Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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Suffering Teaches Modesty

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch wrote: "Suffering is a great teacher. Suffering teaches you the limitations of your power. It reminds you of the frailty of your health, the instability of your possessions, and the inadequacy of your means which have only been lent to you and must be returned as soon as the Owner desires it. Suffering visits you and teaches you the nothingness of your false greatness. It teaches you modesty."

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Strategic Humility

There is a very powerful tool that will enable you to overcome many potential quarrels. This is the art of knowing how to act with "strategic humility" when a needless quarrel might arise. By being willing to forego illusory honor and speaking to someone from a humble position, you will be able to soften a heart made of stone. Your opponent's heart will melt in the face of your warmth when you act in a humble manner.

Even if you think you are losing by acting humbly, actually you lose absolutely nothing in a spiritual sense. Outwardly you are complying with the wishes of another person, but inwardly your spiritual level is not affected.

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Consider Humility

Arrogance can be the source of two opposite ways of behaving. Some people have such a high opinion of themselves that want nothing else to do with other people. Alternatively, there are those whose arrogance leads them to want power and control over others.

The opposite of arrogance is humility. Humility is the awareness that everything we have is a gift, and that other people are equally important.

Today, contemplate humility for at least five minutes. In what ways would your life be enhanced if you had more humility?

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Obstacles Add to Your Pleasure

Pleasure comes from filling a need. A person is in a state of deficiency most of his life and focuses on obtaining that which he is lacking. At times, great obstacles prevent a person from meeting those needs. The more obstacles that arise, the more a person feels the void of what he is missing.

Eventually, when that need is met, the pleasure of obtaining is in proportion to the difficulty he previously experienced. When you obtain what you want without running up against obstacles, your pleasure is limited.

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Don't Dwell On Past Troubles

Every person has moments of suffering and unpleasantness in his life. If you master the skill of living in the present, you will keep these moments limited to the actual negative experiences. Both before and after a painful experience you will focus on what is at that moment, freeing you from much unnecessary pain in your life.

Very young children have this skill naturally, and that is why they enjoy life unless they are presently in pain. As we grow older, our ability to use our minds and think about the past and future increases. This ability can be utilized in very beneficial ways, but it can also be detrimental. We can transform our lives into suffering and torture by keeping in mind all our unpleasant experiences of the past.

Forgetting those experiences is the positive aspect of forgetfulness.

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Understanding Others is the Key to Anger

Frequently when we get angry with someone, we fail to realize that he sees the situation much differently than we do. Since he is acting in a manner he considers proper, we should not condemn him and become angry.

Always ask yourself, "How does this person perceive the situation?" You might still strongly disagree with him, but understanding his point of view will help calm you down.

The greater your understanding of someone else's perception of reality, the greater your ability to communicate with him effectively.

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Courage Saves Time

Courage can be a great time-saver. There are instances when you find yourself in a situation that is eating up a lot of your precious time. You would like to say or do something about it, but you find it difficult to do so.

Utilize these situations as opportunities to build up your courage.

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Limit Your Down Time

Once something is past, it no longer exists.

If you experience pain or insult, don't add to it by later repeating to yourself, "How awful that was." This way, it will only last the limited time it actually exists. This is usually very short.

Realizing that suffering is temporary makes it much easier to tolerate insults and slights to your honor.

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Pray a Word at a Time

When praying, keep your mind only on the word at hand. Try to say each word with complete concentration on that word alone.

Rabbi Mordechai of Lekhivitz used to say, "When reciting the prayer Adon Olam, do not even think of the word Olam when saying the word Adon."

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Try For Next Time

Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin told his followers that even if they make serious mistakes, they should not be discouraged. Rather, they should focus on correcting themselves in the future. To illustrate this point, he asked a disciple of his who grew up on a farm, "Did you use to ride on a horse?"

"Yes," replied the man, "quite frequently."

"Did it ever happen that you fell off the horse?" asked Rabbi Moshe.

"Many times," the disciple said.

"And what did you do?" Rabbi Moshe asked.

"I just mounted the horse again, and continued riding," was the person's reply.

"This is a model how we should react to our mistakes," Rabbi Moshe told his followers. "Never give up. Regardless of how many times you fall, keep on trying."

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One Step at a Time

If you have negative traits, constantly work on acting in a manner that is diametrically opposed to them. This will make those negative traits foreign to you.

Take it slow, and keep in mind that this is a lifelong process!

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Go One Step at a Time

When beginning to work on self-improvement, just try to go against a negative trait in one small way. Any positive change is already a beginning.

When you take that first step and make even a small change for the better, you have already begun transforming your entire makeup. You are taking control of yourself and your behavior.

With persistence, you will go very far toward your ultimate destination.

