Ask the Rabbi

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Shevat 26

Tattoo: Burial in Jewish Cemetery?

I have a tattoo from my younger days, which I now very much regret. I am debating whether to undergo laser removal surgery, and one of my considerations is whether the tattoo will prevent me from (eventually) being buried in a Jewish cemetery. Any thoughts?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Although it is forbidden for a Jew to get a tattoo (see Leviticus 19:28), there is no truth to the idea that he is then unable to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Clearly, a Holocaust survivor with a number tattooed on his arm may be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Whenever someone makes such a claim, ask them for a source. That usually ends the conversation.

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Shevat 27

120 Year Lifespan

I was curious about the blessing we give people to live till 120 years. What is the origin of the expression? Is that just a nice, very high number, or is that considered the upper limit? I wouldn’t think so since there was a woman who did live till 122 in recent years. In fact, there were many people in the Torah who lived much longer than 120.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for your interesting question. There are two possible sources for that expression. One relates to the Flood. Before the Flood, when God first saw mankind sliding to evil ways, He stated: “My spirit will not contend regarding man forever since he is but flesh. His days will be 120 years” (Genesis 6:3).

Some of the commentators understand this to mean God had placed a new upper limit on man’s lifespan. God recognized that man was sinful because the antediluvian lifespan was so great. The average person, knowing he had so many centuries to go, did not fear death and his ultimate encounter with God. He had many years to live and enjoy himself first, with virtually no sense of his mortality. Alternatively, life is such a struggle between man’s body and soul, that with so many years to live, a person is bound to succumb over time. As a result, God decided to shorten man’s lifespan, making 120 years the new limit (Chizkuni, Abarbanel, Malbim, Ha’amek Davar, see also Talmud Chullin 139b and Midrash HaGadol).

Today we bless people to live as close to that limit as possible.

In truth, most of the commentators (Targum, Rashi, Ibn Ezra, Ramban, Radak, R. Bechaye, Sforno) understand that verse differently. The limit of 120 years was not a permanent decree on man’s lifespan, but a final deadline God had given mankind before his destruction. If man would not repent within the next 120 years, the Flood would ensue. (In fact, Noah was commanded to begin construction of the ark a full 120 years in advance (and on top of a mountain) so that people would notice and inquire – and perhaps Noah’s response would stir them to repent in time.)

A second possible source is Moses’s lifespan. Moses lived till exactly 120 (Talmud Sotah 13b) – and on top of it the Torah attests that his energy and vitality did not diminish in the slightest before that time (Deut. 34:7). We thus bless people today that they be granted the same long, productive life of our great teacher Moses. (See also Talmud Chullin 139b which sees a hint to Moses’s future lifespan in the 120 years mentioned before the Flood. The Torah thus implied that the perfect lifespan attainable would now be one such as his.)

According to the first explanation, that God decreed 120 as the upper limit, why do we find many postdiluvian human beings who exceeded that limit, from the days after the Flood and on? Why, Moses’s own brother Aaron lived till 123, and our forefathers down to his time lived well upwards of 120. In modern times, Jeanne Calment beat the limit by over 2 years.

The commentators explain that God’s decree of 120 years was a gradual one. Man’s lifetime slowly decreased from 900+ to 120 by Moses’s time. If we study the lifespans of the Biblical figures from the Flood and on, they declined from 950 (Noah) to 600 (Shem) to the 400’s, and then to the 200’s. Then going from Abraham to Moses, they went from the upper 100’s to the middle and lower, down to 120 with Moses.

In terms of later people who lived slightly longer, the commentators are not especially bothered. They explain that 120 is a rough limit, not a precise one. See also Ha’amek Davar who observes dryly that by then a person’s human faculties have virtually left him. I also seen quoted from the Jerusalem Talmud that a person’s body will decay by 120, although his body may continue to function a bit longer than that (especially with modern medicine). See likewise Pirkei Avot (5:21), which is even less forgiving: “At Ninety to be bent over; at one hundred it is as if the person has died and passed and is ‘nullified’ from the world.”

Based on this, it is definitely possible a person could live a bit longer than 120. But either way, it's a pretty good blessing to wish someone!

See also these articles on this topic:

http://www.aish.com/ci/s/Living-to-120.html

http://www.aish.com/sp/ph/120-Thats-Life.html

I wish you till 120 years!

[phkrause]

Shevat 28

Down-to-Earth Spirituality

I am perplexed about a certain juxtaposition in the Torah. Parshas Yisro describes the dramatic revelation of God to the Jewish People at Mount Sinai. And then the next parsha, Mishpatim, lists mundane laws regarding personal injury, property damage, returning lost objects, etc.

After the spiritual high of Mount Sinai, why would God "bring us down" (so to speak) with all these minute details of daily life?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Actually, they're two sides of the same coin. The spiritual high of Sinai may be nice, but it doesn't solve one problem of the world in which we live. Spirituality is not achieved solely by meditating on a mountaintop or in an out-of-the-way monastery. Jewish spirituality comes through grappling with the mundane world in a way that uplifts and elevates. That's why yeshivas are always located in the center of town, amidst the bustle of commercial activity. Jews don't retreat from life, we elevate it. On Friday night, we raise the cup of wine and use it -- not to get drunk -- but to make Kiddush and sanctify the Sabbath day. Spirituality, says Judaism, is to be found in the kitchen, the office, and yes, even in the bedroom.

So if that's true, why did we need Mount Sinai in the first place? Because a powerful spiritual experience is what jump-starts our engines. We've all had such a moment of insight -- whether at a Discovery Seminar or standing atop Masada. But that feeling only lasts a short time. So the Torah tells us that when we have a moment of insight, we need to concretize it. The spiritual insight must take root in the reality of our physical world. The lofty level of yesterday is no guarantee we'll retain that level tomorrow. It is only through the laws of daily life that we can hope to transform ourselves and our world.

Maimonides explains this metaphorically as follows: Imagine that you're lost at night, trudging through a terrible rain storm. You are knee-deep in mud. And then suddenly a single flash of lightning appears, illuminating the road ahead. It is the only light you may see for miles. It is that single flash, says Maimonides, that must guide you on through the night. So too, one burst of inspiration may have to last for years.

