Ask the Rabbi

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Shevat 1

The Term "Jew"

Our nation was historically called Israelites or Hebrews. I am wondering why always you refer to the Israelite or the Hebrew Nation as "Jew" when only after the captivity of 722 BCE that the people of the Tribe of Judah were called "Jews." Nowadays, “Jew” is the common term for any believer or follower of the "Jewish" belief. Am I wrong?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

From the time of the prophet Joshua, when the Jewish people came into the Land of Israel, each of the 12 Tribes settled a different area of land. The area that each tribe settled became known by the tribe's name – for example, the region around Jerusalem is known as Judah. At this time, when the term "Judah-ite" was used, it only referred to those who came from that tribe.

In the late 700s BCE, approximately two-thirds of the Jewish nation was taken into captivity. The only parts of the Land of Israel that remained were the portions of Judah and Benjamin. (Since then, the Ten Tribes' whereabouts has been unknown.) When the Romans became the ruling power of the Middle East 2000 years ago, they referred to this entire region as "Judea," since that Judah was significantly larger than Benjamin. Therefore, all the people came to be called "Judean," from which derives the English word "Jew."

There is a deep lesson to be derived from this historical reality. In Hebrew, the word Judah includes all the letters to spell out God's four-letter name, plus a Daled ("D"). The Daled stands for King David, who was the first king over the united Jewish people, and the forefather of the Messiah.

Yehuda means "to admit" or "acknowledge." In the Bible, when Tamar was about to be executed for adultery, Yehuda risked his personal reputation and stood up for the truth, admitting that he was the one responsible for her predicament. For thousands of years, that has been the hallmark of the Jewish people: standing up for what is right, even at personal expense.

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Shevat 2

Sibling Rivalry

I recently attended a family reunion. My parents were there, as well as my brothers with their wives and kids. My brothers are very bitter toward my parents, and have also distanced themselves from me. I think my brothers are jealous of me because I am the only daughter, and I got more attention growing up.

I really want to be close with my family. I have no hard feelings and want to get along. What can I do to have a better relationship with my brothers? The current situation is very painful for me.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

It is truly frustrating to experience negativity toward us when in reality we did nothing wrong.

But first of all, you need to realize that other people's free will is not in your hands. While you can encourage them in a good direction, ultimately they make their own decisions in life.

How can you build a relationship with your brothers in the future? Here are some suggestions:

1) Send greeting cards to commemorate various holiday or special events, such as Rosh Hashana, a Bar mitzvah, wedding, birth of a child, etc. Snail mail is much better than electronic. Even if you don't hear back from them, just keep sending the cards. Also, call on special occasions to wish them well.

2) Don't hesitate to build an independent relationship with your nieces and nephews. Eventually, these kids will grow up, go off to college, and make their own lives. There is no reason that the tension between you and your brothers should carry over into these relationships as well.

3) Think about your brothers and generate love in your heart. It has a long-distance effect.

4) Make sure this sibling rivalry does not repeat itself with your own children. One of the most beautiful customs in Jewish life is for parents to bless their children at the start of the Friday night Shabbat meal. Girls receive the blessing: "May God make you like the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah." Boys are blessed – not to be like the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac and Jacob – but rather “like Ephraim and Menashe." Why?

One explanation is that Ephraim and Menashe were the first set of Jewish brothers who did not fight. Abraham's two sons – Isaac and Ishmael – could not get along, and their disagreements form the basis of the Arab-Israeli conflict till today. Isaac's two sons – Jacob and Esav – were so contentious that Esav repeatedly sought to kill Jacob and instructed his descendants to do the same. Even Jacob's own sons stumbled when they sold their brother Joseph to slavery in Egypt.

This explains why, when Jacob blessed the Ephraim and Menashe, he purposely switched his hands, blessing the younger Ephraim before the older Menashe. Jacob wished to emphasize there was no rivalry between these brothers. (see Genesis 48:13-14)

It is with this thought that parents bless their children today. For there is no greater blessing than peace among siblings. And it is this same hope that God holds for all the Jewish people. May the days of peace come soon.

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Shevat 3

Siamese Twins

A case of Siamese twins has hit the media and I wondered what the Jewish position would be.

The twin girls are joined at the lower abdomen. One has no heart or lungs and is being kept alive by her sister. The medical opinion is that the one with the heart and lungs has a good chance of survival if separated from her sister. If not, they have only a few months to live.

The girls parents are devout Roman Catholics and believe that the girls' fates should be decided by "God's will." They are appealing against a recent High Court decision to allow the surgery. Meanwhile, time appears to be ticking away for the twin girls.

What is your opinion?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Such complexities are not new to Jewish law.

A case of Siamese twins is mentioned in the Talmud (Menachot 37a), and in recent times, the illustrious Rabbi Moshe Feinstein used Talmudic sources to present a clear and unambiguous ruling in such a case when new-born Siamese twins were brought to Children's Hospital in Philadelphia. (Dr. C. Everett Koop, who subsequently became Surgeon General of the United States, was then the hospital's Chief of Surgery.)

Doctors had determined that if the twins – who were sharing critical internal organs – would remain joined together, both would die. The only option was to perform an operation which would kill one and save the other. But, argued the moralists, isn't this murder?

When the team of two dozen medical professionals were awaiting a decision, and indeed, were expressing impatience, Dr. Koop quieted the group with the following statement:

"The ethics and morals involved in this decision are too complex for me. I believe they are too complex for you as well. Therefore I referred it to an old rabbi on the Lower East Side of New York. He is a great scholar, a saintly individual. He knows how to answer such questions. When he tells me, I too will know."

Here’s how Rabbi Feinstein arrived at his decision. He asked the doctors: "How do you intend to perform the surgery?"

They told him: "We will save Baby-A, and kill Baby-B."

Rabbi Feinstein then asked, "Could you reverse the procedure and achieve the same results? Meaning, could you use all the available organs to save Baby-B and instead kill Baby-A?"

