Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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Grace After Meals

The Birkas Hamazon - Grace After Meals - is a song of gratitude toward the Almighty. Many people think that since we have eaten, we must make a blessing. But actually the opposite is true: The whole purpose of eating is so we should review the concepts found in Birkas Hamazon! Every time you eat, it's a new opportunity to recognize the kindness the Almighty bestows upon you.

Today, after eating a meal, reflect on how wonderful it is that you have food. Imagine the relief and pleasure you would experience if you were stuck someplace for two days without food... and then you had this meal!

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Help Resolve Quarrels

If you try to make peace between two people who have been quarreling, don't take sides and tell one of the people that they are wrong and therefore should be the one to make peace. Since this person thinks that he is right and the other is wrong, he's likely to turn against you and quarrel with you!

A more effective approach is telling him: "Even though you believe you are totally right and the other person is totally wrong, you should still be the one who pursues peace. Take the initiative to approach the other person and apologize to him. Don't wait for him to apologize to you."

Today, think about two people you know who are quarreling and try using this method to bring peace between them

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Use Your Upgraded Skills

When you upgrade your brain in any single context, you get a free upgrade in each and every context of your life.

When your brain enables you to feel confident and empowered when interacting with one person, your brain can enable you to feel this way in all contexts. If you can be creative in one area, your brain can be creative in many similar areas. If your brain can concentrate when you read one thing, you can concentrate in other areas as well. If you were able to cope well with a specific difficult person or difficult situation, it means that the inner resources that enabled you to do so are stored in your brain and your brain can access them with other people and situations. When you are able to create or access the states of happiness and joy at will, it means that your brain can do this over and over again in many other contexts

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Set Meaningful Goals

Lack of meaningful goals in life can lead to sadness. If you do not find meaning in what you are doing, you are likely to feel unhappy.

To solve this, ask yourself what goals you can set that to you would be meaningful. The goals need not be major ones. Even a temporary minor goal is better than none at all.

Make a list of goals to strive for. Be as specific as possible. Vague goals are not very motivating. Write down the major areas of your life and set goals in each of these areas: spiritual goals, interpersonal goals, self-improvement goals, etc.

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Set Reasonable Goals

"It is not expected of you to complete the entire work" (Pirkei Avos 2:21).

Frequently, a person is discouraged largely because he has goals that are beyond his ability to reach. While we do have much more potential than we utilize, we still are limited in what we can do. We must set reasonable goals. Our sages tell us that we are not expected to complete the work. There is much Torah to study and many good deeds to fulfill.

A person who demands too much from himself will feel frustrated and discouraged and is likely to quit. Therefore it is important to be aware of your limitations. But some people might feel that if they cannot obtain perfection and cannot complete everything necessary to be done, they might as well not even try. In the same Mishnah the Sages state, "But you are not free to refrain from the matter."

Choose the middle path. Try to accomplish as much as possible, but also realize that you will not be able to do everything. Learn to take pleasure in trying to accomplish without feeling frustrated from not being able to finish all that you would have wanted.

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Doing Good When Difficult

The value of doing good deeds is primarily when they come through difficulties and suffering.

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See The End Result

Before you evaluate a situation as negative, ask yourself, "How can I be certain that it will really be negative in the long run?"

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Humble to a Fault

Even humility, the crown prince of all traits, can be transformed into a negative trait. If a person is excessively submissive, he will be influenced by immoral people to do evil.

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All Experiences can be Elevating

The Torah attitude toward life is that we should utilize every experience as a tool for elevation. Even when someone acts toward us in a condescending manner, we can view the situation in a positive manner and grow from the experience.

Accepting that you create your emotional pain gives you the motivation to overcome it by changing your attitude toward your situation.

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Happiness Without Approval

If you seek approval, ask yourself why you want it in the first place. The answer is that you view approval as pleasurable and giving you happiness.

Realize how much needless suffering your approval-seeking causes you. This will motivate you to master an attitude that allows you to feel happy even when people fail to show you honor and approval.