The Zohar explains that the ideals of Sinai must be internalized and absorbed into our very bones. Whenever we have a moment of insight and clarity, we must translate that energy into a concrete daily activity. The validity of any religious experience is whether the result is a better person. That, the Torah tells us, is how we bring the heights of Sinai... down to earth.

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Shevat 29

Halal Meat

I try to buy kosher meat, but it’s not so easily available in my area. There is, however, a Muslim population in my city. I know that they also have some form of religious supervision of meat. What is the difference between Halal meat and Kosher meat?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

This is not “Ask the Mufti,” but Halal meat is ritually slaughtered according to the customs of the Muslims. It is not kosher, however, since there are a number of additional regulations for meat to be kosher – including the removal of the blood and certain veins and fats. All these are described in the Code of Jewish Law. A Jew may not eat Halal meat, though my understanding is that Muslims will eat kosher meat slaughtered by a Jew.

This reminds me of an interesting story that took place about 100 years ago in Israel. For their Halal meat, Arabs had come to rely on Sefardi Jewish butchers who had come from the neighboring countries of Yemen, Morocco, Syria, etc. But when Ashkenazi Jews starting arriving in large numbers from the European countries, the Arabs would not eat from their meat, since they did not believe these were "real Jews." Only when the Sefardi Jews testified on their behalf, would the Arabs then eat from Ashkenazi Jewish butchers.

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Shevat 30

Half-Shekel Equality

Before Purim, the rabbi put out a plate and told everyone to give a half-shekel (or its local equivalent). I understand this was done in the times of the Tempe to purchase public offerings. But what is its relevance today?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

When the Torah instructs every Jew to donate one Half-Shekel annually, the law is that everyone must give exactly the same amount. Nobody is allowed to give more than one Half-Shekel - even if they are wealthy and want to give more!

Why is it forbidden for anyone to give more?

The answer is that in God's grand plan, every Jew is equally valuable. If one person is born with physical strength and becomes a brick-layer, while another is born with a sharp mind and becomes a brain surgeon, each makes his own important contribution to society. Neither should feel any more or less valuable than the other. It is a mistake to think that being born with more talent somehow makes a person better. The Talmud says that the only thing we earn is our good name and character. Everything else is a gift. In the words of Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, true self-esteem comes from focusing on your spiritual growth, not on superficial signs of status. Because no one person's "package" is inherently better than another.

The story is told of the great Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (20th century Jerusalem), who asked his congregation to delay the evening prayers until the street sweeper arrived. Said Rabbi Auerbach: "This man is devoted and committed to his work, and takes pride in the contribution he makes to Jewish life. I wish I had such pure intentions in my own work!"

Yet we are still left with another question: Why does the Torah command everyone to give a Half-Shekel - why not a whole shekel?

The answer is that the Jewish people are an indivisible unit and we cannot achieve our goals without each other. The Kabbalists explain that just as 600,000 Jewish souls stood at Mount Sinai, so too there are 600,000 letters in the Torah (including the white spaces between letters). Because just as a Torah scroll is invalid if even a single letter is missing, so too the Jewish people are handicapped if even one Jew has fallen away from our people.

Every Jew is crucial, an indivisible part of the whole. This is why it is so important to reach out to fellow Jews who may be estranged from their heritage. We try to bring them back - not only for their own sake - but also for the sake of the Jewish nation which is suffering from their absence. In this way, the idea of the Half-Shekel is as relevant today as it was in the time of Moses!

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Adar 1

Last Names

When my grandparents came to America in the early 20th century, they changed their last name from Yosselovitch to Kerry. Now that I’ve become more interested in my roots, it bothers me to have this “made-up” last name, and I’m thinking of changing it back to the original. What do you say?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Actually, all the last names we have are all "made up."

In days of old, and still in synagogues and Jewish communities today, last names were not used. Rather, a person was called by their father's first name. For example, a woman by the name of Sarah would be known as Sarah the daughter of Reuben. For thousands of years this was the tradition, until the last few hundred years.

The first stirrings of change occurred in 1787 in Austria, where a decree demanded that all Jews select a family name. In France in 1808, Napoleon decreed the same. Many of these Jews stuck with Jewish tradition and simply incorporated the father's name – e.g. “son of Moshe" became Moskowitz, or in your case, “son of Joseph” became Yosselovitch.

Others chose a last name based on their locality (e.g. "Ungarisher" – from Hungary), based on vocation (e.g. "Goldshmidt"), or a descriptive appellation (e.g. "Klein" – small).

Those Jews from the priestly tribe often chose a last name that reflected this status – e.g. Cohen or Levy. The name Katz as well is an acronym for “Kohen Tzedek,” righteous priest.

My advice: If you want to change your name to something more Jewish-sounding, pick something meaningful. But don’t do so if it will upset your parents or cause a rift in your extended family.

For more on this, see:

• "These are the Names: Studies in Jewish Onomastics" by Prof. Edwin Lawson

• "The Given Names and Surnames of the Jewish People" by Abraham Stahl

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Adar 2

Cutting Down Fruit Trees

We have a canistel (or eggfruit) tree our backyard which we’d like to get rid of. We do not eat its fruit, and the fruit and leaves make a constant mess. I haven’t found anyone who is interested in its fruit – even to take it from us for free. I would like to replace it with an orange tree (we live in Miami). Is there any problem doing so?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah actually writes specifically that we may not cut down fruit trees (Deuteronomy 20:19-20). From this the Sages learn a more general principle that one may not purposelessly waste or destroy anything of value – food, good utensils, clothes, etc. (see e.g. Talmud Baba Kama 91b, Shabbat 140b).

The Talmud (Baba Kama 91-92) distinguishes that whenever there is a legitimate reason, one may cut down a fruit tree – if it damages other trees or plants, if it’s not productive and not worth its upkeep, if it’s more valuable for the wood, etc. The commentators include in this dispensation when ones needs the space the tree is growing on (Rosh Baba Kama 8:15).

There is, however, a frightening line in the Talmud there which makes people much more hesitant to rely on the above leniency. Rabbi Chanina stated that his son died young as a punishment for his cutting a fig tree before its time. Thus apart from the legal issue of destroying a productive tree, this law appears to carry with it severe Divine retribution.

Most authorities explain that this punishment is incurred only if a person cuts down a fruit tree without legitimate reason, but there is a minority opinion that it is incurred even if the tree is cut with good reason.

