Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#88 Courage is Relative

Courage is subjective and relative. For example, some people are naturally assertive. They can easily speak up. They can easily ask others for things. They can easily ask questions. They can easily stick up for their rights.

Others are naturally intimidated. They would rather do without, than say things that everyone would agree they have a right to say. For them, asking for what they need is an act of courage.

Asking questions is an act of courage. Sticking up for rights is an act of courage.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#89 We Have All Dropped a Few

Excessive guilt feelings for past failings will prevent you from doing more good deeds in the present.

Focus on doing as many good deeds as possible. Imagine a person with a limited time to collect diamonds from a large pile. Whatever he puts in his sack is his. In his haste he might accidentally drop a few. Only a fool would stop collecting more and bemoan his misfortune. Any sensible person would keep focused on the many diamonds he is still able to collect, and work diligently to pick up as many as he can. What is lost is truly a great loss, but he still has an immense amount of wealth to gain by gathering more.

A person who has failed to do some good deed is in a similar situation. If he merely keeps telling himself he is an awful person, it will keep him from trying to do as many good deeds as possible in the present.

Diligently try to do as much good as possible in the present. Every good deed we perform is a valuable jewel. The wise person gathers as much spiritual wealth as possible.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, pp.224-5)

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#90 Judge Yourself Favorably

Years of guilt feelings over a specific matter can sometimes be overcome in a surprisingly short time if a person adopts a different perspective in viewing the matter. Frequently, people blame themselves unnecessarily. If you have irrational guilt feelings, give yourself a speech why you need not blame yourself. Take a piece of paper and write a list of ways to judge yourself favorably. Be careful not to do this with matters you should really try to correct. We are referring only to irrational guilt feelings, not to situations where a person wants to rationalize his failure to make difficult, but necessary, changes.

If you find it difficult to judge yourself favorably, ask yourself, "How could I judge someone else favorably in this matter." Guilt-ridden people often find it easier to excuse others than to excuse themselves and this can be utilized as a tool for lessening their own blaming thoughts.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.231)

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#91   Collecting Resourceful States

 

Every time you experience a positive, resourceful state, that state is stored in the immense library of your brain. By giving your positive states names you will be able to retrieve them just as you can retrieve a computer file by typing it's filename. This idea is so valuable and so important for every aspect of your life that it makes sense to make mastery of your present states a high priority.

There are many standard names for some of the states you want to experience over and over again. These include: joy, courage, being calm and serene, patience, concentrating, being enthusiastic, self-mastery and self-discipline, and you can include any of your favorite others.

How do you create and access states? One way is to speak and act in ways that are consistent with that state. Another way is to remember times and moments when you were already in a specific state. Memories of being in a positive state access that state from your brain to the rest of your mind and body.

How do you collect resourceful states? Every time you are in an especially positive state give that state a unique name. You can even use your imagination to create great states and then those states have an actual physiological reality. You can name resourceful states after great people and other role models for that state. I advocate collecting states in alphabetical order, but you can use any order you prefer.

Think of your most joyful moments. What names do you want to give each of those states? You can create a name after a specific victory or success: "Winning the game state." Or, "Being given an award state." It could be that something especially wonderful happened to you. Name the state after the event, situation, place or people associated with it. Think of your calmest most serene moments. You might name your state after a specific place: for example, "Peaceful garden state." "On top of Mount Everest state." Think of your most confident and courageous moments. Give those states names. Think of your most creative and insightful moments. Give those states names.

Forty-three years ago when I went to Telshe Yeshiva, on the first day as I entered his room for my acceptance test, my teacher, the late Rabbi Mordechai Gifter said to me in his usual resonating, powerful voice, "Good morning, Zelig! How are you today?" Now each morning when I wake up, after expressing gratitude for another day of life, I repeat the name of this state. The feelings of that moment, along with the many lessons I learned from my teacher come back to me. Reading your list of states will be like giving your brain a mental warm up. This will make you more aware of the positive states you experience in the future. Mastery of your states will upgrade your reaching your most important goals. It will help you develop your character traits and it will upgrade your self-image.

