Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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Emotional Understanding

In your dealings with other people, do not relate to them only with cold logic. Rather take their emotions and individual personalities into consideration.

These few words can take a lifetime to master. Speaking logically is generally straight and simple. But understanding the unique personalities and emotions of human beings is much more complex.

As a practical tool, focus on those who interact with you in an understanding, caring way. Learn from them

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Grow Into Giving

Some people feel overwhelmed by the concept of consistently doing acts of kindness. "It seems so difficult to keep thinking about others. I have a lot to do for myself and I can't always think of others."

The solution is to begin little by little.

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Favorite Memories

If you would like to recall your favorite memories, here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. What are five of my favorite memories?

2. How do I feel when I remember them?

3. What are the main patterns of my favorite memories?

4. In what ways will I benefit from recalling these memories more often?

5. When is a good time to recall each of these memories?

6. What can I learn from these memories?

7. What do I lose out by not recalling my favorite memories?

8. What will help me remember to recall my favorite memories more often?

9. What can I do now to create more memories that I would benefit from recalling?

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Conceit vs. Inner Strength

External displays of arrogance and conceit are signs of an inner feeling of weakness. An insecure person tries to hide that insecurity by bluffing strength.

The arrogant person should realize that all he has, even wisdom, is a gift from the Almighty. It is a gift entirely undeserved, since it comes from the source of all wisdom, given over to a being without any original intelligence.

Is there any basis for someone who receives a large gift to feel conceited, compared to someone who received a smaller gift?

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Joy While Praying

The Talmud (Brachot 31a) states that when praying it is important not to be in any state of sadness. There is no contradiction between seriousness, which is an obligation during prayer, and joy. On the contrary, they go hand in hand when a person stands in prayer before the Almighty.

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Feel Joy When Learning

The more joy you experience when learning something new, the greater will be your retention.

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Worth Repeating

"Serve the Almighty with joy, come before Him with singing" (Psalms 100:2).

The verse is recited daily in the morning prayers. But we have to internalize its message. Repeat this verse as often as possible, while thinking about what it means and how you can apply it.

This is especially important for a person with a tendency towards sadness. A sad person mentally repeats hundreds of sad messages a day. Repeating a verse with a positive, joyous message will serve as a good counter-balance.

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Deliberate Before Acting

The fool acts impulsively. He does whatever he thinks of doing and he does not listen to what anyone else has to say.

The wise person, however, does not rely only on his own judgment. Rather, he thinks the matter through thoroughly, and consults other wise people before taking action.

Avoid doing things impulsively that you might regret. Practice the art of "thinking." It's habit forming and enjoyable!

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Keep On Building Your Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is one of the most beneficial qualities that one can have. People with self-confidence feel good about themselves. They feel good about their knowledge, their talents, and their abilities. They feel confident that things will work out well for them. They know that they can learn the knowledge and skills that they need and want.

Some young children naturally develop this quality. Some people have thoughts and feelings of self-confidence because they have role models with self-confidence that they have emulated. Some people have had parents and teachers and other friends and relatives who have given them plenty of positive feedback. This positive feedback helped them see themselves in a positive light.

Confidence and self-confidence are learnable skills. So even if someone doesn't yet have the confidence and self-confidence that he would like to have, he can build it alone or with the help of others. How do you continue to build your self-confidence? When you see that you already know something, that you learned something, or that you can do something, comment to yourself, "I see I know this," or "I just learned this. Now I know it," or "I see that I know how to do this." Every time? Of course not. Just as many times as you feel is best for you.

Confidence means that you feel certain that you know something or that you can do something. We all start off in life not knowing anything and not being able to do anything. Those who are confident tell themselves that they know the things about which they are confident.

Being confident does not mean that you should speak in a tone of voice that sounds contrived, forced, pompous, arrogant, or like a show off. Rather, you can speak in your regular tone of voice and have an attitude of knowing things.

Being confident means knowing that you know some things and that you can learn many things that you presently don't know. You can ask others for the information you need. You can ask others to show you how to do things that you can't yet do. You can read books, pamphlets, or reports that give instructions about how to do things.

Being confident also means knowing that you can find people who will be able assist you when you can't do something yourself. In many instances, a kind stranger will be glad to give you assistance. As long as you know how to ask, you can consider yourself confident that you can find ways to get things done.

If you would like to build your self-confidence, tell yourself, "I keep building my self-confidence all the time. I know much more now than when I started off in life. As I keep learning more things and have more experience, my self-confidence gets stronger and stronger."

