been to deny its validity. Yet what does the position of the earth have to do with belief in a Creator of the universe or the validity of the Bible?! Nowhere does the text claim that Earth is central to anything. In fact, the very first sentence of the Bible – "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" (Genesis 1:1) – places the heavens before Earth. As scientific data demonstrating the sun's centrality accumulated, the Church was forced into embarrassed retreat. And today, the popular perception remains that science had proven the Bible wrong. Where in reality, the claim of Earth's centrality had nothing to do with the Bible.

Similarly, Kepler's discovery of the elliptical orbit of the planets did not sit well with the religious establishment. They said circles are perfect geometric shapes, ellipses are defective. And they said an infinitely powerful God would be expected to produce perfect orbits. Of course, the Bible doesn't teach that a circle is better than an ellipse! Yet the Church condemned Kepler's discovery.

Then Charles Darwin appeared on the scene. The thought that life in general (and humans in particular) had developed from lower life forms was simply unacceptable to the Church. The concept of evolution was condemned as heretical, notwithstanding the fact that Darwin in the closing lines of his book attributed the entire evolutionary flow of life to "its several powers having been originally breathed by the Creator in a few [life] forms or into one." Nonetheless, the gauntlet of heresy had been thrown down.

Judaism views this whole issue much differently.

The medieval philosopher Maimonides wrote that conflicts between science and the Bible arise from either a lack of scientific knowledge or a defective understanding of the Bible. Our Sages always viewed Torah knowledge in light of prevailing scientific theory. In fact, Jewish law states:

"Only wise and understanding men are to be appointed to the Sanhedrin. They must be experts in Torah law, with a wide breadth of knowledge. They must also know secular subjects like medicine, mathematics, astrology and astronomy." (Maimonides – Sanhedrin ch. 2)

So where does the problem lie? Often, acknowledged experts in science assume that although scientific research requires diligent intellectual effort, biblical wisdom can be attained through a simple reading of the Bible.

Yet such a strange and poetic text is not to be read literally. Two millennia ago, long before paleontologists discovered fossils of dinosaurs and cavemen, long before data from the Hubble and Keck telescopes hinted at a multibillion-year-old universe, the Talmud (Chagiga 12b) stated explicitly that the opening chapter of Genesis, all 31 verses, is presented in a manner that intentionally conceals information. Furthermore, Moses, on the day of his death, exhorted the people three times to read the Bible as a text having within it a subtext harboring multiple meanings (Deut. 31:19, 30; 32:44).

From a Jewish perspective, the conflict over teaching science in schools is ironic. Maimonides wrote that science is one of the primary paths to knowing God, and for that reason the Bible commences with a description of the Creation. Throughout the Bible, knowledge of God is compared with the wonders of nature, as stated so well in Psalms (19:2): "The heavens tell of God's glory, and the sky declares his handiwork."

The first step in a rapprochement between science and Bible is for each camp to understand the other. Distancing the Bible from a few misplaced theological shibboleths will do wonders in furthering this mutual understanding.

Arnold Penzias, who was awarded the Nobel Prize for his research on the Big Bang, once remarked: "What we see marking the flight of galaxies with our telescopes, Maimonides saw from his metaphysical view."

To learn more, read Dr. Schroeder's book, "The Science of God" (Free Press).

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Tammuz 9

Suffering of Children

I believe that God is just, yet I cannot reconcile this with the countless innocent children lost in the Holocaust. Did these children do terrible misdeeds? How can we justify God allowing this terrible suffering?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The idea that no one suffers unnecessarily is a fundamental concept in Judaism. The reasoning is as follows:

It is unthinkable to imagine that God would create a world and walk away from it, even momentarily. That would make God less responsible than His very own creations!

Therefore, it is a truism that God is very much involved in what happens in the world, and does not allow madmen to do as they please without license.

Your question is how to understand suffering in the lives of children. Since a child is not responsible for his actions until the age of 13, how can the child's suffering come as a result of their misdeeds?

One answer is that the misdeeds which brought about the suffering may not have been done by this particular soul in this lifetime, but rather in a previous lifetime.

Although the soul is in a child's body, the soul is actually much older than the body. When the child is born, it is for the purpose of refining and perfecting the soul which has been placed in this particular child's body.

Indeed, when the soul reaches perfection, the child may die, having fulfilled its mission in the world.

Another possible understanding of children's suffering is that God doesn't only deal with individuals, he also deals with nations.

For example, when God decided to destroy Sodom and Gomorra, Abraham asked God, "If I can find enough righteous people in Sodom and Gomorra, will you spare the cities?"

Apparently there were some righteous individuals, and although they were not the catalyst for the disaster, now that the disaster is going to happen, you need a tremendous amount of merit to be saved from it in a miraculous way. Because God deals both on a national and individual realm. And that complicates our understanding of the equation.

The bottom line is that it is very difficult for us to "judge" God, because we are stuck in time and space and thus limited in knowing which ground rules God is employing. When "bad" things happen, there are so many possibilities why. "Is this a challenge in life that was given to me so I could become an example to inspire others? Or is this to get me to fix a wrong I've done? Or is this due to historical/national forces that are affecting me as an individual?"

In Exodus 33:13, Moses asks God, "Make Your ways known to me." The commentators explain that there are "50 Gates of Wisdom," and Moses had reached the 49th Gate. This means that only one aspect of existence was still unknown to him. And which was that? The issue of "why bad things happen to good people."

God answered Moses: "No, you can never fully understand this. Perhaps in retrospect you can see how the pieces fit into this complex jigsaw puzzle. But in general, you ultimately are not to privy to the reason.

