Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#276 Consider Your Actions

There are two key steps to gaining self-awareness. First, objectively determine which actions are positive and which are negative.

Second, focus on your own actions to see whether they fall into the category of positive or negative. Before doing any action, ask yourself, "Is this a proper thing for me to do or not?"

Even when you are not in the midst of any particular activity that would call for such inner questioning, think over your previous actions. Become aware of your negative behavior in order to avoid it in the future. Think carefully about strategies that will help you refrain from negative behavior. And of course, be aware of your positive behavior in order to increase it.

What positive behavior do you wish to increase? Today, think about actions you can take to increase that specific aspect of your behavior.

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#277 Consider Your Options

Acting impulsively causes errors and brings about many negative consequences. Before making an important decision, think the matter over carefully and do all you can to clarify which approach is the wisest.

Is there anything that might be considered "acting impulsively" that you are involved in right now? If so, stop and rethink your actions. And the next time you encounter such a situation, think carefully and comprehensively.

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#278 Focus On Solutions

What is the most important rule for dealing with problems? I believe it is to keep your main focus on finding solutions. This one piece of advice makes a major difference in every life situation - and especially in marriage.

When the major focus is on the problem, a couple can get into the totally counterproductive argument of, "Whose fault was it?" or, "Even if we are both to blame, who started, or who is more to blame?"

The way a couple discusses a problem can even lead to a bigger problem than the original problem itself! It is much wiser to focus on, "What can we do now to find a solution?"

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#279 Facial Expressions

When trying to have a positive influence on someone, it is crucial to observe the person's face very carefully. When you practice this long enough, you will gain the sensory acuity necessary to notice subtle changes in a person's face. This will enable you to become aware of his inner reactions.

Today, when having an important conversation, focus on the other person's facial expressions, and how they may change based on what you say.

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That's what the FBI do. So do sociopaths. The DVD by the FBI might be very interesting.

But the point of this post is that we should be in tune with the person we are talking with instead of at. So easy to know, so haaaaaaaaaaaard to practice! So easy to fail. :(

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#280 Bring Out The Best In Each Other

We are all very different when at our best than when we are at our worst. We can even seem like two different people. This isn't a rare case of "multiple personality disorder." Rather, it is simply that when we feel good we think clearly, while when we are stressed we may get angry.

We all have met people who bring out the best in us. Around them, we feel better about ourselves. We think clearer. We act kinder and more elevated. Around other people, however, we might sometimes behave our worst.

This will be true for you, and true for the person you are married to. Your task is to bring out the best in yourself and the best in your spouse. (And before you complain that this seems unfair, remember that your spouse has the same task!)

A husband and wife who know how to bring out the best in each other will live blessed lives. They will cherish each other and create a wonderful environment in which to raise their children.

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#281 Don't Let Others Control Your Happiness

"A truly happy person does not allow his happiness to be dependent on any external factor over which he may not have control." (Chochmah Umussar, vol.2, pp.331-2)

Base your happiness on your own attitudes, and you can be its master. If you tell yourself that you can only be happy if others do or say what you wish, your happiness is under the control of those people. You can never have a guarantee how others will behave. Even when they do behave as you wish, you are likely to feel uneasy about how they might behave in the future.

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#282 A Personal Program Geared Towards Reaching Goals

Here is a personal program geared toward reaching goals:

"I am now committing my mind and resources toward taking positive action to reach my most important goals. I can see myself speaking and acting in ways that enable me to reach my goals. I will feel great when I take action to accomplish what I want to accomplish. I will have the necessary wisdom to know what to do.

I will feel joy and happiness because I am making progress. I will enjoy every step that I take. I will find it tremendously pleasurable to do what I need to do. All blocks and obstacles will melt away. I will find it easier and easier to take action. I pray for Divine assistance in reaching my important goals. I will keep learning the knowledge and skills that will enable me to reach my goals.

I am grateful for all the goals that I have already reached. I will greatly enjoy the process. I am thankful to those who have helped me so far and will help me from now on. I will do all I can to help others reach their positive goals. I will be calm and serene about the entire process. I thank you, My Father, My King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe, for your assistance."

