Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#164   Expend For A Friend

 

The Sages say that having a friend is so important that one should be willing to pay for it! (Talmud - Avot 1:6)

Paying a price does not necessarily refer to financial payments. We might need to spend time and energy to keep a friend. We may have to tolerate some of his negative habits. Or at times he might quarrel with us. Nevertheless, the price we pay for a close friend is a worthwhile investment.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.135)

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#165   Choose Life

 

At every given moment in your life "The Almighty is telling you, ‘Choose life!'"

Imagine how you will enhance your life when you respond, "Yes! I will make a life-enhancing choice right now." Have frequent self-conversations about your decision to "choose life!"

Each moment you make three choices. You choose your thoughts for the moment. You choose the words you say or don't say. You choose the actions you will or won't take.

Choose wisely. It would be wise to ask yourself frequently, "What is a wise thing to think now?" "What is a wise thing to say now?" and, "What is a wise thing to do now?"

The more frequently you purposely ask yourself, "What is a life-enhancing choice now?" the more frequently your mind will spontaneously come up with this question.

The more you think about making life-enhancing choices, the easier it will be for you to think of wiser answers to this question.

Sometimes, a life-enhancing choice is quite obvious. All we need to do is ask ourselves this question and we will know the answer. At other times we might not be so sure. But at least we will be going in the right direction.

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", pp.76-7) [Artscroll.com])

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#166   Don't Let Hurts Blind You To The Good

 

If someone has done something to you that you feel angry about, focus on some good quality of that person. He might have helped others or have virtues you can appreciate. The positive aspects of his character could be sufficient for you to erase your feelings of anger toward him.

Say to yourself, "It's enough for me that he has helped me in the past." Or, "It's enough for me that he has this or that virtue."

(Tomar Dvorah, ch. 1; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.205)

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#167   If You Don't Like a Situation Change it or Change Your Self-Talk

 

There are always two possibilities about any unsatisfying situation: Either you will be able to change it, or you will be able to change your self-talk.

Telling yourself, "There is nothing at all I can do to change this situation, therefore I must feel bad," is not based on reality. How can anyone possibly say: "There is nothing at all I can do to change the situation"? You can always pray, can't you? Your Father, your King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe, can change any situation in a moment.

You might find a book or article that gives you ideas that can help you find a solution that you didn't think of before.

You might find a teacher, mentor, coach, or friend who can make suggestions and think of ideas that will enable you to change a situation.

Events might unfold that totally change the situation. The Purim story teaches us that even an impossible situation that spelled total doom can be changed in a single moment.

You might think of a way to reframe the situation so that now you view it differently. What previously seemed like a problem and a difficulty can now be seen as a wonderful opportunity to grow and develop yourself. What was once considered a liability can now be seen as an asset.

You always have a choice of your self-talk. Ask yourself, "What can I think about now that will improve the way I am feeling?"

You can always think, "The more challenging a situation, the more I can grow from it."

The more skilled you are about creating positive self-talk in challenging situations, the easier it will be for you to handle new challenges in the future.

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", pp.78-9) [Artscroll.com])

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#168   Talking to Yourself About Other Peopl

 

Many of your thoughts are about other people: People you know well and people who are strangers to you, but affect your life in various ways. People you are related to and people you are friends with. People you find easy to deal with and people you find challenging. People you respect and like, and people you are upset with. People who are helpful to you and people you wish to help. People you interact with frequently, and people you meet just once.

The way you view people determines how you get along with them. The Torah (Vayikra 19:18) tells us: "Love other people as yourself." Also, the Sages teach us in Pirkei Avos (4:1): "Who is an honorable person? Someone who honors and respects others." When you love and respect someone, you think about him in positive ways. Your self-talk is about his good qualities. You think about what you can learn from him, and this is the definition of a wise person. As the Sages (Pirkei Avos 4:1) say, "Who is wise? Someone who learns from everyone."

When you associate people with their positive qualities and have positive thoughts and feelings about them, you speak to them more positively. You also act towards them with greater kindness and compassion.

Yes, we need to be aware of the totality of people in order protect ourselves and others. But our major focus should be on what is good and right and admirable about others.

Be strongly resolved to keep your mind focused on the virtues and positive qualities of other people. If your mind happens to think unnecessarily about what is wrong with other people, change your thoughts to what is good and right about them.

Your thoughts about another person create a powerful energy. One of my favorite verses is from Mishlei/Proverbs (27:19). "As in water, face to face, so, too, is the heart of one person to another." When you think positive thoughts about another person, that person will tend to feel positively about you also. The deeper and more profound your thoughts and feelings of unconditional love, the more likely it is that this person will reciprocate.

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", pp.96-7) [Artscroll.com])

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#169   Give To Others By Honoring The

 

Someone who sincerely wants to do acts of kindness will do and say things to honor others.

Try it. This will give the other person pleasure, and be a great source of pleasure to you as well!