(Based on Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's newly recorded seminar entitled: "Creating the states you want: more joy, less distress." This is a 20 session seminar on 7 audio cd's. For more details contact: USA 516-903-7096.)

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#92   Breathe Serenely

 

Master the art of breathing serenely. Since you are continuously breathing the entire day, this is the most powerful and effective tool for creating the peaceful feelings that are conducive for patience.

As soon as you begin to feel impatient, let the feelings you experience be the start of your focusing on the gift of oxygen. As you exhale, feel all stress and tension leaving. As you inhale, feel the fresh oxygen traveling from head to toe relaxing every muscle and every cell in your entire body.

As you breathe, repeat the word, "Patience." Say it with gentle and soothing patience. As your brain is conditioned to associate slow breathing with patience, the very act of breathing slowly will continuously enable you to be more patient.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)

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#93   Judge Favors Favorably

 

Before asking someone for a favor, realize that he might not grant you the favor. Although it is appropriate to think of the best way to influence him to help you out, accept him if he refuses.

And even before you ask for the favor, think how you can judge him positively if he does not help you.

(see Mivchar Hapeninim - Shaar Hatikvah; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.209)

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#94   One Step at a Time

 

Learn to deal with your difficult life situations one step at a time. Don't view all that you have to do as a mountain to climb in one jump. Divide tasks into steps small enough for you to deal with little by little. Focus on the specific task at hand and take pleasure with every small amount that you do.

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#95   Discipline Wisely

 

Parents should be aware of the possible consequences of their methods of discipline.

Nothing destroys the potential for parents to have a close relationship with children as disciplining through excessive fear. When children are still young, parents should be aware that one day their children will become independent. Parents who use fear as a weapon create negative feelings in the children. When they grow up, those children are likely to rebel against their parents and go their own way.

(Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe - Alai Shur, p.261; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.259)

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#96   Weigh Insults Impartially

 

It is easy to be objective about others and understand that they should overlook insults: "So what if someone said this or that remark?"

View insults directed to you in the same manner. Ask yourself, "How would I consider this if it was said to someone else?"

Yes, it is difficult to ignore insults, but we have an obligation to work on ourselves not to let things bother us.

(Chachmah U'mussar, vol.2, p.179; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.295)

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#97   View Insults Objectively Print Version »

 

When someone insults you, try to view the situation objectively and not to react emotionally. Focus on the essence of what is happening. If the person is being foolish, tell yourself you have no need to become excited by what a foolish person says.

If a parrot uttered an insult when you entered a room, how would you react? You would easily be able to ignore it. When a fool utters an insult, it is essentially the same thing.

If, however, the insulter is a wise person and what he says is true, be happy for the opportunity to improve!

(Reishit Chachmah - Sha'ar Ha'anavah, ch.5; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.295)

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#98   Speak To Yourself Serenely

 

You are the person with whom you talk to most often. To become a serene person, consistently talk to yourself serenely.

Become aware of the tone of your voice when you speak to yourself. This often is so automatic that many people never consider it an issue. But it can be a major factor in whether or not you are usually serene.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.37)

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#99   Correct Faults Inversely

 

In every area that you have a fault, determine what behavior would be diametrically opposed to that fault. For example, someone who tends to be impulsive should slow down and think carefully before taking action. Similarly, someone who has a strong love for money should act in a very generous manner.

What do you consider to be your three greatest faults? Take one of those faults and think about what its opposite would be. Then visualize yourself mastering that positive quality.

(see Rabbi Simcha Zissel Ziv - Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.100)

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#100   Forgive Fully

 

A person who sincerely fears the Almighty should forgive someone who wronged him when that person asks for forgiveness. He should do his best to return to the previous state of loving-friendship that existed before the other person erred.

We find in the Torah (Genesis 50:21) that Yosef forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery as soon as they asked his forgiveness. He told them that because he fears G-d they need not worry.

Is there anyone you have not yet forgiven? If yes, imagine that the person has the wisdom and courage to ask you for forgiveness. Visualize yourself forgiving that person. The next time you encounter that person act with the friendliness of someone you have forgiven.

