Ask the Rabbi

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Cheshvan 13

Stolen Funds

In my college days, I stole approximately $300. This was 7 years ago. I have wanted to give it back all this time. But I am too embarrassed to tell the guy I stole from. Also, he might go to the police or something. Here's my questions:

a) How can I return it to him and be forgiven without telling him it was me?

Since the whole thing was actually another's guy's idea, yet I did the deed, are we both equally responsible.

c) Do I have to send him some interest, or will he be happy enough receiving money out of the blue?

Please advise.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

First, I am deeply moved by your desire to make amends. Imagine the sensitivity of your soul to be bothered by this for so long!

This reminds me of an incident that happened to me recently. I was visiting my old neighborhood where I used to live. Suddenly a boy about 12 years old called out to me from down the street. He ran up to me and said, "Excuse me, did you used to live here?" "Yes," I said. "Well, about five years ago I borrowed a dollar from you, and now I'd like to return it." He had borrowed one dollar at age 7 and had never forgotten it!

So on to your questions...

a) If you think this person will go to the police, then you should give it back anonymously. If you are not afraid of him going to the police, you must ask him for forgiveness as well.

Whoever actually stole the money has to pay back. It doesn't matter whose idea it was, since anyway the Torah prohibits stealing. Which means that if someone suggests to steal, the suggestion has no force to override the pre-existing Torah prohibition.

c) You do not have to pay any interest.

If for some reason you can't locate the person you stole from, you should use that money to assist in some community-related project.

May the Almighty bless you for your honesty.

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Cheshvan 14

The Purpose of Life

I'm 16, thinking about my life, college, career. I see a lot of unhappy adults and I don't want to end up like them. They have a lot of money, but their personal life seems empty. So, rabbi, what is man's purpose in life?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Believe it or not, the purpose of life is to attain pleasure.

A primary source of pleasure is having power.

What is power?

A glance at the world would tell us that power comes from owning things. Ownership is the ability to control, which gives us the feeling of power. The more things we own, people believe, the more power we have!

In truth, however, "things" are temporary since they often break and deteriorate. When the object breaks, so does our power. This cannot be true power, since true power must transcend breakage. It is logical to conclude that true power must transcend physicality all together. It also follows that true transcendent power should only be able to be obtained by plugging into a truly transcendent source of power.

God and His Torah are the truly transcendent sources of power.

Every drop of Torah that is learned, and every mitzvah accomplished, gets one closer to God and nourishes the soul, which is also transcendent. This nourishment gives the soul power, not only in this world, but even when the soul has departed from the body at life's end. This is truly transcendent power!

What does all this have to do with pleasure?

Just as true power cannot be obtained by amassing "things" (since the power it caused was merely transient), it follows that true pleasure must also have a sense of permanence and not be merely a fleeting pleasurable moment.

Permanent pleasure is being plugged in to God. God created the universe so that we could experience this pleasure.

Pleasure is knowing that God loves us. Pleasure is knowing that God is intimately involved in our lives. Pleasure is knowing that our soul is eternal and is completely pure. Pleasure is knowing that there is meaning in life and that our actions on Earth make a difference.

This pleasure is obtained by giving power to the soul - which comes through learning Torah and connecting to God, the ultimate source of power and pleasure.

To learn more, see www.aish.com/sp/48w

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Cheshvan 15

Overcoming Hatred

I've been thinking a lot about all the strife in this world - between individuals, between countries, between races. I understand that hatred occurs when there is hostility between two people, and neither have a desire to see the positive in each other and build a friendship.

Surely, given the vast range of different personalities around, people will come across others with whom they simply do not get along, and if they try to associate with them, the hatred will just build. Isn't it better to just agree to differ and avoid contact with them?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah says: "If you see the donkey of someone you hate lying under its load, you must help him unload it" (Exodus 23:5).

While the verse addresses alleviating the pain of an animal, it also presents another issue: Helping someone you "hate" unload his donkey.

We see from here that the way to overcome hatred is to help the other person, care for them, and give to them. When I give to someone, I invest a piece of myself, and therefore we become bonded.

Of course, if your hatred is greater than your ability to be patient and giving, and the interaction will end in a fight, then it's better left alone. But if you are capable of overcoming the challenge, then it's good to put yourself in a situation where you are forced to help the object of your dislike.

Otherwise, hatred left alone will just fester, waiting to explode. And is that really the type of world we want to live in?

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Cheshvan 16

Astrology, Horoscopes

Does Judaism believe in astrology? Is there any validity to it or is it just pagan nonsense – some of which made its way into Jewish teachings? Along the same lines, is there anything wrong with reading one’s horoscope in the paper, basically just for amusement?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for your very important question. The Jewish belief is that astrology is a real force. It is one of the means God placed in the world of channeling spiritual forces to the physical world. (Needless to say, in the Jewish view, it is not a force independent of God. No forces are.) People are influenced by such factors as the day of the week they were born on and the ruling constellation at the time of their birth (see especially Talmud Shabbat 156a). The Zodiac also to some degree directs the forces which flow to the earth at any given time and can be used to (very roughly) predict future events.

Although the science behind this has all but been forgotten today, the ancients were much more familiar with it.

Even though such forces do exist, the Torah forbids both the study of astrology and the inquiring about the future from soothsayers. See for example Deuteronomy 18:10-12: "There shall not be found among you... one who practices divination, an astrologer, one who reads omens, a sorcerer... or one who consults the dead. For an abomination to the Lord is anyone who does these, and on account of these abominations did the Lord your God drive out [the Canaanite nations] before you." (See also Leviticus 19:26,31 and Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 179:1.)

Although such practices are in fact ways of finding out potential future events, they are dark and evil ways of doing so, using forbidden supernatural forces rather than turning to God Himself. Rather, as the Torah continues, God will send us prophets to let us know His will and what is in store for us in the future (v. 15). Furthermore, “You shall be complete / wholehearted with the Lord your God” (v. 13). Rather than attempting to divine the future ourselves, trust God that He will bring what is right for us. Turn to Him and pray to Him, and leave our worries for the future in His capable hands.

The Talmud (Shabbat 156a) states a further principle that “there is no mazal (controlling constellation) for Israel.” Although there are astral influences in this world, we can rise above them through prayer and personal worthiness. The Talmud illustrates with an incident which occurred to Rabbi Akiva’s daughter. A soothsayer informed R. Akiva that his daughter would die of a snakebite on her wedding day. Nothing happened. The morning after her wedding, she went to take a barrette she had placed in a crack in the wall the night before, and found a stabbed snake attached to it. Her father asked her if she had any idea why it happened. She explained that yesterday, when everyone was busy with the wedding, a poor man came to the door for charity and no one was available to help him. She gave him her own portion of food. R. Akiva told her, “You have done a good deed” and applied the verse to her “And charity saves from death” (Proverbs 10:2).