You don't need to wait until you feel 100% self-confident. At any given moment, you can say to yourself, "I will speak and act like a person with balanced self-confidence." Just speak and act like that right away. You will find that when you speak and act with self- confidence, other people tend to treat you with more respect.

Those who realize the value of every human being will always treat you and others with great respect. But even those who have not yet reached the level will begin to treat you with greater respect when you have greater respect for yourself. Self-respect is a birth-right. You don't need anyone else's permission to have self-respect. Claim it. It's yours.

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Be Thankful for Every Breath

The Midrash (Genesis Raba 14:11) says that with every single breath, we should express our gratitude to the Almighty.

Today, put aside two minutes and feel gratitude for "breath."

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Feel the Joy of Living

Appreciate the gift of life. At least once every day, feel the simple joy of being alive.

Imagine yourself in a situation in which you're about to die. Concentrate and feel what that would be like. Then picture yourself being given another chance. The more vividly you can imagine this, the greater you will be able to feel the joy of life itself.

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Self-Talk of Persistence and Perseverance

Being persistent is the number one pattern that will enable you to create success in your life. When you persist and persevere until you reach your goal, you can accomplish so much more than if you give up when you are bored or when challenges arise.

One thing is true of everyone who has reached large goals. They all persisted until they succeeded. Many people start worthy projects, but they give up before they reach the goal that they set for themselves.

Self-talk is the source of someone's ability or failure to persist and persevere. What is the self-talk of persistence?

"I'll keep on going as long as it takes. What I'm working on is worth the investment of time and energy."

"As I build up the habit of persisting, I can accomplish many more things in my life. So it's not only the present project that I will be completing. Finishing this project will help me achieve in more and more ways."

"I feel great about being persistent. I am building my entire character in the process."

"I see the goal that I am striving for. I am enjoying every step along the way."

Always learn from your past successes. Think of instances when you persisted and were later glad that you did. What did you tell yourself to enable yourself to persist? Tell yourself similar things when you want to persist in the future.

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What Do You Say to Yourself After Someone Criticizes You?

Imagine that someone criticizes you. Then imagine yourself feeling joyful about this wonderful opportunity to learn something positive from the criticism. Imagine that you love to hear feedback about what you've said and done or didn't say and do. Positive feedback means that you are on track. Critical feedback means that you can now improve and develop yourself.

Imagine that your self-talk sounds like, "I appreciate and am grateful for this wonderful opportunity to become better. I am grateful to this person for telling me something that will be beneficial for me."

If you actually respond to criticism this way, congratulations! It shows that you have integrated one of the elevated qualities listed in the 48 factors to acquire Torah.

If you are like most people, however, you don't think of critical feedback as one of your greatest pleasures in life. But if you have the inner strength, courage, and honesty to be open to hearing criticism, you will grow more in life.

So what can you say to yourself if you have not yet mastered the ability to love criticism?

One possibility is: "My goal is to constantly grow and develop myself. I love positive feedback. But I can grow from critical feedback. So I will increase my inner strength, courage, and honesty to be open to hear what people say, and to weigh what they say objectively."

You don't have to feel bad about yourself because someone gave you critical feedback. Your value as a person is inherent, because you are a child of the Creator and are created in His image. You have many positive qualities and have done many positive things. Your value and worth are infinite. Integrating this attitude will ensure that your sense of self-worth will remain consistently high.

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Love And Giving

The Sages (Rosh Hashanah 17a) have revealed to us a wonderful tool: 'A person who forgives others who distresses him and does not do or say anything negative in retaliation will have all of his transgressions forgiven.' By removing your anger over the behavior of others, anger will be removed from you."

(Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler; Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.4, p.243)

Think of someone whom you have not yet forgiven. Let enlightened self-interest serve as a motivating factor to forgive that person.

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Rehearse Coping Strategies

Here is a powerful tool that will help you cope with even the most difficult situations:

Mentally picture yourself coming across difficult life tests - and then see yourself coping well with them. Repeat this over and over again in your mind...

Today, think of a specific life test that you can apply this to.

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Update Your Understanding

The Sages (Talmud, Yoma 29a) tell us that it is more difficult to understand an idea we already know than one that is new to us. This is because we feel we already understand it and do not concentrate on it as much as we should. Also, we tend to rely on the level of understanding we had when we were younger and less mature.

Today, think about a concept that would enhance your life greatly if internalized and integrated. Reflect on that idea with your present knowledge and life experience.

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Use A Gift To Appease Anger

Prepare a special gift for someone who is angry at you. When the person receives the gift, the anger will subside.

