Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#113   Invert Your Desire for Honor

 

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter used to say, "Even though we personally should do what we can to flee from honor, we still have an obligation to treat other people with great honor and respect."

(Toras Avraham, p.399; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p. 292)

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#114   Learn Patience By Observing Others

 

Learn from the patience of others. Every person who is patient in situations that challenge you, serves as a role model for how you too can be patient.

As you observe the body language, manner of speaking, and word content of patient people, you have a picture of what you need to do to become more patient yourself.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)

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#115   Coping With Solitude 

 

Frequently when a person is physically ill or sustains an injury, he has an enforced solitude. For many people, this loneliness causes more suffering than the actual pain of the illness or injury.

If, however, such a person will utilize his time properly, he will be able to gain much from the experience. He can spend his time studying things he had never previously found the time to study (especially listening to cassette tapes). He can build up a close relationship with one or a few people, that he would not have been able to had he not been incapacitated. Or he can try to utilize the phone for charitable work.

The crucial factor is your attitude. Despair over loneliness will increase the suffering. Looking at the time available as a precious gift will decrease it.

(Alai Shur, vol.1, p.252; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.240)

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#116   Enjoy The Trip

 

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm said: "When a person travels to the wedding of a close friend, he is happy the entire trip. Though the ride might not be comfortable and the food a bit stale, he still is joyous, for his mind is focused on the goal of the trip, where he will greatly enjoy himself.

"Similarly, when a person focuses on the goal of life, he is able to overcome the difficulties involved. When one's focus is on the eternal afterlife, he lives in a state of happiness even though he experiences many inconveniences along his relatively short trip [in this world]."

(Darkai Mussar, p.58; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, pp.253-4)

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#117   Cultivate Gratitude

 

Lack of gratitude is at the root of discontent. In order to be consistently serene, we must master the attribute of being grateful to the Creator for all His gifts. As the Torah (Deuteronomy 26:11) states, "Rejoice with all the good the Almighty has given you." This does not negate our wanting more. But it does mean that we have a constant feeling of gratitude since as long as we are alive, we always have a list of things for which to be grateful.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.60)

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#118   Act According To Your Ideals

 

An honor-seeker will not be a truth-seeker. To gain others' approval, a person will have to keep changing his opinions to agree with the person with whom he is talking.

In the end, he will lack the respect of others. Those who manipulate him will recognize that he agrees with them only to gain their approval and will hold him in disdain.

Only if a person talks and acts according to his ideals, independently of what others think of him, will he gain the respect of others.

(Rabbi Yosef Y. Hurwitz - Madraigat HaAdam; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.280)

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#119   An Attitude Of Gratitude

 

Do all that you can to express gratitude to others for anything they do for you. This will help you feel gratitude for the Almighty also.

Today, think of someone you gain from but have not expressed sufficient gratitude. Make a special effort to express gratitude to that person.

(see Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian - Lev Eliyahu, vol.1, p.154; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#120   The Scope of Gratitude

 

A friend of mine, Rabbi Leibel Benjaminson, described a self-improvement ("mussar") group in which he participated. In order to improve their sense of gratitude, everyone in the group was to select one thing that they do frequently - and then think for 10 minutes about its ramifications.

My friend drank one cup of coffee every morning, and he chose this cup of coffee as his subject. He felt it would be easier to work on the assignment if he wrote his thoughts on paper. To his surprise, the 10 minutes quickly turned into 35. He wrote about how the coffee beans grew in Brazil. Someone planted the trees and took care of them until the coffee reached maturity. Then workers picked the beans from the trees. The beans were roasted and ground, and packed for shipping. He described all the work involved in the shipping industry which allowed the coffee to reach the United States. This alone required hundreds of people. Finally, the coffee arrived at the port in Haifa from where it was taken to his grocery story in Jerusalem.

He wrote about the gas range that boiled the water, and the match he used. (And how much easier it is to use a match rather than have to rub two sticks together!) He wrote about how the gas reached his home and what was necessary to build his stove. He wrote about the water kettle that whistled to let him know that the water had boiled. The milk he added required the work of many people from the time it left the cow until it reached his coffee cup.

At the end of 35 minutes, he saw he had not even begun to write about the actual cup, saucer, or teaspoon nor the table he placed it on, or the chair he sat on!!

Through this exercise, he became aware of so many things he'd been taking for granted. This awareness led him to a most intense spiritual experience. His prayers for the next few weeks were permeated with a deep feeling of gratitude to the Almighty.