On top of all of this, the Sages see the practice of astrology as a very inexact science, not very reliable to begin with. The prophet Isaiah describes necromancers as “chirping and mumbling” (8:19). As the Talmud (Sotah 12b) puts it, “They see and know not what they see; they mutter and know not what they mutter.” It illustrates this with the decree Pharaoh made to drown the Jewish baby boys in the Nile. His astrologers told him that the savior of Israel was about to be born, and that he was vulnerable to water. Perhaps he could be drowned at birth. Shortly after Moses was placed in the water, they said they no longer see that sign in heaven and the decree was annulled. But, explains the Talmud, Pharaoh’s astrologers did not truly understand what they saw. Moses was punished much later in the desert at “the waters of strife” – when he hit the water-giving rock rather than speaking to it (Numbers 20). But the waters of the Nile had no effect on him.

Thus, to wrap up, although Judaism believes in astrological influences, we are commanded not to inquire of them. In any event they are not very accurate – especially when it comes to the Jewish people. Rather we are told to trust in God that He will give us what is best for us in life.

Although horoscopes and fortune-tellers today are very unlikely to have any validity to them, just in case, one should not inquire of them, even just for fun.

If you would like a more detailed explanation of the Jewish view on such matters, you might want to purchase Faith and Folly by Rabbi Yaakov Hillel, a very thorough and readable treatment of this and many related subjects.

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Cheshvan 17

The Nose & Smells

I've always found something quite spiritual about my sense of smell. And having read that the highlight of the Yom Kippur service in the Holy Temple was bringing incense into the Holy of Holies, I can't help but wonder about the deeper significance of the olfactory sense. Can you explain?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah (Genesis 2:7) states that "God breathed life into the form of Man." The Hebrew word for "breath" -- nesheema -- is the same as the word for "soul" -- neshama. One's spiritual life force comes, metaphorically, by way of air and respiration.

The senses of taste, touch and sight are used to perceive physical matter. Even "hearing" involves the perception of sound waves. But breathing, and its associated sense of smell, is the most spiritual of senses, with the least physical matter involved. As the Talmud says: "Smell is that which the soul benefits from, and the body does not."

I think there's truth to common expressions like, "He has a good nose for business," and "Something doesn't smell right." Smell is intangible, yet very intuitive. It represents one's internal compass. The Talmud says that when the Messiah comes, he will "smell and judge" -- that is, he will use his spiritual sensitivity to determine complex truths.

Indeed, the nose knows!

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Cheshvan 18

Mazal Tov!

I am not Jewish, but I frequently hear the words "Mazal Tov" at a wedding or on television. What is the origin of this expression?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Mazal is the astrological influence that a person is born under. The Talmud (Shabbat 156a) discusses what has a greater influence on a person: the day of the week (with attributes based on the days of creation), or the planetary sign. This influence is a spiritual flow that God has set into creation (and it is not any independent power, God forbid).

That is why we wish people "mazal tov" - literally that they should have a "good mazal."

On the other hand, the same piece of Talmud states the concept of "ain mazal l'Yisrael" - that Jews are not bound by any astrological influence, and are able to override any predetermined astrological pattern.

In Jewish thinking, a person's whole future is mapped out in the stars, and for one who knows how, reading the stars is like reading a book of the future. It is, however, forbidden for a Jew to read the stars or listen to someone who can do so. The Torah tells us that God took Abraham and lifted him "above the stars." Abraham was able to have a child at age 100, with his 90-year-old wife Sarah that had no womb! A Jew, God told Abraham, should be "above the stars." The message is that the stars would have no influence on Abraham or his future descendents.

The Talmud cites the example of Rebbe Akiva's daughter, whose mazal indicated that she would die young. However, the tragedy was averted by her involvement in Torah and mitzvot, specifically doing kind deeds. (At her wedding celebration, she took time out to tend to the poor people; the snake that was destined to bite her was killed instead.)

By elevating herself, she literally changed her human nature, and thus the original mazal-influence no longer applied.

Our horoscopes are only as true as we allow them to be. Unfortunately, it is much easier to go through life on automatic pilot. Life can go where the stars say it will, or where we want it to go. The choice is entirely ours.

So you see, while we wish people good "mazal" (i.e. their "default" influence from above), we also strive to change and improve that influence.

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Cheshvan 19

Mixed Identity

My father is Jewish and my mother is not. I live in a Jewish community and have Jewish friends. I attend Jewish lessons every Monday, and dinners with rabbis on the Jewish holidays. If I date a Jewish girl, will her family not want her to marry me because my mother is not Jewish? I have half-brothers and a sister who are totally not Jewish. I'm a bit confused.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts.

It appears that your confused identity is a tragic result of intermarriage.

According to Jewish law, you are not Jewish.

Jewishness is passed on via the mother. If the mother is Jewish, the child is 100% Jewish. This is true regardless of who the father is, and whether he is Jewish or not.

So now you are in a terrible quandary. You identify as a Jew, but you are not Jewish. Who should you marry? An Episcopalian? I think not.

It appears there are two options for you right now.

Judaism presents seven mitzvot for non-Jews to observe. These are the pillars of human civilization, and are named the "Seven Laws of Noah," since all humans are descended from Noah. As explained in the Talmud (Sanhedrin 58b), they include the prohibition against theft, murder, and sexual immorality.

Maimonides explains that anyone who faithfully observes these laws earns a proper place in heaven. Today, there are many active groups of non-Jews called "Bnei Noach" who faithfully observe the Seven Laws of Noah. The Bnei Noach are people have a very "Jewish" feeling, but are not Jewish. For example, see this article: www.aish.com/jw/s/80405497.html

To learn more about the origins and ideals of Bnei Noach, see an excellent book on the topic, called "The Path of the Righteous Gentile," by Chaim Clorfene and Yakov Rogalsky.

The other alternative is to pursue conversion to Judaism. This is not simple, given that you will want to make sure it is "kosher" from a Jewish legal perspective. According to the Code of Jewish Law, there are three requirements for a valid conversion:

1) Mikveh – All converts must immerse in the Mikveh – a ritual bath linked to a reservoir of rain water.

