Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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Deliberate For Peace Of Mind

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm constantly stressed the importance of working on peace of mind. He suggested the following exercises:

- When you wish to tell someone a piece of news, wait at least fifteen minutes until you tell it to someone else. - When someone asks you for advice, don't give an immediate reply. Think over your response for at least five minutes. - Before you speak to someone, think first about your goals. - Think of how you will say something before you say it.

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Materialism And Peace Of Mind

Many people mistakenly think that peace of mind is dependent on external possessions. Rabbi Simcha Zissel cited the following story:

A wise man lived in dire poverty. To save him suffering, the king gave him a large amount of silver and gold.

To the king's amazement, the wise man came the next morning and said: "Here is your gold and silver. Please take it back because I don't want it."

"Why would you return my gift?" the astonished king asked.

"My master," replied the wise man, "my entire life I have always had peace and tranquility. I have never pursued wealth and have always been satisfied with the basic necessities of life. Due to my modest demands I have always had more than what I needed. My mind was free to engage in my studies. But yesterday when I took the silver, my mind started worrying about what I would do with the money. Perhaps I should invest in real estate; perhaps I should begin a commercial venture. My mind was in such turmoil that I was unable to sleep. I found myself so preoccupied with the money that no other thoughts entered my mind. Please take the money back. I had more peace of mind before!"

Today, ask yourself: Is my pursuit of materialism in any way a source of anxiety?

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Feeling The Suffering Of Others

Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz the late head of Mirrer Yeshiva in Jerusalem said, "While we have to work on overcoming the feeling of suffering in our personal lives, at the same time we should work on trying to feel the suffering of others." When Rabbi Shmuelevitz was in the hospital shortly before his death, another patient was put in the same room. Rabbi Shmuelevitz, who was very weak himself, wrote down with a shaky hand, "When I suffer, it is easier to feel the suffering of others."

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Promising To Do Things

Be careful not to promise people you will do something, if you will not be able to do it right away.

While we have an obligation to do kindness for others, learn to say "no" to requests you do not really intend to carry out. While you might save yourself a small amount of uneasiness by not refusing right away, it is unfair both to the other person and eventually to yourself to mislead someone.

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Count Your Blessings

Develop a deep sense of appreciation for what you have. The Creator has given you many gifts for your welfare and enjoyment. Realize how foolish it would be for someone to needlessly make himself miserable when he has so much wealth!

Failing to focus on what you have is depriving yourself of much joy. Don't commit this crime against yourself and our Creator.

Make a list of your possessions, in order to increase your appreciation for them. (Remember to include those things that you're most likely to take for granted!)

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Creatively Respond, Don't React

When a difficulty arises today, try to delay any negative reaction. Think of possible solutions. Clarify your goal and ask yourself, "What is the best thing for me to say and do right now to reach my goal?" and, "What creative solution can I think of right now?"

Ask yourself: "What would a wise person suggest to me right now?" Try to arrive at a creative solution that will turn the difficulty into a triumph.

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Life Is An Exciting Challenge

The classic work of Jewish Ethics, "Path of the Just," says: "Every aspect of our lives is a challenge and test."

With this perspective, life will never be boring or mundane. Every single situation and occurrence is different from every other - and each is an opportunity for elevation and growth.

When you are aware that a situation is a test, you will find it much easier to deal with. To illustrate this concept, imagine that you went for a job interview and the potential employer shouted an insult at you. You would most probably feel either upset or angry. But if someone told you in advance that this employer shouts at job candidates to test their reaction to stress, you would find it easy to remain calm. You realize it is just a test and it is in your best interests to pass it.

That is how we can view each event and situation. It is a test of our spiritual strength and courage, and we can look forward to passing it.

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Having It All

Judaism has two terms for tranquility - "shalvah" and "menuchah." While they might appear to be similar, they really contradict each other.

Shalvah refers to a situation in which a person is not missing anything in life. He has everything he wants and therefore has no worries. He has a nice house with all the furnishings he can ask for. He has a large amount of cash handy to purchase whatever he wants. His business is going well, and all of his property and possessions are entirely safe. He has no enemies who would want to cause him harm. There is peace in his world. He is entirely healthy. He is respected and people accept his opinion. He has no competitors who are striving to diminish is stature. He has no obligations to others. He is successful at whatever he does. This is shalvah.

