Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#1094 Counterbalance Bad Traits

As soon as you become aware that you are feeling any discomfort over another person's good fortune, let it serve as a cue to you to behave in the opposite extreme and actively express great joy. This will help you overcome any negative tendencies.

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#1095 Admit Your Mistakes

Don't defend an error when you know you are wrong. Most often you can't fool others. And you can never fool yourself.

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Heal Others From Their Mistakes

There are two possible approaches to take when you see someone doing something wrong. One is to speak harshly, telling him what he did is wrong. But this approach does not help the other person understand how they can correct the behavior. This is more like stabbing than healing!

The approach of the wise is to show people how they can correct what they did wrong. The only words that should be said are those conducive to healing.

Today, resolve to internalize and practice this valuable piece of wisdom.

And… think of someone you can share this with, who might gain from hearing it.

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#1097 Appreciate Soldiers

A person who spent a lot of time and effort to express gratitude to soldiers was challenged, "But ultimately it is G-d who protects us. Why are you so grateful to these individuals?"

"If someone goes out of his way to help you financially when you need it, are you grateful?" he asked that person.

"Of course I am," was the reply.

"But isn't G-d the ultimate source of the money you get?" he asked.

"Yes. But I still have an obligation to be grateful to the people who are kind to me."

"The same applies to the soldiers whose willingness to risk their lives enables you to feel more secure. Moreover, those who express gratitude to soldiers, actually increase their gratitude to G-d for His protection. Those who aren't grateful to the human beings they see, are more likely to take the Almighty's protection for granted. Instead of decreasing gratitude to Hashem, expressing gratitude to soldiers increases feelings of gratitude to the Creator of it all."

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#1098 Curiosity and Peace Of Mind

Some people lack peace of mind because of their curiosity. Any piece of news they think they are missing makes them feel restless.

Some feel this so strongly that whenever they see two people talking, they feel frustrated until they find out what has been said. Usually, the information gained is irrelevant and inconsequential.

Even worse, such curiosity will lead to a person's eavesdropping and hearing information that would be preferable not to hear.

Today, when someone starts telling you a "juicy bit of news," excuse yourself politely and forgo the information.

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#1099 You Can Do More Than You Think

Try to think of instances when you originally thought you would be unable to do something, but in fact were able to do it. This can teach you that your feeling that something is impossible, does not necessarily mean it is truly not possible.

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#1100 How do I Teach my Children to be Grateful?

A common question that parents ask is, "How do I teach my children to be grateful?"

Be role models of gratitude yourself.

Let your children frequently hear that you are grateful to Hashem for all the good He has given you in your life.

Let your children frequently hear you say that you are grateful to your parents for what they have done for you and what they have taught you.

Let your children frequently hear that you are grateful for friends, relatives and neighbors who have done things for you, recently and a long time ago.

Let your children frequently hear that you are grateful to them for the positive things they do.

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#1101 Focus on Your Spouse's Virtues

Keep focusing on the virtues of the person to whom you are married.

This simple idea can easily save people much heartache and strife in their marriage. When you see the good in someone, it is much easier to tolerate the traits you find negative.

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#1102 Rules Of Communication

When you communicate with someone, try to see things through that person's eyes.

Clarify your goals and keep your outcomes in mind.

Be sure to avoid saying anything that will be counterproductive.

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#1103 Go From Worry To Gratitude

Worry is the emotional distress that one causes oneself by thinking about something distressful that might happen at some future moment. The thoughts you think in the present create your present feelings. When the thoughts on your mind are pleasant or joyful thoughts, your entire inner system reacts accordingly. Your breathing rate changes, your brain waves change, your blood pressure change, your energy level changes, your hormones change, you heart beat changes, your immune system changes, your muscle tension changes, your facial expression and posture change, and your tone of voice changes. All these change counterproductively when you needlessly cause yourself anxiety by thinking worrisome thoughts. These changes happen instantly.

Now in your inner mind, tell yourself, "Every time I begin to worry, I will immediately think of something to be grateful for." Repeat this enough times until you feel that your inner mind will automatically go into gratitude mode as soon as it's aware that it's in worry mode.

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#1104 Circle Of Serenity Technique

Imagine a large circle in front of you or on the side. Inside this circle visualize masters of serenity one by one leaving their serenity inside. Feel a tremendous amount of serenity stored up. Mentally step into this circle and feel that serenity permeating your being from head to toe. Whenever you need some more serenity step inside again.

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#1105 Apply What You Know

Throughout your life, people have been giving you advice.

Recall the best advice you've ever received, and you will be able to benefit even more from that advice.

Right now, think of some wise advice that you have not yet applied to the degree that you could. Be resolved to apply that advice in the near future.

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#1106 Be Grateful For Gratitude

If you do acts of kindness because you hope to receive gratitude, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Many people lack the ability to express gratitude.

So don't expect gratitude. Be grateful if the person is grateful!

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#1107 Give Others the Benefit of the Debt

Someone in need of money asked the great sage The Taz for a loan. The Taz did not have any cash on hand, so he gave the man a valuable household item to give to a pawnbroker. The pawnbroker would give the man the money, and The Taz would later redeem the article.