Still, God has a terrific track record, and we are certain that He knows what He's doing. That knowledge alone - that God has a reason - goes a long way in helping us cope with suffering.

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Tammuz 10

Grasshoppers

One of my co-workers brought a box of chocolate-covered grasshoppers to the office. Many people tried them, but since I keep kosher I begged off, saying that I was grossed out. Did I do the right thing?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You did the right thing not to eat the grasshoppers, because they most likely weren’t kosher.

Many are surprised to discover that four species of grasshoppers are kosher (Leviticus 11:22). However, all other insects are not kosher.

One might think that this has little practical application to our modern eating habits. But in truth, many leafy vegetables (lettuce, broccoli) often contain insects and must be carefully examined before they can be eaten.

Some fruits like raspberries and strawberries are also problematic. Rabbis have developed specific methods to properly check these fruits and vegetables for insects. For details, see OK_Veggie_Checking_Guide

One more point I’d like to add: The commentators say that when we are offered a non-kosher food, rather than decline by saying that we are “grossed out,” it’s actually better to say: “I’d really like that, but since I keep kosher I don’t eat that.” In this way, we communicate the ideals of holiness that the Torah instills, and this can serve as an inspiration to others.

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Tammuz 11

Soul for a Fetus?

Where in Torah is there a reference to the exact time when God places the soul into the human being? Do Jews believe that babies have souls before birth?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

This is a very deep subject. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 110b) mentions five possibilities of when the soul enters, apparently representing a continuum of deeper levels of the soul: at conception, at birth, at the circumcision (8th day), at the time he begins speaking, and when he responds to blessings with "amen."

According to the great kabbalist the Arizal (16th century Israel), the soul is actually formed during sexual contact - even if there is no baby born from the union. Furthermore, according to Arizal, in the Messianic era when the dead will be resurrected from their graves, everyone will find that they have many additional children, as the souls that they created during marital relations will come to life at that time.

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Tammuz 12

Goals & Destiny

I've been reaching a lot of articles on Aish.com and keep coming across concepts like goals, expectations, potential, effort and destiny. How do these ideas relate to each other, and how does each pertain to a Jew's life? I'm confused!

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

An excellent question, and I can understand your confusion.

Goals: What you want to accomplish.

Expectations: What you think you are capable of accomplishing.

Goals should be congruent with expectations in order to prevent frustration. In other words, goals have to be realistic. This includes not just what we know about ourselves but what we know about other people as well -- since they are often involved in the fulfillment of our own potential.

Potential: What you can become. Each person has to strive to be aware of his own potential and set his goals accordingly.

Effort is what we put forth to fulfill our goals. Prayer is one part of effort.

Destiny: What will happen to you. This is determined either as a result of the choices you make with your free will, or that which has been ordained in Heaven as your "lot." We are obligated to try to improve our lot whenever possible. Yet we may find that certain things are "ordained." Our job at that point is to accept what God has ordained for us. And that is perhaps the greatest challenge of all.

The best way to assess all these factors is to engage in a daily “Cheshbon” - a spiritual accounting. Just as any businessperson would take care to know where he is gaining and where is losing ground, so too we should treat our lives with the same degree of concern.

Read more about the idea of “Cheshbon” at: http://www.aish.com/h/hh/gar/48954726.html and http://www.aish.com/h/hh/gar/48955816.html

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Tammuz 13

Alien Creatures

Now that traces of water have been discovered on Mars, I tend to believe that life could exist on other planets. I assume that traditional Judaism doesn’t say anything about alien life in outer space. What’s your opinion?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Actually, the Torah addresses every aspect of reality, through all ages and times. You just have to know how to uncover the pearls of wisdom buried within.

The Sefer HaBrit writes that extraterrestrial creatures could exist, but they would not have free will.

This would basically reduce aliens to highly developed monkeys in space ships shooting laser guns. That also means that you would not include them in a minyan, since aliens will not be obligated to pray. Furthermore, as with all creatures, you will not be allowed to feed space aliens anything that Jews are forbidden to derive benefit from – e.g. milk cooked with meat, or chometz on Passover.

As for a source of extraterrestrial life, the simple reading of Psalms 145:13 – "Your kingdom is a kingdom spanning all olamim (worlds)" – might imply the existence of extraterrestrial life, since if there were no existence on these other worlds, what kind of kingdom would God have?! (Rabbi Chasdai Crescas, 14th century)

However, the word "olamim" has two meanings. Not only does it mean "worlds," but it also means "eternities." Thus the verse can be translated as "Your Kingdom is a kingdom spanning all eternities." This reading does not imply extraterrestrial life.

Whatever the case, may the Almighty grant you long life on Earth!

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Tammuz 14

What is Torah?

I hear people speak about "Torah study" and "the power of Torah," etc. But I'm not clear what exactly they are referring to with the term "Torah.” Is that more than the Five Books of Moses?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The word "Torah" literally translates as law or teaching.

Torah is the Five Books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. Each book is one-fifth of the Torah. In Hebrew, this is collectively called the Chumash (literally: fifth).

It is called the Five Books of Moses because G-d dictated the text to Moses, who then wrote it down. Moses also plays a central role in the Torah.

Sometimes you will see the Five Books referred to by the Greek word, Pentateuch, which means "Five Books." ("Pent" means five, and "teuch" means book.)

The second, more colloquial use of the term "Torah" includes the entire body of rabbinic literature - the Five Books of Moses, the Prophets and Writings, the Midrash, the Talmud (the compilation of rabbinic teachings explaining the biblical commandments), and even any teaching today based on these sources.