The doctors answered: "No. Baby-A is the only one we can save."

At which point, Rabbi Feinstein told them to go ahead and perform the surgery. His decision was based on the Jewish law which states that if one person is directly threatening to kill another, then it is morally correct to stop the pursuer, even if it means killing him. The law of the pursuer applies even in the case where the threat to life is unintentional, for example where a fetus is unwittingly threatening the life of its mother. (see Maimonides – Foundations of Torah 5:5)

Applied to the Siamese twins case, Rabbi Feinstein ruled that since Baby-B had no independent ability to survive, the very existence of Baby-B was threatening the life of Baby-A. This gave Baby-B the status of a killer (albeit unintentional), and Baby-A could, so to speak, stop his killer.

In a recent case brought before the British High Court, they used a much different line of reasoning. Judge Robert Johnson said that for Mary – without heart and lungs – her harsh life would only worsen as low levels of oxygen in her blood further destroyed her brain. So killing Mary – by stopping delivery of Jodie's blood – would be an act of euthanasia, like withdrawing food and water from a terminally ill patient. If they stayed together, the few months of Mary's life would be hurtful and mean nothing to her, he said.

The contrast is quite ironic. The ruling of the Talmud is predicated on the preservation of life. Whereas the British court ruling is based on a decision to end a life, that of the non-viable sister. Without that factor, they'd be prepared to let Jodie, the viable sister, die.

These cases always involve numerous medical and legal factors, and we cannot derive any practical decision based on this discussion. But this does illustrate how in a world full of ethical issues, the truth of Torah is precious today more than ever. Society is increasingly searching for direction, giving new meaning to the Jewish role as a "Light Unto the Nations" (Isaiah 42:6).

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Shevat 4

Shaking Hands

Last week I had a business meeting with an Orthodox Jewish woman and she politely declined to shake my hand. What is the reason for this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Maimonides cites Deuteronomy 22:13 as a scriptural prohibition against any pleasurable contact between a man and woman (other than those who are married or close relatives). This includes hugging and kissing.

Shaking hands is a bit of gray area since different situations come up and it is not always considered "pleasurable, physical contact." But suffice to say there can be sexual pleasure involved; it’s just that we are often numbed to it due to the onslaught of sexual images in today's media. We have unfortunately lost the nuance of a touch or a peck on the cheek. But the energy is there; I recall reading of a woman who, after shaking hands with a U.S. President, called it "the most satisfying full-body experience I have ever had."

As a result, the custom among most Orthodox Jews is not to shake hands with the opposite gender.

In a case where one person extends his or her hand, some rabbis are lenient to allow for shaking hands, in order to prevent embarrassing the other.

In general, it is best to avoid this situation in the first place. An Orthodox person who is greeted by an extended hand could just smile broadly and pretend not to notice. At a gathering where this situation is common, one could anticipate and arrange to have both hands full.

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Shevat 5

Handicap: Why?

A woman in our neighborhood has spina bifada. It's so heart-breaking to see. And it has me wondering: Why do some people suffer and others seem to have it so easy? It is not evenly divided between "good" people and "bad" people, as I can plainly see. So what determines this in God's eyes?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You are asking a very important question.

The Talmud (Yoma 35) tells the famous story of the sage Hillel. At the time, the head of the yeshiva wanted to make sure that the people who came to study Torah did so for the right reasons, and not for self-aggrandizement. So in order to test people's motivation, he charged money to enter the yeshiva.

Hillel was as poor and impoverished as they come. In the winter, he wanted so much to study that he climbed up to the roof by the skylight, and then became so enraptured with his studies that he didn't realize he'd become frozen in. The next morning it was dark in the study hall. So they looked up and saw a person's body. They brought him down and thawed him out.

The Talmud states: "Hillel obligates the poor." That means that Hillel takes away the excuse that we didn't accomplish what we were supposed to in life due to lack of money. Hillel serves as a beacon that even in poverty, one can still become the greatest of the great (which Hillel was).

Now let's ask a question: Was Hillel's poverty a punishment, or was it his opportunity to excel in life? The Talmud explains this as his reason for being here.

There are some souls that come to the earth for what Judaism calls a "Tikun". A Tikun means that the soul has to undergo certain experiences in order to help it maintain a state of perfection. This could be because of different experiences that the soul underwent in previous lifetimes. The soul achieves its tikun by being purified through the experience and/or by helping other people grow through exposure to the experience.

In order to appreciate this concept it is crucial to understand that the world that we live in is only a small speck of a person's life. Judaism looks at life in this world as preparation for the life in the World of Souls. Many of the unexplainable features of life in this world can be better understood if we realize this concept. The pain that one must undergo at times in this world to achieve greater perfection of the soul is worth the eternal pleasure that the soul experiences after the death of the body.

The bottom line: We don't know why a particular situation might be happening. We each have our own package. Each of us is put here for a particular purpose. Sometimes "suffering" may actually be the reason we were put here. Maybe this is, so to speak, our unique contribution.

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Shevat 6

Sexual Morality

On an intuitive level, I believe that intimacy should be reserved for a husband and wife. But on a philosophical level, I have no good reason to explain why to friends (or my children!) who insist on a more liberal view of these issues. Can you help me articulate what I am feeling?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Judaism understands that the family unit is the key to the psychological health of children, and the stability of society as a whole. To ensure the preservation of that family unit, Jewish law places boundaries on human sexuality. Historically, those societies that did not adhere to such sexual boundaries eventually broke down and failed.

Philosophers explain that when human nature is undisciplined by values, physical drives will dominate his life and the life of society. When Judaism demanded that all sexual activity be channeled into marriage, it changed the world. It is not overstated to say that the Torah's prohibition of non-marital relations made the creation of Western civilization possible.