We find an example of this in the Torah when Jacob told his sons to take the best possible gift to the man in authority in Egypt. (see Genesis 43:11)

Furthermore, sometimes it is beneficial to allow some time to elapse. Even if at the outset of the person's anger nothing you could say would help, after time has passed he will be more open to discussing the matter.

Today, think of someone who has been angry at you. What gift can you give that person that perhaps will make him more open to let go of the anger?

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Pause Before Speaking

Before you speak, you are the master of your words. After you speak, your words become your master.

My father, of blessed memory, had a sign hanging near his telephone that said, "Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut."

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Be Real With Your Feelings

In thinking about serenity and realizing its great value, we would love to be serene all the time. But this is not possible in the world in which we live. In the totality of our lives we will experience a wide range of human emotions, not all of them the ones we would choose for ourselves if we could have total control over our feelings.

So now we have a choice. We can acknowledge our emotional reality at any given moment and from there work our way to true serenity. Or we can deny our true feelings. We may deny our insecurities, anxieties, worries, frustrations, disappointments, etc., and think that because we want to be serene, these feelings do not exist. Let us state clearly: Only by being in touch with your feelings will you be able to truly experience serenity.

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The Pleasure Of Forgiving

When we forgive others, we help ourselves as much as we help those whom we forgive. We are elevating ourselves and will feel much better when we forgive, than if we would keep on adding more and more resentment.

Try it for a couple of weeks. At night, think about any difficulties you had with others and forgive them. Notice how it will change your attitude toward those people the next day.

A person who threatens, "I'll remember that," or "I'll get even with you," hurts himself more than he hurts others. Why suffer from resentment when you can choose the pleasure of forgiving?

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Plan Without Worrying

When a person worries about his future material needs, he assumes he will still be alive in that future moment. What guarantee does he have that he'll still be alive for any length of time?

If you assume you will still be alive, then you can also assume that you'll be able to meet your basic necessities.

Suppose you saw a person looking worried and you asked him, "My friend, why are you so full of anxiety?" How would you react if he replied, "Things are all right now, but I'm worried that in 10 years I might be missing something."

Of course it's ridiculous to worry about what will be so far in the future.

Actually, just as worrying about 10 years from now is fruitless, so too is worrying about what will be in one day from now. Planning is positive. Worrying is negative.

Only the present is before you. Use it properly.

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Outcome Thinking

The Talmudic Sages ask: "Who is the wise man?"

The answer: "One who sees (i.e., thinks about) the outcome of his actions."

Keep asking yourself, "What is the goal of my present behavior?" and "What are the potential harmful consequences?" These two questions will enable you to have greater control over your behavior.

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Building a Spiritual Perspective

Building a spiritual perspective about life and its challenges will free you from self-pity. You'll realize that everything in life is meaningful and purposeful. Even if you don't yet know the true meaning of events, you know that all is for an ultimate beneficial purpose. This awareness makes it easier to cope.

Self-empowered people live meaningful lives. Their suffering makes them kinder and more compassionate. They understand life more profoundly.

People who have experienced difficulties and rough challenges can become the most heroic. Their life stories can be told as heroic models from which to learn.

Even if you have already engaged in many hours of self-pity, you can now think the thoughts of self-empowerment. You are always in the present, so you can select an elevating and empowering pattern of self-talk right now.

If it is difficult to speak to yourself in an empowering way, it's great to make a sincere effort to do it anyway. It is an important step in the right direction. You can have great self-talk about the current effort.

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Love And Pursue

The great Sage Hillel tells us to: "Be a student of Aaron: love peace and pursue peace." (Pirkei Avos 1:11)

When you love someone or something, the object of your love is a high priority for you. In the Torah we read how Jacob was willing to work seven full years in order to marry Rachel whom he loved. The Torah tells us that these seven years were considered as just a few day in his eyes. Imagine loving peace to this same extent.

When you've integrated a love for peace, you will be willing to put in much energy and effort to attain it. You might have to make sacrifices. These sacrifices come in many forms. When love is a motivating factor, you are more likely to make the necessary sacrifices.

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Gratitude Exercise

This "gratitude exercise" will have a positive effect when you practice it at least 10 times a day. It is advisable to practice it at least once an hour for the first week. You'll be grateful you did.

[Touch forehead]

"I am grateful for my mind to think good thoughts."

[Touch near eyes]

"I am grateful for my eyes to see good things."

[Touch ears]

"I am grateful for my ears to hear good things."

[Touch near mouth]

"I am grateful for my mouth to speak good things."

[Raise hands]

"I am grateful for my hands to do good things."

[Move feet slightly]

"I am grateful for my feet to walk to do good."

"I am grateful for all that I can be grateful for."