As a result, even in cases where a legitimate reason applies, people generally take an extra precaution of first selling the tree to a non-Jew, and having a non-Jew do the actual cutting. (The entire prohibition does not apply to non-Jews.) Your case is also better in that you are cutting one fruit tree to plant another, more productive one. Even with all of this, it’s preferable, if possible, to leave a part of the original tree intact.

(Sources: Rambam Hil’ Melachim 6:8-10, Rosh Baba Kama 8:15, Binayan Tziyon 61, Minchat Yitzchak X 69, Yabia Omer V Y.D. 12:7.)

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Adar 3

Faith vs. Knowledge

My Christian friends are always speaking about “faith.” To me this sounds a lot like blind faith. Is that really the essence of religion?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I'm afraid that this is another case of a Christian concept being mis-associated with Judaism.

Let's first define our terms. What is faith?

Webster defines faith as "Belief without proof."

What is knowledge? "An acquaintance with truth, facts or principles through study or investigation."

Faith is usually a product of desire. Have you ever gotten a tip on the market that guarantees you're going to triple your money in a month? A lot of smart people have gotten fleeced because they ignored the evidence and went with their feelings.

Knowledge, on the other hand, is based on evidence. We know there's a place called China because we have too many products in our house saying "made in China." There's a lot of evidence for the existence of China, even though most of us have never been there.

Judaism unequivocally comes down on the side of knowledge, not faith. In Deuteronomy 4:39, the Torah says: "You shall know this day, and understand it well in your heart, that the Almighty is God; in the heaven above and the earth below, there is none other." (This verse is also contained in the prayer, "Aleynu.")

This verse tells us that it is not enough to simply know in your head, intellectually, that God is the Controller of everything. You must know it in your heart! This knowledge is much more profound than an intellectual knowledge. God gave us a brain because he wants us to think rationally about the world, our role in it, and our relationship with God.

A conviction based on desire or feelings alone has no place in Judaism. The Hebrew word "emunah," which is often translated as faith, does not describe a conviction based on feelings or desire. It describes a conviction that is based on evidence.

Once this knowledge is internalized, it effects how a person lives. A person with this knowledge could transform every breathing moment into a mitzvah, for he would do everything for the sake of the heaven. But this is not a "knowledge," that comes easily. Only intensive Torah learning and doing mitzvahs can achieve this knowledge. Every word of Torah we learn moves us just a little bit closer to that goal. And everyone is capable of that.

To learn more, read "The Knowing Heart," by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (Feldheim.com). This entire book is an explanation of this verse!

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Adar 4

Bible Translation

I just returned from a business trip where I stayed up late one night reading the Bible that was in the nightstand. Or I should say, that I tried reading it. The translation was indecipherable, with all the “shall’s” and “thou’s.” Now that my interest has been piqued, I’m wondering if you could suggest a better translation than the one I saw.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Hebrew is a very special language. It is the language God spoke when He created the world. It is the national language of the Jewish people – which best captures the meanings of Jewish life, concepts, and prayers. And of course, Hebrew is the original language of the Bible/Torah.

When the Bible is translated into other languages, it loses much of its essence. For instance, many are familiar with the King James translation. Although a scholarly work, this translation is not rooted in Jewish sources, and often goes against Jewish teachings. Furthermore, the language is archaic and difficult for the modern reader. Our Sages teach that "every day the Torah should be as new" (Rashi to Deut 27:15). This means that archaic or obsolete language may not be used when translating the Bible, because this would give the impression that the Torah is old, not new.

Although many modern translations are more readable, they are often even more divorced from traditional Judaic sources. They may ignore the Talmud and Midrash, which contain the tradition for how to translate the idiomatic language of the Torah. (As an example, the expression in Exodus 13:9 "between the eyes," actually denotes the center of the head just above the hairline.

I recommend the following modern translations that are "Jewishly accurate:" the "Stone Chumash" and the "Stone Tanach." These are translated by top-rate Jewish scholars, who understand the subtleties of the Hebrew language and have a great knowledge of Talmudic sources, and the accompanying commentary fills in the background information.

These are available at any Jewish bookstore, or at www.artscroll.com

Best of luck in your studies!

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Adar 5

Hinduism and Judaism

My husband is Hindu and I am Jewish. I am trying to grow in my Judaism, but I need to be delicate so as not to do too much too fast or he may object. Do you know of any resource that identifies the things in common between Judaism and Hinduism? When I bring out similarities, it makes him more comfortable (i.e. conservative/modest dress, reincarnation beliefs). If I know more similarities, I am hopeful I could progress faster and with less resistance on my husband's part.

In general, what does Judaism say about books such as the Hindu Bhagavad Gita?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Hinduism does not have a uniform belief, but rather includes elements of monotheism, polytheism, and even atheism – depending on the particular tradition and philosophy. Thus it is difficult to assess whether their "gods" are names of the different powers of one central God, or are different spiritual being, angels, forces, etc., carrying out God's will.

The Jewish criterion regarding idolatry – as it relates to non-Jews – is also subject to debate. The accepted ruling is that if a non-Jew believes in a single all-powerful God, even if he accepts other forces together with God (such as the Christian belief in the Trinity), it is not idolatry. (Note that this distinction only pertains to non-Jews.) However, any other type of belief in a deity independent of God is idolatry (Code of Jewish Law – Rema O.C. 156:1).

Being that Hinduism embraces all and some of these beliefs (depending on the tribe), it is also difficult evaluate precisely what their attitude is to their icons and statues. Are they gods in themselves? Is the sun a god and power on its own? Or are they just symbols of God?

Interestingly, after the death of Abraham's wife Sarah, the Torah says that Abraham took a wife named Keturah. They had children together, and the Torah says: "Abraham gave all that he had to Isaac. But to the concubine children, Abraham gave gifts. Then he sent them away... to the land of the East." (Genesis 25:1-5) The words, "Abraham gave all that he had to Isaac," indicate the Isaac alone was the spiritual inheritor of Abraham's legacy – which was the ability to continue the Jewish faith. The other children, however, did not go to the East empty-handed. According to the Zohar, the "gifts" refers to many of the mystical traditions of Abraham. Hence, the ancient eastern religions have their roots with Abraham.

