Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#14 Learn From Calm People

A person who loses his temper easily might find it difficult to understand how someone else is able to remain calm in situations when he would become furious. Conversely, someone who is able to remain calm might have difficulty understanding why another person becomes angry in a situation when he remains calm.

A quick-tempered person should try to learn from someone who remains calm. He should try to see what he is telling himself about the situation and compare that with what the calm person is telling himself. By asking people who are able to handle difficult situations how they viewed an event, one can constantly find models to learn from.

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#15 Patience is Learnable

Patience is a learnable skill. Even those who have been impatient their entire lives can learn to become more patient. Your present resolve and determination will transform you.

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#16 Patience Is Attainable

If someone lacks patience, the way he perceives the root cause is a key factor in how he will approach seeking a solution. Looking at a lack of patience as being rooted in factors over which one has no present control is not the most effective and efficient way to find a solution.

Consider this: "I'm not patient because I haven't yet mastered this mental skill." This attitude will motivate you to gain mastery.

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#17 You Are Valuable

One's sense of self-worth can either be a source of positive feelings or of distress. Having a deep realization of your intrinsic value protects you from the need to prove to anyone else that you are an important person. Knowing your unlimited value, you are free from the stress experienced by those who lack this understanding.

The Torah view of humans is that we are all created in the image of the Creator. Realizing that "each person is obligated to say, ‘The universe was created for me.'" (Talmud, Sanhedrin 37a) gives you more value than any possible mortal accomplishment. Viewing yourself as a child of the Creator and Sustainer of the universe adds greatly to your sense of personal value.

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#18 Picture Your Ideal Self

Work on improving yourself, instead of wasting time feeling sorry that you are not the way you would like.

Describe your ideal self: What type of person do you really want to be? Be as specific as possible. Don't use vague terms like "being a kind person, gaining lots of knowledge, and being successful." With these terms you will not have a clear criteria to determine if you have reached the goals.

If, for example, you wish to improve in doing kindness, clarify the specific acts of kindness you plan to do, and how often. Then, once you have a picture of your ideal self, you can plan ways to travel the path leading to that ideal.

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#19 Take Care Of Yourself

The great Rabbi Hillel expressed the Torah attitude about needing other people: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am by myself, what am I?" (Talmud - Avot 1:14)

Do not make yourself overly dependent on others. If you won't take care of your own needs, how can you expect that others will?

On the other hand, be aware of your limitations. To a certain degree we are all dependent on others. Even the most rich and wise person needs others.

Either extreme is bound to cause problems. Hillel advises us to take the middle path. Try to do for yourself what you can; but do not be too proud to ask others for help when necessary.

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PHKRAUSE

# 19

this is advice

dgrimm60

It's definitely advice! LOL

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#20 Be Your True Self

Rabbi Yisrael Salanter said, "On Judgment Day, I will not be afraid of the question why I was not great like Moses. The question I need to keep in mind is why I was not everything that Yisrael Salanter could have been!"

(Toras Hanefesh, p.48; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.221. This is frequently related in the name of the chassidic master Reb Zushe.)

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#21 Treat Others As Yourself

It is easy to view other people's problems and difficulties as "their issue." We like to think that it has nothing to do with us and we would never be in their situation.

But no one ever knows what the future has in store. Scary, isn't it?

Treat each person the way you would have wished to be treated if you were in this person's shoes.

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#22 Take Pride In Yourself

My teacher Rabbi Chaim Mordechai Katz, the late dean of Telshe, constantly stressed the distinction between the positive attribute of taking pride in one's values and heritage, and the negative trait of arrogance.

A young student walking with his shoulders stooped once passed in front of Rabbi Katz' house. He called the student over and admonished him to walk straight. Why? A person's posture reveals his self-concept, and someone engaged in Torah study should demonstrate appreciation for the great value of that pursuit.

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#23 Build Yourself

We all start off as young children who need our characters to be molded. We all have our natural areas of strengths and areas that need fixing. Anyone who lets his character traits go on automatic pilot will have many character failings. To have faults is the normal human condition. That is why we were put on this earth: to develop and grow. Allow yourself to feel joy with every action you take to develop your character. When you notice that you have a fault, be glad that you recognized it. Whether you find it yourself or whether someone else points it out to you, you can feel a sense of appreciation that you are aware, for now you can correct it.

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#24 Identify Yourself

Your identity creates you. And you choose your identity. Yes, your childhood, your parent's view of you, the way others have treated you, who you compare yourself with, all have had a part in creating your identity. But it's only because now in the present you have decided to keep the identity you have been influenced to have. And if you haven't made a conscious decision how to view your identity, you are still making a decision, albeit a passive one. You might already view yourself as a happy, joyous person. If so, great. If that's not yet your picture of yourself, it makes sense to start viewing yourself this way now. All you need is one moment of happiness or joy to consider yourself as one.