Would you like to have a similar experience? Try it today: Pick something that you enjoy doing, and write as much as you can about what there is to appreciate.

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.43)

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#121   Enthusiastic Praise

 

Sincere praise at the right time can transform a person's life. We all need feedback from others. Young children have no way of knowing how well they are doing unless they get feedback from others. And we all were once children. And we never outgrow our need for feedback.

An accomplished Talmudic scholar shared with me, "When I was a young boy, I had a tendency to daydream and I didn't always pay attention when my teachers were talking. My self-image was that I wasn't especially bright. But one sensitive teacher changed my life. I had received a 50 on a Talmud test. The teacher called me over and privately told me, 'You only answered half the questions on the test. But I want to point out to you that what you did answer shows that you have a deep understanding of the concepts.' I felt good, but it didn't make too much of a difference. The next week, I once again answered only half the questions and received only a 50. Once again the teacher called me over and told me, "You didn't answer half the questions. But I want to point out to you that what you answered, you answered exceedingly well. You really understand the ideas you understand.' This opened my eyes. I saw that I had a much better mind than I had previously thought. I began to concentrate in class. The next four weeks in a row I received a 100 on each test. And after that I always got at least a 90. Sincere praise made me what I am today."

(From "Enthusiasm: formulas, stories, and insights" (2002) pp.75-7; available from http://www.artscroll.com)

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#122   Wake Up With Enthusiasm

 

Every morning when you wake up, you are given another day of life. This gift of life is precious. To say that it's precious is really a colossal understatement. Being alive is more valuable than anything else that one can own and possess. The greater your appreciation for being alive, the more enthusiastic you will be when wake up each morning.

Your Creator gives you life this moment for a reason. Your life is purposeful. Just imagine the enthusiasm you are going to experience when you realize that the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is saying to you, "I am giving you life this very moment. Appreciate it."

(From "Enthusiasm: formulas, stories, and insights" (2002) pp.34-5; available from http://www.artscroll.com)

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#123   Enthusiastic Self-Image

 

Your self-image has a major affect on your character and personality. The way you view yourself becomes your reality, for better or for worse. This concept is so powerful that it will make a difference in all that you do and don't do your entire life.

View yourself as a person who is enthusiastic. Even if you aren't always enthusiastic, as long as you are enthusiastic some times or have been enthusiastic in the past, it means that you are a person who has experienced enthusiasm. And since you know you have already been enthusiastic, it means that you can view yourself as someone who will be enthusiastic more times in the future.

Every time you are enthusiastic, you strengthen your view of yourself as being someone who is enthusiastic. So the very next time you experience enthusiasm about something positive, you can say to yourself, "I'm enthusiastic now, and I am an enthusiastic person." As you identify with your positive qualities, you make them an integral part of who you are.

(From "Enthusiasm: formulas, stories, and insights" (2002) p.21; available from http://www.artscroll.com)

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#124   The Mirror's Feedback

 

Mirrors give you feedback. When you look at your facial expression in a mirror, you have more data to answer the question, "Do I look like I am joyful or enthusiastic right now?"

If the answer is, "Yes," terrific. If not, don't answer, "No." Rather, reply to yourself, "Not yet." This gives your brain a message, that eventually you will be more enthusiastic than you are now.

Enthusiastically wave to yourself in a mirror. Even if you didn't feel enthusiastic before you started, the feedback you get will bring a real smile to your face if you allow it to.

"But I don't have anything to be enthusiastic about," some people argue.

You can always be enthusiastic that you are alive, that you are breathing, that you can see. As you wave to yourself in a mirror, be enthusiastic that your brain is creating the chemicals that naturally make you feel good.

Regularly practicing waving enthusiastically is a simple tool that will be powerfully effective. If you are serious about becoming more enthusiastic, you will make this a habit until you will no longer need to make an effort to see the enthusiastic look when you see yourself in a mirror.

(From "Enthusiasm: formulas, stories, and insights" (2002) pp.128-9; available from http://www.artscroll.com)

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#125   Model Enthusiastic People

 

Enthusiasm is a learnable skill. And the best people to learn it from are those who are already enthusiastic. Even if someone else is enthusiastic about a specific matter that you have no interest in, you can still pick up from that person how to be more enthusiastic in ways that are suitable for you.