Regarding eastern religions and meditation, Jews pray three times a day, as we have been meditating for thousands of years. One can still meditate even though one embraces Judaism. Naturally it will be necessary for one who has been used to meditating with the aid of a mantra to choose a mantra that is not offensive to Judaism. (Some mantras are names of idolatrous eastern gods.)

An excellent guide is called "Jewish Meditation" by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (Schocken Pub.).

I haven’t seen any books specifically on Hinduism and Judaism, but there are some excellent books dealing with Eastern religions in general:

• "The Jew in the Lotus: A Poet's Rediscovery of Jewish Identity in Buddhist India" by Rodger Kamanetz (Harper Books)

• "Letters to a Buddhist Jew" by Rabbi Akiva Tatz

• "Torah and Dharma: Jewish Seekers in Eastern Religions" by Judith Linzer, which explores the phenomenon of Jews seeking spiritual fulfillment in Eastern religions

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Adar 6

Have Her Convert?

I’ve been dating a young woman for the past two years and we are starting to think about marriage. The problem is that she is not Jewish. I would want her to convert, but in a way where there would be no doubt about its validity, so that we and our kids don’t have problems later on. How do you recommend that I proceed?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I appreciate your desire to resolve this in an authentic, non-contentious way. Unfortunately, it is going to be quite difficult for your friend to go through a real conversion.

First she has to believe that Judaism is the true religion. not just accept it by default.

This means that she believes that there is a G-d who gave the Torah to the Jewish people.

Then she has to study what it says in the Torah.

Then she has to commit herself to observe all the commandments in the Torah.

Once she gets to this point, she is ready for a real conversion.

Ironically enough, If she ever did get to this point, she may never want to marry someone like you, who may lack this level of appreciation and commitment.

My advice is to try a separation from your friend and ask yourself this question: "Do I need to be married to this person to find happiness in life, and is it worth all the trouble of converting? Or would I be better off looking for someone else to marry?" Until you have done that trial separation, you do not have clarity about the right thing to do.

Another key step should be to find out more about your own religion. I can see that you are an upright fellow who wants to do the right thing. So find out what's been driving the Jewish people to greatness for the past 3,000 years. I suggest attending a Discovery seminar, an excellent presentation of Jewish history and philosophy which is given in hundreds of cities throughout the world. For the current schedule, visit www.aish.com/dis/

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Adar 7

Original Sin

I want to know about the concept of "sin" due to Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge. The Christian concept of sin revolves around the fall of the man and the "original sin." Does Judaism view it the same way?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Adam and Eve were punished according to their actions. In other words, God laid down the conditions for Adam and Eve to live in the garden, provided they would not eat from the Tree of Knowledge. However, if they were to eat from that tree they would be punished by experiencing death. (If they had not eaten from the tree, they would have remained immortal.)

This sets down the basic principle in Judaism of Reward and Punishment. Basic to this is that every person has the choice of doing good or bad. When a person chooses "good" – as defined by God – he is able to draw close to God. In other words, every individual has a chance to "gain salvation" through his own actions.

My understanding of Christianity, however, is that the Original Sin has infected all of mankind to the point where individuals are incapable of achieving salvation through their own initiative. Man is "totally depraved" and therefore his only hope of salvation is through the cross.

This belief is contrary to the teachings of Judaism. From the Torah perspective, an individual does not need to rely on anyone else to atone for them. In Judaism, sins can be "erased" altogether by sincere repentance and a firm resolution never to repeat the mistakes.

For more on this, read "Their Hollow Inheritances" by Michael Drazin – www.drazin.com

ps: so my question to the Rabbi would than be, why have the sacrificial system?? Obviously the Priest atoned for each Israelite!!!!!

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Adar 8

Shehechiyanu Blessing on Major Purchase

I just bought a used car. Is there any sort of blessing or prayer I say for it?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Yes! There is a special blessing of thanks we recite on making any major purchase, thanking God for allowing us to reach another happy occasion.

If you are the only beneficiary of the car, then the appropriate blessing is as follows:

Baruch attah Ado-nai Elo-hainu melech ha’olam she’hechiyanu v’kiymanu v’higiyanu la’z’man hazeh.

Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this time.

If both you and others will benefit from it – such as if it is a family car, then the blessing is a different one:

Baruch attah Ado-nai Elo-hainu melech ha’olam hatov v’ha’maitiv.

Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, who is good and who does good [to others].

What types of items do we recite this blessing for? The item must be significant and it must bring joy to the purchaser. What sort of item brings joy will to some extent depend on the financial status of each person, but generally speaking the blessing should be recited on the purchase of any major household item and appliance, as well as important items of clothing (other than shoes). A car, even a used one, most definitely rates. Enjoy!

(Sources: Talmud Brachot 9b, Shulchan Aruch O.C. 222:1, 223:6, Mishna Berurah 13,24, V’Zot HaBracha p. 166).

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Adar 9

Hamentaschen and Haman’s Three-Cornered Hat

Is there a deeper meaning behind Haman’s 3-cornered hat? Why do we eat hamentaschen in memory of that of all things?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

There is actually no classic source I am aware of which makes mention of Haman wearing a three-cornered hat. This is one of the suggestions given for the custom to eat the triangularly-shaped hamentaschen (or hamantashen) on Purim – that perhaps Haman wore such a hat and we eat them to commemorate his destruction. The earliest source I know of which mentions this theory is Otzar Dinnim u’Minhagim (Collection of Laws and Customs, by Rabbi J. D. Eisenstein, p. 336), originally published in New York in 1917. So it’s not a bad theory, but it’s really only a speculation.

The Yiddish word tasch means pouch or pocket. Thus, others suggest that the term is a reference to the Haman’s pockets – meaning the vast treasure he offered Ahasuerus for permission to wipe out the Jews (Esther 3:9). (Otzar Dinnim u’Minhagim suggests further that the many poppy seeds inside the “pocket” allude to the myriad coins he offered the king.)

In Modern Hebrew hamentaschen are known as “oznei haman” – “Haman ears” – and there exist several early references to such a name for them. As far as I know, this is equally speculative because there are no classic references to Haman having Vulcan ears (even though kiddie books often draw him as such), yet the same general idea emerges – of “destroying” Haman through our feasting. (It has been noted that in medieval times the ears of a condemned man would be cut off before his hanging. Thus, severed ears are reminiscent of Haman’s fate (I know, this makes them just a bit less appetizing). (Source: Sefer HaMoadim vol. 6 pp. 153-4.)