2) Milah – Male converts must undergo circumcision by a qualified "Mohel." If he was previously circumcised by a doctor, he then undergoes a ritual called "hatafas dam."

3) Mitzvot – This is the clincher. The convert must believe in God and the divinity of the Torah, as well as accept upon himself to observe all 613 mitzvot (commandments) of the Torah. This includes observance of Shabbat, Kashrut, etc. – as detailed in the Code of Jewish Law, the authoritative source for Jewish observance. This means that a motor vehicle is not used on Shabbat, that cheese is eaten only with kosher supervision, that a woman uses the mikveh every month, and much much more.

The conversion process must be done before a court of three Jewish men who themselves believe in God, accept the divinity of the Torah, and observe the mitzvot. In the case of someone who denies fundamental principles of Jewish belief (such as, the word-for-word divinity of the Torah), or offers to perform the conversion without requiring full mitzvah observance, the conversion would be invalid according to the Code of Jewish Law. As you could imagine, this would create a variety of confusions regarding the person's religious identity, and that of their children. And in your case, this would only further complicate things.

There are two excellent books which are helpful for conversion:

- "To Be A Jew" by Chaim Halevi Donin – www.amazon.com/dp/0465086322

- "Becoming a Jew" by Maurice Lamm – www.amazon.com/dp/0824603508/

Also recommended are two real-life accounts of non-Jews who converted to Judaism:

- "Migrant Soul" by Avi Shafran – www.amazon.com/dp/0944070450/

- "The Bamboo Cradle" by Avraham Schwartzbaum – www.amazon.com/dp/0873064593/

You have a special soul which is yearning to find truth. For the sake of your spiritual health, I suggest you start immediately!

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Cheshvan 20

In the Image of God

Maimonides' 13 Principles of Faith states: "I believe with perfect faith that God does not have a body. Physical concepts do not apply to Him. There is nothing that resembles Him at all."

What, then, is Genesis 1:27 referring to when it states: "God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him." Is this a "spiritual" image?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Does God have ears because it says, "God heard the sound of your words" (Deut. 1:34)? Does God have a mouth since it says, "God spoke to us" (Deut. 1:6)? Does God have an arm since it says, "I shall redeem you with an outstretched arm" (Exodus 6:6)? Does God have a hand, as it says, "I raised My hand to give it to Abraham" (Exodus 6:8)?

Nope!

So why does the Torah use human terms to describe God?

Because the human mind is limited, and therefore lacks the ability to conceive of God who is perfect. So the Torah describes God in familiar terms, in order that we should grasp aspects of God's character. For example, we can appreciate that God has the power of communication (mouth), the trait of kindness (right hand), etc. This is a very deep subject and is the basis of volumes of Kabbalistic work.

As for the specific verse you cited in Genesis, what does it mean to be "in the image of God"?

Humans are like God in the sense that we have free will. Free will does not mean picking chocolate over vanilla. That's simply a preference, just as a cow chooses to eat hay instead of grass.

Rather, "free will" refers to decisions which are uniquely human: a moral choice to do right or wrong. This stems from the divine soul that is unique to all human beings.

There are times when you know objectively that something is good for you, but your physical desires get in the way and distort your outlook. The animal soul within us wants to choose the easy path, which may not be the morally correct choice. Sometimes we can actually hear ourselves fighting it out. Here's a conversation you may have had with yourself:

Divine Soul: "Let's get out of bed early today and really accomplish something meaningful!"

Animal Soul: "Leave me alone, I'd rather sleep."

Divine Soul: "Come on, let's be great!"

Animal Soul: "Relax, what's the big deal if we wait till tomorrow?"

What's going on? Are you schizophrenic? No, just battling opposing sides within yourself. And that's what makes the human being so unique. Of all God's creatures, only humans can become elevated through choice, as we are not bound in our decisions by any pre-ordained laws. That's truly divine!

To learn more about free will, go to www.aish.com/sp/f/48965061.html

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Cheshvan 21

Milk and Meat on Same Table

My high school no longer has a lunch program, so we all brown-bag our lunches. It occurred to me that though most of us eat pareve or dairy, some kids come in with meat sandwiches. At home we have separate tablecloths for meat and dairy. Here, however, we’re all eating together. Is there any problem with that?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

There is an interesting rule regarding this. If I am eating kosher and my non-Jewish friend is eating non-kosher right next to me, there is no concern I will help myself to one of his sausages. The reason is because since I never eat non-kosher, there is no concern I will forget and do so now.

Regarding milk and meat, however, the Sages were more concerned. Since I eat meat all the time, if meat is right next to me while I’m eating dairy, I may forget and help myself to some of the meat. Thus, the Sages required that meat not be present at all on the table when I’m eating dairy – as well as vice versa of course (Shach Y.D. 88:2).

Now, let’s say the meat which is next to me is not free for the taking but belongs to someone else. Is there a concern I will help myself to it? It depends how friendly I am with the one it belongs to. If we are friendly enough to share food with each other, then the concern stands that I may take some meat during my dairy meal (Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 88:2). This would most likely be the case with fellow students sitting together at lunch.

Jewish law provides a few means of avoiding this issue, of safeguarding that I don’t absentmindedly take my fellow’s food. Here are the choices:

(a) If the two people are using separate tablecloths (Shu”A 88:2).

(b) If they place something noticeable in between them – something which wouldn’t normally be on the table during a meal, such as a cell phone (Shu”A & Rema 88:2).

(c) If the two people are sitting far enough apart that they cannot reach each other’s food (Pischei Teshuva 3).

(d) If someone is sitting in between them, say someone who is eating neither meat nor dairy (Pischei Teshuva 4).

Based on the above, in your situation the only concern is if a meat eater and dairy eater are sitting near each other with no one in between. When that occurs, they should place something on the table between them.

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Cheshvan 22

Wonders of Jewish History

I am an avid student of history and it seems that the Jewish people have always held a special place in the world. They are always at the center of things – whether Israel or the media. I don’t mean just today – I mean ever since the dawn of recorded history. What’s behind this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

King Louis XIV once had a discussion with the famous 17th century Roman Catholic philosopher and mathematician, Blaise Pascal. The king asked for evidence of the supernatural, and Pascal responded. "The Jews, Your Majesty, the Jews!"

