Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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Ask Forgiveness Sincerely

If you've wronged another person, and your regret is sincere, he will forgive you.

Some people, however, when asking forgiveness are just being deceitful. Such an apology is unlikely to be accepted.

Today, think of someone you have wronged and have not asked for forgiveness. Be resolved to sincerely ask him for forgiveness

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Evaluate Positively

Which descriptions do you use more often? (a) "It was awful, terrible, bad..." ( "It was great, wonderful, terrific..."

Resolve to increase your frequency of positive evaluations.

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Act Joyously

Act joyously. These two words are powerful. They work. Test it out congruently and see for yourself how effective this formula is.

If it's so easy, how come everyone isn't radiating joy? I didn't claim it was easy. It's simple to say, but the very fact that not everyone consistently applies it shows that it doesn't come naturally to many people. It takes effort. And it also takes belief in the process. You can counteract the effects of acting joyously by holding back or by repeating to yourself, "This won't really work."

"Act with enthusiastic joy and you will actually experience it," was expressed by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto in his classic work "Path of The Just" written in 1740. Since then many professionals in the field of human emotions have repeated this formula. It worked then and it still works now. The more flexible someone is with their emotions, the easier it is for them to apply this. Experiments with biofeedback technology and the testing of hormones in the blood after acting joyously have proven its effectiveness.

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Joy! Yes, I've heard it said that if you say the words then your emotions will follow.

I would love it if more prople expressed joy!

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Joy! Yes, I've heard it said that if you say the words then your emotions will follow.

I would love it if more prople expressed joy!

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Disagree Respectfully

Learn to disagree without creating an unpleasant argument.

A mature disagreement is when two people both listen carefully to the other's position in order to understand the position and why the person feels that way.

The Torah obligates us to treat each person with respect - even if you disagree.

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A Soft Reply

King Solomon says: "A soft reply turns away anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

Think of some incidents when you wisely used a soft reply. Now resolve to apply this in the future.

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Complain Effectively

Before you complain, think carefully to determine if your complaint is valid.

When interacting with the people you see frequently, even if your complaint is valid, be certain to praise more frequently than you complain.

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Think Creatively

Use your creativity to find solutions for dealing with difficult people and difficult situations. Be open to being creative in all contexts of your life.

Today, think of a specific difficulty you are experiencing. Utilize your creativity to think of a new solution.

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Criticize Constructively

Before you say something critical, ask yourself, "Will anything constructive come from my being critical right now?"

If the answer is "no," switch yourself in midstream and say something pleasant instead.

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Traits To Develop

Today, be resolved to keep developing patience, creativity, emotional independence, confidence, courage, humor, serene empowerment, calm persistence, self-mastery, unconditional love and compassion.

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Praise The Almighty By Honoring Others

The test of a person's spiritual level is how he treats other people. The purpose of creation is for a person to praise and exalt the Almighty, to recognize His greatness and continue to grow in this awareness. Similarly, in relation to other people our mission in life is to honor them as much as possible because in doing so we recognize their being created in the image of God. The more you show respect to others, the more you are manifesting your awareness of the Almighty's greatness.

Think of someone you already respect. Now imagine that this person is created in God's image. What more could you do to express your respect for this person?

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Invert Your Desire for Honor

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter used to say, "Even though we personally should do what we can to flee from honor, we still have an obligation to treat other people with great honor and respect."

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Learn Patience By Observing Others

Learn from the patience of others. Every person who is patient in situations that challenge you, serves as a role model for how you too can be patient.

As you observe the body language, manner of speaking, and word content of patient people, you have a picture of what you need to do to become more patient yourself.

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Coping With Solitude

Frequently when a person is physically ill or sustains an injury, he has an enforced solitude. For many people, this loneliness causes more suffering than the actual pain of the illness or injury.

If, however, such a person will utilize his time properly, he will be able to gain much from the experience. He can spend his time studying things he had never previously found the time to study (especially listening to cassette tapes). He can build up a close relationship with one or a few people, that he would not have been able to had he not been incapacitated. Or he can try to utilize the phone for charitable work.

The crucial factor is your attitude. Despair over loneliness will increase the suffering. Looking at the time available as a precious gift will decrease it.

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Enjoy The Trip

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm said: "When a person travels to the wedding of a close friend, he is happy the entire trip. Though the ride might not be comfortable and the food a bit stale, he still is joyous, for his mind is focused on the goal of the trip, where he will greatly enjoy himself.

"Similarly, when a person focuses on the goal of life, he is able to overcome the difficulties involved. When one's focus is on the eternal afterlife, he lives in a state of happiness even though he experiences many inconveniences along his relatively short trip [in this world]."

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Cultivate Gratitude

Lack of gratitude is at the root of discontent. In order to be consistently serene, we must master the attribute of being grateful to the Creator for all His gifts. As the Torah (Deuteronomy 26:11) states, "Rejoice with all the good the Almighty has given you." This does not negate our wanting more. But it does mean that we have a constant feeling of gratitude since as long as we are alive, we always have a list of things for which to be grateful.

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Act According To Your Ideals

An honor-seeker will not be a truth-seeker. To gain others' approval, a person will have to keep changing his opinions to agree with the person with whom he is talking.

In the end, he will lack the respect of others. Those who manipulate him will recognize that he agrees with them only to gain their approval and will hold him in disdain.

Only if a person talks and acts according to his ideals, independently of what others think of him, will he gain the respect of others.

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An Attitude Of Gratitude

Do all that you can to express gratitude to others for anything they do for you. This will help you feel gratitude for the Almighty also.

Today, think of someone you gain from but have not expressed sufficient gratitude. Make a special effort to express gratitude to that person.