Another fairly plausible theory for the etymology of hamentaschen actually has grounds for it in Jewish custom. Hamentaschen were always classically filled with honeyed poppy seeds, mohn in Yiddish. And since tasch is a pocket, the treats might have originally been known as mohntaschen, which due to their association with Purim became known as hamentaschen (Sefer Matamim, Purim 2).

Why were these “poppy pockets” customarily eaten on Purim? It was in fulfillment of a custom to eat seeds on Purim. As the Book of Daniel (Ch. 1) records, when Daniel, Hanania, Mishael, and Azaria were forced into service in Nebuchadnezzar’s court, Daniel requested that they be given just seeds and water to eat so they wouldn’t have to defile themselves with non-kosher food. Their request was reluctantly granted, and they thrived on their limited (but fairly healthy) diet. The Talmud likewise records that Esther subsisted on seeds in order to keep kosher in the palace (Megillah 13a). In commemoration of this, the custom developed to eat seeds on Purim (Rema O.C. 695:2) – which later assumed this tasty form.

(Based on this, hamentaschen should really be filled with seeds – as they traditionally always were. The much more popular and exotic recipes of today – jams, chocolate, peanut butter, halva, caramel, etc. – were later innovations.)

Since Jewish customs are often so filled with meaning (as well as jelly), other fascinating allusions have been seen in hamentaschen. The treat is wrapped inside just as God’s providential Hand was hidden within events. Rather than performing open miracles, God quietly guided the course of events to bring about our salvation.

An equally fascinating suggestion is that Mordechai tried to rouse the Jews of Ahasuerus’s massive empire to repentance by sending out letters warning them of the dire events. But rather than sending the letters openly and drawing too much attention to his efforts, he sent them covertly, hidden inside of pastries! (Both explanations appear in the work Menucha u’Kedusha (2:20).)

An additional insight is offered based on the fact that Purim is a minor holiday. Unlike the major holidays, we are not restricted from performing labor on Purim. We thus eat a pastry with a treat hidden inside of it, signifying that though on the outside Purim is a regular day, it contains “treasures” – of sanctity and festivities – within. This is similar to the custom of eating kreplach (dumplings, dough filled with meat) on two other minor holidays – the eve of Yom Kippur and Hoshana Rabba (and some eat them on Purim as well). (Based on Ta’amei HaMinhagim 895.)

Finally, the three corners of the hamentaschen might allude to the three-way struggle between Ahasuerus, Haman and Esther or the three Patriarchs in whose merit we were saved (Otzar Dinnim u’Minhagim, based on Midrash, Sefer Matamim Purim 2).

For a more complete treatment of this interesting topic see here.

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Adar 10

Is the Midrash Literal?

I respect the Torah greatly and try to observe its commands. One thing that bothers me, however, are the Midrashic texts which describe things in a very far-out way. I recently saw something about Moses being 10 feet tall. Is that to be taken literally? Because if so, I have a hard time accepting it.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You have touched on a very fundamental topic in Jewish thought.

Writing in Jewish Action magazine, Rabbi Yitzchak Adlerstein explains:

There are a number of different ways of dealing with passages that seem to elude our grasp. The simplest is to ignore the problem. If that's what it says, then that's what it means – and let the chips fall where they may.

Many of our rabbis, though, would not concur with such an approach. The twelfth century Maimonides, for instance, wrote about three different attitudes in his day toward the Midrash (aggada). One group felt it an exercise in piety to simply accept everything in the works of the Talmudic rabbis, no matter how far-fetched. But rather than demonstrate their loyalty and tenacity, says Maimonides, these people cause much harm. Rather than praising us as a "wise and discerning people," the non-Jewish world reacts to this stance by thinking of us as "debased and foolish."

And that they did. In the infamous polemical debates of medieval times, a frequent target of the venom of both the Church and the Karaites was the philosophical aggada. Passage after difficult passage was paraded out to show the foolishness of the Jews in believing in this kind of stuff (or their arrogance in elevating Man above God, or assigning human properties to Him, or, at a later time, to demonstrate from the aggada itself that the Jews should really accept the Christian messiah.)

Another approach, if it can be called that, is to assert that the rabbis were simply wrong about many things. This creates a frightful dichotomy in our relationship with the Talmudic rabbis. Is it tenable to see them as incredibly profound when it comes to Jewish law, and incredibly naive and shallow when it comes to the philosophical topics treated in aggada?

There is an alternative, one that accepts without reservation that every syllable of the rabbis resonates with brilliance and profundity. It approaches the words of the Talmudic rabbis with unqualified acceptance and regard. It assumes that every epigram, every passage, every remark flows with the Divine wisdom that is vouchsafed to those who immerse themselves in Torah. At the same time, it refuses to concede any irrationality to the words of these Sages. God himself is the ultimate Source of this wisdom; His Torah cannot be irrational nor even arbitrary.

One figure stands out as a master of this approach. He is Rabbi Judah Loew of Prague, usually identified by the acronym Maharal.

Take the Midrash which says that Vashti, the original queen in the Purim story, had a “tail." According to Maharal, we should not be slaves to the literal meaning of words. The Sages employed a richness of expression, just as we today use our own idiomatic form for a functionless growth. We call it "spare tire." (Will future anthropologists, noting references to "spare tire" but unfamiliar with contemporary usage, assume that people once propelled themselves on two axles?) In explicating the words of the Sages, we must always look for symbolism, allegory, idioms, and the clever turn-of-the-phrase that can say so much in so few words.

Maharal does not reject the miraculous. Rather he rejects a superficial reading of the words of the rabbis, words he is convinced almost always disguise more than they reveal. When we probe the true intent of the rabbis, we discover that they saw Divine intervention occurring in ways that may be more profound than the simple miracle that the text suggests.

To properly understand these Midrashic passages, it is essential to have a learned and wise Torah teacher. If you tell me what city you're located in, I'll be happy to recommend someone that you could contact.

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Adar 11

Niddah: Why

Why is a couple prohibited from marital relations during the wife's menstruation? Doesn't this reduce the ability of a man and woman to connect through the deeper aspects of marriage? And isn't this whole thing discriminatory toward women?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Actually, the laws of family purity help increase intimacy between husband and wife, and it has nothing to do with "double standards," as we shall explain.