When The Taz went to the pawnbroker, he found out that the man had taken twice as much money as they had agreed upon.

Nevertheless, The Taz remained calm and said: "It was fortunate that I didn't have any money available when the person asked for the loan. He evidently needed more money than he asked me for, but was probably too shy to ask for a larger loan. My giving him an article to pawn enabled him to receive the money he really needed without having to approach a second person for another loan."

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#1108 Increase Gratefulness in Others

Help spread gratitude in the world. If you know that someone has done something that was beneficial to another person, let the recipient of the benefit know about it. Point out to him that he should be grateful to his benefactor.

In situations when the benefactor did not purposely want to keep the matter a secret, by telling the one who benefited from the kindness that he has what to be grateful for, you are spreading positive feelings and goodwill among the Creator's children.

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#1109 Learn From Setbacks

Today, don't allow any setbacks to cause you to become discouraged. Learn from each experience. Every new day you are better prepared than the day before.

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#1110 Intensify Your Will to Become Grateful

Make it a high priority to become a person who is consistently grateful. Let this be an important goal. "Nothing stands in the way of a strong will." This principle is the source of the success of successful people. Those who achieve excellence in any area need to have a strong will to take action.

If you are not yet a person who has mastered gratitude, intensify your will to do so. The stronger your will, the more likely you will succeed.

Studies show that people who make goals are much more successful at whatever they do than those who don't make goals. Without making a formal study of it, it appears quite obvious that there are many more people who make it their goal to make more money than there are people who have it as their goal to master gratitude. A person who has great wealth will still be unhappy if he hasn't also mastered gratitude.

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#1111 Proper Pride

What is proper pride?

It is like the king who sent his son to a far away place to learn first hand how the peasants lived. The prince was told to let no one else know his true identity. During the time he would live among the simple folk, he was to dress and act in all ways as they do.

But the king was afraid his son might forget who he really was. When he would act and speak like the peasants, he might lose his royal identity and absorb their faults into his personality. For this reason the king told his son to put aside time each day to remember that he was the emperor's son.

Similarly, a person's soul has a spark of divinity. Forgetting one's lofty identity, one might pick up bad habits. Therefore, remember at all times that you are a child of the great King and it is not befitting to act in a lowly and degrading manner.

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#1112 Gear Up For Change

If you would find it pleasurable to make positive changes, what changes would enhance your life the most?

Think of the inner resources that would help you make one of those changes.

As you work on making that change, feel a sense of joy and empowerment that you are gaining greater self-mastery.

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#1113 Express Gratitude Rather Than Guilt

Some people tend to express guilt when others do things for them. You will hear them saying things like, "I feel guilty for having bothered you." "I am so sorry that I made you go out of your way." "I feel bad for having taken your time." "Please forgive me for your having to do this for me."

People who have this pattern are often sensitive people who don't want to cause others any distress or unpleasantness. At times they could use a boost to their self-image. By realizing that they have infinite value and worth because they are created in the image of the Almighty, they will increase their realization that they deserve the kindness and goodness that others do for them.

When someone goes out of their way to do something for you or helps you in any way, express gratitude rather than guilt. When you say, "I am so very grateful for all the effort you put into this," or "Thank you greatly for having done so much for me," you experience the positive energy of feelings of gratitude. And the person you are telling this to will experience positive energy for being appreciated.

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#1114 See the Other Side

When you need to influence people, see the entire situation from their viewpoint. You will then be able to present the matter in a way that will allow them to be happy about your proposal.

Many quarrels between family members and friends arise because one tries to influence the other in ways that create resentment. When you see the situation from the other person's point of view, you will have a greater awareness of what to say and what not to say.

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#1115 Ask Other People, "What Are You Grateful For?"

A great question to ask other people: "What are you grateful for?"

Most people are grateful for many things, but this isn't necessarily on the forefront of their minds. It's like the thoughts of being grateful are on the hard disk of their mental computer, but not on the screen of their minds. By asking someone, "What are you grateful for?" they bring the thought of gratitude up to their mental screen.

After some people, when they have answered this question, you might add a comment like, "You are fortunate for that." "That's a wonderful thing to be grateful for." "So you always have what to be grateful for."

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#1116 The Joy of Good Deeds

The commandments were given for our ultimate benefit and pleasure. Therefore we should feel great joy whenever doing any good deeds.

[Think about the good deeds you currently perform with joy. Then, think about the potential joy you have not yet experienced - and how your life would be enhanced by mastering the ability to experience joy for good deeds.]

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#1117 Sweet Talk Your Kids

Your tone of voice when speaking to your children sets the tone for their way of speaking, even when they speak to themselves. If you have an abrasive way of speaking to them, practice speaking pleasantly.

Professional singers spend countless hours practicing for their audiences. All parents are professional communicators and all children are entitled to be spoken to pleasantly.

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#1118 Do Kindness For Your Children

Parents should view everything they do for their children as an act of kindness. This enables them to feel joy for these otherwise mundane acts.

This is such a valuable attitude that we should all do what we can to influence parents to gain this perspective!