(see Ralbag - Shaar hashalom, no.7)

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#101 Grow Gradually

It is unrealistic and counterproductive to think you have to be perfect in refraining from counterproductive thinking and behavior. Demanding perfection from yourself will make you excessively nervous and prone to anger and guilt. The way to bring about positive changes is to maintain a realistic awareness of your imperfections in this area, and to work consistently to improve.

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#102 Correct Effectively

When you try to correct someone who is not open to correction, the person is likely to say that you don't understand him. He'll claim that he is the righteous one and you are the fool!

For your words to be effective, the person needs to be open to hearing your corrections. This means it's best to avoid correcting someone who is certain to quarrel with what you said. And it also means looking inward into the reasons why your approach is unsuccessful

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#103   Ask Forgiveness Sincerely

 

If you've wronged another person, and your regret is sincere, he will forgive you.

Some people, however, when asking forgiveness are just being deceitful. Such an apology is unlikely to be accepted.

Today, think of someone you have wronged and have not asked for forgiveness. Be resolved to sincerely ask him for forgiveness

(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 10:32; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

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#104   Evaluate Positively Print Version »

 

Which descriptions do you use more often? (a) "It was awful, terrible, bad..." ( "It was great, wonderful, terrific..."

Resolve to increase your frequency of positive evaluations.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.225)

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#105   Act Joyously

 

Act joyously. These two words are powerful. They work. Test it out congruently and see for yourself how effective this formula is.

If it's so easy, how come everyone isn't radiating joy? I didn't claim it was easy. It's simple to say, but the very fact that not everyone consistently applies it shows that it doesn't come naturally to many people. It takes effort. And it also takes belief in the process. You can counteract the effects of acting joyously by holding back or by repeating to yourself, "This won't really work."

"Act with enthusiastic joy and you will actually experience it," was expressed by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto in his classic work "Path of The Just" written in 1740. Since then many professionals in the field of human emotions have repeated this formula. It worked then and it still works now. The more flexible someone is with their emotions, the easier it is for them to apply this. Experiments with biofeedback technology and the testing of hormones in the blood after acting joyously have proven its effectiveness.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness", p.34)

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#106   Disagree Respectfully

 

Learn to disagree without creating an unpleasant argument.

A mature disagreement is when two people both listen carefully to the other's position in order to understand the position and why the person feels that way.

The Torah obligates us to treat each person with respect - even if you disagree.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.125-7)

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#107   A Soft Reply

 

King Solomon says: "A soft reply turns away anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

Think of some incidents when you wisely used a soft reply. Now resolve to apply this in the future.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.158)

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#108   Complain Effectively

 

Before you complain, think carefully to determine if your complaint is valid.

When interacting with the people you see frequently, even if your complaint is valid, be certain to praise more frequently than you complain.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.164-7)

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#109   Think Creatively

 

Use your creativity to find solutions for dealing with difficult people and difficult situations. Be open to being creative in all contexts of your life.

Today, think of a specific difficulty you are experiencing. Utilize your creativity to think of a new solution.

(See Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Self Knowledge, pp.178-80)

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#110   Criticize Constructively

 

Before you say something critical, ask yourself, "Will anything constructive come from my being critical right now?"

If the answer is "no," switch yourself in midstream and say something pleasant instead.

(See Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Self Knowledge, pp.180-4)

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#111   Traits To Develop

 

Today, be resolved to keep developing patience, creativity, emotional independence, confidence, courage, humor, serene empowerment, calm persistence, self-mastery, unconditional love and compassion.

(see Rav Pliskin's "Anger: The Inner Teacher," p.343)

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#112   Praise The Almighty By Honoring Others

 

The test of a person's spiritual level is how he treats other people. The purpose of creation is for a person to praise and exalt the Almighty, to recognize His greatness and continue to grow in this awareness. Similarly, in relation to other people our mission in life is to honor them as much as possible because in doing so we recognize their being created in the image of God. The more you show respect to others, the more you are manifesting your awareness of the Almighty's greatness.

Think of someone you already respect. Now imagine that this person is created in God's image. What more could you do to express your respect for this person?

(see Rabbi Yeruchem Levovitz - Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol.2, pp.38-9)