There is a spiritual concept called "tuma." Unfortunately mistranslated as "dirty," tuma is not a description of inferiority, impurity or uncleanliness. Rather, tuma is caused by the "loss of human life." For example, the dead body of a human being contains the greatest degree of tuma.

Similarly, after having marital relations, men are in a state of tuma, because of the loss of the "building blocks" of life within them (Leviticus 15:16). Women incur this state of tuma when they menstruate, because of the loss of potential life within them (Leviticus 15:19). The Talmud calls this a "whisper of death."

Intimacy in Judaism has a very specific meaning. When a man and woman express love for one another in a proper physical relationship, in which they view themselves as two halves of a whole, then a deep emotional-spiritual bond is formed. But if the physical relationship remains rooted primarily on the physical, that focus on self-gratification does not allow for the couple to become whole together.

The period of separation during menstruation enables the couple to achieve true love. This is because a strong yearning between the husband and wife begins to build. This separation also forces a verbal intimacy, since they are not allowed to touch each other. Real intimacy requires the mind and emotions. This painful longing for each other changes the relationship for the better, and when they resume the physical side it already includes the deep emotional-spiritual component.

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Adar 12

Purim Drinking Dangers

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

So whether you're drinking tea or Jack Daniels - here's wishing you a happy Purim!

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Adar 13

Banging for Haman

I find going to the synagogue on Purim to hear the Megillah an unnerving experience to say the least. Why do the children have to set off explosives and make such a ruckus at various times during the reading?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You must be referring to universal practice to bang at the mention of the name of Haman, the story’s antagonist. Although children do tend to go overboard, there is a solid basis for this practice in Jewish tradition.

According to the Sages, Haman, who attempted to wipe out the Jews in the Purim story, descended from the wicked nation of Amalek. (He is referred to as Haman the Aggagite (Esther 3:1), and Agag was the Amaleki king whom King Saul failed to slay when he was commanded to wipe out the nation of Amalek. See I Samuel 15.)

Now Amalek was the first nation to attack the Israelites in the desert after the Exodus (see Exodus 17). As a result, God vowed that there would be an eternal war against Amalek until its nation would be totally destroyed (v. 16). The Torah also commanded that “we wipe out the memory of Amalek from under the heavens,” and that we never forget the evil they did to us (Deut. 25:17-19).

On a philosophical level, Jewish thinkers see Amalek, in its denial of God and obsession with the destruction of the Jews, as the opposing force to Israel in this world. Israel represents belief in God and the purposefulness of existence. Amalek represents an equally strong denial of those very concepts. More generally, God created an equilibrium between good and evil in this world, as Solomon wrote, “This opposite that did God create” (Kohelet 7:14). The force that opposes the good we stand for is Amalek.

Given the mitzvah to wipe out Amalek and Haman being a shining example, the custom came about of destroying the name of Haman. Rabbi Moshe Isserlis (the “Rema”, great Talmudist of 16th century Poland, known primarily for the glosses he wrote on the Shulchan Aruch, codifying Jewish law according to Ashkenazi practice) writes of an ancient custom to draw a picture of Haman or to write his name on a surface, and to then strike that surface until his name or image is erased. More recently, he continues, the custom has become to bang at every mention of Haman’s name during the recitation of the Megillah. He also adds that we should never annul or make light of a custom which has become widespread in Israel (Shu”a 190:16).

So yes, this practice is accepted custom today. Even so, there is no “extra credit” for making more noise than necessary. Many synagogues strictly ban children from bringing devices which contain gunpowder or which otherwise bring the noise to an intolerable level. It would be an excellent idea – well appreciated by most of your congregation – to suggest to your rabbi a similar injunction for your own synagogue.

Another important word of caution is in line. We are obligated to hear every word of the Megillah. The reader should take care to stop reading while the children (or grownups) are banging. And likewise, the children must refrain from banging or making any type of noise while the reader is reading (Mishna Berura 190:60). Children who are too small to remain quiet during the entire reading should not be brought to synagogue.

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Adar 14

Holy Purim Day

I was told by a friend that Purim is considered the holiest day in the Jewish year. That sounds a little far-out to me. This guy likes to party a lot. Is what he’s saying true?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Talmud says that every Shabbat and Jewish holiday is "half spiritual, half physical." We spend part of the day praying and learning Torah (the spiritual), and the rest of the day eating a fine meal and resting (the physical).

One exception to this rule is Yom Kippur, when both halves are spiritual: We spend our entire day praying in the synagogue, with no food, no marital relations, and minimal rest.

The other exception is Purim, when both halves are physical: We feast, make lots of noise to drown out Haman's name, imbibe, and wear funny costumes.

Interestingly, we see the balance of half-physical/half-spiritual reflected within each holiday itself. On Yom Kippur, we prepare for the fast by having a feast the day before. On Purim, we prepare for the feast by fasting the day before (Ta'anit Esther).

The Vilna Gaon (18th century Lithuania) explains that "Purim" shares the same letters as "Yom HaKippurim" - the Biblical name for Yom Kippur. That which we accomplish on Yom Kippur with spiritual pursuits, we accomplish on Purim with physical pursuits. These holidays are two sides of the same coin, two halves of the same day.

We would assume that Yom Kippur is the greater of the two days. But in one sense, Purim is even greater. Why? Because it is easier to achieve spiritual elevation on a day like Yom Kippur, when we spend all day in the synagogue and have no time for forbidden activities such as gossiping or getting angry. By fasting, the soul achieves dominance over the body. However on Purim, in our state of mild inebriation (and it shouldn't be more than mild!), it is much harder to maintain our human dignity.

Rabbi Eliyahu KiTov writes: "If one attains holiness through affliction, and another attains holiness through indulgence, who is the greater of the two? It may be said that the one who attains holiness through indulgence is greater, for the attainment of holiness through indulgence requires an infinitely greater degree of striving and effort" (Book of Our Heritage).

In this way, the potential for spiritual elevation on Purim is greater than on Yom Kippur. And this is reflected in the Hebrew name: Yom HaKippurim can be translated to mean "a day like Purim" - i.e. Yom Kippur is a shadow of the greatness of Purim. (Literally, "Yom HaKippurim" means "day of atonement.")