Jewish history is an incredible paradox. On one hand, we are promised to be the eternal nation: "And I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations, an eternal covenant, to be your God and the God of the descendants after you." (Genesis 17:7)

On the other hand, we are promised to be scattered into exile (not good odds for becoming the eternal nation!): "And you, I will scatter among the nations, at the point of My drawn sword, leaving your country desolate and your cities in ruins." (Leviticus 26:33)

But then on the first hand (again), we are promised to be a light unto the nations: "I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness, and will hold your hand and keep you. And I will establish you as a covenant of the people, for a light unto the nations." (Isaiah 42:6)

But on the second hand (again), we are promised to be the victim of intense hatred: "Among those nations you shall find no respite, no rest for your foot. God will make you cowardly, destroying your outlook and making life hopeless. You will live in constant suspense. Day and night, you will be terrified, never sure of your existence." (Deut. 28:65-66)

But then again on the first hand, we are promised to be numerous like sand and stars: "I will surely bless you and greatly increase your offspring like the stars of the heavens and like the sand on the seashore..." (Genesis 22:17)

But then again on the second hand, we are promised to be few in number: "And you shall remain few in number among the nations where God shall lead you." (Deuteronomy 4:27)

I think you get the idea. Jewish history simply doesn't comply with the rest of history; it does not make sense.

Many scholars, historians and writers have noticed this and remarked about it. Mark Twain, an agnostic and a self-acknowledged skeptic, penned this in 1899 in Harper's Magazine:

"The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away. The Greek and Roman followed, made a vast noise and they are gone. Other peoples have sprung up, and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out and they sit in twilight now or have vanished. The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal, but the Jew. All other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?"

So... what is the secret?

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Cheshvan 23

Who is the Messiah?

My Christian friends seem to enjoy the idea that their Messiah has already come (and waiting to return). What does Judaism say about the Messiah – who is he and what will he accomplish?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Bible says that the Messiah will:

1) Build the Third Temple. (Ezekiel 37:26-28)

2) Gather all Jews back to the Land of Israel. (Isaiah 43:5-6)

3) Usher in an era of world peace and end all hatred, oppression, suffering and disease. As it says: "Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall man learn war anymore." (Isaiah 2:4)

4) Spread universal knowledge of the God of Israel, which will unite humanity as one. As it says: "God will be King over all the world – on that day, God will be One and His Name will be One." (Zechariah 14:9)

It is clear that no previous historical figure has fulfilled these requirements (and there is no tradition for any "second coming").

Furthermore, Jewish sources say that the messiah will be a regular human being, born naturally to husband and wife. He is not a god, nor born of a supernatural or virgin birth.

The very idea that God would take on human form is repulsive to Jews because it contradicts our concept of God as being above and beyond the limitations of the human body and situation. Jews believe that God alone is to be worshiped, and not a being who is His creation, be he angel, saint, or even the messiah himself.

To learn more, read “The Real Messiah" by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan.

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Cheshvan 24

Jerusalem Programs for Women

I’m a 30-year-old single Jewish woman. For many years I have wanted to go to Israel and study for a short sabbatical-like trip. I am now between jobs and have the opportunity. What do you recommend for my age and station in life?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

When you are in Jerusalem, I encourage you to visit any of the following excellent study programs for women:

Jewel – a 3-week introductory program, where university and professional women from all backgrounds build a foundation in Self Development, Prayer, Bible, Hebrew, Mysticism, Philosophy, Holidays and more. Jewel offers an easygoing environment to fully explore your Jewish heritage with top lecturers from around the world. www.jewel4women.com/

EYAHT, Aish HaTorah’s College for Women, offers a multi-level study program for university and professional women from all backgrounds. EYAHT is headed by Rebbetzin Dena Weinberg, who has empowered a generation of Jewish women to inspire other women across the globe. A new state-of-the-art 5-story campus in Jerusalem houses our expanding programs. www.eyaht.org/

Gem – Catering to Jewish women 30 years and older, Gem answers those philosophical and theological questions you've had for years. The 10-day program features classes, day trips, and a weekend retreat. Our esteemed faculty and caring staff will give you the experience of a lifetime. http://israel.aish.com/gem/

Neve Yerushalayim – the largest Jewish women's college in Israel. www.nevey.org

She'arim – www.shearim.com

Midreshet Rachel – http://www.darchenoam.org/midreshet-rachel/

And don't miss the world-famous Discovery seminar, offered each week in Jerusalem. www.aish.com/dis/

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Cheshvan 25

Wine

From my observations, wine has been the cause of the breakdown of many people's personal lives, marriages, and health. So why do so many Jewish ceremonies, (i.e. Kiddush, wedding ceremonies, Passover, Brit Milah) use wine?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah also states the danger of wine. When God warned Adam not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, He said, "On the day you eat from it, you will die." The Talmud (Brochot 40a) states that the fruit that Adam and Eve ate was a grape, since "there is no other type of fruit that can bring man to howling to his death." (It is understood that Adam and Eve turned the grapes into wine before drinking it). Alcohol, according to the Da'at Zekanim, the 11th century commentator, is the cause of every death in the Torah.

So how is it possible that Jewish law could prescribe the use of such a toxic drink? Wouldn't it be better to use orange juice?!

In truth, grapes are a neutral object. When used purely for pleasure it causes death. Eve used the grape for her own pleasure, as it says "Eve saw that the tree looked delightful and was good for eating... so she took from the tree and ate it." (Genesis 3:6) But pleasure wasn't created to be an end in itself. Pleasure is to be enjoyed when combined with the Divine will. When combined with the Divine will, pleasure leads to holiness; when separated from God, it brings death.

With this principle, we now understand why wine is included in so many religious ceremonies. When a Jew makes Kiddush over wine, he takes something that causes base pleasure, and elevates it. When wine is used in all its holiness, the potential for abuse achieves a metaphysical correction.

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Cheshvan 26

Why Not Milk & Meat?

I love cheeseburgers, but I always feel guilty that it’s not a “good Jewish food.” What is behind this whole idea of not mixing milk and meat?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah commands us: "Do not cook a kid in its mother's milk" (Exodus 23:6). The Torah forbids eating meat and milk in combination, and even forbids the act of cooking them together (as well as deriving benefit from such a mixture). As a safeguard, the Sages disallow the eating of meat and dairy products at the same meal, or preparing them with the same utensils. Therefore, a kosher kitchen must have two separate sets of pots, pans, plates and silverware – one for meat/poultry and the other for dairy foods.

Even more, one must wait up to six hours after eating meat products before eating dairy products. However, meat may be eaten following dairy products (with the exception of hard cheese, which also requires a six-hour interval). Prior to eating meat after dairy, one must eat a solid food and the mouth must be rinsed.