In contrast to other societies, where sexuality is a function of pleasure (secular) or procreation (Christianity), Judaism considers sexuality a mechanism to bond with one's spouse. This powerful tool aids a couple in their life goal of self-perfection. A human being can only achieve perfection through a marriage with the opposite gender, because only by the joining of opposites – male and female – can this bonding occur.

A proper marital context directs one to grow and adapt to each other's differences and become one. Through that bonding, perfection can be achieved, and by extension – through bringing children into the world – the perfection of society is likewise attainable. It is the Jewish sexual revolution, and it has proved a pillar of civilization throughout history.

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Shevat 7

Rewarding Children

We have two boys, ages 4 and 5. They don't like to be treated differently, yet sometimes it is necessary. For example, rewarding one for using the bathroom properly would be a joke for the other. But then they feel it is unfair when they are rewarded differently. How should we deal with this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You should persist in rewarding them differently for different things. Why? Because proper education must reflect the reality of life. We each have different challenges, and are rewarded based on our own level.

How do you get the children to accept this? The key is to remind them of the "inequity" – not when the other sibling is getting rewarded – rather when they are the one getting rewarded! In other words, as you hand the boy his prize, tell him, "Notice how only you are getting rewarded for this. See, it's not always equal. But this is something you're working hard at. Maybe next time your brother will get a reward for something he's working hard at."

Here’s another useful suggestion. If the reward is a cookie, for example, you could give the child two cookies and say, "One is for you, and the other is for you to give your brother." That way, the one who gets rewarded learns the value of sharing. And the one who didn't get rewarded learns to take pleasure in the success of others.

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Shevat 8

Rape

I was reading in an online forum that Judaism advocates that a rapist marry his victim. This sounds so backward and oppressive, and difficult to reconcile with the compassionate Judaism that I know and love. Is what I read accurate?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Highly inaccurate. (Are you surprised?)

Judaism takes a strong position against rape, with the Talmud comparing it to murder. As such, Judaism permits one to kill a rapist who is in pursuit of a woman, in order to save her from attack.

Rape of a married woman is a capital crime. (Deuteronomy 22:25)

Rape of a single woman carries a heavy monetary fine (depending on the age of the victim), plus the rapist has to pay reparation for damages, as well as for her suffering, embarrassment and emotional anguish. The rapist also incurs lashes. This is all intended as both a deterrent and a punishment (Deuteronomy 22:28-29, see also Rambam Rotzai'ach 2:4-5).

As regards to what you read, it is true that the Torah states that the rapist must marry (and may never divorce) his victim (actually only if she is at a certain young age at the time), but both she and her father can refuse the "match" – which they are extremely likely to do. I believe the message of the Torah is not that the rapist can have whom he wants, but quite the opposite. If he wants to enjoy another human being, he cannot just do so and split. He becomes responsible for her – for the rest of his life.

Feel free to post this response on that online forum.

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Shevat 9

Waiting Between Meat & Milk

How long after must I wait between eating meat and milk? And why?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

After eating meat (or fowl), you must wait 6 hours before eating any dairy products. (This is measured from the last bite of meat, even if the meal continued longer.)

The issue of waiting between meat and dairy comes from the Talmud (Chulin 105a), and the reason is discussed by the two great Torah commentators:

Maimonides says that we are concerned about strands of meat being stuck between the teeth. After 6 hours, however, that meat has undergone a sufficient enough process of "digestion" whereby it becomes "pareve." (Laws of Forbidden Foods 9:28)

Rashi, on the other hand, says the 6-hour wait is based on the fatty nature of meat. Not only does meat leave a residue in one's mouth and throat, but when meat is in your stomach, the fatty gasses can escape (through burping, for instance) and cause a "meaty flavor" in one's mouth. If a person would eat dairy during this time, they would have the combined flavor of milk and meat in their mouth, which is prohibited. (see Rashi – Chulin 105a)

In cases of a health concern, or for children under the age of six, a one-hour wait is sufficient.

By the way, these laws due not apply in the reverse case: After eating dairy, there is no necessity to wait six hours before eating meat. It would suffice to wash the hands and mouth. (Some are stringent to wait following hard cheese.)

To learn more, read "The Laws of Kashrus," by Rabbi Binyomin Forst (artscroll.com)

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Shevat 10

Responsible One for Another

I am involved in Jewish communal work and it really makes me crazy when I see one Jewish group disparaging another. Even worse, people will look at a situation of need and say, “Oh, that’s not my problem!” Why can’t we work together!?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Jewish people are considered as one “organism.” What happens to one limb affects the entire body.

Every Jew recognizes that all the Jewish People are bound together. When there's a terrorist attack in Israel, we all feel it. The Talmud says "Kol Yisrael areivim zeh la-zeh" – Every Jew is responsible one for another.

The story is told of the religious man who died and went to heaven. There, he appeared before the Heavenly Tribunal to hear a listing of his good deeds and bad. The man was quite satisfied to hear of all his mitzvahs. But he was shocked to have included amongst his transgressions the prohibition of eating pork.

"What?!" the man protested, "but I never once ate pork!"

"True," spoke the Tribunal, "but for 20 years you lived next door to a man who ate pork, and you never made an effort to discuss it with him. For that, you are responsible."

The Chasidic writings compare this to a wealthy person who needs to warm himself in the winter. He could build a fire – in which case everyone in the room would benefit. But instead he warms only himself with a heavy coat and blankets. In both cases he's warmed; the only question is to what degree he's concerned about others.

Rabbi Motty Berger of Aish HaTorah once spoke to a group of Holocaust survivors in Jerusalem. He told them: "When I was a child, I would look at my grandparents and wonder, what were they doing during the Holocaust? The fact that millions of Jews were being placed into ovens was no secret; these horrors were reported regularly on the front page of the New York Times. So I wondered... were my grandparents out raising money to help ransom Jews? Were they organizing secret rescue efforts? Were they demanding media attention and marching on Washington?"