This Purim, as we're drinking and partying, we should keep this in mind and not let the opportunity fly by. So party hearty - and party holy!

(I should reiterate that we should not drink ourselves senseless. Jewish law – as well as common sense – dictate that we drink more than our wont and no more. A glass or two of wine is typically quite enough to get in the proper spirit.)

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Adar 15

Esther & Achashverosh

In the Purim story, how do we understand that Mordechai handed over Esther to Achashverosh? I remember in the synagogue years ago, no one could agree on just what their relationship was. But I have read on a few occasions that Esther was Mordechai's wife. So what's the story?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Although it is not explicit in the Megillah, the Talmud does say that Esther was Mordechai's wife. So how could Mordechai hand his wife over to be raped by Achashverosh? Indeed, how could he hand her over even if she were not his wife?!

The fact is that Mordechai did not hand her over. Achashverosh's representatives went from door to door kidnapping every pretty girl, single or otherwise. Needless to say, Esther was hidden, but the king's guards found her.

Esther refused to apply makeup or perfume in the hope that the king would find her unattractive and would send her home - but to no avail. Among all the women in his vast kingdom, he chose her to be queen!

Further, Mordechai instructed Esther not to tell anyone about her heritage as a descendant of King Saul, so that Achashverosh, thinking her a plebeian, would have no interest in her. This ruse was unsuccessful as well.

At the end of the day, though, Esther was the key to saving the Jewish people from annihilation. Apparently things worked out as they were supposed to.

(ps:Esther 2:7 And he had brought up Hadassah, that is Esther, his uncle's daughter, for she had neither father nor mother, and the maiden was of comely form and of comely appearance, and when her father and mother died, Mordecai took her to himself for a daughter.) This comes from there own Bible, it says right there that she was not his wife!!!!! But yet they go with the Talmud over the written word of God!!!!!

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Adar 16

Effort versus Trust in God

I heard a joke about a man who wants to win the lottery. Each week he prays to win, and after many weeks go by, he finally complains to God, "Why haven't I won?" Replies God, "You should have bought a ticket."

While the obvious message is that "God helps those who help themselves," I imagine that God doesn't need someone to purchase a lottery ticket. I once received a lottery ticket in the mail as part of a marketing promotion. So if God wants you to win, you'll win.

So, if I want to win the lottery, should I buy a ticket?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

This is an excellent question and I think there are two answers.

First, God wants us to make the effort, not because He needs it, but because we need it. Our actions create a change within us.

In the Talmud, a scoffer tells Rebbe Akiva: "You shouldn't be helping poor people, because it was God who made them poor, and by helping them you're going against God's plan!"

Rebbe Akiva answered: "God made poor people precisely in order that we should help them. Helping others is what God wants us to do."

So you see, God wants us to make the effort. This same idea is expressed in many other ways in Judaism - e.g. circumcising a new baby boy, or turning raw kernels of wheat into bread. Obviously God wants us to be active and involved in bringing perfection to the world.

The second answer is that God made a system called "nature," through which He operates. Of course God can override that system (and He often does - that's what we call "miracles"). But God prefers to remain somewhat hidden - to preserve our quest to find Him.

So that's why if you want the money, it helps to buy a lottery ticket.

Though of course, don't go out and buy a whole stack of tickets. Because if God wants you to win, one ticket should be enough.

In the section discussing prophecy, the Torah states, "You shall (trust) wholeheartedly in God" (Deut. 18:13). We are enjoined to trust in God, but to what degree do we have an obligation to make a normal human effort and what is considered a lack of trust in God?

The question arises regarding testing people before marriage for being carriers of Tay-Sachs disease. Some people wonder whether such testing is not contrary to the trust we are required to have in Divine Providence - why search for problems when in all probability none exist?

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, of blessed memory, a foremost authority on Jewish law, clarified this point. "Although the percentage of infants born with this disease is small and one might be apt to apply the verse: 'You shall trust wholeheartedly in the Almighty,' (which Rashi interprets as meaning that one should not delve into the future), in light of the fact that a simple test has been developed for this, one who does not make use of it is like one who shuts his eyes to what can clearly be seen. Since the birth of such a child, God forbid, causes great anguish... it is prudent for all who are considering marriage to undergo this test." (cited in Jewish Observer, May, 1986)

Having trust in the Almighty gives a person peace of mind and serenity. However, one should never use a claim of trust in God to condone laziness or rash behavior. There is a thin line between the virtue of trusting in God and the fault of carelessness and irresponsibility.

There is the story of a man who lived by a river. A policeman warns him to evacuate because of a flood warning. The man rejects the offer and says, "I have perfect trust in God to save me." As the water rises, a person in a boat offers to take him to safety. The man again replies with his proclamation of trust and refuses the ride. Finally, as the man is sitting on his roof, a helicopter comes to rescue him; again the man proclaims his trust and refuses the rescue. The water rises, the man drowns and is finally standing in judgment before the Almighty. "God, I had perfect trust in You. Why did You let me down?" The Almighty replies, "But, my son, I sent a policeman, a boat and a helicopter!"

The only way to be considered a "failure" in life is by being lazy and not trying hard enough. Why? Because we can only expected to work with the tools God provides. And whatever He provides is precisely what I need. Whether or not the eventual goal is completed - that is in God's hands.

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Adar 17

Medical Help

Unfortunately my young child has been diagnosed with a serious disease. I am terrified trying to wade through all the tests and doctors on my own. Do you know anyone who can help guide me?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

It is a time-honored Jewish tradition to assist those with medical needs. This is inevitably a time of stress for the patient and the family.

For medical information, contact www.rofehint.org - the worldwide health assistance organization of the Bostoner chassidim. They track all the best doctors in the U.S., and can always point you where to go.

You could also get guidance from:

Chai Lifeline, which assists sick Jewish children with cancer and other genetic diseases.

www.chailifeline.org/

In Israel, the big medical advisory organizations are:

Rabbi Elimelech Firer - 03-677-0730, fax 03-676-1489

Rabbi Binyamin Fisher - 02-643-9140, 643-3474

Ezer Mitzion - 02-500-2111, fax 02-537-4881

Wherever you are located, it always helps to have others praying on your behalf. To facilitate this, send the person's Hebrew (and their mother's name) to refuah@aish.com, with a brief description of his condition.

