Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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Appreciating People

Practice thinking about how much you have gained from your immediate environment. Without other people you would be all alone. What would you be like if you grew up all by yourself in a forest? (Probably not much different from an animal!)

Appreciate that the people in your environment have taught you much knowledge and understanding

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Uncertainty Is Inevitable

In many areas of our lives uncertainty is inevitable. You will cause yourself much needless pain if you unrealistically demand certainty. Even in extremely important areas of our lives we are likely to be uncertain.

If you can let go of unrealistic demands for certainty, you will actually achieve more peace of mind than if you were certain!

What is the proper attitude? Try to be as certain as possible, and accept that any remaining uncertainty will not exacerbate your situation.

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Help As Soon As Possible

When someone asks you for a favor and you are able to fulfill the request, make certain to do it right away. If you are really able to help in some way today, don't tell the person, "Come back tomorrow and then I will help you."

Apply this with the next five favors that you are asked to do. If the favor is a reasonable one and you are able to do it, don't procrastinate. Take care of it right away.

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Hate Evil, Not People

Hate the evil acts of the wicked, but do not hate the people themselves. Every person is worthy of being cherished by virtue of being created in the image of the Almighty. Therefore we cannot hate another person. Rather, our love for the Almighty should be so deeply internalized, that from this love we hate evil deeds. By hating only evil actions, you elevate yourself because you are increasing your love for the Almighty.

The next time you see someone do something evil, try to distinguish between hatred of the act and hatred of the person.

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Try As Much As Possible

Rabbi Yisroel Salanter used to say, "There is no greater illness than discouragement." At times a person may take note of all his faults and failures and give up hope of improving. But when it comes to monetary wealth, a person tries to gather as much money as possible even if he will not become wealthy. Someone suffering physical pain also tries to alleviate some of the pain even if he is unable to bring about a complete cure. Rabbi Salanter said our attitude towards refraining from evil and performing good deeds should be the same. Even if someone will be far from perfect, he should at least try to do as many good deeds as possible and refrain from violating as many prohibitions as he can.

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Be Around Great People

Your positive behavior is dependent on the images implanted in your brain. The way you get these inner images is by seeing these behaviors in others with your own eyes. Because of this principle, we can understand the great benefit of being among people who are models of excellence.

Today, think of someone you admire for their fine character, and plan a way to spend more time with them

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Handling Difficult People

Utilize your encounters with difficult people to:

* Achieve a greater understanding of others.

* Become aware of your own vulnerabilities.

* Discover what you can personally do to help him.

* Learn to be more creative in dealing with people.

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Forgiving People

If someone has wronged you and then shows sincere regret and asks for forgiveness, what should you do?

Go out of your way to do positive things for him that will express your love and concern for him. In this way, you are encouraging him for realizing his mistake and doing the right thing to correct it.

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Believe In People

Believe in people and you will influence them to believe in themselves.

Your belief needs to be based on reality -- so develop an eye for noticing sparks of potential in others. Be enthusiastic in selling a person to himself.

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Share A Smile

The Talmud instructs us: "Greet each person with a friendly smile" (Avot 1:15).

When you smile to someone, the recipient of your smile gains, and you increase the number of your friends. He is likely to smile back and this will increase your own positive feelings.

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Relaxing Helps You Problem Solve

When a person has a major problem, worry prevents him from thinking of practical ways to solve it. Someone who does not worry has much better chances of success. The calmer you are, the better you are able to plan the wisest course of action.

Being relaxed and free of worry can prevent a person from reacting hastily and even putting himself in danger.

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Learn From Calm People

A person who loses his temper easily might find it difficult to understand how someone else is able to remain calm in situations when he would become furious. Conversely, someone who is able to remain calm might have difficulty understanding why another person becomes angry in a situation when he remains calm.

A quick-tempered person should try to learn from someone who remains calm. He should try to see what he is telling himself about the situation and compare that with what the calm person is telling himself. By asking people who are able to handle difficult situations how they viewed an event, one can constantly find models to learn from.

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Patience is Learnable

Patience is a learnable skill. Even those who have been impatient their entire lives can learn to become more patient. Your present resolve and determination will transform you.

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Patience Is Attainable

If someone lacks patience, the way he perceives the root cause is a key factor in how he will approach seeking a solution. Looking at a lack of patience as being rooted in factors over which one has no present control is not the most effective and efficient way to find a solution.

Consider this: "I'm not patient because I haven't yet mastered this mental skill." This attitude will motivate you to gain mastery.

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You Are Valuable

One's sense of self-worth can either be a source of positive feelings or of distress. Having a deep realization of your intrinsic value protects you from the need to prove to anyone else that you are an important person. Knowing your unlimited value, you are free from the stress experienced by those who lack this understanding.

The Torah view of humans is that we are all created in the image of the Creator. Realizing that "each person is obligated to say, ‘The universe was created for me.'" (Talmud, Sanhedrin 37a) gives you more value than any possible mortal accomplishment. Viewing yourself as a child of the Creator and Sustainer of the universe adds greatly to your sense of personal value.