Then Rabbi Berger continued: "Today there is a grave problem threatening the Jewish people: Assimilation. Every year, 50,000 young Jews are opting out of the Jewish people. Lost to us forever. So what are we going to do about it? Because one day, our own grandchildren are going to look at us and wonder..."

Today there are many fine organizations committed to helping Jews in all area of need: building communities in Israel, connecting young Jews with their heritage, confronting the physical threats to Jews worldwide. Everyone needs to do their part, and everyone needs to support each other. Otherwise, we are losing the battle.

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Shevat 11

What is Holiness?

I recently heard a rabbi speak about the need to bring holiness into our lives. He spoke about eating kosher food, speaking positively about others, and acting in a generally holy way. But I don't feel I have a handle on exactly what is holiness. Can you explain?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I applaud you for perceiving the necessity of finding the right definition. You can't begin any serious process unless you have a definition.

Rabbi Noah Weinberg tells the story of a young man who came to him and said: "I've been all over Israel - the Western Wall, Masada, and points in-between - and I have yet to find holiness."

Rabbi Weinberg asked him, "Are you a bafoofstik?"

"What's that?"

"Just answer the question: Are you a bafoofstik or not?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Rabbi Weinberg continued: "Nor do you know what 'holiness' is. So until you have an objective definition, how can you expect to recognize it!"

In Hebrew, holy ("kedusha") has the connotation of separate and distinct. We make Kiddush on Friday night to distinguish between Shabbat and the weekdays. Israel is the holy land - as distinct from all other lands. And Kiddushin, the word for marriage, is so named because the one we marry is designated for a unique status, vis-a-vis every other person in the world.

Holiness, no matter which form it takes, is a metaphysical substance which our souls can perceive. A few years ago, I had just returned to Israel from a two-month trip to America. I had not been off the plane for more than a few minutes, when I saw someone pick up a pen and begin writing. Instinctively I said to myself, "Hey, we don't write on Shabbat!" Then I realized it was Wednesday.

Puzzled, I came to comprehend that the experience of arriving back in Israel had given me a surge of holiness - which I'd intuitively associated with the feeling of Shabbat. The form may have been different, but the substance was the same. For as Israel is holiness in space, Shabbat is holiness in time.

Given that we live in a physical world, much of the goal of Judaism is to infuse the physicality with holiness. We say a blessing before eating our special kosher food, we have a framework for sanctifying our marital relations, etc.

My advice is to try observing a few of the mitzvot, and as you do so, concentrate on tapping into the spiritual message behind it. In time, you will find more and more of these "moments" to infuse with spirituality, and be well on your way to becoming a true holy person.

For more insights, see "Holy Woman": a book and essay by Sara Yoheved Rigler.

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Shevat 12

Tzedakah Basics

It is well-known that Jews are charitable. I'm wondering if you can help me trace the source of that historically. And perhaps shed some light on what my obligations might be today.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Back from the time that Abraham welcomed the strangers into his tent (Genesis chapter 18), charity has been a foundation of Jewish life.

The Torah says to give 10 percent of our earnings to people in need, based on Leviticus 25:35 and Deut. 15:7-8. This is called Ma'aser, literally "one tenth" (hence the English word "tithe"). This is colloquially called tzedakah (charity), which Maimonides lists charity as one of the 613 mitzvahs.

Maaser Ani, or the "Poor tithe," is an obligation to set aside 10% of produce grown in Israel for the poor (Deuteronomy 14:28). "Ma'aser Ani" is given only in the third and sixth year of the Shmittah (Sabbatical) cycle.

In the same spirit, a Jew today is obligated to give 10% of income to charity. This is known as ma'aser kesafim.

Ten percent of a person's wages after taxes should be set aside for tzedakah. Business expenses and Jewish education costs may be deducted from the 10 percent. (Some people deduct only two-thirds of a boy's Torah education cost.)

For those who want to do extra, the Torah allows giving 20 percent. Above that amount is unrealistic. By giving too much, one will come to neglect other aspects of life - and may even need to rely on charity themselves!

The important thing is that this money be set aside in a separate account. That way it will be available when the need arises.

U.S. President Herbert Hoover said in 1923: "I have frequently had cause to comment upon the extraordinary generosity and liberality of the American Jews in their charitable contributions. Indeed, their voluntary contributions exceed that of any other American group, and range from the stinted savings of the poorest workman to the full outpouring of those in more fortunate positions."

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Shevat 13

Carobs on Tu B’Shvat

Why is it that many people eat carobs on Tu B'Shvat? Even though it’s a native fruit to Israel, it is not one of the seven species. (Note: the Holy Land is specially praised for its “seven species” – wheat, barley, grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives, and dates (Deuteronomy 8:8).) Is there any special significance to eating carobs on that day?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The simple answer is that Tu B’Shvat marks the new year for all trees, not only the trees of Israel and not only the seven species. In fact, one of the earliest sources which makes mention of the customs of Tu B’Shvat simply states that many have the custom to eat fruit on this day (Magen Avraham, quoted in Mishna Berurah 131:31). There is no mention of the seven species. The day is an appropriate time to praise God for all the delicious fruits He created.

At the same time, not only are carobs native to the Land of Israel, they are often associated with great rabbis and events. In the famous story of R. Shimon bar Yochai and his son hiding in a cave for 13 years (while studying the deepest secrets of Kabbala), they subsisted on a carob tree and stream of water (Talmud Shabbat 33b). R. Chanina ben Dosa was likewise said to live on a kab of carobs every week (Brachot 17b).

In another episode (Baba Metziah 59b), the sages of the Talmud were once involved in a massive debate. R. Eliezer stood alone against all his contemporaries, but refused to yield. He invoked certainly heavenly signs to prove he was right. At one point, he cried out, “If I am right, let this carob tree prove it!” – and the tree picked itself up and moved over.