In this regard, Torah is the "constitution" of the Jewish people, covering the totality of law and lore, including lifecycle, business and medical ethics, holidays, family life, etc.

So when someone says, "I'm going to a Torah class," or shares a "Devar Torah" (word of Torah), it is usually meant in the broader sense, not the Five Books in particular.

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Tammuz 15

Validity of Oral Law: Tefillin Example

I am getting interested in Judaism – reading the Bible, and trying to practice its many laws. But I am having a hard time accepting the Talmud and all its laws. Isn't it enough just to do what's written in the Bible?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for writing. This issue has bothered people throughout the ages, and in fact many break-away Jewish groups (Karites, Sadducees, and even the Christians) did so over this very point.

But it is a huge mistake.

Many of the mitzvahs which form the foundation of Jewish life are scarcely mentioned in the Written Torah – and with no explanation of their details. What's more, violating one of the precepts may even carry a penalty of death! Were it not for the Oral Torah, we would be left clueless as to how to observe these mitzvahs.

Let's look at one example: The mitzvah of Tefillin.

What are Tefillin! Are they Totafot? Are they Frontlets? Are they Phylacteries?

What color are they? What size? Shape? What about the straps? How many compartments? What parchments go inside? How should they be worn? Who should wear them? When?

What does the Torah say?

"And you shall tell your son on that day, saying, "It is because of that which God did for me when I left Egypt." And it shall be for you a sign on your hand, and a reminder between your eyes – so that God's Torah may be in your mouth. For with a strong hand God brought you out of Egypt..." (Exodus 13:8-9,16)

As Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan describes in his book, "Tefillin" (NCSY 1973):

"There is no description of Tefillin (in the Torah), nor any hints as to how they must be made. The Torah merely outlines their contents and tells us nothing more. It is most important to realize that God gave us the Torah in two parts. There is the Written Torah, which we keep in the ark. However, there is also the Unwritten or Oral Torah, consisting of the oral tradition handed down from Sinai. The Torah was not meant to be a mere book, lying on the shelf. It was meant to be part of the everyday life of the entire people. As such, it could only be transmitted by word of mouth. The Oral Torah was handed down from teacher to disciple for almost 1,500 years, until the harsh Roman persecutions finally threatened to extinguish it completely.

Finally, some 1,700 years ago, it was written down to form the Talmud. The Talmud itself cites Tefillin as a prime example of a case where the full description of the commandment is found only in the Oral Torah. If you think about it, you will realize that it was not necessary to write a description of Tefillin in the Torah. One need simply look at an older pair. Tefillin were worn by virtually every adult male throughout Jewish history, and they themselves provided as permanent a record as any book."

My advice is to find a rabbi who can study with you some sections of Talmud, to get you familiar with its value and see how it interfaces with the written Bible. This will unquestionably help clarify the Jewish methods of observance.

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Tammuz 16

Defining the Moment of Death

It is my understanding that in order for someone to be a candidate to donate their organs, they need to be declared "brain dead" by two to three physicians, one of whom, I believe, must be a neurologist. Only after several EEG's, will the person be considered "brain dead." Also, even if the person has a donor card in their wallet or if it is stamped on their driver's license, the doctors still require consent from the next of kin.

Twelve people die each day while awaiting a lifesaving organ transplant. On December 21, 1998, my husband Michael was one of them. He died awaiting a liver transplant to replace the one that was ravaged by Hepatitis C. He was diagnosed six years earlier when we volunteered to be tested as bone marrow donors for a child in our community with Leukemia. Each year, thousands of people die, primarily because fearful potential donors don't take that step, to do a mitzvah to save a life. Our Sages teach that "He who saves one life, saves the entire world." I believe that God wants us to be lifesavers; to be His hands, eyes and hearts here on Earth.

I have spoken with donor families who tell me that in the donation of their loved ones' organs, they experience a sense of healing that far surpasses what they would have otherwise. It is of great comfort to know that a part of someone they treasure, lives and loves on in someone else.

What is the halachic (Jewish legal) definition of death? All of the organs have a time limit for safe and effective use, but what does Halachic law say about use of 'extraordinary measures' to maintain life for life's sake? For example, if there is no chance for recovery (end-stage cancer) and a ventilator or feeding tube serves only to prolong someone's death?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for sharing your powerful personal story. I understand that in cases such as heart transplants, the organ has to be so fresh that doctors will remove it before the patient is dead according to the Jewish definition (at least), which under Jewish law is unfortunately classified as murder.

The halachic definition of death, for transplant purposes, is when the person shows no signs of life whatsoever. Maimonides (Avel 4:5) writes: “A person near death (gosses) is considered to be alive in every respect... Whoever touches him [thereby hastening his natural death] is a murderer... Whoever closes his eyes as he dies is a murderer. [Rather,] one should wait a short while, as perhaps he is in a swoon.” It is customary to wait 20 minutes before the body is touched or moved. ("Minchat Yitzchak" by Rabbi Y. Weiss 5:7; "Igrot Moshe" by Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, Y.D. 2:174; "Gesher HaChaim” I)

Igrot Moshe maintains that it is a mitzvah to save a person that is at present in need of a transplant to save his life, assuming that the organ is removed only in post-mortem.

As to medical treatment for terminal patients, when there is pain and agony, and no quality of life, we are obligated to sustain them and relieve them of their pain through oxygen and other measures, but not to actively interfere with their death via aggressive life resuscitation (Igrot Moshe E.H. 4:73). There is also a concept of praying for a suffering terminally ill patient, that he should die quickly without suffering more (Ran Nedarim 40a). We cannot, however, play God, and discontinue life support on our own.