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#25 Know Yourself

If a person was born with positive qualities, he should be grateful to the Almighty. This should never become a source of arrogance, because since he did not do anything to earn those traits, he has nothing to be proud of.

Who is the person who deserves great reward? Someone who had to work very hard on himself to acquire positive traits.

Today, try to distinguish between the good traits you were born with, and those you've had to work to acquire.

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#26 Love Others As Yourself

When someone has refused to help you or has harmed you in the past, it is considered "revenge" to refuse to do him a favor in return. It is considered "bearing a grudge" to do the favor - while reminding him of the harm he did.

The evil inclination ("yetzer hara") works on getting a person angry in order that he should get back at the other person, if not in a major way, at least in a minor way. The evil inclination tries to tell you, "If you want to give something to him - even though he refused to help you when you were in need - at least don't give it to him with a friendly smile. Don't help him too much. Don't be too close a friend with him; it's enough that you forgive him and don't consider him your enemy. Even if you do still want to be his friend, don't show him as much love as previously."

These are the ways the evil inclination tries to entice people. Therefore the Torah states an all-encompassing principle: "Love your neighbor as yourself." "As yourself" means literally as yourself - without any difference or variation.

Today, think of someone you're feeling a bit negative towards for his/her failure to help you in some way. Now visualize yourself feeling a sense of identification with this person. The next time you interact with this person, view it as if you were interacting with yourself. See how this transforms your words and actions.

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#27 Rule Over Yourself

Having your intellect rule over your nature is an essential obligation. Your intellectual realizations should be so strong that they are able to overcome natural tendencies and habits. If you let your natural tendencies rule you, you are likely to make many serious mistakes in life.

Keep in mind that this is an ideal, and it is unrealistic to demand perfection of oneself. The goal should be improvement. A person who works on his power of thinking for many years will eventually reach high levels of expertise. But do not demand of yourself instantaneous perfection for this will needlessly cause guilt feelings and anxiety.

Today, set yourself a small, realistic, attainable goal.

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#28 Deliberate For Peace Of Mind

Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm constantly stressed the importance of working on peace of mind. He suggested the following exercises:

- When you wish to tell someone a piece of news, wait at least fifteen minutes until you tell it to someone else. - When someone asks you for advice, don't give an immediate reply. Think over your response for at least five minutes. - Before you speak to someone, think first about your goals. - Think of how you will say something before you say it.

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#29 Materialism And Peace Of Mind

Many people mistakenly think that peace of mind is dependent on external possessions. Rabbi Simcha Zissel cited the following story:

A wise man lived in dire poverty. To save him suffering, the king gave him a large amount of silver and gold.

To the king's amazement, the wise man came the next morning and said: "Here is your gold and silver. Please take it back because I don't want it."

"Why would you return my gift?" the astonished king asked.

"My master," replied the wise man, "my entire life I have always had peace and tranquility. I have never pursued wealth and have always been satisfied with the basic necessities of life. Due to my modest demands I have always had more than what I needed. My mind was free to engage in my studies. But yesterday when I took the silver, my mind started worrying about what I would do with the money. Perhaps I should invest in real estate; perhaps I should begin a commercial venture. My mind was in such turmoil that I was unable to sleep. I found myself so preoccupied with the money that no other thoughts entered my mind. Please take the money back. I had more peace of mind before!"

Today, ask yourself: Is my pursuit of materialism in any way a source of anxiety?

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#30 Feeling The Suffering Of Others

Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz the late head of Mirrer Yeshiva in Jerusalem said, "While we have to work on overcoming the feeling of suffering in our personal lives, at the same time we should work on trying to feel the suffering of others." When Rabbi Shmuelevitz was in the hospital shortly before his death, another patient was put in the same room. Rabbi Shmuelevitz, who was very weak himself, wrote down with a shaky hand, "When I suffer, it is easier to feel the suffering of others."

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#31 Promising To Do Things

Be careful not to promise people you will do something, if you will not be able to do it right away.

While we have an obligation to do kindness for others, learn to say "no" to requests you do not really intend to carry out. While you might save yourself a small amount of uneasiness by not refusing right away, it is unfair both to the other person and eventually to yourself to mislead someone.

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#32 Count Your Blessings

Develop a deep sense of appreciation for what you have. The Creator has given you many gifts for your welfare and enjoyment. Realize how foolish it would be for someone to needlessly make himself miserable when he has so much wealth!