(see Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler - Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.3, p.187; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#170   How To Not Cause Suffering

 

The Torah forbids us to harm or cause suffering to others. Even from a selfish perspective, we should be careful not to harm others, since we will ultimately suffer because of it.

Some guidelines:

* Refrain from insulting others.

* Refrain from talking negatively about others, unless it is necessary for a practical and constructive purpose.

* Refrain from lying to others.

* Refrain from deceiving others in financial matters.

* Refrain from causing others pain or unpleasantness through actions or words.

* Refrain from causing others financial losses. The money of others should be as dear as our own.

(Talmud - Avot 2:12; Mesilat Yesharim, ch.19; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.139)

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#171   Courage to Begin Again

 

It takes courage to begin again after the collapse of a project, an organization, or a business. One has spent much time and energy and things didn't work out as well as one would have wished. Experiencing this makes one more wary about the future.

The more "failures," the more courage you'll need in order to begin again -- and the greater amount of courage that you gain when you do actually begin again.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#172   Use Impatience For Meaning

 

We all have a deep and pervasive need for meaning. We want our lives to be meaningful. Not only is this so about our lives in general, but we feel distress and anxiety when we feel that time is being wasted on something that is meaningless.

Impatience teaches us an important lesson. It shows us that our time is valuable and we want to utilize it for meaningful activities.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)

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#173   What Would My Greatest Role Models Say to Me?

 

Ask yourself this valuable question: "What would my greatest role models say to me now?"

Think of different people you respect and admire, both people you now know and people you've known in the past. Think of people whose books you have read or whose recordings you have heard. Think of great people in the past that you now wish you could have learned from in person.

It's helpful if you write down a list of the names of these great teachers and role models. Now review your list and ask yourself about each one: "What are some of the main lessons this person would teach me?"

You can have many inspiring and enlightening self-conversations by imagining that the greatest people who ever lived were asking you questions. So ask yourself, "If so and so were to ask me an insightful question about myself and my life, what do I think he would ask me now?"

When you use your imagination and stored knowledge to have self-conversations with great people, you will find yourself having many meaningful and inspiring self-conversations about important topics and subjects.

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", pp.111-2) [Artscroll.com])

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#174   Discipline Builds Success

 

If a person has many faults in different areas and is confused about where to start, he should select one trait and work specifically on it. It takes self-discipline to correct a trait. To overcome a fault, your intellect must rule over your desires.

Once you've gone through the process once, this will help you correct many other traits.

Realize as well that all character traits are dependent on each other. If you correct one trait, this will automatically be a stepping stone to correcting other traits.

(see Rabbi Yosef Hurwitz of Nevardok - Madraigos Haadam - Birur Hamidos; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#175   Just Apologize

 

Sincerely apologizing is the best way to overcome the resentment and negative feelings of someone who is angry with you. However, at times it can be very difficult to apologize. When you tell yourself, "Just apologize," it can become easier.

If you really did something wrong, you have an obligation to apologize. At times, it's wisest to apologize even if you aren't really at fault. Your apology can create harmony. Have the strength and courage to "just apologize." Your sincere apology will totally calm some people.

Even if you need to apologize a number of times and find the right things to say each time, your initial apology is still the first step forward.

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", p.135) [Artscroll.com])

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#176   Self Discipline

 

The Torah tells the story of how Joseph was in prison in Egypt. This is a model of how anyone in any situation can grow. After Joseph was released from prison he became a powerful ruler. That is because in prison he used his mental ability to train himself to master the attribute of total self-discipline. In prison he ruled over himself, and he went on to rule over the Egyptian nation.

Today, think of a difficult situation you are in, and consider how you might use this to develop mastery over self.

(see Rabbi Chaim Zaitchyk - Maayanai Hachaim, vol.3, p.107; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#177   See Others As They See Themselves

 

Develop the habit of seeing other people as they see themselves. All anger, hatred and quarrels arise simply because a person views the situation from his own perspective, and fails to see the viewpoint of the other person.

For example, if a poor person asks someone who is wealthy for financial assistance, the wealthy person might view the request as insolence and become angry. The poor person feels insulted and perplexed. He thinks to himself, "The Almighty has given him so much, why doesn't he share what he has with me?" They separate from each other with a quarrel and mutual bad feelings. If each would try to understand the position of the other, however, even though they still might not agree, the majority of conflicts and complications that arise in interpersonal relationships could be avoided.

The next time you find yourself in a potential quarrel with another person, view the situation from his perspective also. Then step out of the picture and try to view the situation objectively as if a third party was viewing both of you. Notice the difference that this makes!

(see Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler - Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.4, p.243)

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#178   Serenity is True Success

 

King Solomon says in Proverbs 17:1: "Better a morsel of dry bread and tranquility with it, than a house full of feasting with strife."

