Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#1194 Feel Gratitude In Proportion

Normally when a person searches for something and finds it, he's happy. But if he does not find it, he's sad.

A person who seeks good deeds should react differently. Regardless of whether or not he is successful, he should feel joy at trying, even if for some reason things did not work out as he had planned.

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#1195 An A for Effort

The more difficult it is to perform a good deed, the greater the merit of that act. This also applies to the mitzvah of feeling joy in fulfilling commandments. For example:

If a person is sad, and nevertheless works hard to banish those sad thoughts and to feel the joy of doing mitzvahs, his merit is greater than that of someone who was in a good mood to begin with!

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#1196 Encourage With Acknowledgment

If you try to teach someone and he understands a small amount, focus on the small amount he does understand and acknowledge this in order to motivate him further.

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#1197 Welcome Being Questioned

It is the nature of the wise to appreciate questions on their viewpoints more than agreement.

A person who wants approval is disturbed and irritated if someone questions his attitudes and opinions. But a wise person seeks truth and therefore gets pleasure if someone raises objections -- since this helps him correct his mistakes.

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#1198 Be Aware of Being Tested

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm wrote: "When you find yourself in a difficult situation, the first thought you should focus on is that the situation is a test and challenge."

A person who was once very ill and recovered can appreciate his health more than if he had never been ill. A person who once suffered from poverty appreciates having sufficient money more than if he had never been poor.

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#1199 Potential Thoughts

People with self-confidence are free to speak and act in ways that enable them to reach their potential. On the other hand, people who feel insecure and lack self-confidence might limit themselves greatly.

No human being can know the full potential of another person. Nor can any human being know his own full potential. You don't need to know your full potential before starting to speak and act in ways that will enable you to reach more of your potential. You only need to take the next step forward.

You don't need to know your potential self-confidence before you begin to think, speak, and act with self-confidence. You only need enough self-confidence to take another small step. That makes the process sound much easier, doesn't it?

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#1200 Never Be Disappointed

When a person masters the ability to feel comfortable in all situations, he will never be disappointed with what life offers.

When we demand that our life situation be different than it presently is, we are demanding something that does not exist. This demanding is how we cause our own needless suffering.

If you are sincerely interested in guaranteeing a happy life, learn to accept what cannot be changed.

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#1200 Never Be Disappointed

When a person masters the ability to feel comfortable in all situations, he will never be disappointed with what life offers.

When we demand that our life situation be different than it presently is, we are demanding something that does not exist. This demanding is how we cause our own needless suffering.

If you are sincerely interested in guaranteeing a happy life, learn to accept what cannot be changed.

That is awesome advice!!!!!!

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#1201 Empathy Brings Relief

When a person who is suffering sees others empathize with him, he feels a degree of relief.

Hence if you want to help someone overcome suffering, instead of telling him that he has nothing to worry about, or that his situation is not so bad, try to share his suffering and communicate that you feel for him.

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#1202 Change It or Accept It

Matters leading to sadness fall into two categories: matters that can be corrected and matters that cannot.

If something can be done to correct a situation, why feel sad? Simply take action to correct the matter!

On the other hand, if nothing can be done, what gain is there in feeling sad? Sadness will not improve matters. It is wiser to accept what cannot be changed.

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#1203 Choose Your Tone of Voice

Be aware of the effects of your tone of voice. In counseling couples, I frequently point out how their tone of voice keeps changing. As a solution, I have them find a range of tones that their spouse finds comfortable.

The listener is always more sensitive and aware of the tone of voice than the speaker is. The more aware you are of your own tone of voice and the effect it has on the listener, the easier it will be for you to recognize when there is a change in your tone.

One way to become more aware of your tone of voice is to ask your spouse for feedback, by saying, "If my tone of voice ever distresses you, please point it out to me. And when you especially like a certain tone of voice, please tell me."

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#1204 Publicizing One's Own Faults

Someone who insults or curses others really insults himself. A person of good character would not insult anyone. Whenever someone insults you, he is publicizing his own faults.

Realize that it is not necessary to reply to insults, because the person has merely insulted himself.

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#1 Learn From Positive Role Models

Learn from positive role models. Every person you meet today will have positive qualities, habits, and strengths that you can learn from. Learn from role models who handle difficult situations calmly and effectively.