Finally, the Talmud (Ta’anit 23a) learns a powerful lesson from the carob tree. In Talmudic times, the common species did not bear fruit for 70 years. (Species today are much quicker but are still relatively slow to bear fruit. Wikipedia states that a typical tree does not produce a full yield until 20-25 years after planting.) The early Mishnaic scholar and wonderworker Choni Ha’Me’Agel once observed a man planting a carob tree. He asked him how long until it bears fruit. The man responded 70 years. He asked, “Do you think you’ll live for another 70 years?!” The man responded, “I came to a world with carob trees. Just as my ancestors planted for me, so too will I plant for my descendants.” Choni subsequently fell into a sleep for 70 years. He awoke to seeing the man’s grandson picking fruit from that same tree.

On a practical note, carobs no doubt have always been a popular Tu B’Shvat fruit because they store very well – albeit in a dried-out, very-hard-to-chew state. Thus, even in past generations they were easily available even Tu B'Shvat time, when many fruits are not. (I believe they are actually in season in fresher (but still rather hard) state in the late spring.)

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Shevat 14

Burial in Israel

I see that many people fly a body to be buried in Israel. Is there a special merit to be buried there? I heard someone suggest that my deceased father, who is buried in the U.S., will suffer when the Messiah comes because he is not buried in Israel. Is this true?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

It is considered a great merit to be buried in Israel. In fact, when burying outside of Israel, the custom is to sprinkle some dirt from Israel into the grave.

There is a concept in Judaism, that at the time of the Messiah, all the dead will be resurrected. We also know that at the time of the Messiah, all the Jews will return to Israel. So what will happen? Those buried outside of Israel will "roll" through underground tunnels, and be resurrected in Israel. Apparently traveling through these tunnels will cause some distress.

It is for this reason that Jacob requested to be buried in Israel, and why many other Jews over the centuries have followed suit. (see Rashi – Genesis 47:29)

Nevertheless, there are many great Jews buried outside of Israel, who will have to make this journey. In fact, the Talmud asks: If God did not permit Moses to enter the Land of Israel, why did God go further and insist that Moses also be buried outside the land?

The Midrash (Devarim Raba 11:9) says that Moses was buried outside of Israel, so that at the time of the Messiah, Moses will serve as a merit to make things easier for everyone else who is buried outside the land. Similarly, this is why the prophet Ezekiel was buried in Babylon, and Mordechai from the Purim story was buried in Persia. (see "Sifsei Kohanim")

Interestingly, the Jewish custom is not to reinter a grave after a person has been buried. There a are a few exceptions, however, one of them being the transfer of remains to Israel. In particular, I know of many people who have made aliyah to Israel, and then later reentered the graves of parents and grandparents to Israel – sort of a “posthumous aliyah.”

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Shevat 15

Birthdays

In my social circle, everyone makes a really big deal about birthdays. I’ve got a birthday coming up and I was wondering: Is there any Jewish source that gives insight into the significance of birthdays?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Ironically, the one birthday mentioned in the Torah is that of Pharaoh (Genesis 40:20-22). In celebration, Pharaoh made a feast for all his servants. He also made an accounting of all his servants, and rewarded and punished them according to his estimation. It was then that Pharaoh took the Butler out of jail, and executed the Baker.

From these few lines in the Torah, we see that Pharaoh treated his birthday like a Day of Judgment. We find a similar concept in that the Jewish Day of Judgment – Rosh Hashanah – is the birthday of mankind. Just as on Rosh Hashanah God judges all of mankind one by one, and decrees, rewards and punishes, so Pharaoh did with his subjects. And just as Rosh Hashanah is a celebration of God as King of the Universe, so did Pharaoh – who promoted himself as a deity – view his birthday as a celebration of Pharaoh, ruler over all.

Although the Torah gives this unusual example, we can deduce the proper way to celebrate one's birthday. A person should introspect, take stock of his life, identify personal strengths and weaknesses, and make a commitment to improve. Think about all the positive things that have happened to you in the last year. And think about what you would like to change in the year coming up.

But don't worry – a Jewish birthday can also be filled with fun and joy. Eat chocolate cake and ice cream. Invite your friends over and express how thankful you are for the many blessings in your life. Express gratitude to God for being alive and healthy, and to your parents. I always call my mother on my birthday and thank her for giving birth to me.

Happy birthday! And as we say in Judaism, may you live to 120 (the age that Moses attained).

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Shevat 16

Foul Language

I am always bothered when I hear Jews using foul speech, or when they use such pejoratives as “[theN-word].” It led me to wonder: Does the Torah actually forbid such behavior? I can’t really think of what verse or heading such behavior would go under – other than “es past nisht!”

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for your interesting question. The most explicit verse which comes to my mind is Leviticus 19:2: “You shall be holy unto the Lord your God.” It sounds very lofty and noble, but what does it actually mean to be “holy”?

Nachmanides, in his commentary to that verse, explains as follows. It’s quite possible for a person to meticulously observe every law of the Torah but to basically be a lowlife. A person can spend his life running after only kosher indulgences. He can likewise speak as coarsely as crudely as he pleases – provided he does not transgress any laws. Kosher gourmet food, fine wine and marital relations are all permitted – and even appropriate in the right degree. Yet clearly, if a person’s raison d'être is satisfying his passions, something fundamental is missing.

For this reason, explains Nachmanides, the Torah included the general injunction of being holy. It means as it sounds. Don’t just be prim. Don’t just be particular about the letter of the law, utterly ignoring its spirit and missing its point. To truly be a servant of God we must simply go beyond.

The purpose of the Torah is not that we fulfill a bunch of commandments. It is that we become greater, more ethical and more spiritual human beings. Overindulging in pleasures, using foul language, dressing provocatively may not transgress any specific law of the Torah (although they certainly might). But they are not what it’s all about. The Torah does not attempt to micromanage our every deed and waking moment. It gives us the basic laws. But the laws are not what Judaism is about. It’s about being a better person, about being “holy.” “Es past nisht” (Yiddish for “it is inappropriate”) goes a long way toward teaching us what God really wants of us.