The prosperity and success of the wicked, however impressive, is only an illusion. Many people live in a state of discord - with family, co-workers and neighbors. Far better is the life of the righteous man - even if he has only a crust of bread - because he has peace in his home.

Inner serenity is the essence of true success in life, and this is totally independent of material possessions.

(see Malbim on Mishlei; Gateway to Happiness, p.73)

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#179   The Value Of Being Alone

 

A person who does not know how to use his mind productively will flee from the state of being alone. But when a person has learned how to think, he will greatly appreciate the moments when he is by himself, for then he will be able to utilize those moments for intellectual and spiritual growth.

During a quiet moment today, appreciate the value of being alone.

(see Alai Shur, vol.1, p.178; Gateway to Happiness, p.73)

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#180   Pray One-on-One

 

The idea of prayer is to inwardly have a private dialogue with the Creator. Speak to Him just as you might speak with a friend who is paying attention and listening.

All around you may be noise, traffic, planes, telephones. Inwardly, too, may be a preoccupation with hassles, business dealings, quarrels, competition, desires.

But prayer brings you suddenly to… quiet. The inward silence creates a barrier to the flow of noise, and it is as if there is silence and calm all around. Tranquility is yours!

(see Rabbi S. Wolbe - "Shal'hevesya," p.34)

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#181   Just Ask 

 

You might find it difficult to ask someone a question or to ask someone to help you out. Telling yourself, "Just ask," might make it easier.

Before saying these two words, you might have been debating whether or not to ask. Even though you know you have a right to ask and that it will be beneficial to ask, you feel a bit uncomfortable. As you say to yourself, "Just ask," you might just go ahead and actually ask. In many situations you will find that asking is much easier than you had expected.

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", p.136) [Artscroll.com])

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#182   The Two Skills of Happiness

 

Happiness is a skill that can be learned. To acquire this skill, it is necessary to master two basic skills:

1) The ability to focus on happiness-producing thoughts, as opposed to those which cause unhappiness.

2) The ability to evaluate events and situations as positive instead of negative. (Or at least to lower the degree of negativity - i.e. rather than considering some discomfort as a tragedy, evaluating it as minor.)

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#183   Just Change Mental Channels 

 

With a radio, when you change the channel, you change what you hear. Your mind can be likened to a special radio show. You are the producer of the show. You choose what messages are broadcast. A standard radio offers limited programs; your mind offers unlimited choices. You have the ability to decide what mental channel you want to listen to right now. Think about the worthwhile mental channels from which you can choose. You can create new ones at any moment you wish. When you aren't satisfied with the channel you are listening to, just choose a mental channel that is worth choosing.

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", p.137) [Artscroll.com])

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#184   Focus On The Present Benefit 

 

If someone wronged you or quarreled with you in the past, try to change that dynamic in the present. Right now -- can you do acts of kindness for him? Can you gain from his wisdom or experience? Can you have a worthwhile relationship?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then disregard your past experiences, and deal with this person in the present.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.146)

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#185   Just Choose Wisely Now 

 

At each moment of every day, you choose your thoughts, words, and actions. You even choose your feelings by choosing your thoughts, words, and actions. So say, "Just choose wisely now."

The more frequently you choose wisely, the more this choice will become second nature. You probably know what happens to a person who keeps making wise choices of thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. They live their life much more wisely.

"But what if I don't always recognize the wisest choice?" Just saying, "Just choose wisely now," won't guarantee that you will always choose the wisest choices. But it will still be much better than saying, "Choose the stupidest choice!"

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", p.139) [Artscroll.com])

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#186   Practice Creative Solutions 

 

When you fear a confrontation in which you might become angry, mentally picture yourself handling it calmly and self-confidently. Keep repeating this picture in your mind until you feel fairly certain that you will be able to remain calm in the actual situation.

When you are walking or waiting in a line, utilize the opportunity to think of difficult situations, and find various options you have to deal wisely in those situations. If you live those situations in your mind, they can serve as positive resources from which to gain confidence in your abilities.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.201)

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#188   The Outcome Of Your Actions Are Up To G-d 

 

We discussed earlier that those who trust in G-d constantly have peace of mind.

This does not mean we should sit back and refrain from taking action for our welfare. Rather, it means that even when you do take action, you realize that the ultimate outcome is up to the Almighty. Hence you will have peace of mind regardless of the outcome.

Moreover, while you will take action, you will not panic. You will do what is necessary under the circumstances, but will not act out of anxiety and "desperation."

(see Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.10; Gateway to Happiness, pp.81-2)

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#187   Learn From Others Reactions 

 

Just because others react to a situation in one way does not mean you also must react the same.

Some people might be extremely nervous or upset in certain situations, but you can still retain a calm and sensible manner.

Today, when you see others reacting with irritation, anger, or depression, ask yourself what other alternatives are possible. What are those people telling themselves and how can those self-statements be challenged?

In general, look for people who have peace of mind and happiness, and learn from them.

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.70)