The Talmud (Yoma 85a) indicates that "life" is contingent on respiration. The case concerns a structure which has collapsed on the Sabbath, when construction work is completely prohibited. In this case, since someone trapped in the rubble may still be alive, Sabbath restrictions are pushed aside for the sake of saving a life. The debates how to determine whether the individual trapped in the rubble is alive or not: "How far does one search? Until [one reaches] his nose… as it says (Genesis 7:22): "In whose nostrils was the breath of life."

For more on defining the moment of death, see: www.jlaw.com/Articles/brain.html

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Tammuz 17

Acting in the Image of God

I often see a reference to people being “created in the image of God.” I think this is a beautiful way to treat others, but I don't always see people acting this way. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The verse in Genesis 1:27 primarily teaches that the human being – like God – has a degree of free will and independence.

But you are correct that the idea of “image of God” should spill over into our interpersonal relationships as well. We should treat others with kindness and respect because every human is created in the image of God. Irrespective of race, level of intelligence, or degree of physical fitness. In identifying the Godliness within each person, we not only honor the individual, but bring more of God's presence into the world as well.

Consider the following story, which occurred about 100 years ago in Europe:

One day, a man reported that a great rabbi was walking down the road, heading into town for an unexpected visit. This was truly a special occasion! Word spread quickly, and all the townspeople hurried to dress in their finest Shabbos clothes, in order to great the rabbi with great honor and respect.

Soon after, however, it was discovered that the original report was mistaken, and the man thought to be a great rabbi was in fact just an ordinary traveler. So all the townspeople went back to their activities, leaving the traveler to fend for himself. Except for one person. He went out to greet the stranger grandly, and invited him to be the guest of honor at a lavish meal.

The other townspeople saw this and inquired: "Why are you bothering – he's no great rabbi!" To which the man replied, "A human being is a human being. And we must honor him just the same."

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Tammuz 18

Peyos - Sidelocks

What is the meaning of the long curls worn by religious Jewish men?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah says, "You shall not round off the peyos of your head" (Leviticus 19:27). The word peyos refers to sideburns. The exact definition of sideburns refers to the hair in front of the ears that extends to underneath the cheekbone which is level with the nose (Talmud – Makkot 20a). The Talmud explains that this law only applies to men, not to women.

Maimonides explains that the prohibition of "rounding" prohibits the complete removal of the sideburns, by any means. However, it is permitted to trim the sideburns, even very close to the skin, using scissors.

Even though sideburns are enough to satisfy the Torah requirement of peyos, many Jews grow their peyos long as a way of emphasizing the commandment (peyos sounds like pious, right?!), or simply of Jewish identification. Some will curl their peyos, while others while tuck them behind their ear. It's just a matter of individual taste, or communal custom.

Hair is also a symbol of vanity, a preoccupation of how one looks. The prohibition against cutting off the peyos reminds a person that he shouldn't overrate his looks when wishing to express himself, rather he should depend on intellect and good character. (Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch, 19th century Germany)

From a mystical perspective, peyos separate between the front part of the brain which is used for abstract thought (i.e. spirituality), and the back part of the brain that governs the body.

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Tammuz 19

Pareve Food

Please could you explain to me the origins of the term Pareve and how this came to refer to food that is neither dairy nor meat? Thanks very much.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Yiddish word "Pareve" may have its roots in the Hebrew word "Pri" – meaning fruit. Fruit is, of course, neither dairy nor meat. In Yiddish, "ve" is frequently added when turning a noun into an adjective.

Alternatively, in old French, "parevis" is the term used for a vacant lot in front of a Temple. This vacant lot stands between the mundane street and the sanctified house of worship. Similarly, Pareve food lies between the two extremes of dairy and meat.

A few more suggestions:

The Latin word "par" means "pair." Pareve foods can be "paired" with either milk or meat.

The Latin "parus" means "equal," neither more to one side or another.

In the Holy Temple, a chamber called the Bais HaPareve was located half in, and half out of the Kohanic section. It was "neither here nor there," so to speak, just as pareve food is neither meat nor dairy.

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Tammuz 20

Religious Intolerance

I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that it is precisely because of the thinking expressed on Aish.com that we have terrorism in the world.

The cause is religion. The cause is a belief in God. It is religious extremists in all religions that create these problems. When religion rules the mind, any and all senseless terror is rationalized and may be inflicted on any who have a different view.

I don't care if it is Muslim, Jewish, Christian, etc. Everyone has the deluded image that their religion is the only rightful one, and as such, everyone else must be consigned to hell or earthly terror.

This practice has been repeated thousands of times over the course of history. From the pogroms, to the gas chambers, slavery, to bombing of buildings, it's always the same: irrational behavior caused by an irrational belief in the deity.

Yes, I mourn for the dead. But even more I mourn for the living, those who believe it is better to die for their cause and in the process destroy millions of innocents.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for sending your comments. I completely agree that when religion and God are used as fronts for forcing one's views on another, it is a perversion of truth and all too often results in tragedy and loss.

I can't speak for the other religions you include on your list, but I must object to the inclusion of Judaism. Although some religions claim that one who is not a member will go to hell, and have used this as a false justification to commit horrible atrocities, it is a mistake to include Judaism with them.