A few technical points I should add. If you address a fellow Jew with a pejorative, it would transgress Leviticus 25:17: “You shall not aggrieve your fellow,” which although seemingly refers to monetary issues, is understood by the Sages to refer to verbal abuse (Talmud Baba Metziah 58b; see also Exodus 22:20). And lastly, if you refer to a class of Jews disparagingly, it is considered a form of gossip (lashon hara), as well as a denial of the fact that all human beings are created in the image of God (Pirkei Avot 3:18).

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Shevat 17

Men's and Women's Clothing

I was in a vintage clothing store and saw a great shirt that looked comfortable. I was about to buy it and the salesperson said, "Is this for you? You know, this is a woman's blouse." I was surprised, and then I thought about the appropriateness of me wearing women's clothes. What do you say, rabbi?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

"Beged isha" is the Torah prohibition of men wearing women's clothing or vice versa, as is written: "Male garb shall not be on a woman, and a man shall not wear a feminine garment" (Deut. 22:5).

The Sefer HaChinuch (#542) explains that the purpose of this mitzvah is to help maintain a separation between the sexes. If men and women were to wear each other's clothing, they would eventually become intermingled and would fall into licentiousness.

The precise parameters of what constitutes "men's and women's clothing" depends on a given society's norms. For example, in Scotland it would be permitted for a man to wear a kilt (skirt), but not in other places. Earrings are another possible example. Years ago, before they became popular with men, it was forbidden for a man to wear one; today that might be changing.

This realm of Jewish law extends beyond clothing to other activities, such as dyeing one's hair to remove the gray. Again, it depends on local custom: If it is acceptable for men to do such a thing, then it is not considered a women-specific activity.

Further, it would be permitted for a man to wear one item of women's clothing for some functional reason -- e.g. he is stuck in the pouring rain and only has a woman's raincoat.

If you have a specific question, please write back.

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Shevat 18

Levels of Giving

I once heard a concept that a person should study the Torah laws even as they relate to performing acts of kindness, because there is always a better, more effective way of doing kindness, according to our Jewish tradition. When it comes to giving charity, can you provide some guidelines?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You are correct about there being better ways to do this. The Code of Jewish Law (following Maimonides' Laws of Gifts to the Poor 10:7-14) describes eight different levels of charity:

1) The highest category is someone who strengthens a fellow Jew in need by a gift, loan, or offer of partnership or employment.

From here comes the Jewish concept of a free loan fund, called a Gemach. If you help someone start a business, he can feed himself and 10 other people besides. As the old saying goes: Rather than give him fish to eat, teach him to be a fisherman.

Actually there's even one higher level of tzedakah: being sensitive to someone before he's in trouble. As the Sages explain: It takes one person to support something before it falls, but after it falls, even five people may not be able to lift it. (see Rashi, Leviticus 25:35)

What if you offer someone a job and he's too lazy to work? Then you don't have to give him anything. The Talmud says: If he doesn't care about himself, then you're not required to care about him, either.

2) The second-highest category is when the donor does not know the identity of the recipient, nor does the recipient know the identity of the donor. This saves the recipient embarrassment. It also means that the giving is more altruistic, since there is no possibility of being honored for the donation. Many people fulfill this by contributing to a charity fund.

3) The next lower category is a donor who knows the recipient, though the recipient does not know the donor. For example, great Sages used to secretly deposit money at the doorsteps of poor people.

4) The next category is when the recipient knows who the donor is, but the donor does not know who the recipient is. For example, some Sages used to wrap money in a small package and toss it behind them. The poor who came to collect the money were spared any shame.

5) The next category is one who gives to a poor person before he asks.

6) The next lower category is one who gives to a poor person after he asks.

7) The next category is one who gives an amount less than appropriate, but in a pleasant and cheerful manner.

8) The lowest category is one who gives ungraciously.

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Shevat 19

Chosen People Racist?

What’s behind the whole concept of the Jews as the Chosen People? Isn’t this idea racist?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

All human beings are God's people, as it says that Adam and Eve were created in the image of God. Further, the great prophet Malachi said, "Have we not all one father? Has not one God created us?" (Malachi 2:10) The Talmud likewise points out that one reason the entire human race descends from a single set of parents, Adam and Eve, is so that no one would be able to claim his ancestors are greater than his fellow's (Sanhedrin 37a). Judaism does not believe there is an inherently superior race of human beings.

Historically, however, the world slipped away from its relationship with God, and eventually the entire world was worshipping idols. Approximately 4,000 years ago, Abraham re-discovered the one God, and chose to accept the challenge of spreading the ideas of monotheism and morality to the world. Through his dedication and willingness to give up everything for God, he was chosen – and his descendants after him – to become the guardians of God’s message.

In other words, Abraham chose God, and thus God chose Abraham.

Abraham then passed this responsibility to his sons Isaac and Jacob. That mission was formalized 3,300 years ago at Mount Sinai, when God put these ideas into a written form (the Torah).

Till today, the Jewish mission is to be a "light unto the nations," to go out and teach what it means to be "created in the image of God." Abraham demonstrated how a human being has to take responsibility for the world. Abraham's undertaking was the first progressive, liberal movement the world had ever seen. And how it succeeded!

Yet Judaism is not exclusionary. The Torah presents seven mitzvot for non-Jews to observe. These seven laws are the pillars of human civilization, and are named the "Seven Laws of Noah," since all humans are descended from Noah. Maimonides explains that any human being who faithfully observes these laws earns a proper place in heaven. So you see, the Torah is for all humanity, no conversion necessary.

As explained in the Talmud (Sanhedrin 58b), they are:

1) Do not murder.

2) Do not steal.

3) Do not worship false gods.

4) Do not be sexually immoral.

5) Do not eat the limb of an animal before it is killed.

6) Do not curse God.