And it's a negative trait.

Why? Because if you feel that everything must be perfect, you are in danger that if the details of your life are not to your liking, you will suffer. The many difficulties that arise in your life will prevent you from experiencing pleasure and peace of mind.

Menuchah, on the other hand, is a virtue. It is a state in which a person lives with peace of mind since he does not need anything! Not because he has all he would wish for, but because his attitude is one of accepting his present situation. He will be aware that all benefits and damages in life are dependent on the will of the Almighty. He has trust that whatever is decreed for him is what will occur. If he has what he would like, that is good; and if he is not able to get it, that, too, is for the good. He does not feel anxiety about possible misfortunes. He knows that "every bullet has its special address," and he wants only that which the Almighty chooses for him. If you attain the trait of menuchah, you will feel inner peace regardless of your financial situation and whether or not you have the approval of others.

The person who has reached this level of not needing all that he would wish for is saved from all kinds of frustration. People will not have anything to criticize him for. Even if someone does wrongly accuse him of anything, he does not take it to heart. He knows that he is being accused in error, and is able to feel an inner joy. This level is called menuchah.

Seek to live a life of menuchah.

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Having Your Needs Met

"I have exactly what I need," the Torah master told a former student of his.

The student who had not seen his teacher for a number of years visited him to seek advice on a complex matter. The student was financially successful and was grateful to his teacher for what he had taught him in the past and for the advice he just had given him.

"My dear teacher, my business is going well and I would like to repay you. Please accept a check from me as a token of my gratitude."

"My beloved student," the great spiritual teacher replied, "I see that you sincerely want to give me a large amount of money. But I truly have all that I need."

"But look how few amenities you have in your house. And everything you do have is old," the student insisted. "Please take this check. I already have enough money to retire. It would give me great pleasure to help you out."

"But I don't need to be helped out. What I have is exactly what I need to have to fulfill my mission in life. I will be very pleased if you gave the money to a young couple about to get married who need to set up a home. But I lack nothing."

The spiritual awareness that you have what you need is a foundation for happiness. You might feel you need more and have a right to put in the effort to try to acquire what you wish. But before, during, and after your efforts realize that whatever you have is exactly what you need. When you truly need more to fulfill your life's mission, you will get it. But the Power Above is the only One Who really knows when and what that is. Your trusting Him will ensure you a happy life.

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Give It Your All

As an opportunity to do an act of kindness arises, ask yourself, "If I were going to view this as my final opportunity to do one last good deed in this world, what would I do?"

As you contemplate this question, you will experience its amazing power. Because eventually we will be faced with that actual last opportunity. And we never know when it will be.

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Cheers For All

Root for the success of people you know as well as for people you don't know. (That about covers it for the people on our planet.) Whenever someone is successful in some endeavor, root for him and cheer. If this doesn't come naturally to you, you aren't alone. The first reaction of many people is that this sounds impossible. But I can testify that it is a learnable skill if you practice.

How do you practice? Bill Gates' fortune has increased? Cheer for him. You see the announcement of an engagement, cheer for the happy couple. Someone wins an award for anything: Cheer! Someone wins a lottery: Cheer for the winner. Someone has achieved scholastically, created a new invention, has written another book, composed a new song: Cheer!

"Why should I do this?" some readers might ask.

"Because it feels great to be joyous and this is one of the best ways to consistently experience joy," is the answer.

From now on be more aware of the choices you will be making throughout your life whenever you hear about someone's success. You can choose to be envious. This choice gives you nothing but pain. Or you can choose to be neutral. With this choice you don't suffer, but you miss out on a lot of life's potential for joy. Or you can choose to experience joy because of the joy of others. With this choice, you will have unlimited opportunities to experience joy. A wise choice, isn't it?

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Serenity Adds Up

Every moment of serenity adds up. In the magnificent brain that the Creator gave you, you have every positive moment stored up. Every moment of joy, every moment of courage, every moment of serene empowerment is stored in your brain.