I was abruptly reminded of this in 2007 with CNN's three-part documentary on religious fundamentalism, God's Warriors. Under the guise of even-handedness, CNN gave equal air-time to the three major religions, equating Jewish and Christian "extremism" with the worldwide jihadist phenomenon of radical Islam. This blatantly false moral equivalence (when was the last time you saw someone hijack a plane, blow up a commuter train, bomb a nightclub, or destroy a skyscraper - in the name of Judaism or Christianity?) was a textbook case of agenda-driven journalism, with CNN comparing Islamic terror - which has spawned over a thousand suicide attacks since 9-11 - to benign activities like fundraising for Israel. It's what Dan Abrams of MSNBC called "a defense of Islamic fundamentalism and the worst type of moral relativism."

Judaism claims no monopoly on God, and a person does not need to become Jewish to reach high spiritual levels. Judaism has no concept of "non-Jews going to hell." The Talmud (Sanhedrin 58b) presents seven pillars of humanity, and Maimonides explains that any human being who faithfully observes these earns a proper place in heaven. Judaism actually discourages converts, because the Torah is for all humanity, no conversion necessary.

As well, non-Jews were welcome to bring offerings to the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, which the prophet Isaiah referred to as a "house for all nations." And King Solomon specifically asked God to heed the prayer of non-Jews who come to the Temple (1-Kings 8:41-43).

The Talmud says that humans are all descended from one couple, Adam and Eve, to teach that we are all brothers. In a national sense as well, Judaism says that all of the 70 seminal nations must function together, just as the various organs work together in a body. All are necessary and play an integral part in that "being" called humanity. We are all in it together, and if we can learn to work together and respect each other, it will be a far different world.

I recommend exploring many of these ideas in our online seminar, WorldPerfect, at www.aish.com/sem/wp

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Tammuz 21

Kashering Vessels

Is there any other way to kasher silver cutlery except by boiling it? Perhaps one can use some disinfectant?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The reason we boil non-kosher cutlery is because (for example) when a knife is used to cut hot pork, some pork flavor became absorbed into the knife. The only way to remove those "taste particles" is to boil it out. Spraying a disinfectant only addresses the surface issue, which can be rectified with soap and water. But the spray will not extract the particles that are embedded inside the knife.

Here's the boiling procedure you should do, called "hagalah":

For metal utensils: Let them sit unused for 24 hours, and make sure the item is completely clean. (If there are crevices, you will have to clean out any gook.) Then you need to find a really big pot. Fill it with water and bring it to a bubbly boil. Then insert the utensils you want to kasher. They must be fully covered by the water. Also, since the utensil will cool off the water somewhat, you have to leave it in long enough so that the water reaches a boil again. The optimum time is to leave the utensil in for 30 seconds, and then remove it. (If you leave it any longer, there's a problem of re-absorption.)

If you want to kasher a pot that is too big to fit into another pot, then there is another option: Fill the pot to the very top with water and bring it to a bubbly boil. Then put something (like a stone) into the pot, so that the boiling water flows over the sides. Not complicated, just messier than the first method.

"Hagalah" works for pots and cutlery – i.e. things that came into contact with non-kosher food through the medium of hot liquid. But frying pans used on the fire (without liquid) is more severe – because the pan absorbed the non-kosher substance more directly and intensely. So if you want to use kasher a pan, then you have to burn the bad stuff out! This is called "libun," literally getting the metal red-hot. You basically have two choices: use a blowtorch, or put the pan in with the cleaning cycle of a self-cleaning oven. (Just be careful that the plastic handle doesn't disintegrate.)

Perhaps the most practical option is to call your local synagogue and find out when they have their pre-Passover "kashering day." This is where they prepare a huge public vat of boiling water and bring out the blowtorches. Here in Jerusalem, you can even find kashering stations set up on the street corners!

One final note: Generally speaking, people today try to have a separate set of pots and silverware for Pesach. If you can afford it, it certainly simplifies things.

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Tammuz 22

Kaddish - Minyan

What should an individual do if he cannot say Kaddish on a regular basis? Is it better to pray from home if you must drive to Shul on Shabbat?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

If you look at the text of the Kaddish, you will see that it makes no mention of the dead. Rather, it is a prayer that proclaims the greatness of God, and when we lead such a prayer publicly, it serves as a merit for the deceased.

Obviously, saying this prayer in private doesn't accomplish its purpose, so Kaddish is only said in the presence of a minyan.

However, the God Who told us to say Kaddish is the same God Who told us not to drive a car on Shabbat. So in answer to your question, it is better to stay home and NOT say Kaddish than to drive to shul on Shabbat.

However you must understand that since the purpose of saying Kaddish is as a merit for the deceased, there are other ways to merit the deceased. For example, giving tzedakah in their name. Or continuing the work of good deeds which they were involved in their lifetime.

Additionally, you could try to arrange for Shabbat hospitality near the synagogue, so you could sleep over and enjoy the full Shabbat experience. Many families are thrilled to have Shabbat guests in their home.

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Tammuz 23

Children Waiting Between Meat & Milk

My son is nearly three years old. After eating meat, he wants to have his nighttime hot chocolate. How should I handle this matter? Is it forbidden for him?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

A child under age 3 may eat dairy immediately after meat, though the outside of his mouth should first be wiped of any meat residue.

From age 3-6, he should wait one hour. After that, one should slowly increase the time between meat and milk. A few years before Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the child should becomes accustomed to waiting the regular 6 hours.

For these types of questions, I recommend the excellent book, "Children in Halacha” (artscroll.com).

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Tammuz 24

Cosmetic Surgery

What does the Torah say about nose jobs – both from a legal and philosophic point of view? Are they permitted, or is this considered tampering with Creation?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

First things first: In Jewish consciousness, we are not the “owners” of our bodies, and therefore one is not allowed to cause any wound to himself (Code of Jewish Law – C.M. 420:31). However, a cosmetic procedure is constructive and not destructive (i.e. the intent is to heal, not to harm), this does not violate the prohibition against wounding oneself.