One possible explanation for this separation is that meat represents the finite, physical body, which ultimately ends up in death. Milk, on the other hand, is the quintessential life-giving force, the substance through which a mother can sustain her infant. Milk, therefore, can be compared to spirituality, which sustains our connection with the ultimate, eternal life.

Judaism wants us to be aware on every level of the difference between that which leads to life and that which leads to death. Even though we must nourish our physical bodies – indeed, God allows us to eat meat alone in order that our bodies be healthy – we must not mix in milk. We must never make our physical bodies the goal of living. We must never blur the difference between the physical, mortal world, and the world which is our ultimate goal, the world of spirituality, of eternal life. That is why meat and milk must remain separate.

Maimonides (12th century Spain) offers a rational view that ancient idolaters had the practice of mixing meat and milk together for ritual purposes. In order not to appear as if we are involved in pagan worship, the Torah forbids bringing these two items together.

There is yet a third approach. Why does the Torah use such strong imagery in the verse, "Do not cook a kid in its MOTHER'S milk"? The Rashbam (12th century France) explained that although there is nothing wrong with slaughtering animals in order to eat them, the Torah wants us to realize that there are certain acts, such as boiling a lamb in its mother's milk, which engender cruelty.

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Cheshvan 27

What are Tzitzit?

I recently visited Israel and saw the men praying with prayer shawls. What was that exactly?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah says: "Speak to the children of Israel and tell them to make tzitzit fringes on the corners of their garments, throughout their generations." (Numbers 15:37-41)

Tzitzit must be attached to any four-cornered garment. However, people today generally don't wear a four-cornered garment (except for maybe the occasional poncho). So in order to fulfill the mitzvah we have a special four-cornered garment called a tallit. There are two basic types: A Tallit Godol is a large garment that looks like a cloak, and is worn when men pray in the morning. The Tallit Katan is much smaller, usually worn all day long underneath one's shirt.

The tzitzit themselves consist of four strings (doubled over into eight), and then tied in a special way to all four corners of the garment.

From the moment one dons the tzitzit, until the end of the day when he takes them off, he is involved in a mitzvah! In this way, the tzitzit provide an anchor to the world of spirituality while going about our daily chores. Whether in the work place or in an amusement park, one can always look at his Tzitzit and get in touch with G-d, Torah, and his mission as a Jew.

Just how do the Tzitzit remind us of this? The numerical value of "tzitzit" is 600. Add to that the 5 knots and 8 strings on each corner, and you get the number 613, which is the total number of mitzvot in the Torah. (Rashi - Numbers 15:39)

To learn more, read "Tzitzith" by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan.

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Cheshvan 28

Tattoo Prohibition

My husband wants to get a tattoo, but I said that if he does, he could not be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Is that true? He wants me to show him proof, and if this is true, he promises not to get one.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah states explicitly: "You should not put a tattoo on your body" (Leviticus 19:27). This is accepted Jewish practice, as recorded in the Code of Jewish Law (Yoreh Deah 180:1).

If someone already has a tattoo, he does not have to have it removed, though many people will have them removed because they feel uncomfortable about it.

Whether or not someone with a tattoo can be buried in a Jewish graveyard is not even a question in your case. Since Jewish law prohibits tattooing in the first place, surely your husband should not get one.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch (19th century, Germany) explains the reason for this prohibition. God made man in the image of God Himself (Genesis 1:26). Of course, this doesn't mean that God looks like us, but it does mean that our body is a finite expression of God's infinite wisdom. One Midrash even says that Abraham figured out all the mitzvahs by looking at different parts of his body! And as Job said, "In my flesh, I see God" (Job 19:26).

Imagine that you own a house with a huge glass window overlooking the beautiful mountainside. Imagine how clearly you see the trees, the snow, even the deer running down the mountain. Now imagine a toddler full of dirt and chocolate smears his hands all over your window. When you look out the window, what do you see? Nothing but a glaze of dirt, chocolate, and a fuzzy mountain in the background.

The body is a window to the soul, which is a spark of the Infinite. Tell your husband: Don't muddy up the window with handprints.

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Cheshvan 29

Is Turkey Kosher?

I have heard that there are some Jews who do not consider turkey kosher. Can you tell me the reason for this? As far as I know, turkey with kosher certification is widely available.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I personally do not know anyone who does not eat turkey, but in truth, the burden of proof lies on the rest of us who do. Here is the basic issue.

Unlike animals and fish, for which the Torah gives specific signs for determining their kashrut (i.e., animals which have split hooves and chew their cud and fish which have fins and scales), the Torah simply lists 24 species of birds which are not kosher (Leviticus 11:13-19 & Deut. 14:12-18). The implication is that the vast majority of the birds of the world are kosher; only a limited number of exceptions exist.

Over the years the exact identity of the non-kosher birds listed in the Torah has become lost. Thus, nowadays we are not able to determine the kashrut of a given bird simply by checking if it appears in the Torah’s forbidden list.

The Mishna (Chullin 3:6) does provide a set of criteria for determining if a bird is kosher. The rules are that all birds of prey (lit., “which pounce”) are forbidden. Kosher birds have an extra toe (facing the opposite direction of the others), a crop, and a gizzard which can be easily peeled.

There is much rabbinic discussion regarding the precise meaning of these criteria – especially of the definition of a “pouncing” bird. As a result, the accepted practice is not to rely on the criteria at all, but to eat only birds for which we have a tradition, handed down throughout the generations, that they are kosher (Rema Y.D. 82:3).

If so, the status of turkey comes under question. Turkeys are native to the New World. (There was even a proposal to make it the national bird of the United States.) Although they do appear to have all the signs the Mishna lists, we cannot possibly have a tradition from generations past that it is kosher. So why do Jews (almost) universally eat it?

Several suggestions have been made. One is that interestingly, the Jews of Europe almost universally began eating turkey once it became available from the Americas. After the fact, the question was posed to various rabbis. (Many mistakenly thought it was imported from India – as even today in Hebrew the turkey is called a “tarnegol hodu” – Indian chicken. They likewise believed that Indian Jews had an established tradition that it is kosher.) Thus, many rabbis accepted that since it does have all the required signs and people have already accepted it as kosher, we have no grounds to forbid it due to a lack of a tradition. In other words, a tradition is required to permit the forbidden, but the lack of a tradition is not grounds to forbid that which has already been assumed to be permitted (Netziv, Meishiv Davar YD:22).

Some also suggest that Jews began eating turkey before the custom became established (late 16th century) not to eat any bird without a tradition. Thus, the later practice not to accept new birds did not come into effect for the turkey.