It is ironic that something one wants for happiness causes so much unhappiness. By giving up the demand for approval, you will ensure yourself greater happiness in life.

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Expect Insults When Influencing Others

The Chafetz Chaim wrote: "If you try to influence others to improve, at times they might insult you for your efforts. So before you approach someone, realize you may be insulted and try to accept it. Don't reply to their insults, nor let those insults deter you from your goal. The more difficulties you have in trying to do good, the more elevated you become.

"If you were new in business and an experienced businessman made fun of you, you would not give up trying to make a profit. You would still make an effort to be successful. After a while no one would make fun of you. Trying to influence others is similar. Even though in the beginning some may mock you, if you are sincere [and persistent], they will eventually respect you."

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Appreciate the Gift of Creation

The Chazon Ish (20th century Israel), said: "A person who lives with a constant awareness of the Almighty will live a life of constant happiness." (Emunah U'bitochon, ch.1)

Today, appreciate the potential you have for benefiting from the world. Seeing the beauty and wisdom in every blade of grass gives one an awareness of the Creator.

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Help Others Help Themselves

Maimonides says that the highest level of giving charity is helping a person become self-sufficient.

Today, think of someone who needs a job and try to do what you can to help him earn money. You might help him get a job interview or you might think of some marketable skill that you could help him develop.

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Be Respectfully Assertive

When it comes to being assertive, the ideal is to be able to speak up whenever appropriate and to do so respectfully.

Think of some situations in the past when you were not as assertive as you wish you were. Imagine yourself being able to say anything to anyone (as long as it is appropriate). Then take action to assert yourself in a way that you have not done so before.

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Appreciate Being Alive

Cultivate a deep feeling of appreciation for the fact that you are alive. The Jewish practice of saying the "Modeh Ani" prayer the first moment we are awake, strengthens our awareness of the great gift of life.

Try saying the "Modeh Ani" prayer: "I express my gratitude to You, the King who is alive and always exists, for returning my soul to me, with compassion. Great is Your trustworthiness."

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Learn To Forgive

Consistently happy people are either in one of two conditions. Either no one has ever wronged or slighted them in any way. Or else they have forgiven those who have. Since it is almost impossible not to have been wronged or slighted, if you want to master happiness, you need to learn how to forgive.

Forgiving is like floating on water. You don't need to do anything. You just need to let go. When you were a young child of five or six, you became angry at your brothers, sisters, friends, and classmates. You might have even said, "I won't forgive you." Now when you look back at the vast majority of those situations, you will see that they were trivial. It is at present easy for you to forgive someone for not giving you a bite of their ice cream, not letting you play with their toys, or grabbing your ice cream or toys. Just as you have already forgiven them, you will be able to forgive others for more recent events when you realize that most things are trivial when compared to your emotional and spiritual well-being.

We all need our Creator's forgiveness. By forgiving others we elevate ourselves and render ourselves more worthy of being forgiven. When you find it difficult to forgive, pray with your own words for the strength to forgive

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Appreciate Being Alive

A lecture tour brought me to a city where I stayed at the home of a colleague. He had a neighbor whom I started speaking with, and observed that he had a serene nature and positive outlook on life.

"How did you develop such a serene and happy way of being?" I asked him.

"I almost died twice and that taught me to ignore the irrelevant and unimportant," he said to me. "I had problems with my heart. Just surviving the surgery gave me a greater appreciation for being alive. But what totally transformed me was riding my motorcycle off a cliff. The last thing I saw was the ground rushing to greet me. Then two days later I found myself in a hospital bed in serious condition. I had broken bones and wasn't certain I would make it. I survived and healed. And now I feel great whenever I wake up in the morning. When I go to sleep, either I will wake up for another day or I will go to a better world. Either way I am a winner."

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Live and Let Live

Happy people have a vast amount of things that they consider to be okay. We all have our limits. But we can develop attitudes and reactions that enable us to accept, tolerate, and ignore many of the things that annoy, irritate, and frustrate unhappy people.