“Constructive” here is defined as repairing an obvious defect. However, if done for erotic or overly vain reasons, it is forbidden. (Igrot Moshe – E.H. 4:66)

Regarding the philosophical aspects, there are different ways to look at things. One way is to accept a large nose as being part of a person's personal challenge. Learning how to live it with can help a person build self-esteem in a way that promotes internal growth and strength.

On the other hand, a person is entitled to use the means God has given him to make his stay on earth more pleasant. If one’s nose is causing considerable distress, then an operation may be in order. Some “good reasons” to get cosmetic surgery are: an inability to earn living, difficulty getting married, or causing serious marital strife. In the words of the Sages, if the emotional pain is so great that one is embarrassed to be seen in public, "there is no pain greater than this." (Talmud – Shabbat 50b, Tosfot)

Bad reasons for getting cosmetic surgery are: It’s the fashionable thing to do, or it’s my boyfriend's personal preference. I am reminded of the man with big ears who came and asked the doctor to surgically pin them closer to his head. “Why do you want that?” asked the doctor. “So that my children won't inherit this feature,” the man replied.

As for the philosophical question of "changing one’s destiny," and tampering with the Divinely-ordained package that God gave you, that presents no problem in Jewish thought. After all, would you stay sick or poor because God put you into such a situation?! Of course not. Perfecting the world is our job. We see this from the mitzvah of Bris Milah: God created the human body with a slight imperfection which requires our involvement to bring it to “perfection.” In this way, we are partners with the Almighty in repairing and perfecting the world, and that message should carry over into all our endeavors.

I would like to end with a true story that I heard about an Orthodox Jewish family. Their boy was born premature, and due to complications he spent the first few months in the hospital. The doctors concluded that he would always remain especially short. At age 10, a new, untested growth hormone became available, and the boy’s parents took him to a leading endocrinologist for advice. The doctor, who was not Jewish, told them as follows: “Normally I would advise to go ahead, even though the drug is experimental. But that’s because I live in the wealthy area of Scarsdale, where one’s self-esteem depends so heavily on external appearance. But your Jewish community places more emphasis on wisdom and character. So in your case, it’s not worth the risk.”

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Tammuz 25

Premarital Relations

I’ve been dating a man for the past six months and he says “it is time to get serious.” I agree, except that we differ in how we define that. In my mind, “getting serious: means to talk about marriage. In his mind, it means getting intimate. I am starting to feel pressure to follow his lead. What do you think?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Unlike other religions, Jewish religious leaders are not celibate. Judaism believes that intimacy is one of the highest forms of spiritual expression, and accepts the notion that God gave us this intense drive to direct in a positive manner.

In Jewish thought, physical intimacy contains within it the highest potential for spirituality. It is one of the greatest means a married couple is given to express holiness. Like any other means, however, its use depends completely on the expression given to it by the individuals involved. This union is like a canvas in the control of the artists – husband and wife – and the spiritual message they produce can be meaningless, or it can be a masterpiece.

The longing one has for intimacy is really an expression of the longing for completion, to be intimately joined with our "other half." Through this relationship, we express this by becoming bound together as one.

Through marriage, a man and woman are committed for a lifetime. They are totally given over to one another, and intimacy becomes a way of expressing and actualizing this total oneness.

Outside of marriage, relations are ultimately frustrating because "oneness" can never be fully achieved. This is obviously true in regard to a short-term encounter. But even in a long-term setting, without the commitment of marriage, there is always the option of leaving the relationship. As a result, the degree of connectedness reaches a barrier.

Naturally a person has to get to know the person they are going to marry by talking about life goals, personal preferences, etc. It is also important that the couple find each other physically attractive. But you don't have to sleep together for that.

Ironically, studies have shown that couples who lived together before marriage are more likely to get divorced early in marriage. There is a simple reason for this. When a man and woman live together, they approach their relationship very differently than they would as a married couple. Finances, personal interests, household chores, social lives, major decisions, minor decisions, resolving conflict, family and children, and expectations about the future are all dealt with from the perspective of two individuals who lack a common lifetime goal. When they get married, expectations often change, the rules are different, and the resulting tension is something that the couple may be unable to overcome.

Here's a list of "10 Reasons Not to Have Pre-Marital Relations":

1) It clouds one's objectivity. Pleasurable physical contact creates a bond: a physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual bond. You're already "committed" without focusing on important issues. Once the physical aspect takes off, you're so drawn in that you'll stay in the relationship even though you don't like the person. It becomes a relationship of convenience, not love. The real danger is in getting comfortable and then getting married.

2) It focuses away from developing communication in the relationship. Imagine that you have a little fight. Should we hug and make up in bed, or learn other non-physical ways of affection? Without the smoke-screen of physical intimacy, there will be a greater need to communicate verbally and emotionally.

3) It cheapens your self-worth. If you give intimacy to just anyone, you cheapen your sense of self. The more selective you are, the more valued you are.

4) It makes you prone to getting hurt. In pre-marital relations, a person is emotionally exposed and vulnerable. When they fail to receive the expected emotional reciprocation in return, the result is hurt. A marital commitment demonstrates that the man sees his wife as whole human being and not as an object of physical desire. Many women get confused about a man's intentions and are hurt when they later find out the truth afterwards. And they regret it.