A final possible justification is that it is possible to cross-breed turkeys and chickens and create a viable hybrid. This too is a possible means of verifying that a questionable species is considered a “cousin” of an accepted one.

(Basic material for response drawn from article by Rabbi Ari Zivotofsky, Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society, #XXXV.)

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Kislev 1

Waging War Against Canaan

In 2009, when Israel went into Gaza and killed a lot of people, I was discussing religion with one of my friends, and he said that in the Torah, God told us to go out and murder people that we don't like. The verse he quoted was in Deuteronomy about the Jews driving out the Canaanite nations from the Land of Israel.

Does the Torah really say that, and if so, why does everything need to be so violent?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Canaanite nations were hardcore idol worshippers and as such, were an unacceptable influence on the holy Jewish nation building its home in the Land of Israel. Today, it is hard for us to imagine what could be so evil about a society, since we imagine idolaters as normal families who just happen to worship the sun or a statue. In reality, idol worship was much worse.

Rabbi Akiva (2nd century CE, Israel) reported that he saw a son bind up his father and feed him to ravaging dogs in service of one his idols. Part of their cult worship was to sacrifice children to the gods (Deut. 12:31), and modern archaeologists have found mounds of children's bones by their altars. These nations were also involved in various sexual immoralities like incest, bestiality and temple orgies (Leviticus 18:27).

Today, most Westerners grow up in quiet neighborhoods, and never experience war, persecution and racism. So they don't easily relate to the concept that if you don't destroy evil, it will destroy you. Questioning someone's sense of justice and morality is really not fair if you haven't dealt with the harsh reality of their experience.

Judaism taught the world the utopian ideal of world peace, yet sometimes war is necessary. We taught the value of life, yet we're not pacifists. Wiping out evil is part of justice. If you choose to leave evil alone, it will eventually attack you (Rashi, Deut. 20:12).

It is ironic that the Jewish people and Israel, who introduced to the world the concept of the sanctity of life, are now criticized as being "cruel" by today's Western civilizations which are built on that Jewish moral foundation! People today can only criticize the State of Israel because those very Jews taught the world that murder, conquest and abuse are wrong.

People mistakenly think that the Torah directive was to wipe out the Canaanites cruelly and indiscriminately. In truth, the Torah prefers that the Canaanites would avoid punishment; they were given many chances to accept peace terms. Even though abominable inhuman practice had been indoctrinated into the Canaanite psyche, the hope was that they'd change and adopt the basic pillars of human civilization which distinguish a community of humans from a jungle of wild animals.

Even as the Jews drew close to battle, they were commanded to act with mercy, as the Torah states, "When approaching a town to attack it, first offer them peace." (Deut. 20:10)

Before entering the Land of Israel, Joshua wrote three letters to the Canaanite nations. The first letter said, "Anyone who wants to leave Israel, has permission to leave." If they refused, a second letter said, "Whoever wants to make peace, can make peace." If they again refused, a final letter warned, "Whoever wants to fight, get ready to fight." Upon receiving these letters, only one of the Canaanite nations, the Girgashites, heeded the call and settled peacefully.

In the event that the Canaanite nations chose not to make a treaty, the Jewish people were still commanded to fight mercifully. For example, when besieging a city to conquer it, the Jews never surrounded it on all four sides. This way, one side was always left open to allow for anyone who wanted to escape. (see Maimonides – Laws of Kings 6:4-5, with Kesef Mishna)

It is interesting that throughout Jewish history, waging war has always been a tremendous personal and national ordeal which ran contrary to the Jews' peace-loving nature. At various stages throughout the 40-year trek in the desert, Moses was forced to reprimand the Jews for having the fear of war. He inspired them with various pep talks, and assurances of victory. Years later, King Saul lost his kingdom by showing misplaced mercy and allowing the Amalekite king to live. (see Exodus 14:3 with Ibn Ezra; Numbers 21:34 with Nachmanides; Deut. 31:6; 1-Samuel ch. 15)

In modern times, Israel has often shown tremendous restraint in dealing with its enemies, and regret at any loss of life. Israel absorbed 10,000 missiles before attacking Gaza. When Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir was asked if she could forgive Egypt for killing Israeli soldiers, she replied, "It is more difficult for me to forgive Egypt for making us kill their soldiers."

So let's put things into perspective before criticizing.

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Kislev 2

Second Class Converts?

I am 28 years old, born in Italy to a Catholic family with Jewish origins on my father's side. I decided to become Jewish, and after a long process, I converted in Israel three years ago. To this day, those who know me call me the "Ger Tzedek" (righteous convert).

This is my problem! I hate this word "Ger!" I am Jewish just like any other Jew. I believe in every letter of my beloved Torah but I cannot understand how the Torah permits me to suffer so much. I even read that there are restrictions in appointing converts to certain leadership positions – just like in America where only someone born in the USA can become president. What does this mean? Is this proof that other Jews consider me a second class citizen?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

First of all, the Torah does not view you in any way whatsoever as a second class Jew. You are as much a Jew as Abraham, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah – who were all converts!

As for leadership positions, the fact is that I am also restricted, because – although I was born Jewish – I am not a priest (kohen), and am not descended from the royal line of King David.

Maimonides (Laws of Torah Study 3:1) explains:

Three crowns were conferred upon the Jewish People: the Crown of Torah, the Crown of Priesthood, and the Crown of Royalty. Aaron merited the Crown of Priesthood, as it says (Numbers 25:13), "And it will be an eternal covenant of priesthood for [Aaron] and his descendants after him." David merited the Crown of Royalty, as it says (Psalms 89:37), "His seed will continue forever, and his throne will be as the sun before Me." But the Crown of Torah is set aside, waiting and ready for each Jew, as it says (Deut. 33:4), "Moses taught us the Torah, it is an inheritance for the entire congregation of Jacob."

As proof of this principle, the great rabbis Shemaya and Avtalyon were converts. The greatest Talmudic sage, Rebbe Akiva, was descended from converts. And Onkelos, who wrote the Aramaic translation which is printed in virtually every Hebrew Bible, was himself a convert.

As for people calling you "Ger Tzedek," the Talmud clearly states (under the mitzvah of "onat devarim" – hurting others with words) that it is forbidden to remind a convert of his past. If somebody does so, you can gently point them to the sources, as recorded in the Sefer HaChinuch (mitzvah 63).

May your Jewish life be forever rich and sweet.