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Give Your Spouse Positive Reinforcement

I once saw this advertisement: "Make sure you're part of a winning team." The way to be part of a winning team in marriage is to bring out the best in your spouse.

Remember to keep your focus on your spouse's strengths and not his or her weaknesses. Remember to believe in the potential of your spouse. Believe that your spouse has untapped wisdom and goodness that both of you can reach. Remember to notice positive changes and to express your appreciation. Express appreciation and gratitude for positive words and actions, even if they are not totally what you would have wanted.

By giving positive reinforcement to a movement in the right direction, you encourage your spouse to keep moving along the best path for both of you.

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Pray One Step at a Time

Prayer is an excellent training ground for practicing control of one's thoughts.

Some people give up hope on concentrating during prayers because they feel there is so much to say and they find it hard to concentrate for so long. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov offered the following advice: When external thoughts come to you during prayers, ignore them. Don't try to fight them, since the more you battle them the more they will bother you.

Make up your mind to concentrate on just a few pages. By using this technique you will be able to concentrate during the entire service.

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Think about the Outcome

Even if someone has done something wrong to you, before getting into an argument about it, think of the outcome you are striving for. If there will be no practical benefit from your argument, avoid it.

"Outcome thinking" is wisdom. A wise person considers the outcome before speaking.

Be wise!

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Uncover Your Accomplishments

There are many accomplishments in life that are often overlooked as being accomplishments. For example, developing your character is a great accomplishment. Maimonides writes that this is a fulfillment of the mitzvah to walk in God's ways.

Each difficulty that you cope well with is an accomplishment.

Doing an act of kindness for another person is an accomplishment. (And the less you feel like doing it, the greater the accomplishment!)

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Don't Take Disagreements Personally

When someone disagrees with your ideas, realize that he's not attacking you personally. This perspective will help you be more open to listen to someone who disagrees with your position.

As an experiment, go an entire week without reacting defensively (unless it is necessary to do so to protect yourself from loss or harm).

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You and Your Spouse are Unique

Torah principles give us the wisdom and concepts that are needed for a harmonious marriage. But just knowing these ideas will not automatically guarantee a happy marriage. Torah ideas need to be internalized and practiced.

You have strengths and weaknesses, positive qualities and faults - and so does the person you marry. You have a unique life history; you came from a specific family - and so did your spouse. You have a unique genetic makeup, with a unique combination of intellect and emotions - and so does every other human being on our planet.

Your temperament, personality, communication style, and myriad other factors need to interact with the temperament, personality, and communication style of your spouse. This will inevitably create many challenges. Your response to these challenges will either create problems, pain, and quarrels... or will be the source of great spiritual and emotional elevation.

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Shabbos Rest Helps Your Whole Week

The rest we have on Shabbos is not merely rest from work on that day alone. Rather, it has the ability to give us peace of mind all the days of the week.

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Pleasures are like Salt Water

All the material and physical pleasures of this world are like salt water. They just cause a person to desire more and more. It is impossible to quench the thirst for desires by giving into desires. Just the opposite occurs. A person becomes thirstier for more desires. Trying to acquire good traits is entirely different. When you first try to acquire those virtues, you might find it bitter. However, when you master the habit of doing good, you feel great sweetness. Therefore the person who seeks pleasure in becoming a better person will find true enjoyment in life.

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Make the Almighty's Will Your Will

The ultimate formula for mastering patience is: "Make the Almighty's will your will."

Those who internalize this will automatically and spontaneously be patient. Repeat this message to yourself over and over again. "I will make the Almighty's will my will."

-- "If it's the Almighty's will that I need to wait for someone, that too is my will."

-- "If it's the Almighty's will that I need to repeat myself, that too is my will."

-- "If it's the Almighty's will that I need to wait until I find out some information, that too is my will."

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The Pleasure of Learning Torah

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm wrote:

"The wise person lives a life of pleasure. If pleasure-seekers would only be aware of the great potential for pleasure through studying Torah wisdom, they would give up seeking physical pleasures and would focus on obtaining Torah wisdom!"

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Counterbalance Bad Traits

As soon as you become aware that you are feeling any discomfort over another person's good fortune, let it serve as a cue to you to behave in the opposite extreme and actively express great joy. This will help you overcome any negative tendencies.

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Admit Your Mistakes

Don't defend an error when you know you are wrong. Most often you can't fool others. And you can never fool yourself.

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Heal Others From Their Mistakes

There are two possible approaches to take when you see someone doing something wrong. One is to speak harshly, telling him what he did is wrong. But this approach does not help the other person understand how they can correct the behavior. This is more like stabbing than healing!

The approach of the wise is to show people how they can correct what they did wrong. The only words that should be said are those conducive to healing.

Today, resolve to internalize and practice this valuable piece of wisdom.

And… think of someone you can share this with, who might gain from hearing it.