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#2 Appreciating People

Practice thinking about how much you have gained from your immediate environment. Without other people you would be all alone. What would you be like if you grew up all by yourself in a forest? (Probably not much different from an animal!)

Appreciate that the people in your environment have taught you much knowledge and understanding

(see Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol.3, p.67; Gateway to Happiness, p.42)

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#3 Uncertainty Is Inevitable

In many areas of our lives uncertainty is inevitable. You will cause yourself much needless pain if you unrealistically demand certainty. Even in extremely important areas of our lives we are likely to be uncertain.

If you can let go of unrealistic demands for certainty, you will actually achieve more peace of mind than if you were certain!

What is the proper attitude? Try to be as certain as possible, and accept that any remaining uncertainty will not exacerbate your situation.

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#4 Help As Soon As Possible

When someone asks you for a favor and you are able to fulfill the request, make certain to do it right away. If you are really able to help in some way today, don't tell the person, "Come back tomorrow and then I will help you."

Apply this with the next five favors that you are asked to do. If the favor is a reasonable one and you are able to do it, don't procrastinate. Take care of it right away.

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#5 Avoid Arguments With Silence

Be careful not to become involved in quarrels with your friends. Arguments will only create distance between you and others.

The most effective approach to avoid needless arguments is to master the ability to remain silent. You don't have to say everything you think of saying. At times there is an actual need to clarify a specific point and it's appropriate to speak up. But a large percentage of arguments come from making comments that don't need to be made.

(see Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler - Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.4, pp.244-5; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#6 Hate Evil, Not People

Hate the evil acts of the wicked, but do not hate the people themselves. Every person is worthy of being cherished by virtue of being created in the image of the Almighty. Therefore we cannot hate another person. Rather, our love for the Almighty should be so deeply internalized, that from this love we hate evil deeds. By hating only evil actions, you elevate yourself because you are increasing your love for the Almighty.

The next time you see someone do something evil, try to distinguish between hatred of the act and hatred of the person.

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#7 Try As Much As Possible

Rabbi Yisroel Salanter used to say, "There is no greater illness than discouragement." At times a person may take note of all his faults and failures and give up hope of improving. But when it comes to monetary wealth, a person tries to gather as much money as possible even if he will not become wealthy. Someone suffering physical pain also tries to alleviate some of the pain even if he is unable to bring about a complete cure. Rabbi Salanter said our attitude towards refraining from evil and performing good deeds should be the same. Even if someone will be far from perfect, he should at least try to do as many good deeds as possible and refrain from violating as many prohibitions as he can.

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#8 Be Around Great People

Your positive behavior is dependent on the images implanted in your brain. The way you get these inner images is by seeing these behaviors in others with your own eyes. Because of this principle, we can understand the great benefit of being among people who are models of excellence.

Today, think of someone you admire for their fine character, and plan a way to spend more time with them

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#9 Handling Difficult People

Utilize your encounters with difficult people to:

* Achieve a greater understanding of others.

* Become aware of your own vulnerabilities.

* Discover what you can personally do to help him.

* Learn to be more creative in dealing with people.

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#10 Forgiving People

If someone has wronged you and then shows sincere regret and asks for forgiveness, what should you do?

Go out of your way to do positive things for him that will express your love and concern for him. In this way, you are encouraging him for realizing his mistake and doing the right thing to correct it.

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#11 Believe In People

Believe in people and you will influence them to believe in themselves.

Your belief needs to be based on reality -- so develop an eye for noticing sparks of potential in others. Be enthusiastic in selling a person to himself.

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#12 Share A Smile

The Talmud instructs us: "Greet each person with a friendly smile" (Avot 1:15).

When you smile to someone, the recipient of your smile gains, and you increase the number of your friends. He is likely to smile back and this will increase your own positive feelings.

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#13 Relaxing Helps You Problem Solve

When a person has a major problem, worry prevents him from thinking of practical ways to solve it. Someone who does not worry has much better chances of success. The calmer you are, the better you are able to plan the wisest course of action.

Being relaxed and free of worry can prevent a person from reacting hastily and even putting himself in danger.