Failing to focus on what you have is depriving yourself of much joy. Don't commit this crime against yourself and our Creator.

Make a list of your possessions, in order to increase your appreciation for them. (Remember to include those things that you're most likely to take for granted!)

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp. 120-1)

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#33 Creatively Respond, Don't React

When a difficulty arises today, try to delay any negative reaction. Think of possible solutions. Clarify your goal and ask yourself, "What is the best thing for me to say and do right now to reach my goal?" and, "What creative solution can I think of right now?"

Ask yourself: "What would a wise person suggest to me right now?" Try to arrive at a creative solution that will turn the difficulty into a triumph.

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#34 Life Is An Exciting Challenge

The classic work of Jewish Ethics, "Path of the Just," says: "Every aspect of our lives is a challenge and test."

With this perspective, life will never be boring or mundane. Every single situation and occurrence is different from every other - and each is an opportunity for elevation and growth.

When you are aware that a situation is a test, you will find it much easier to deal with. To illustrate this concept, imagine that you went for a job interview and the potential employer shouted an insult at you. You would most probably feel either upset or angry. But if someone told you in advance that this employer shouts at job candidates to test their reaction to stress, you would find it easy to remain calm. You realize it is just a test and it is in your best interests to pass it.

That is how we can view each event and situation. It is a test of our spiritual strength and courage, and we can look forward to passing it.

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#35 Having It All

Judaism has two terms for tranquility - "shalvah" and "menuchah." While they might appear to be similar, they really contradict each other.

Shalvah refers to a situation in which a person is not missing anything in life. He has everything he wants and therefore has no worries. He has a nice house with all the furnishings he can ask for. He has a large amount of cash handy to purchase whatever he wants. His business is going well, and all of his property and possessions are entirely safe. He has no enemies who would want to cause him harm. There is peace in his world. He is entirely healthy. He is respected and people accept his opinion. He has no competitors who are striving to diminish is stature. He has no obligations to others. He is successful at whatever he does. This is shalvah.

And it's a negative trait.

Why? Because if you feel that everything must be perfect, you are in danger that if the details of your life are not to your liking, you will suffer. The many difficulties that arise in your life will prevent you from experiencing pleasure and peace of mind.

Menuchah, on the other hand, is a virtue. It is a state in which a person lives with peace of mind since he does not need anything! Not because he has all he would wish for, but because his attitude is one of accepting his present situation. He will be aware that all benefits and damages in life are dependent on the will of the Almighty. He has trust that whatever is decreed for him is what will occur. If he has what he would like, that is good; and if he is not able to get it, that, too, is for the good. He does not feel anxiety about possible misfortunes. He knows that "every bullet has its special address," and he wants only that which the Almighty chooses for him. If you attain the trait of menuchah, you will feel inner peace regardless of your financial situation and whether or not you have the approval of others.

The person who has reached this level of not needing all that he would wish for is saved from all kinds of frustration. People will not have anything to criticize him for. Even if someone does wrongly accuse him of anything, he does not take it to heart. He knows that he is being accused in error, and is able to feel an inner joy. This level is called menuchah.

Seek to live a life of menuchah.

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#36 Having Your Needs Met

"I have exactly what I need," the Torah master told a former student of his.

The student who had not seen his teacher for a number of years visited him to seek advice on a complex matter. The student was financially successful and was grateful to his teacher for what he had taught him in the past and for the advice he just had given him.

"My dear teacher, my business is going well and I would like to repay you. Please accept a check from me as a token of my gratitude."

"My beloved student," the great spiritual teacher replied, "I see that you sincerely want to give me a large amount of money. But I truly have all that I need."

"But look how few amenities you have in your house. And everything you do have is old," the student insisted. "Please take this check. I already have enough money to retire. It would give me great pleasure to help you out."

"But I don't need to be helped out. What I have is exactly what I need to have to fulfill my mission in life. I will be very pleased if you gave the money to a young couple about to get married who need to set up a home. But I lack nothing."

The spiritual awareness that you have what you need is a foundation for happiness. You might feel you need more and have a right to put in the effort to try to acquire what you wish. But before, during, and after your efforts realize that whatever you have is exactly what you need. When you truly need more to fulfill your life's mission, you will get it. But the Power Above is the only One Who really knows when and what that is. Your trusting Him will ensure you a happy life.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.42-3)

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#37 Give It Your All

As an opportunity to do an act of kindness arises, ask yourself, "If I were going to view this as my final opportunity to do one last good deed in this world, what would I do?"

As you contemplate this question, you will experience its amazing power. Because eventually we will be faced with that actual last opportunity. And we never know when it will be.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)