Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#38 Cheers For All

Root for the success of people you know as well as for people you don't know. (That about covers it for the people on our planet.) Whenever someone is successful in some endeavor, root for him and cheer. If this doesn't come naturally to you, you aren't alone. The first reaction of many people is that this sounds impossible. But I can testify that it is a learnable skill if you practice.

How do you practice? Bill Gates' fortune has increased? Cheer for him. You see the announcement of an engagement, cheer for the happy couple. Someone wins an award for anything: Cheer! Someone wins a lottery: Cheer for the winner. Someone has achieved scholastically, created a new invention, has written another book, composed a new song: Cheer!

"Why should I do this?" some readers might ask.

"Because it feels great to be joyous and this is one of the best ways to consistently experience joy," is the answer.

From now on be more aware of the choices you will be making throughout your life whenever you hear about someone's success. You can choose to be envious. This choice gives you nothing but pain. Or you can choose to be neutral. With this choice you don't suffer, but you miss out on a lot of life's potential for joy. Or you can choose to experience joy because of the joy of others. With this choice, you will have unlimited opportunities to experience joy. A wise choice, isn't it?

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book "Happiness,p.165)

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#39 Serenity Adds Up

Every moment of serenity adds up. In the magnificent brain that the Creator gave you, you have every positive moment stored up. Every moment of joy, every moment of courage, every moment of serene empowerment is stored in your brain.

Whenever you are serene, tell yourself, "Isn't it great that I feel serene now! This is presently being stored in my brain. It joins my other moments of serenity. The larger the library and storehouse of serenity in my brain, the easier it will be for me to access it at will."

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.35)

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#40 Become More Calm

When you are calm, you think more clearly.

This helps you when you pray, study, interact with other people, and when you need to make decisions.

What thoughts and techniques enable you to remain calm in challenging situations?

Even if you frequently find it difficult to remain calm, there are definitely times that you were calmer than usual. Think of situations that you would be able to handle better if you were to remain calmer.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.141-2)

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#41 Prioritize Your Energy

Arrange your schedule to do your highest priority work during your periods of highest energy. This will enable you to grow from both moments of high energy and moments of low energy.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.219)

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#42 Commence With An Apology

If you have to speak to someone in a position of authority, and you are afraid you might irritate him/her, starting with an apology will frequently prevent their becoming angry.

For example, you can say, "I realize this may get you angry, but I feel I need to say it." By telling someone you might make him angry, paradoxically this will frequently prevent his becoming angry.

(Ralbag; Hadaios Vehamidos 26:14; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.263)

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#43 Good Deeds Elevate Us

When you are engaged in a mitzvah, you are not just doing a mechanical action. Rather, you are transforming yourself into a more elevated person. You are not just "doing," but "becoming."

Today, think of three good deeds you have done in the past that have given you a better feeling about yourself. Remembering these will increase your good deeds and increase their positive effect on you

(see Rabbi Yeruchem Levovitz - Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol. 1, p.115)

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#44 When Asked To Help

Some people prefer to do favors for others only when they voluntarily choose to do so. But when they are asked, they may consider it a burden.

The benefit of being asked by another person is knowing for certain what this person's needs actually are.

And there is even a way to fulfill this person's request voluntarily. How? By doing more than you were originally asked to do!

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#45 Glad To Help

Be grateful to anyone you help. They are helping you fulfill your life's mission.

Be especially careful not to speak or act condescendingly when you try to help someone. The good you do can be offset by the damage caused by an insulting tone.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#46 Eternal Help

A person who utilizes suffering to arouse himself in spiritual matters will find consolation. He will recognize that even though the suffering was difficult for him, it nevertheless helped him for eternity.

When you see yourself growing spiritually through your suffering, you will even be able to feel joy because of that suffering.

(Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.1, p.265; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.245)

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#47 Ask For Help

You don't have to do it alone.

Your loving Father and powerful King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe, is waiting to help you. Pray to Him. Ask Him for help in mastering patience. Ask Him for the strength to be patient with His other children. Ask Him for the strength to be as patient as necessary to serve Him with joy and love. Ask Him for the strength for the patience to gain all the knowledge and skills to make the most of your stay on this planet.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience")

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#48 Build On your Spouse's Image

If your spouse portrays a picture of him/herself more positively than you feel is accurate, accept it. Build upon it. It is frequently a mistake to try to demolish this picture. By building upon it, you create a more positive future reality.

People tend to act in ways that are consistent with their view of themselves. For example, your spouse might say, "I consider myself to be very considerate." Let's say you disagree and feel that your spouse has a long way to go to fit this picture. You would like your spouse to be more considerate, wouldn't you? Therefore, it is best to express gratitude for the consideration already displayed. By doing so you have a better chance of having a more considerate spouse. If you argue, there is a good chance you will end up in a no-win quarrel. Even if your spouse ends up agreeing with you, it is not likely that your approach will improve their character.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll Publications, 1998, Chapter One, p.31)

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#49 Focus on the Almighty's Gifts

Whenever your mind is free, make a conscious effort to focus on the good that the Almighty has bestowed upon you.

(see Chovos Halevovos 10:7; Gateway to Happiness, p.36)

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#50 Focus on the Almighty's Kindness

Utilize every opportunity to become aware of the Almighty's kindness. This awareness will motivate you to emulate the Almighty and make the attribute of kindness an integral part of your personality.