7) Set up courts and bring offenders to justice.

Furthermore, in God's great kindness, he opened the door for every human to potentially become part of the Jewish people. Anyone who is sincere can accept upon himself to keep all the commandments and convert to Judaism in the proper way. Once he converts, he then becomes a Jew in every regard and his relationship with God is the same level as that of every other Jew. Most Jewish communities today have a spectacular ethnic mix, many converts among them.

So, no, Judaism is not racist.

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Shevat 20

Finite Praise of God?

I am so grateful to God for all He has done for me. I try to verbally acknowledge this several times a day. But sometimes I feel that my words are inadequate. Any suggestions?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You have touched upon a deep spiritual truth.

The Talmud tells about a rabbi who stood up and praised God very extensively, and then finally sat down. At which point the others turned to him and said, "Is that all? You praised God -- whose praise is infinite -- in a finite way!" In other words, one can never say enough about God!

Approximately 2,000 years ago, the Sages formulated a standard text of prayer and blessings. By following this text, we are "praising God" in a way considered a proper format, and not an "improper finite" praise. If you aren't already doing so, you could add the Amidah prayer three times daily, and blessings over food, etc. There are some essays covering these topics at: http://www.jewishpathways.com/daily-living

If you want to continue to praise God in your own words, I suggest adding something to the effect of, "But His praise is truly infinite."

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Shevat 21

Feminism

I grew up in the era of feminism, and while I am thrilled at the vistas of opportunity it opened up for me and so many others, I have grown somewhat disenchanted after having seen so much negative fall-out: the rise in media exploitation of women, and the break-down of the American family. What does traditional Judaism say about this trade-off?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Tziporah Heller, a popular Torah teacher in Jerusalem, writes:

The feminist movement stemmed from women feeling disempowered. Men clearly controlled (and still control) the reins of power in the political, financial and judicial spheres, which determine most of the obvious facets of personal and societal existence. Thus, a primary goal of the women's movement has been to demand a share in this power through equal pay and equal employment opportunities.

Power, in essence, is the ability to effect change. If women have financial clout or high political or business positions, it is thought, then they too can determine the changes that will affect their lives and the lives of others.

But the feminist movement has failed to recognize another, more subtle form of power: internal power -- the ability to affect other people's ethics and values. While external power may procure a high corporate position, internal power will determine whether that corporate executive will be honest or embezzle.

Women's quest for external power has left a frightening vacuum in Western society in the area of moral training, where women formerly held sway. Rampant crime, child abuse, kidnapping, and the dramatic rise in violence against women are symptoms of a society gone amok, where many people have no concept of right and wrong, of honesty, fairness, compassion or self-control.

Today's internal decadence is eroding the quality of life in America as fast as external political and technological advances are improving it.

Clearly, the lot of women cannot be improved by political and financial progress if the inner dimension of society -- its morals and compassion -- is neglected by the very people who have traditionally been its custodians: women.

A typical male analysis of such societal problems customarily blames them on external factors, e.g., low income families in impoverished neighborhoods inevitably leads to a high rate of violent crime, substance abuse, etc.

If this were true, then Jerusalem's religious neighborhood of Mea Shearim, which has one of the highest poverty rates in Israel and where families typically number seven to ten children in a three-room flat, should be a hotbed of violent crime. Instead, Mea Shearim has virtually no violent crime and very little substance abuse, this despite the total absence of policemen on its streets.

A materialistic society, one which recognizes only that which can be counted and measured (income, titles, degrees, etc.), is bound to discount the imponderables such as compassion, courage, and selflessness, which ultimately determine the fiber of its citizens.

Ultimately, the people who have had the most significant effect on who you are today are not the President of the United States and the Chief Executive Officer of Bank of America, but your parents, teachers, and childhood role models -- the people who influenced your internal development. The wielding of internal power, while rarely accompanied by impressive titles or salaries, has a deeper, longer-lasting effect than the external power maneuvers of those who dominate the nightly news.

Women are the most proficient wielders of internal power because of their preponderance of insight, the intellectual vehicle of entering the very heart, mind, and soul of the other person. Insight accounts for mothers usually being able to understand the differences in their children more readily than fathers; for women historically being the pioneers in establishing orphanages, mental hospitals, and homes for the developmentally challenged; and for the no doubt accurate feminist claim that if women ran the world there would be fewer wars. The ability to view events in terms of their human cost rather than their political ramifications derives from insight.

The Bible is full of accounts of great women whose exercise of internal power had decisive effects on Jewish history.

Sarah understood the negative moral impact of Ishmael's example on Isaac. She insisted that he be sent out of the household, which Abraham could not bring himself to do until God emphatically told him, "In all that Sarah says to you, hearken unto her voice." Commentaries on this verse state that Sarah was a greater prophet than Abraham, for she could see the long-range moral corruption that could jeopardize future generations of the Jewish people through exposure to a violent and ruthless example at a formative stage.

The sages of the Talmud (that portion of Jewish law that was originally oral but is now written) credited the redemption from Egypt to the merit of the "righteous women," who, against the judgment of their husbands, saw that they must continue to procreate despite Pharaoh's death sentence on all Jewish male babies. In all these delicate situations, the women's ability to perceive the reality of a person or situation determined the course of Jewish history.

Thus, defined Judaically, the issue is not whether women should or should not have power, but rather on the kind of power on which they should concentrate, both for their individual development as well as for the good of the whole society.

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Shevat 22

Three Angels

The Torah recounts that three angels appeared to Abraham (Genesis 18:2). Later, only two angels go down to Sodom. What happened to the third angel? And what is the significance of three versus two?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Although the Torah does not mention the names of the angels that went to visit Abraham, the Talmud tells us they were Raphael, Michael and Gabriel. (Bava Metzia 86b)

Throughout most of their interaction, the Torah does not refer to them on an individual basis, but rather as a group, as it is written, "[Abraham] stood over THEM beneath the tree and THEY ate. [Afterwards,] THEY said to him..." (Genesis 18:8-9)

There are, however, instances in which the angels act as individuals. For example, only the angel Michael told Sarah that she was going to have a baby (Genesis 18:10). In Sodom, only the angel Raphael told Lot to flee from the city (Genesis 19:17). Similarly, it was only the angel Gabriel that informed Lot that the city was going to be destroyed.