5) You become cynical about relationships. Repeated hurt makes you stop believing that real commitment is possible. Remember your optimism about the "first one?" Now you will carry the baggage of shattered illusions into marriage.

6) You become desensitized to the special experience. What is the power of a hand-hold? A gentle kiss? We live in a society in which people treat sexuality casually. We have lost the sense of the specialness of intimate behavior by which people express their love. In Jewish consciousness, a married couple expresses the intimacy between them in a whole range of ways: The way they look at each other, the way they speak to each other, the way they behave in front of each other. If you use loving language for casual encounters, then when you want to use it later in marriage, it will ring hollow.

7) You will compare your spouse to others. After many partners, a person has experienced different physical features and activities. They now have a "composite picture" of the ultimate partner. But who will ever be able to match up to that fantasy? It is a primary rule in marriage: Don't ever compare your spouse to someone else (e.g. "My mother cooked it this way"). Since every experience stays in your subconscious, it will be that much harder to forge a total bond with your spouse.

8) The myth of sexual compatibility. Surprisingly, incompatibility is less likely when a couple has no experience to begin with. They each have a "clean slate" and are not comparing their spouse to a past lover. They can grow together in their intimacy, just as they grow together in their emotional and spiritual lives. Any initial "incompatibility" is usually just shyness or lack of familiarity. As the couple gets to know each other better – as trust grows – they become naturally compatible. Marital counselors say they have never seen a couple break up solely on the issue of relations. Problems of intimacy are merely a symptom of other problems.

9) It removes then incentive to commit. When you agree to pre-marital relations, you’ve already given away much of what you have to give. If one side is pressuring the other, by saying, "If you really loved me, you'd be intimate with me" you can respond: "If you really love me, you wouldn't pressure me."

10) You are attached for eternity. The verse in Genesis 39:10 speaks about a sexual relationship, and uses the words, "to sleep with her, to be with her." The Talmud (Sotah 3b) explains that "to sleep with her" refers to the intimate bond created by the experience – and "to be with her" refers to the afterlife. Intimacy creates a deep soul bond, and whether you are together for one night or a few years, you will experience that bond in the eternal spiritual world.

Finally, from the standpoint of Jewish law, Maimonides cites Deuteronomy 22:13 as a prohibition against pre-marital relations. (See also Leviticus 18:6.) Additionally, since single women do not immerse in the Mikveh, having pre-marital relations would involve another prohibition as discussed in Leviticus 18:19.

For a better understanding of what love is read this important article What is Love?

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Tammuz 26

Orthodox Clothes

On a recent visit to New York I was quite shocked to see that Orthodox Jews still walking the streets with black hats, long coats, beards and peyos. Why is it necessary to be so behind the times?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I heard a true story which should shed light on your question.

There was a Chassid dressed in all the traditional garb, travelling on a plane. He sat down next to a woman who was also Jewish. After a few minutes, she turned to him: "Jews like you," she hissed, and then went into a tirade about how shameful it is the way Chassidim dress in light of modern society. "It's Jews like you that give the rest of us a bad name."

After she finished venting, the Chassid looked at her and said, "I beg your pardon, ma'am. I'm Amish."

"Amish?!" said the astonished woman. "Oh, I respect the Amish people and the way they have maintained their traditions all these years."

The Chassid kept quiet, but when they finally got off the plane, he turned to the woman, and said in Yiddish, "You should live and be well!"

Of course the fascinating part of this story is how the Jewish woman was bothered only when she thought the man was a traditional Jew. But I’m not sure exactly what the problem is. In fact, the Midrash says that when the Jewish people were enslaved in Egypt, the only thing that kept them from completely assimilating into Egyptian society was that they maintained distinctive cultural items like mode of dress.

An interesting upshot to this story is that the Chassid was Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, M.D., founder of the Gateway Rehabilitation Center near Pittsburgh, one of the leading alcohol and drug rehabilitation facilities in the world. Rabbi Twerski has written 80 books dealing with modern psychology and personal growth from a Jewish perspective. So I suppose the way a person dresses has little to do with being "behind the times."

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Tammuz 27

Kosher Slaughtering

There has been a lot of controversy lately about kosher methods of slaughtering meat. I always thought that kosher was more humane, but now I’m hearing a lot of negative press. What exactly does kosher slaughter involve?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Besides being from a kosher species, kosher meat requires that the animal/bird be slaughtered in the manner prescribed by the Torah (Shechita). (Fish do not have this requirement.) In this procedure, a trained kosher slaughterer (shochet) severs the trachea and esophagus of the animal with a special razor-sharp knife. This also severs the jugular vein, causing instantaneous death with no pain to the animal.

After the animal/bird has been properly slaughtered, its internal organs are inspected (bedika) for any physiological abnormalities that may render the animal non-kosher (treif). The lungs, in particular, must be examined to determine that there are no adhesions (sirchot) which may be indicative of a puncture in the lungs.

Further, animals contain many veins (e.g. Gid HaNashe) and fats (chelev) that are forbidden by the Torah and must be removed. The procedure of removal is called "Nikkur," and it is quite complex. In practice today, the hind quarter of most kosher animals is simply removed and sold as non-kosher meat.

Finally, since the Torah forbids eating of the blood, the blood of an animal or bird must be removed through a process of salting. The entire surface of meat must be covered with coarse salt. It is then left for an hour on an inclined or perforated surface to allow the blood to flow down freely. The meat is then thoroughly washed to remove all salt. Meat must be koshered within 72 hours after slaughter so as not to permit the blood to congeal. (An alternate means of removing the blood is through broiling on a perforated grate over an open fire.)