READERS' COMMENT

From: RobbyCicco@cs.com

Regarding the convert who complained about being called "Ger Tzedek" (righteous convert).

I too am a "Jew by Choice" and my greatest dream is to be regarded as a "Ger Tzedek." Rather than bemoan one's fate, one should consider what an inspiration being a Ger can be to others who maybe take their heritage for granted. I now teach Hebrew school in addition to my regular job and I always tell my students that I "chose" to be a Jew. I hope a lifetime of learning and deeds will someday truly qualify me for the title of "Ger Tzedek!"

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Kislev 3

Sneeze - "Bless You!"

Sneezing seems to carry with it many superstitions. In Ancient Greece, sneezes were believed to be prophetic signs from the gods. In Chinese culture, a sneeze is perceived as a sign that someone was talking about the sneezer at that very moment. What does Judaism have to say?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Genesis 48:1 says that Jacob became ill. Why does the Torah need to teach this? Because until that time, no person had ever experienced illness as a sign of pending death. Rather someone would be walking along one day, they'd sneeze, and die instantly. Jacob, however, prayed to God for a period of infirmity prior to death, as a warning sign that it is time to make final preparations.

Why did the "sneeze" cause death? Because in creating humanity, "God blew into Adam's nostrils the soul of life" (Genesis 2:7). Therefore when a person sneezed, the soul would exit from the same place it had originally entered - hence death. (see Radal)

We find an application of this in the Bible, where the prophet Elisha was able to revive a child who had died. "The boy sneezed seven times, and the boy opened his eyes." (2-Kings 4:32-35)

Interestingly, in even more recent times - before the advent of antibiotics - a sneeze was a sign of grave danger. Sneezing was a sign that the person had a cold. If the cold should turn into pneumonia (which it often did), then for all intents and purposes the person had just a few more days to live.

Today, when a person sneezes, we have the custom of saying, "God bless you" (or something similar; in Hebrew we say "labriut" - to your health) since sneezing was once a sign of mortal danger.

By the way, the Code of Jewish Law (OC 103:3) says that sneezing during the middle of the Amidah prayer is a good omen. To learn more, see Pirkei d'Rebbe Eliezer 52; Talmud - Baba Metzia 87a, Sanhedrin 107b, Brachot 53a.

And God bless you!

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Kislev 4

Ashkenazi-Sefardi Pronunciation

I've noticed that Ashkenazi synagogues pronounce some words differently than Sefardi synagogues. What is the halachic status of these two variants? Do Ashkenazim who speak "Israeli" on a daily basis act consistently if they use a different pronunciation only for prayers?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Today there are two forms of Hebrew pronunciation. One is "Israeli/Sefardi" pronunciation which is characterized by all tavs said as "t" and the kamatz vowel pronounced as "a." The second is "Ashkenazi," typified by the "s" sound of the unpointed tav and the kamatz pronounced as "o." A typical example is whether to say Shabbat or Shabbos.

Every Jew has a tradition/custom of how to act. This includes many aspects of Judaism including dress, text of prayers, and pronunciation. Each Jew has to follow his/her traditions and customs. Indeed, the Talmud says that the Jewish people were redeemed from Egypt because they didn't change clothes, names and language!

In the last century, when spoken Hebrew became revived in Israel as a modern language, Sefardi pronunciation became adopted as the prevailing style for business, conversation, etc. Let's clarify: Your question is not an issue of modern spoken Hebrew. That is defined solely by Israeli street, which uses "Hebraicized" words such as "telephone" and "food processor."

The halachic issue is that some Ashkenazi Jews switched over to this pronunciation for prayers as well. This is very difficult to support. Many authorities maintain that an Ashkenazi who pronounces the name of God (Aleph, Daled, Nun and Yud) in the "Israeli" way has not fulfilled his obligation. This applies when saying blessings, praying, or a public Torah reading. For example, when saying the Shema twice daily, the halacha demands one to pronounce every letter of the Shema perfectly. Switching to Sefardi pronunciation would be problematic in this regard. (Mishnah Berurah 68:4; Shu"t Minchat Yitzhak 3:9)

If you are Ashkenazi and grew up learning only the Sefardi pronunciation, I realize that it is difficult to adjust to the Ashkenazi way when saying prayers. Many have done so successfully, and as an aid you may want to mark a red dot in your Siddur in the places where you need to remember to pronounce correctly.

Let me add that when praying in a synagogue that is different from your own customs, you should follow what the custom of the synagogue in anything that is said aloud. That means you should recite Kedusha, Kaddish and even an aliyah to Torah the same as they do. Regarding the silent Shemoneh Esrei, however, which is not "public," you should pray your own text and pronunciation.

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Kislev 5

Writing the Name "God"

When I was a young kid going to Hebrew school, I was taught that we never write the full name of God; that it should always be written with a dash in place of the "O". What's the reason for that? And why do I see it spelled out on Aish.com?

Also, I often see Jewish printed material that says: "This contains the Name of God - please dispose of reverently." I would be grateful if you could give me advice on how this is done.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

There are two separate issues here. One is the legal issue of erasing God's Name; the other is the emotional issue of treating the Name with proper respect.

First the legal side: Any Hebrew name of God is forbidden to erase. From the Torah's exhortation to destroy idolatry, we learn the injunction not to destroy the name of God. (see Deuteronomy 12:3-4; Talmud - Sanhedrin 56a)

The question is whether this applies only to Hebrew names of God, or to the English word "God" as well. The common rabbinic opinion is that "God" written in any language other than Hebrew, has no holiness and can be erased. (Shach Y.D. 179:11; Mishnah Berurah 85:10)

This explains why we are able to bring a U.S. dollar bill into the bathroom, even though it contains the words, “In God We Trust.”

There is still the other issue of giving the Name proper respect. This means not taking genuine Torah material into the bathroom, and not throwing it out with the rest of the garbage. Instead, you should bring the printed material to the synagogue and place it in a box called "Geniza" (a.k.a. "Sheimos"). This box is used to discard unusable holy objects - including Torah scrolls that have become old and invalid, old tefillin and tzitzit, and papers that contain words of Torah.

When the box is full, it is taken to be buried.

If this is not possible, as long as you do not treat a printout with disdain (such as throwing it directly into a garbage can), you may just put it into a separate bag, and then dispose of it. It may even be given for recycling. (Igrot Moshe O.C. 4:39)

Even in Hebrew, partial or altered verses, when not written in Torah script (Ktav Ashurit) and when printed on paper (not written by a scribe on parchment), are all mitigating factors for not considering the writing holy. (source: Pischei Teshuva Y.D. 276:11; Chavas Yair 109; Minchas Yitzchak 1:17)

Now what about spelling the English name "God"? Even though it does not technically have "holiness," some people go beyond the letter of the law and show extra respect, by spelling God with a dash.