From these verses, we can derive that an angel can only perform one mission: Gabriel's mission was to destroy Sodom; Michael's mission was to inform Sarah that she would give birth in a year's time; Raphael's mission was to heal Abraham and save Lot. (Although Raphael's mission included two tasks, they were considered a single mission since they were both acts that saved people). (Talmud - Bava Metzia 86b, Rashi - Genesis 18:2 and 19:16)

This now helps us understand your question: Why did three angels come to Abraham, but only two go to Lot?

The answer is that since Michael's sole mission was to tell Sarah she would become pregnant, he had no business in Sodom. Therefore, upon leaving Abraham's tent he went back to his post at God's Holy Throne. But Gabriel, who was left with his task of destroying Sodom, and Raphael, who was commanded to save Lot, had not yet finished their tasks, and continued to Sodom. (Rashi - Genesis 19:1 and 9:16)

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Shevat 23

Prayer at Graves of Righteous

I often receive emails from different organizations offering that a rabbi will pray for me at this or that great rabbi’s grave. Does it really make a difference where one prays? Isn't praying to a dead rabbi for salvation practically idolatry?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

It’s a very important question. The notion of praying at the graves of the righteous is well-established. The Talmud tells us that Caleb, one of the spies sent to inspect the Holy Land, separated from the rest of the group to visit the Cave of the Patriarchs (ma’arat ha’machpailah) in Hebron. He prostrated himself before the cave and said to them “My fathers, plead for mercy for me that I be saved from the evil designs of the spies” (Sotah 34b).

Elsewhere the Talmud mentions a custom to visit a cemetery during times of calamity, such as a drought. The reason, according to one opinion in the Talmud, is so that the dead will ask for mercy for us in Heaven (Ta’anit 16a).

It has likewise been a Jewish custom all throughout the ages to consider the graves of the righteous (kivrei tzaddikim) places of pilgrimage, and to visit there and recite Psalms and prayers. Hassidim even leave notes (kvitlach) by their Rebbe’s grave.

As you point out, though, this must be understood correctly. Praying to a deceased person rather than God is idolatry. He cannot help you, no matter how great he was in his lifetime. What he might be able to do is intercede in heaven on your behalf. Thus, when a person prays at a grave, he should either have in mind that the righteous person (tzaddik) help bring his prayers to God, or even better, he should pray directly to God that He help him in the merit of the tzaddik buried here (Mishna Berurah 559:41, 581:27).

That being said, it may well be more effective to openly and sincerely pray to God for your needs yourself, rather than asking some great rabbi to do it for you. God gives us challenges and hardships in life so that we’ll turn to Him and improve ourselves – rather than that we find a great person to take them away for us.

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Shevat 24

Jewish Values vs. Other Faiths

I am struggling with the sense that on one hand I want to instill Jewish beliefs in my children, but on the other hand I feel this would be diminishing the value of other faiths. I feel that love, harmony and happiness are the most important values, and that we need to be accepting of everyone's beliefs. People are different, so isn't truth relative for each individual?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

This is an important question, one that I think goes to the heart of today's society.

If you think about it, you'll realize that "truth" cannot simply be everything that everyone wants.

Consider the father of Protestantism, Martin Luther, who said, "The Jews are our misfortune," and fomented a hatred that later helped the Nazis generate anti-Semitism among the masses. Are you unwilling to diminish the value of this "father of a major religion" in the eyes of your children?

What about the jihadists who blow up planes, trains and buildings - all in the name of religion?

Hitler wrote in "Mein Kampf:" "I believe today that my conduct is in accordance of the will of the Almighty creator. In standing guard against the Jew, I am defending the handiwork of the Lord."

Do you agree with Hitler or not? Cannot you say unequivocally that he was wrong?

Reality is what is. You have to decide if you want to teach your children truth, or if you want to immobilize them with cushy phrases of political correctness.

This does not condone any disrespect toward other people. We teach that all human beings are inestimably valuable and deserve to be loved and respected. But we do not teach that all beliefs have equal value. We are firm in the perception of reality as defined by the Torah. It has served our people well over the generations, all the way back to the momentous event at Mount Sinai which changed the face of human history forever.

For more on this, read: www.aish.com/sp/ph/48959701.html

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Shevat 25

Welcoming Guests

I'm a recent convert to Judaism, and one of the things that impresses me the most about the Jewish community is the way people have so generously opened their homes to me as a guest for Shabbat and holiday meals. Where does this idea stem from?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Hachnasat Orchim, welcoming guests, is one of the key ways of "emulating God." In describing the mitzvah to walk in God's ways, the Talmud says: "Just as He is merciful, so you be merciful. Just as He is kind, so you be kind." One example of God's kindness includes feeding the hungry, as God did by providing the manna bread to the Jews wandering in the desert (Exodus 16:4).

Abraham emulated God by performing endless acts of kindness. In Genesis (Chapter 18), we find God talking to Abraham. When Abraham sees three strangers approaching from afar, he suddenly jumps up to offer them food and drink. Abraham treats the guests royally and serves the finest foods, and involves his whole family in the mitzvah.

On what basis did Abraham prioritize the helping of strangers over talking with God?!

The answer is that even greater than talking to God, is to be like God. God is a giver. We are created in the image of God; thus giving is our greatest form of spiritual expression. Abraham achieved great spiritual levels because he emulated God by welcoming guests into his home.

Hachnasat Orchim is one of the mitzvot described in the Talmud (Shabbat 127a), for which we receive the rewards both in this world and in the world to come.