When you were young, you learned from those older than you how to walk, talk, and do many actions. This process came about because we all listened and observed. Utilizing this ability, we can become more enthusiastic by modeling people who are enthusiastic.

Whenever you encounter someone who is enthusiastic, look and listen. See the expression on their face. See how animated they are. Note specifically the nuances of what they do. Listen carefully to their tone of voice. Hear the expressions they use.

Then try it out. As an experiment imagine for a little while that you are this enthusiastic person. What attitudes enable you to be enthusiastic? What is your thinking patterns? In what ways are you speaking and acting differently than usual?

(From "Enthusiasm: formulas, stories, and insights" (2002) pp.144-5; available from http://www.artscroll.com)

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#126   Your Enthusiasm Seminar For A Day

 

One way to increase your level of enthusiasm is to view an entire day as an enthusiasm seminar. At this seminar you are going to speak and act with enthusiasm. Your enthusiasm will be real. But even though you might not view yourself as an enthusiastic person, during this day's seminar you can be enthusiastic.

At growth and development seminars those attending are willing to try out exercises that stretch their capabilities. At your enthusiasm seminar, view the entire day as part of your doing exercises that will increase your enthusiasm. When you wake up in the morning, as part of your seminar be enthusiastic about being alive and having the entire day as a gift.

When you speak to other people, speak with enthusiasm just for today as part of your enthusiasm seminar.

When you pray and study, pray and study with enthusiasm just for today as part of your enthusiasm seminar.

When you walk, walk with enthusiasm just for today as part of your enthusiasm seminar.

Since you are only focusing on doing this for just today, you won't have to be concerned about keeping this up. You only need to attend this enthusiasm seminar today. Of course, you might find this so beneficial and enjoyable that you will want to have another enthusiasm seminar tomorrow.

(From "Enthusiasm: formulas, stories, and insights" (2002) pp.156-7; available from http://www.artscroll.com)

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#127   Take Concrete Action

 

When you feel inspired or enthusiastic about something, take concrete action even if it's a very small step.

Sometimes we might hear an inspiring talk or read an inspiring article or book and feel fired up. If we push off taking action until we have enough time or knowledge or energy to do a proper job, we might lose our feelings of inspiration or enthusiasm. If, however, we start taking some action, then there is a greater likelihood that one action will lead to another and we will continue doing more.

(From "Enthusiasm: formulas, stories, and insights" (2002) p.45; available from http://www.artscroll.com)

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#128   My Brain Is Always With Me

 

Wherever you go, your amazing brain is with you. This is quite obvious, you might be thinking. Actually, it isn't that obvious to most people. They sometimes forget that they are carrying every positive resource and every positive state with them wherever they go.

Every moment of confidence and courage is always with you. Every moment of joy is always with you. Every moment of kindness and compassion is always with you. And every moment of enthusiasm is always with you just waiting for you to access it.

A tool for remembering that your brain is there is to place your hand on your forehead. This is a reminder that the positive resource you need at a given moment is right there. Placing your hand on your forehead can also serve as a tool to remind your brain to upgrade the specific state and strength in all contexts. You might experience confidence and courage in some contexts, that is, in certain situations and with some people. But since you have confidence and courage in your brain, you can now tell your brain that you want to apply this in every single context that arises. That is, in more situations and with more people. The same applies to enthusiasm. As long as you are enthusiastic in some situations and in some places, it means that you have enthusiasm stored in your brain. And therefore your brain can apply this to any context that you feel is appropriate.

 

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#129   Enthusiasm Is Contagious

 

We are all influenced by the emotional states of the people we interact with. In the presence of cheerful, sincerely kind, upbeat people, we find it easier to become more cheerful and positive. Conversely, in the presence of someone who is negative, kvetchy, irritable, and angry, we easily feel more negative or uncomfortable ourselves. The person whose state is more intense and enduring will have a greater influence on the states of others, for better or worse.

Because the state of enthusiasm is contagious, if you want to increase your own level of enthusiasm, it makes sense to be around other people who are enthusiastic. Even talking to an enthusiastic person for a few minutes is frequently sufficient to elevate our own state. At times just talking to an enthusiastic person on the telephone will raise our spirits.

Your own enthusiasm will have a positive influence on the lives of others. By being enthusiastic you will be doing many acts of kindness. At times, you won't even be aware that your enthusiastic state was helpful to someone else. This can add a dimension of motivation for developing a greater amount of enthusiasm. Not only will you gain yourself, you will also be helping numerous others.