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#283 Courage Empowerment

You have the amazing ability to tell yourself, "With every breath I take, I am breathing in courage."

As you breathe slowly and deeply, feel yourself taking in oxygen and at the same time feel yourself taking in more and more courage. Realize that oxygen is a gift to you from the Creator, as is the capacity to take the oxygen into your lungs and from there have it sent to all the cells of your body. This is a magnificent and brilliant system.

The Creator of the entire universe is All-powerful. Allow your awareness of His power to empower you with the courage you need to accomplish all that you can in this world.

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#284 Open Up Your Present

A person who masters coping and, better yet, feels joy in the present, need not worry about the future. When the future comes, it will be the present and he will be able to handle it.

Moreover, if you master feeling joy in your present moments, you need never to be concerned that you are missing anything, since whatever you are engaged in can be transformed into the most elevating experience.

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#285 Live In The Present

For many people, sadness and suffering is not a result of present experiences. Rather it is pain caused by regretting and resenting the past, or worrying about the future.

Living in the present saves you from needless emotional pain. Additionally, keeping one's mind on the present is necessary to concentrate on the important tasks of the day.

Be aware of your failure to keep your mind on the present. This will help increase your ability to do so.

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#286 Don't Let The Past Weigh You Down

Every person has moments of suffering and unpleasantness in life. If you master the skill of living in the present, you will keep these moments limited to the actual negative experiences. Both before and after a painful experience, you will focus on what actually is at that moment, freeing you from much unnecessary pain in your life.

Very young children have this skill naturally (we all have it when we were younger), and that is why they enjoy life, unless they are presently in pain.

As we grow older, our ability to use our minds and think about the past and future increases. This ability can be utilized in very beneficial ways, but it can also be used in a detrimental way. We can transform our lives into suffering and torture by keeping in mind all our unpleasant experiences of the past.

Forgetting those experiences is the positive aspect of forgetfulness.

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#287 View Yourself As Patient

Our self-image creates us. This applies to the strengths we see in ourselves, as well as weaknesses and limitations.

Patience is no exception. People who view themselves as "impatient" will have many thousands of reinforcers over the years. For example, if someone became impatient just three times a day for five years, he will have 5,000 experiences of impatience! Focusing on these experiences will make it relatively easy to be impatient in the future.

By viewing yourself as a person who is patient, you will find it easier to be patient whenever patience is called for. If you have been patient just three times a day for five years, you have 5,000 experiences of patience. Each new time you are patient adds to your self-image of being patient. Your foundation will continuously become stronger and stronger.

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#288 Step Back When Impatient

If your find yourself being impatient, step back and gain composure. When we get caught up in our experience of being impatient, we might forget to step back. We often aren't consciously aware that we have become impatient. But as soon as you do become aware, you have the ability to immediately change your state by mentally or physically stepping back.

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#289 Breathing In The Present

A major tool for being in the present mentally is to focus on your breathing. You are breathing right now. Be totally present as you slowly inhale and exhale. If your mind wanders, calmly bring it back. Keep practicing this. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you were able to be serene in the present every time you breathe? This is a worthwhile goal toward which to strive.

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#290 Be Serene This Moment

Since you exist in only one moment at a time, to be serene you only need to be serene during that moment. You create serenity when you think serene thoughts and mentally picture serene scenes. You create serenity when you breathe slowly and deeply and relax your muscles. You create serenity when you vividly remember scenes of being serene. Regardless of how you have been at any given moment later on, you only need to be serene this moment. Repeat these last four words: Be serene this moment.

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#291 A Personal Program Geared Toward Increasing Happiness and Joy

Here is a personal program geared toward increasing happiness and joy:

"I am now committing my mind and resources to continue developing all of my character traits, especially the traits of being happy and joyful. Every moment I choose my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions, so right now I will choose to be happier and more joyful.