Why doesn't Aish.com spell it with a dash? Because many of our readers have limited Jewish background, and spelling God with a dash might look strange and pose some block to learning the material. So in consultation with leading Torah scholars, we simply follow the halacha stated above, that non-Hebrew names do not technically have holiness.

An interesting extension of this topic is the issue of deleting God's name from a computer screen. It seems that nothing is being written or erased, except for electromagnetic impulses. Actually, any word displayed on a screen is erased and rewritten 50 or 60 times a second. So when you scroll down the screen, you're not doing anything worse than was just done thousand of times in the last few minutes.

And one more corollary: Rabbi Moshe Feinstein writes that although there does not appear to be anything wrong with erasing cassette tapes containing God's name, when possible one should refrain from doing so as a sign of reverence. (Igros Moshe - Y.D. 1:173)

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Kislev 6

Witchcraft & Magic

What does Judaism say about the existence of black magic? Is this a real power or just an illusion?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah accepts that magic and sorcery do exist. Along with nature's normal way of functioning, God also created a way for humans to manipulate it - by the means of magic. Although God does not permit mankind to use sorcery, He had to allow this deviant path to exist in order to give mankind an element of choice. Otherwise we would lack the unique spiritual trait of free will.

However, the Torah prohibits the practice of sorcery, fortune-telling, and divination -- via chance, necromancy, cards, or other fortune-telling paraphernalia. (Exodus 22:17; Leviticus 19:26,31; Deuteronomy 18:10-11)

Maimonides writes that it is forbidden to perform acts and claim that they are done through supernatural forces, because this is what the idol-worshippers used to do -- to bring "compelling proof" for their idol worship, via magic and fortune-telling. (Laws of Idolatry 11:16)

According to Rabbi A.Y. Kook ("Da'at Kohen" 69), it is forbidden to perform magic or fortune-telling. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein also discouraged doing magic tricks, but wrote that it would be permitted if the magician informed people of how the trick was performed beforehand.

To learn more, read "Faith and Folly" by Rabbi Yaakov Hillel (Feldheim.com).

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Kislev 7

Wisdom

I am approaching college graduation and my friends and I did an exercise: We made a "bucket list" of all the things we want to try and achieve during our lifetime. One friend who I respect a lot, put "acquire wisdom" at the top of her list. Does Judaism have a concept of wisdom, and if so, what is it?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Funny you should ask. Judaism also puts "wisdom" at the top of the list!

What is wisdom? It is tools for living that you can apply to any pursuit - business, relationships, sports, whatever. Wisdom is therefore the most important quality for a successful life, the building block of all else.

To be wise, you can't casually absorb wisdom; you have to actively pursue it. More wisdom equals more life, more pleasure, and more meaning. It is the ultimate value.

Most people would rather learn from their own mistakes than learn from others. We imagine we'll just "figure it all out" as we go along.

But life is too short for this. Why make mistakes that we could otherwise prevent? As the saying goes: "A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

So what is the key to obtaining as much wisdom in life as possible? The Sages say: "Who is the wise person? He who learns from all people."

The Talmud (Avot 5:24) says that age 60 marks the arrival of maturity. Now that can't mean physical maturity, so it is explained that it refers to wisdom. The word Zaken (literally "old") is an acronym for Ze Kana Chachma = He has acquired wisdom.

The key to a successful life is to choose a goal, and then attain it. Of course, it's important to choose the right goal, to know what pleasure you're really going after. Otherwise you could end up a millionaire - and miserable. To learn more about Jewish wisdom, see the classic series: "48 Ways.”

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Kislev 8

Why Things Happen

I've been thinking about the whole idea of "why we are here," and it seems to me that the Darwinian attitude of "everything is by random chance" does not lend itself to a meaningful life. How does Judaism view the reason why things happen?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Unfortunately, the way a lot of Jews relate to punishment has been heavily influenced by Christianity, which views God as acting with "fire and brimstone." No offense, but the Jewish idea is much different. God is our merciful Father. He's an infinite being that has no needs. Punishment cannot mean that He's "getting something." And this is the key to understanding the concept of chastisement.

When you think about it, all relationships are based on reward and punishment. When I bring my wife flowers, she smiles. If it's her birthday and I don't bring her flowers, I get punished - either by a burnt dinner, cold shoulder, etc. Relationships that are based on love always play themselves out in terms of reward and punishment. When I do what's right, I receive positive reinforcement; when I do what's wrong I get a "punishment."

What happens if my wife would always react the same regardless of whether or not I bring her flowers? That's the worst possible thing in a relationship - indifference.

Judaism says that punishment exists because God is reacting to the fact that I've done something wrong, and He wants me to change. Hopefully I'll hear the message and learn from that. God is not out for revenge. He's doing this for my own good.

If God wouldn't react to my negative behavior that would be the worst punishment of all - because that would mean indifference. This is why King David says in Psalms (23:4): "Your rod and your staff comfort me." Even though I may get "hit" once in a while, I know it is ultimately for my own good.

I would like to share a personal example.

I attended a prominent university, and one of my prized possessions was a coffee mug that bore the school's insignia. Years later, while working at an office, I would proudly carry my mug each day to get coffee. Then one day, a huge gust of wind blew through the window near my desk, knocking my mug to the floor and shattering it into a hundred pieces. My first thought was: "I'll call my old roommate and ask him to send me a new mug."

But then I forced myself to ask a deeper question: Why did this happen? Did this contain a message for my spiritual growth?

Through introspection, I realized that every day, while carrying my mug through the office, I would hold it proudly aloft, smugly aware that I was just a little better than everyone else -- because this school was my alma mater and not theirs. Now I knew why the cup broke. I needed to rid myself of this foolish arrogance. And it took shattering shards to wake me up.

Sometimes the connection is not so obvious, and we have to work hard to discover it. We may not even always be successful in making the connection. But whatever the outcome, one thing is for sure: We cannot lose. The process of introspection is bound to reveal tremendous insight and growth.

Which reminds me of a story:

A man was running to catch a bus, but he arrived a moment too late, only to see the bus pulling away. Despondent, he turned to a sagely looking man and asked him, "Why did this happen to me?!"

"I don't know," replied the man, "but you've got another 15 minutes to think about it."