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Picture Your Ideal Self

Work on improving yourself, instead of wasting time feeling sorry that you are not the way you would like.

Describe your ideal self: What type of person do you really want to be? Be as specific as possible. Don't use vague terms like "being a kind person, gaining lots of knowledge, and being successful." With these terms you will not have a clear criteria to determine if you have reached the goals.

If, for example, you wish to improve in doing kindness, clarify the specific acts of kindness you plan to do, and how often. Then, once you have a picture of your ideal self, you can plan ways to travel the path leading to that ideal.

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Take Care Of Yourself

The great Rabbi Hillel expressed the Torah attitude about needing other people: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am by myself, what am I?" (Talmud - Avot 1:14)

Do not make yourself overly dependent on others. If you won't take care of your own needs, how can you expect that others will?

On the other hand, be aware of your limitations. To a certain degree we are all dependent on others. Even the most rich and wise person needs others.

Either extreme is bound to cause problems. Hillel advises us to take the middle path. Try to do for yourself what you can; but do not be too proud to ask others for help when necessary.

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Be Your True Self

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter said, "On Judgment Day, I will not be afraid of the question why I was not great like Moses. The question I need to keep in mind is why I was not everything that Yisrael Salanter could have been!"

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Treat Others As Yourself

It is easy to view other people's problems and difficulties as "their issue." We like to think that it has nothing to do with us and we would never be in their situation.

But no one ever knows what the future has in store. Scary, isn't it?

Treat each person the way you would have wished to be treated if you were in this person's shoes.

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Take Pride In Yourself

My teacher Rabbi Chaim Mordechai Katz, the late dean of Telshe, constantly stressed the distinction between the positive attribute of taking pride in one's values and heritage, and the negative trait of arrogance.

A young student walking with his shoulders stooped once passed in front of Rabbi Katz' house. He called the student over and admonished him to walk straight. Why? A person's posture reveals his self-concept, and someone engaged in Torah study should demonstrate appreciation for the great value of that pursuit.

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Build Yourself

We all start off as young children who need our characters to be molded. We all have our natural areas of strengths and areas that need fixing. Anyone who lets his character traits go on automatic pilot will have many character failings. To have faults is the normal human condition. That is why we were put on this earth: to develop and grow. Allow yourself to feel joy with every action you take to develop your character. When you notice that you have a fault, be glad that you recognized it. Whether you find it yourself or whether someone else points it out to you, you can feel a sense of appreciation that you are aware, for now you can correct it.

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Identify Yourself

Your identity creates you. And you choose your identity. Yes, your childhood, your parent's view of you, the way others have treated you, who you compare yourself with, all have had a part in creating your identity. But it's only because now in the present you have decided to keep the identity you have been influenced to have. And if you haven't made a conscious decision how to view your identity, you are still making a decision, albeit a passive one. You might already view yourself as a happy, joyous person. If so, great. If that's not yet your picture of yourself, it makes sense to start viewing yourself this way now. All you need is one moment of happiness or joy to consider yourself as one.

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Know Yourself

If a person was born with positive qualities, he should be grateful to the Almighty. This should never become a source of arrogance, because since he did not do anything to earn those traits, he has nothing to be proud of.

Who is the person who deserves great reward? Someone who had to work very hard on himself to acquire positive traits.

Today, try to distinguish between the good traits you were born with, and those you've had to work to acquire.

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Love Others As Yourself

When someone has refused to help you or has harmed you in the past, it is considered "revenge" to refuse to do him a favor in return. It is considered "bearing a grudge" to do the favor - while reminding him of the harm he did.

The evil inclination ("yetzer hara") works on getting a person angry in order that he should get back at the other person, if not in a major way, at least in a minor way. The evil inclination tries to tell you, "If you want to give something to him - even though he refused to help you when you were in need - at least don't give it to him with a friendly smile. Don't help him too much. Don't be too close a friend with him; it's enough that you forgive him and don't consider him your enemy. Even if you do still want to be his friend, don't show him as much love as previously."

These are the ways the evil inclination tries to entice people. Therefore the Torah states an all-encompassing principle: "Love your neighbor as yourself." "As yourself" means literally as yourself - without any difference or variation.

Today, think of someone you're feeling a bit negative towards for his/her failure to help you in some way. Now visualize yourself feeling a sense of identification with this person. The next time you interact with this person, view it as if you were interacting with yourself. See how this transforms your words and actions.

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Rule Over Yourself

Having your intellect rule over your nature is an essential obligation. Your intellectual realizations should be so strong that they are able to overcome natural tendencies and habits. If you let your natural tendencies rule you, you are likely to make many serious mistakes in life.

Keep in mind that this is an ideal, and it is unrealistic to demand perfection of oneself. The goal should be improvement. A person who works on his power of thinking for many years will eventually reach high levels of expertise. But do not demand of yourself instantaneous perfection for this will needlessly cause guilt feelings and anxiety.

Today, set yourself a small, realistic, attainable goal.