Some people need things to be "just so" for them to feel comfortable and happy. The more rules and specifics that are needed for this, the more likely that a person will experience much unhappiness.

Are there any people you dread interacting with? Those with a low threshold of okay-ness are often in this category. They demand that everything has to be exactly as they wish it to be for them to be satisfied. These people are highly critical of others. They get annoyed at others for minor and trivial matters that are not to their liking. Don't be one of them for your own benefit and the welfare of those who interact with you.

Develop a sense of perspective. Keep asking yourself, "How important is this for me to fulfill my life's mission?" The clearer you are about which values are truly important to you, the easier it will be for you to accept and cope well with trivial and minor aspects of life that are not just the way you would have wanted them to be.

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To Forgive Is To Give

Sometimes the greatest kindness you can do for someone is to forgive.

Some people will ask you directly for forgiveness. Others lack the awareness, courage or humility to ask your forgiveness.

Forgive even if you aren't asked to do so. This can be extremely difficult. And that is why it's so elevating.

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Appreciate All You Have

Try imagining your life without all that you presently have. If you can master this ability, then you will appreciate what you do have to such a degree that you will live a life of constant joy.

If you were lost in a wilderness without food and water - and then found some bread, you would enjoy that bread more than the most sumptuous meal! Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm wrote that he personally had such an experience, and it was like living in paradise. You will always be able to feel that joy if you use your mind wisely.

Today, spend a few moments imagining what it would be like if you had absolutely nothing: no family, no friends, no possessions, no money at all, no knowledge, no eyes, ears, hands, feet - absolutely nothing. Continue this exercise until you actually feel it.

Then do the second half of the exercise: Imagine yourself obtaining what you presently have, one item at a time

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Replace Hate With Love

The Torah (Vayikra 19:17) explicitly states, "Do not hate your brother in your heart." Even the simplest person is commanded not to have envy, hatred, and feelings of revenge and a grudge. This is such an important and basic obligation that the Jewish people's failure in this regard led directly to the destruction of the Second Temple.

Is there anyone you hate without a valid reason? Mentally visualize that hate melting away. In its place, visualize compassion, empathy. Now mentally bless that person. Bless him/her that they should treat you so wonderfully that you are filled with love for that person

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Being Alive

Be aware of the tremendous value of being alive. When you realize the great treasure that lies in every second of life, you will experience the great joy that is inherent in each moment. This awareness will motivate you to utilize each moment to its fullest

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Radiate Love

Did you ever wish you could change someone's negative feelings toward you into positive ones? Consider the following story:

In the days of Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin, it occurred that a butcher was angry at the Rabbi of his city for rendering a decision that the meat of a cow he wanted to sell was not kosher. In his anger, he devised a scheme to murder the Rabbi. On a pretext, he had the Rabbi travel with him on a lonely road. Along the way, the butcher took out his sharp knife and wanted to kill the Rabbi.

At first the Rabbi pleaded with the butcher to have compassion on him. But this was to no avail. When the Rabbi saw that nothing he could say would make a difference, he started to mentally focus on all of the positive qualities and attributes of the butcher. Suddenly there was an amazing transformation. The butcher began to cry, kissed the Rabbi, and begged his forgiveness.

The lesson: Love others and they can't help but to love you!

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Put Things In Perspective

When you reflect on life, you will see that many of the things that happen to a person are not inherently good or bad. Rather, it is just a matter of how each person chooses to react to a given situation.

Today, think of a problematic aspect of your life, and then try to imagine how life would be different - not if the situation changed, but if your attitude changed.

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Everything Is Relative

Personality traits are like raw material, intrinsically neutral. Classifying any particular trait as positive or negative changes according to the specific way it is employed by an individual in a given situation. If you utilize each trait in its proper time and place, then that trait is considered positive. But if you apply a trait when it is inappropriate, it is considered negative.

For example, the positive trait of "generosity" can actually be negative if it turns into smothering and stifling. On the other hand, the negative trait of anger can be positive when used to fight against evil and injustice