Wishing your child a full and speedy recovery.

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Adar 18

Infertility

My wife and I have been married for 14 years. We are very happy except that we have not been blessed with children. We have gone through various fertility treatments. Unfortunately we recently failed for the 17th try at in vitro fertilization. Basically we have tried everything – the adoption route, and even donor eggs.

Of course there is always hope and this is why I am contacting you. We think that perhaps at our wedding there was some bad vibes of evil eye (Ayin Hara). It was suggested that if we get divorced, the Ayin Hara will be broken, and then we could get remarried and maybe get pregnant.

I know this is unusual, but we are desperate. I would appreciate any advice you could give us, because right now anything goes. She is 43 and I'm 50. So if not now, when?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I sympathize with your pain and frustration, and I commend you for doing all you can to find the best solution to a very challenging situation.

However, I don’t think this “divorce plan” is a good idea. Given the first injunction in the Torah – “Be fruitful and multiply” – someone who does not have children is obligated to marry someone who can bear children. Since you are already married, you need not marry someone else. However, if you divorce, it would be incumbent upon you to marry a woman with whom you have a better chance than your wife to have children.

The point I think you should focus on right now is the Talmudic saying that a person should never give up hope, even in the bleakest circumstances (Brachot 10a). Medical research is constantly improving, and any condition can surely, with God's help, have its remedy. For some cutting edge ideas, visit the website of Dr. Sherman Silber, a friend and world-class expert in the field – www.infertile.com.

For the halachic aspects of testing sperm to enhance pregnancy chances – see Rabbi Ovadia Yosef (Yabia Omer II E.H. 1:7). The permitted methods vary, but no responsible couple would be married even two years without getting tested.

Another good resource is www.atime.org, a huge support network of Jewish couples who have gone through the pain of infertility.

Another wonderful option is adoption. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 19b) says that one who raises an orphan in his home, it is as if he had given birth to him. Thus, a couple who physically cannot bear children, can raise a child and it will be considered as if they had given birth to the child. I highly recommend a book called "The Bamboo Cradle" by Avraham Schwartzbaum, the story of an American couple who adopted a baby in China, and the amazing Jewish journey that results.

In the meantime, do not feel that your lives cannot go on without children. In the last generation, many great role models did not have children: the Chazon Ish, Rabbi Chaim Ozer Grodzinsky, Rabbi Simcha Wasserman, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, etc. We also have a tradition that the great prophets Chanania, Mishael and Azaria were childless ("Yalkut Shimoni" 2-Kings 245). And if at all possible, adoption is a wonderful means of raising children in your home.

The best literature on this subject, in my opinion is, Isaiah 56:3-5, which explains there are higher values in life than having children. I recommend that you read it, reread it, and strive to internalize it.

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Adar 19

Giving Without Recognition

I try to be helpful and considerate of others. But why is it that when someone helps others, they don't always get paid back when they need help, too?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I once asked a great rabbi: "What if I keep giving to someone, and they don't reciprocate? What should I do?"

"Just keep giving to them," he explained. "Relish your role as a provider. Send out the constant message – 'I care for you.' Eventually, they will wake up one day and realize – 'My gosh, I have a wonderful friend here who treats me like a king. I ought to start doing the same in return!'"

On the other hand, you have to know your own limits and be careful not to reach a point where you become neurotic and resentful. Then the giving becomes a negative, destructive act.

A good way to exercise your "giving muscles" is to give to others anonymously. This way, you reduce your dependency on recognition and reciprocation.

There is a famous story called "The Miser of Krakow," which takes place in 17th century Poland.

The richest Jew in Krakow was known to be a miser. Whenever someone would be in dire straits and in need of money, they would go to the Miser's house crying, asking for money. But he never gave even a penny. This pattern repeated itself for many years.

When the Miser died, he was buried in a small corner of the cemetery, a place reserved for shady characters.

When Friday came along, something strange happened. Early in the morning a poor man came knocking at the rabbi's door. "Every Friday I receive an unmarked envelope in my mailbox, containing enough money to buy food for Shabbat," the man explained. “But this week, nothing arrived." The rabbi gave the man a bit of money and sent him on his way.

A few minutes later, another man came knocking on the rabbi's door. Same story. Again and again, one by one, all the poor people of the town came with the same story: This week, their anonymous envelope did not arrive – for the first time in years.

Finally, the rabbi realized who had been secretly supporting the entire town all these years. The Miser never told anyone about his philanthropy because he didn't want anyone to feel like they owed him.

The rabbi instructed his family that when he dies, he wants to be buried right next to the holy Miser of Krakow. Until today, a visit to the old Krakow cemetery shows the rabbi and the miser, buried together in a small corner of the cemetery.

From this story we learn that when we do something good for a person, even if they don't pay us back – don't worry! God is watches everything we do, and makes sure we get the proper reward.

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Adar 20

Cousin Marriages

Does the Torah permit cousin marriages? Is the topic discussed at all? I’m concerned in particular because the inbreeding is likely to cause genetic disorders, as historically happened to many royal families. I have the impression that upper class Jewish families have likewise engaged in this practice.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

It is permitted under Torah law for cousins to marry. In fact, the Sages seem to view marriages between relatives as desirable. The Talmud recommends that a person marry his niece (Yevamot 62b). (There’s a debate in the commentators if it applies specifically to a sister’s daughter or also to a brother’s.) The assumption is that a person will have an especially close relationship with a close relative, perhaps because of their likely similar personalities and values. The reasoning may be the same for a cousin, but the Talmud doesn't mention it. (I should point out that for a woman to marry her nephew is forbidden from the Torah – Leviticus 18:12-13.)

Some point out that the daughters of Zelophehad married their cousins (Numbers 36:11) so the practice has good precedent. Some also suggest that cousin marriages are likely to engender fewer fights between the in-laws!

In terms of the genetic issues, you are right that relatives who marry should be even more careful to do genetic screening in advance. The Talmud is referring to a single instance rather than a long-term practice. Of course, since Ashkenazi Jewry descends from a very small group of ancestors many of us are already stuck with significant genetic issues.

I should add that Jewish law obligates us to abide by the law of the land. Since many US states and locations worldwide forbid cousin marriages, one may not marry his cousin in such locations according to Jewish law as well.