Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#251 We Control our Response

To a great extent, we create the world in which we live. While many events are beyond our control and we are unable to have a direct influence on them, to a large degree we still have the ability to control our attitudes towards any given situation. Hence, the emotional consequences of events is largely up to us.

It is unrealistic to expect perfect control, but anyone who works calmly and persistently on his thoughts will be able to improve.

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#252 Don't Be Future Tense

It is not humanly possible for a person to prepare his future exactly as he would like it to be. No person can possibly figure out in advance all the myriad possibilities of what might happen in the future. It is not worthwhile to give excessive thought about what will occur in the future. Who can be certain how events will turn out? What now appears as good, can be the source of misfortune. Conversely, what you consider bad can eventually be the source of happiness. Every single person can verify the truth of this statement from daily events he is aware of.

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#253 Awareness Of God Decreases Anxiety

The most prevalent illness of our generation is excessive anxiety. This subject has been dealt with at length by the philosophers and psychologists of modern times. Anxiety flourishes where there is a lack of awareness of the Almighty.

Awareness of God decreases anxiety, as it says: "The Almighty is my source of salvation. I will trust, and not be afraid" (Isaiah 12:2).

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#254 Live Totally In The Present

Most of the thoughts that rob one of serenity have to do with being upset about the past and feeling anxious about the future. When you master the ability to live totally in the present and you are able to be calm about that present, you will have mastered serenity. One needs to plan ahead. This is one definition of a wise person. Do so serenely in the present.

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#255 Courage To Face The Unknown

We all need to deal with the unknown. It's just a matter of degree. When we wake up in the morning, it's impossible to know how the day will turn out. True, some people's lives are more routine than others, but even they are facing the unknown.

View making major moves as a courage-development seminar. This applies when you change schools, change jobs, move to a new location, and everything similar.

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#256 Protect Peoples' Honor

The most important foundation of Torah living is to honor and respect the Creator of the universe. When you fulfill His commands, you are actively demonstrating honor for Him.

This is why Judaism considers humiliating another person a most serious crime. When you embarrass someone, you are doing much more than just causing pain. You are attacking his dignity. Recognizing the dignity of human beings is part and parcel of the honor and respect one owes to the Almighty.

When you understand this properly, your every encounter will be based on this inner respect. You will treat each human being with the respect of royalty. As Ben Azai says in the Talmud (Yerushalmi Nedorim 9:4): "'When G-d created man, He created him in His image' (Genesis 5:1) is the most important principle in the Torah."

Today, resolve that if you ever see someone trying to humiliate another person, you will speak up. You might say, "This person is special. Please be careful with his dignity."

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#257 Learn from your Spouse's Response

Recall times in the past when you brought out the best in your spouse. How did you talk then? What did you do? Learning from what has already worked well, will enable you to more likely replicate similar patterns now and in the future.

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#258 Train According To His Nature

A person cannot break his inborn personality. But everyone has free will to choose how he will act within the basic structure of his personality. Whether you will be righteous, evil, or average - it's up to you!

As the Talmud (Shabbos 56a) states: A person born with a tendency to shed blood makes his own choice as to whether he will draw blood for healing, or as a robber, or as a butcher, or as a mohel (ritual circumciser). That is, the choice of how to express your basic personality is the key factor in determining your greatness (or lack thereof).

King Solomon (Proverbs 22:6) instructs us to "train children according to their individual natures." When your approach is in alignment with the child's personality, he will continue in this positive path his entire life. If, however, you try to force the child (or anyone, for that matter) to act in a way that is inconsistent with his basic nature, he might listen superficially out of fear. But as soon as he can escape your authority, he will turn away from what you have taught him.

This concept is so valuable, that it is worth reading it five times - to internalize and remember it.

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#259 Don't Be Swayed From Your Goals

Be crystal clear on your main goals in life. Then, when a situation arises that might disturb your peace of mind, ask yourself, "How does this impact those goals?"

When you realize this present situation does not have a major effect on what is really important, the problem will shrink in significance and your peace of mind will be restored.

Try it today.

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#260 What Does Life Want From You?

Viktor Frankl, a Jewish physician who spent the years of the Second World War in the concentration camps at Auschwitz and Dachau, related, "I remember my dilemma in a concentration camp when faced with a man and a woman who were close to suicide; both had told me that they expected nothing more from life. I asked both my fellow prisoners whether the question was really what we expected from life. Was it not, rather, what life was expecting from us? I suggested that life was awaiting something from them."

The person who feels despair and discouragement is asking the wrong question. He asks what the world is giving him. As soon as he changes his question to what is the good that he can do, he will always be able to find an answer.

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#261 How Can I Do Even Better

"How can I do even better?" is a valuable self-talk question that can help you improve all areas of your life, especially after making a mistake. Asking this question is much better than excessively obsessing over mistakes, because it will help you improve.

Develop the habit of consistently asking, "How can I do even better?" Even after a tremendous success, we can ask ourselves, "How can I do even better next time?" Those who constantly ask this question will constantly improve.

There is a well-known saying: "We learn from experience." Let’s reword this slightly: "We have the potential to learn from experience."