(see Rabbi Mordechai Gifter; Pirkei Torah, vol.2, p.12; Gateway to Happiness, p.36)

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#51 Focus On Those You Can Help

Focus on the people you can help, and don't be obsessed with those you cannot help.

You are a mortal. You, like everyone else, are limited. Obsessing about what you can't do prevents you from accomplishing what you can do.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#52 Build Relationships On Common Goals

Two people who want to have a good relationship need to be aware of a basic principle: When each one tries to pull the other to his own direction, there will be conflict and constant quarrel.

But when people focus on their common goals, the differences between them will not cause difficulties, and they will have a peaceful relationship.

Whenever you find yourself about to quarrel with another person, ask yourself, "What goals do we have in common?" This way of looking at the situation will make it easier for you to find a solution that will be satisfactory to both

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#53 Grace After Meals

The Birkas Hamazon - Grace After Meals - is a song of gratitude toward the Almighty. Many people think that since we have eaten, we must make a blessing. But actually the opposite is true: The whole purpose of eating is so we should review the concepts found in Birkas Hamazon! Every time you eat, it's a new opportunity to recognize the kindness the Almighty bestows upon you.

Today, after eating a meal, reflect on how wonderful it is that you have food. Imagine the relief and pleasure you would experience if you were stuck someplace for two days without food... and then you had this meal!

(Rabbi Yeruchem Levovitz - Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol. 2, pp.44-5)

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#54 Help Resolve Quarrels

If you try to make peace between two people who have been quarreling, don't take sides and tell one of the people that they are wrong and therefore should be the one to make peace. Since this person thinks that he is right and the other is wrong, he's likely to turn against you and quarrel with you!

A more effective approach is telling him: "Even though you believe you are totally right and the other person is totally wrong, you should still be the one who pursues peace. Take the initiative to approach the other person and apologize to him. Don't wait for him to apologize to you."

Today, think about two people you know who are quarreling and try using this method to bring peace between them

(see Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin - Ruach Chaim 1:12)

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#55 Use Your Upgraded Skills

When you upgrade your brain in any single context, you get a free upgrade in each and every context of your life.

When your brain enables you to feel confident and empowered when interacting with one person, your brain can enable you to feel this way in all contexts. If you can be creative in one area, your brain can be creative in many similar areas. If your brain can concentrate when you read one thing, you can concentrate in other areas as well. If you were able to cope well with a specific difficult person or difficult situation, it means that the inner resources that enabled you to do so are stored in your brain and your brain can access them with other people and situations. When you are able to create or access the states of happiness and joy at will, it means that your brain can do this over and over again in many other contexts

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",(p.88)

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#56 Set Meaningful Goals Print Version »

Lack of meaningful goals in life can lead to sadness. If you do not find meaning in what you are doing, you are likely to feel unhappy.

To solve this, ask yourself what goals you can set that to you would be meaningful. The goals need not be major ones. Even a temporary minor goal is better than none at all.

Make a list of goals to strive for. Be as specific as possible. Vague goals are not very motivating. Write down the major areas of your life and set goals in each of these areas: spiritual goals, interpersonal goals, self-improvement goals, etc.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.177)

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#57 Set Reasonable Goals

"It is not expected of you to complete the entire work" (Pirkei Avos 2:21).

Frequently, a person is discouraged largely because he has goals that are beyond his ability to reach. While we do have much more potential than we utilize, we still are limited in what we can do. We must set reasonable goals. Our sages tell us that we are not expected to complete the work. There is much Torah to study and many good deeds to fulfill.

A person who demands too much from himself will feel frustrated and discouraged and is likely to quit. Therefore it is important to be aware of your limitations. But some people might feel that if they cannot obtain perfection and cannot complete everything necessary to be done, they might as well not even try. In the same Mishnah the Sages state, "But you are not free to refrain from the matter."

Choose the middle path. Try to accomplish as much as possible, but also realize that you will not be able to do everything. Learn to take pleasure in trying to accomplish without feeling frustrated from not being able to finish all that you would have wanted.

(Gateway to Happiness, p. 380)

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#58 Doing Good When Difficult

The value of doing good deeds is primarily when they come through difficulties and suffering.

(Birchat Peretz - Beshalach; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.254)

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#59 See The End Result

Before you evaluate a situation as negative, ask yourself, "How can I be certain that it will really be negative in the long run?"

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#60 Humble to a Fault

Even humility, the crown prince of all traits, can be transformed into a negative trait. If a person is excessively submissive, he will be influenced by immoral people to do evil.

(Michtav M'Eliyahu, vol.3, p.34; Gateway to Happiness, p.126)

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#61 All Experiences can be Elevating

The Torah attitude toward life is that we should utilize every experience as a tool for elevation. Even when someone acts toward us in a condescending manner, we can view the situation in a positive manner and grow from the experience.

Accepting that you create your emotional pain gives you the motivation to overcome it by changing your attitude toward your situation.

(Madraigas Haadam: ubacharta b'chayim, ch.8; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.238)

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#62 Happiness Without Approval

If you seek approval, ask yourself why you want it in the first place. The answer is that you view approval as pleasurable and giving you happiness.

Realize how much needless suffering your approval-seeking causes you. This will motivate you to master an attitude that allows you to feel happy even when people fail to show you honor and approval.

It is ironic that something one wants for happiness causes so much unhappiness. By giving up the demand for approval, you will ensure yourself greater happiness in life.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.282)