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The Scope of Gratitude

A friend of mine, Rabbi Leibel Benjaminson, described a self-improvement ("mussar") group in which he participated. In order to improve their sense of gratitude, everyone in the group was to select one thing that they do frequently - and then think for 10 minutes about its ramifications.

My friend drank one cup of coffee every morning, and he chose this cup of coffee as his subject. He felt it would be easier to work on the assignment if he wrote his thoughts on paper. To his surprise, the 10 minutes quickly turned into 35. He wrote about how the coffee beans grew in Brazil. Someone planted the trees and took care of them until the coffee reached maturity. Then workers picked the beans from the trees. The beans were roasted and ground, and packed for shipping. He described all the work involved in the shipping industry which allowed the coffee to reach the United States. This alone required hundreds of people. Finally, the coffee arrived at the port in Haifa from where it was taken to his grocery story in Jerusalem.

He wrote about the gas range that boiled the water, and the match he used. (And how much easier it is to use a match rather than have to rub two sticks together!) He wrote about how the gas reached his home and what was necessary to build his stove. He wrote about the water kettle that whistled to let him know that the water had boiled. The milk he added required the work of many people from the time it left the cow until it reached his coffee cup.

At the end of 35 minutes, he saw he had not even begun to write about the actual cup, saucer, or teaspoon nor the table he placed it on, or the chair he sat on!!

Through this exercise, he became aware of so many things he'd been taking for granted. This awareness led him to a most intense spiritual experience. His prayers for the next few weeks were permeated with a deep feeling of gratitude to the Almighty.

Would you like to have a similar experience? Try it today: Pick something that you enjoy doing, and write as much as you can about what there is to appreciate.

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Enthusiastic Praise

Sincere praise at the right time can transform a person's life. We all need feedback from others. Young children have no way of knowing how well they are doing unless they get feedback from others. And we all were once children. And we never outgrow our need for feedback.

An accomplished Talmudic scholar shared with me, "When I was a young boy, I had a tendency to daydream and I didn't always pay attention when my teachers were talking. My self-image was that I wasn't especially bright. But one sensitive teacher changed my life. I had received a 50 on a Talmud test. The teacher called me over and privately told me, 'You only answered half the questions on the test. But I want to point out to you that what you did answer shows that you have a deep understanding of the concepts.' I felt good, but it didn't make too much of a difference. The next week, I once again answered only half the questions and received only a 50. Once again the teacher called me over and told me, "You didn't answer half the questions. But I want to point out to you that what you answered, you answered exceedingly well. You really understand the ideas you understand.' This opened my eyes. I saw that I had a much better mind than I had previously thought. I began to concentrate in class. The next four weeks in a row I received a 100 on each test. And after that I always got at least a 90. Sincere praise made me what I am today."

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Wake Up With Enthusiasm

Every morning when you wake up, you are given another day of life. This gift of life is precious. To say that it's precious is really a colossal understatement. Being alive is more valuable than anything else that one can own and possess. The greater your appreciation for being alive, the more enthusiastic you will be when wake up each morning.

Your Creator gives you life this moment for a reason. Your life is purposeful. Just imagine the enthusiasm you are going to experience when you realize that the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is saying to you, "I am giving you life this very moment. Appreciate it."

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Enthusiastic Self-Image

Your self-image has a major affect on your character and personality. The way you view yourself becomes your reality, for better or for worse. This concept is so powerful that it will make a difference in all that you do and don't do your entire life.

View yourself as a person who is enthusiastic. Even if you aren't always enthusiastic, as long as you are enthusiastic some times or have been enthusiastic in the past, it means that you are a person who has experienced enthusiasm. And since you know you have already been enthusiastic, it means that you can view yourself as someone who will be enthusiastic more times in the future.

Every time you are enthusiastic, you strengthen your view of yourself as being someone who is enthusiastic. So the very next time you experience enthusiasm about something positive, you can say to yourself, "I'm enthusiastic now, and I am an enthusiastic person." As you identify with your positive qualities, you make them an integral part of who you are.

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The Mirror's Feedback

Mirrors give you feedback. When you look at your facial expression in a mirror, you have more data to answer the question, "Do I look like I am joyful or enthusiastic right now?"

If the answer is, "Yes," terrific. If not, don't answer, "No." Rather, reply to yourself, "Not yet." This gives your brain a message, that eventually you will be more enthusiastic than you are now.

Enthusiastically wave to yourself in a mirror. Even if you didn't feel enthusiastic before you started, the feedback you get will bring a real smile to your face if you allow it to.

"But I don't have anything to be enthusiastic about," some people argue.

You can always be enthusiastic that you are alive, that you are breathing, that you can see. As you wave to yourself in a mirror, be enthusiastic that your brain is creating the chemicals that naturally make you feel good.

Regularly practicing waving enthusiastically is a simple tool that will be powerfully effective. If you are serious about becoming more enthusiastic, you will make this a habit until you will no longer need to make an effort to see the enthusiastic look when you see yourself in a mirror.

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Model Enthusiastic People

Enthusiasm is a learnable skill. And the best people to learn it from are those who are already enthusiastic. Even if someone else is enthusiastic about a specific matter that you have no interest in, you can still pick up from that person how to be more enthusiastic in ways that are suitable for you.

When you were young, you learned from those older than you how to walk, talk, and do many actions. This process came about because we all listened and observed. Utilizing this ability, we can become more enthusiastic by modeling people who are enthusiastic.

Whenever you encounter someone who is enthusiastic, look and listen. See the expression on their face. See how animated they are. Note specifically the nuances of what they do. Listen carefully to their tone of voice. Hear the expressions they use.

Then try it out. As an experiment imagine for a little while that you are this enthusiastic person. What attitudes enable you to be enthusiastic? What is your thinking patterns? In what ways are you speaking and acting differently than usual?