Some people have a lot of experiences, but they don’t learn from them. They just repeat the same patterns over and over again. However, a person who keeps asking himself, "How can I do even better next time?" will learn from each experience.

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#262 Win Without Being Agressive

Some people feel that they can accomplish only by being aggressive. But wisdom combined with love and compassion is much more powerful and effective.

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#263 Best Way To Overcome Desires

The best way to overcome physical desires is to seek pleasure in spiritual matters.

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#264 Consider Different Plans

Someone who feels discouraged will not be able to think straight and will most likely overlook opportunities that he could benefit from. If something is important to you, don't think in a negative manner. Rather, try to think of a number of potential plans. One of those plans might work. The more optimistic and confident you are, the greater your chance of success.

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#265 Expect Ups And Downs

When a person works on himself in spiritual matters, he will find that he has ups and downs. It is easy to feel discouraged when one find oneself on a lower level than previously. Rabbi Tzadok Hacohen addressed himself to this when he said: "It is impossible for a person to have a major elevation without a prior descending." (Otzer Hamachshavah shel Rav Tzadok Hacohen, p.28)

It is unreasonable to expect constant successes. Look at each failure as a stepping stone to greater growth.

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#266 Welcome Interruptions

A person with humility does not feel angry if he is interrupted in the middle of doing something. He always sees the virtues of the person who interrupted him, and considers that person important.

If a king interrupted a woodchopper in the middle of chopping wood, the woodchopper would not be offended -- since he is aware of how distinguished the king is. Similarly, the humble person always appreciates the greatness in each person and is not offended if they interrupt him.

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#267 Successful Operations

The Talmud gives a model of an expert in looking at everything as ultimately good. The man was called Nochum Ish Gam Zu, "The man who always said: This too is for the good."

Even those things that most people consider bad are not really bad, but ultimately good. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler explained that this is analogous to someone who had a successful operation for a potentially fatal illness. The operation itself was very painful, but under the circumstances was necessary and beneficial.

That should be our attitude toward all misfortunes: another successful operation.

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#268 Picture a Prudent Response

A bad-tempered person's mental reaction is that he should become angry if someone behaves in a manner that is against his will, or if someone insults him. This immediate reaction is accompanied by mental imagery. He has pictures in his mind of how he will react when expressing his anger.

We have to work on ourselves, so that our immediate reaction should be based on both Jewish values and what is sensible in that particular situation. When a person becomes angry, he is likely to react with self-defeating patterns. When you use your intellect to decide on the proper reaction, you will determine the most effective way to behave. The more you think in terms of what is sensible, the more it becomes part of your mental imagery and this will be your immediate reaction in future situations.

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Lighten Your Evaluations

Even if you find it too difficult to view certain events in a positive manner, there are variations of how "negative" you view them.

If you tell yourself, "This is awful, I can't stand it," by your own arbitrary evaluation you suffer a lot. But you can choose to tell yourself, "I find this very unpleasant, but I can still cope with it. If possible, I will change it; if change is impossible, I will work on accepting it, even if I don't like it."

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Be Prepared for the Unexpected

A popular observation states, "Nothing is as easy as it looks. Everything takes longer than you expect. And if anything can go wrong, it will, at the worst possible moment."

When you are mentally prepared for events (without being nervous or anxious), you will find them much easier to cope with. If you always expect things to work out the way you wish, ask yourself what is the basis for your expectations. When you realize there is no basis for such an expectation, you will find it easier to give that up.

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#271 Make Joyful Associations

Brains function like data bases. When something distressful happens, it's easy for your brain to think of other distressful memories. But you have the ability to channel your brain's associations to a more joyful path. Mentally connect minor frustrations to remind you to be grateful for what's positive in your life.

For example, if something falls from your hand, you can immediately exclaim, "Fantastic, gravity is still working for us." Or, if your computer doesn't work as you want it to, you can react, "I'm grateful for my eyesight that lets me see what's happening."

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#272 Respect For Our Origins

When the Almighty made the world, He took into consideration even the smallest of creatures. He did not give life to any being for which provision had not been made in the world.

The idea that no creature is insignificant for the Almighty's loving concern means that every living thing on earth deserves respect because it bears the stamp of the Almighty.

We ought to respect ourselves, too, as creatures of the Almighty.

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#273 Inner Ambitions

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

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#274 Difficult Situations

When things are going well and someone says he has trust in G-d, this is not sufficient evidence that he has truly internalized that attribute. The real test comes when difficult situations arise. Then his behavior will manifest his trust (or lack of it) in the Almighty.

Today, when something goers "wrong," recite to yourself: "There are no accidents in the world. Whatever the Almighty does is for my ultimate good."

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#275 Be Open To Suggestions

"Do not rebuke a scoffer, lest he hate you. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you." (Proverbs 9:8)

A wise person is someone who continuously wants to grow. He appreciates when you point out what he is doing wrong. His goal is self-improvement, and he welcomes every opportunity to become a better person.

Be wise. Be open to suggestions on how you can improve. Thank the person who gives you positive suggestions… even if it's not worded in the best the way.