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Tammuz 28

Shiva Shortened by Yom Tov

My father passed away two days before Rosh Hashana, and we only sat in mourning for two days rather than the customary seven. I never did get the straight story why is that? Apparently it has something to do with the joy of a festival, but if so, then why shouldn’t Shabbat also cancel out the remainder of shiva?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father. All me to offer a few answers to your interesting question.

1) The great sage Chatam Sofer (YD 348) writes that a festival cancels the shiva because a festival annuls that phase of heavenly judgment on the soul of the deceased. These are deep kabbalistic matters that we do not fully understand.

2) On a more practical level, since the onset of Shabbat will always occur less than 7 days after the burial, Shabbat does not cancel the shiva because if it did, nobody would ever sit a 7-day shiva!

3) Here's another thought I'd like to share: Due to the joy of Shabbat, we do not practice any public mourning. But the joy of Yom Tov is qualitatively different.

Yom Tov is a time when the entire Jewish people would gather together in Jerusalem. The rule was that if someone was tamei (ritually impure), that would be "waived" during the period of the festival. Otherwise, people would avoid contact with the tamei person, thereby marring the joy of the festival for everyone. The joy of the festival and unity of the Jewish people were overriding considerations.

So I think the same idea applies here – the joy of the festival is so great that it overrides the imperative of mourning.

And what about the "therapy" for the bereaved that shiva provides?

I think the answer is found in the halacha that a kohen is restricted from attending funerals. (This is due to issues of ritual impurity, a separate discussion.) A regular kohen may attend the funeral of a close relative – spouse, parent, sibling, child. But the Kohen Gadol (High Priest) does not attend even the funeral of a close relative. On this, the 13th century "Sefer HaChinuch" asks your question: What about the therapy that mourning provides?

The answer is that the spiritual level of the Kohen Gadol is so high that it lifts him above these normal human emotions. In other words, he doesn't need the mourning, since a higher emotion has displaced the emotions usually associated with mourning.

If we understand how to properly tap into the power of Yom Tov, the same is true in that case as well. The joy of Yom Tov simply cannot coexist with mourning. That joy is so great that it "nullifies" the feelings of mourning.

To learn more about the power of Yom Tov, I suggest a beautiful, user-friendly volume called “Book of Our Heritage” by Rabbi Eliyahu Kitov (Feldheim.com).

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Tammuz 29

Redeeming First Born

We have a new baby boy and I heard something about having to "buy him back from a kohen." What do I have to do – and how much is this going to cost?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Mazal Tov!

You heard right. Pidyon Haben refers to the "redemption of the first born son," and is commanded in the Torah (Numbers 18:15). The reason we perform this mitzvah is to remind us about the Exodus from Egypt and how God killed the Egyptian first born, yet spared our first born. Also, since a person loves his first born so much, it is a fitting time to re-acknowledge the fact that everything we own in fact belongs to God. (Numbers 3:13)

The background for this mitzvah is somewhat complex, but here goes:

Originally, God intended that the first-born of each Jewish family would be a kohen – i.e. that family's representative to the Holy Temple. (Exodus 13:1-2, Exodus 24:5 Rashi)

But then came the incident of the Golden Calf. When Moses came down from Mount Sinai and smashed the tablets, he issued everyone an ultimatum: "Make your choice – either God or the idol." Only the tribe of Levi came to the side of God. At that point, God decreed that each family's first-born would forfeit their "kohen" status – and henceforth all the kohanim would come from the tribe of Levi. (Numbers 3:11-12)

Thus the mitzvah of Pidyon HaBen. Since the first-born child is technically a "kohen" whose potential cannot be actualized, then he has to be replaced (so to speak) by a kohen from the tribe of Levi. This is accomplished by the father of the baby offering the kohen a redemptive value of five silver coins for the boy.

There are many factors which determine when and if to perform this mitzvah. You will need to find a rabbi well-versed in Jewish law who can guide you through this procedure.

In general, Pidyon HaBen only applies to the son who "opened his mother's womb." Therefore, all the following conditions must apply:

1) The mother is Jewish, and she has never had a baby before, male or female.

2) The baby was delivered in the normal way, not via C-section.

3) The mother had no abortions or miscarriages prior to this birth.

4) The father of the baby is not a Kohen or a Levi, and the mother's father is not a Kohen or a Levi.

If the above conditions check out, then:

1) Find a kohen with a very strong tradition in his family that he is indeed a Kohen.

2) Get five silver coins. The specific kind of silver coins depends on where you are in the world. Ask your rabbi.

3) The Pidyon Haben ceremony is held after the baby is 30 days old, on the 31st day. It does not take place on Shabbos.

4) The ceremony is held in the context of a festive meal, and basically goes like this: The father attests to the fact that this is indeed his first born son. The Kohen then asks the father: "What do you want to do, give me your first born or redeem him?" (As far as I know, the father has never chosen to give up his son!) The father then makes two blessings, and gives the coins to the Kohen. Additional blessings are said; the full text is printed in the siddur.

If your baby does not meet the conditions for having a Pidyon HaBen, don't be concerned – there is no defect in his status. In fact, only about 1-of-10 families ever meet all the conditions for Pidyon HaBen.

As far as the cost of this mitzvah, don't let it worry you. The eternal reward for following God's will is much greater than five silver coins!

By the way, if someone was supposed to have a Pidyon HaBen as a child, but never did (i.e. their parents neglected to do so), then the obligation remains – and they should contact a rabbi ASAP to perform the ceremony.

May your new son grow up to be a great source of pride to your family, to the Jewish people, and to the Almighty!