(From "Enthusiasm: formulas, stories, and insights" (2002) p.82; available from http://www.artscroll.com)

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#130   Accept And Appreciate Reality

 

This is one of my favorite all-time quotes:

Rabbi Mordechai of Lekhivitz used to say, "If things do not go the way you wish them to be, you should then wish them to be the way they are in reality."

This means we need to accept reality and find our joy in life within that.

Today, find a good time begin a program whereby you repeat this thought every day. Repeat it many times until it becomes part of your thinking. Mastery of this attitude can transform a person's life.

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.75)

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#131   Do Good, Regardless of Motivation

 

The Chafetz Chaim wrote that if you are not able to do acts of kindness for others for altruistic reasons, and your main motivation is to win the approval of others, you should still continue to help as many people as you can. As the Sages said, "A person should study Torah and do good deeds even if he has ulterior motives. Eventually one will be motivated by more elevated intentions."

(Ahavat Chesed 2:2; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.286)

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#132   Do Good, Despite Mixed Motives

 

At times a person might feel guilty about his lack of elevated motivations when doing good deeds. But the Sages state that we should engage in Torah study and the fulfillment of good deeds even if we lack pure motivation -- since it will ultimately lead to our doing good deeds with more pure motivation.

Moreover, Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin wrote: It is impossible for a person to reach the level of doing good with entirely pure intentions without starting with mixed motives. This is analogous to a king who ordered his servant to go to the attic. The king will not be angry with his servant for not jumping from the ground to the attic in one leap. He knows it is impossible to go up without taking the ladder step by step.

Similarly, in Torah study and the performing of good deeds, it is necessary to start with various motivations until one reaches pure motivations.

(Talmud - Pesachim 50b; Ruach Chayim; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.222)

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#133   Recovery Is Always Possible

 

If one is ill, the Almighty can always heal him. (Chovos Halvovos 4:4)

If a person who is seriously ill gives up hope of being cured, this will weaken him even more. If, however, he remains optimistic that through the Almighty's will there is always the possibility of becoming well, this will benefit him both spiritually and physically.

(Gateway to Happiness, p.377)

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#134   All Beginnings Are Difficult

 

If you wish to become a Torah scholar and find it difficult to study, do not become discouraged and feel ready to quit. All beginnings are difficult, but there is nothing that stands in the way when you have a strong will to accomplish. The essential thing is to be sincerely resolved to be successful.

(Chazon Ish; Kovetz Igros, vol.1, no.17; Gateay to Happiness, p.375)

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#134   Admit To Justified Criticism

 

As a young man, Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik of Brisk (19th century author of "Bais HaLevi") once made an offer to a wagon driver. The rabbi would get a ride to a certain city without payment, in return for helping to drive the wagon. Unfortunately, the young rabbi lacked expertise in this skill and made a number of mistakes. The wagon driver kept screaming at him and finally hit him. Near their destination, they stopped at an inn where someone recognized the young man as a brilliant scholar. On discovering the identity of the person he had insulted and hit, the wagon driver was deeply embarrassed. He ran over to Rabbi Soloveitchik and begged his forgiveness.

To the relief of the wagon driver, Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik forgivingly smiled and said, "What is there for me to forgive? You did not insult me for my lack of Torah knowledge. You were irritated over my lack of skill in driving the wagon. You are correct. I am an ignoramus in this area, and can understand why you become angry at me."

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#135 Improve Your Tone Of Voice

Gain greater awareness of the "tone of voice" of other people. Listen to the way people speak when they are joyous, when they are cheerful, when they are upbeat. Listen to the way people speak when they are calm and relaxed. And listen to the ways people speak when they are impatient or angry.

Let every positive tone of voice serve as a reminder for you to speak with a pleasant tone of voice to others. Let every negative tone of voice serve as a reminder for you not to speak that way to others.

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#138   Be Enthusiastic

 

Give a person enthusiasm and you have given him a key to success. Enthusiasm isn't everything, but it goes far.

When a person goes for a job interview, enthusiasm will give him a better chance of getting hired. Of course, enthusiasm without knowledge and skill alone isn't enough. But an enthusiastic person is more likely to gain the necessary knowledge and skill.

Enthusiasm is energy. And energy is what you need to get up and go. Unfortunately, there are many of whom it can be said, "His get-up-and-go has gotten up and gone."

Don't let that be said about you. Be enthusiastic, and enthusiastically increase the enthusiasm of others.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)