Whenever you are serene, tell yourself, "Isn't it great that I feel serene now! This is presently being stored in my brain. It joins my other moments of serenity. The larger the library and storehouse of serenity in my brain, the easier it will be for me to access it at will."

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Become More Calm

When you are calm, you think more clearly.

This helps you when you pray, study, interact with other people, and when you need to make decisions.

What thoughts and techniques enable you to remain calm in challenging situations?

Even if you frequently find it difficult to remain calm, there are definitely times that you were calmer than usual. Think of situations that you would be able to handle better if you were to remain calmer.

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Prioritize Your Energy

Arrange your schedule to do your highest priority work during your periods of highest energy. This will enable you to grow from both moments of high energy and moments of low energy.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self

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Commence With An Apology

If you have to speak to someone in a position of authority, and you are afraid you might irritate him/her, starting with an apology will frequently prevent their becoming angry.

For example, you can say, "I realize this may get you angry, but I feel I need to say it." By telling someone you might make him angry, paradoxically this will frequently prevent his becoming angry.

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Good Deeds Elevate Us

When you are engaged in a mitzvah, you are not just doing a mechanical action. Rather, you are transforming yourself into a more elevated person. You are not just "doing," but "becoming."

Today, think of three good deeds you have done in the past that have given you a better feeling about yourself. Remembering these will increase your good deeds and increase their positive effect on you

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When Asked To Help

Some people prefer to do favors for others only when they voluntarily choose to do so. But when they are asked, they may consider it a burden.

The benefit of being asked by another person is knowing for certain what this person's needs actually are.

And there is even a way to fulfill this person's request voluntarily. How? By doing more than you were originally asked to do!

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Glad To Help

Be grateful to anyone you help. They are helping you fulfill your life's mission.

Be especially careful not to speak or act condescendingly when you try to help someone. The good you do can be offset by the damage caused by an insulting tone.

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Eternal Help

A person who utilizes suffering to arouse himself in spiritual matters will find consolation. He will recognize that even though the suffering was difficult for him, it nevertheless helped him for eternity.

When you see yourself growing spiritually through your suffering, you will even be able to feel joy because of that suffering.

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Ask For Help

You don't have to do it alone.

Your loving Father and powerful King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe, is waiting to help you. Pray to Him. Ask Him for help in mastering patience. Ask Him for the strength to be patient with His other children. Ask Him for the strength to be as patient as necessary to serve Him with joy and love. Ask Him for the strength for the patience to gain all the knowledge and skills to make the most of your stay on this planet.

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Build On your Spouse's Image

If your spouse portrays a picture of him/herself more positively than you feel is accurate, accept it. Build upon it. It is frequently a mistake to try to demolish this picture. By building upon it, you create a more positive future reality.

People tend to act in ways that are consistent with their view of themselves. For example, your spouse might say, "I consider myself to be very considerate." Let's say you disagree and feel that your spouse has a long way to go to fit this picture. You would like your spouse to be more considerate, wouldn't you? Therefore, it is best to express gratitude for the consideration already displayed. By doing so you have a better chance of having a more considerate spouse. If you argue, there is a good chance you will end up in a no-win quarrel. Even if your spouse ends up agreeing with you, it is not likely that your approach will improve their character.

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Focus on the Almighty's Gifts

Whenever your mind is free, make a conscious effort to focus on the good that the Almighty has bestowed upon you.

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Focus on the Almighty's Kindness

Utilize every opportunity to become aware of the Almighty's kindness. This awareness will motivate you to emulate the Almighty and make the attribute of kindness an integral part of your personality.

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Focus On Those You Can Help

Focus on the people you can help, and don't be obsessed with those you cannot help.

You are a mortal. You, like everyone else, are limited. Obsessing about what you can't do prevents you from accomplishing what you can do.

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Build Relationships On Common Goals

Two people who want to have a good relationship need to be aware of a basic principle: When each one tries to pull the other to his own direction, there will be conflict and constant quarrel.

But when people focus on their common goals, the differences between them will not cause difficulties, and they will have a peaceful relationship.

Whenever you find yourself about to quarrel with another person, ask yourself, "What goals do we have in common?" This way of looking at the situation will make it easier for you to find a solution that will be satisfactory to both