This moment is the only moment I can live in, and therefore at this moment I choose happiness and joy. I am grateful for all the good in my life, for each and every breath, and for life itself. Every moment of happiness and joy that I have ever experienced is stored in my brain and my brain is always with me. I will access that joy to easily speak and act joyfully and kindly. My own joy enables me to be kinder and more compassionate towards others. I will think of positive role models who have a balanced sense of happiness and joy, and I will keep learning from those role models.

I will keep developing the mind-set of someone who is constantly happy and joyful. I will become happier and more joyful all the time. It is becoming easier to be happy and joyful. I access and create more happy and joyful moments.

I ask My Father, My King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe, for the wisdom and insight to develop all of my character traits, especially the quality of being happy and joyful in a balanced way. My happiness and joy enables me to think, speak, and act at my best. I am grateful for each happy moment. My own happiness will be able to help others. I will find it easier to grow in happiness and joy."

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#292 Honor vs Self-Improvement

An honor-seeker is not really interested in self-improvement. He is only interested in gaining approval from others. Hence, he will disregard his faults as long as others will not notice it.

On the other hand, a person who is able to forego honor is able to focus on truth. His only thought is to do the right thing, and he is willing to sacrifice his honor for his principles. Such a person will eventually receive honor, for he will constantly work on improving himself.

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#293 Good 'n Sad

Make a list of good deeds you can do and force yourself to do them when you feel sad. This may be very difficult. But realize that exactly because it is difficult, it is more meritorious to do "good."

Thinking, "How good it is that I can do good even when I feel bad," will help you feel better. Especially, devote time to doing acts of kindness for those who could use your assistance. The more you think about others, the less time you will have for self-pity.

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#294 When Things Don’t Work Out as Planned

Not everything will turn out the way we wish it would. Since we will have to deal with this, we need to think about how we will react when things don’t happen as planned. Your reactions to these situations will always depend on your self-talk.

If your self-talk is the kind you have when you are angry, sad, bitter, or stressed, you will become angry, sad, bitter, or stressed. If your self- talk is the kind you have when you react wisely or joyfully, you will become wiser or joyful.

If your self-talk is the kind you have when you react in a spiritually elevated way, you will become more spiritual. If your self-talk is the kind you have when you find something good and positive, you will find something good and positive and will feel good.

Regardless of your initial reaction, you can always choose to change your current self-talk. You can learn to respond in the way that you really wish to respond.

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#295 Accept Feeling Sad

Some people feel guilty about feeling sad: "I shouldn't be feeling sad. How awful I am for feeling sad."

This attitude actually increases feelings of sadness, not decreases them. It is wiser to accept your feelings of sadness than to fight them. Challenge the thoughts that breed sadness, but accept those feelings.

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#296 Fear Worry Instead

There is an old Jewish saying, "Fear of misfortune is worse than misfortune."

The pain and suffering of many difficult situations can be minimized if a person does not fear them. The pain of worry can easily cause more suffering than the actual pain that would be caused by the situation itself.

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#297 Take The Lead

The Talmud (Makkot 10b) states that a person will be led on the path that he truly wants to travel on.

What path is this for you? How far along this path will you go? This depends on your enthusiasm and persistence. Right this moment be resolved to become even more enthusiastic about reaching your most important goals. (Or become more enthusiastic about formulating your goals.) Be resolved right now to persist along the path. Don't just sit down in the middle of the road. Don't get sidetracked and wander to the right or left. Persist. Keep going. Regardless of your speed, when you persist you will eventually get there.

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#298 On the Right Road

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm used to say that when a person travels to a party which he looks forward to attending, he is happy all the way there in anticipation of having a good time at the party.

Similarly, a person who lives a life of good deeds can be constantly happy, knowing that he is traveling along the road to everlasting pleasure.

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#299 For Those Thankless Tasks

When people try to humiliate and insult you for doing a good deed, be happy! Why? Because the less honor you receive, the more you manifest love for the good deed itself.

Feel extra joy when you fulfill a good deed for which you receive no approval or honor. The merit of such good deeds is greater than when you receive honor for a good deed.