Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#264   Consider Different Plans 

 

Someone who feels discouraged will not be able to think straight and will most likely overlook opportunities that he could benefit from. If something is important to you, don't think in a negative manner. Rather, try to think of a number of potential plans. One of those plans might work. The more optimistic and confident you are, the greater your chance of success.

(Gateway to Happiness, p.376)

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#265   Expect Ups And Downs 

 

When a person works on himself in spiritual matters, he will find that he has ups and downs. It is easy to feel discouraged when one find oneself on a lower level than previously. Rabbi Tzadok Hacohen addressed himself to this when he said: "It is impossible for a person to have a major elevation without a prior descending." (Otzer Hamachshavah shel Rav Tzadok Hacohen, p.28)

It is unreasonable to expect constant successes. Look at each failure as a stepping stone to greater growth.

(Gateway to Happiness, pp.379-80)

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#266   Welcome Interruptions

 

A person with humility does not feel angry if he is interrupted in the middle of doing something. He always sees the virtues of the person who interrupted him, and considers that person important.

If a king interrupted a woodchopper in the middle of chopping wood, the woodchopper would not be offended -- since he is aware of how distinguished the king is. Similarly, the humble person always appreciates the greatness in each person and is not offended if they interrupt him.

(Rabbi Yitzchok of Vorki, cited in Siach Sarfai Kodesh, vol. 2, p.82; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.195)

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#267   Successful Operations 

 

The Talmud gives a model of an expert in looking at everything as ultimately good. The man was called Nochum Ish Gam Zu, "The man who always said: This too is for the good."

Even those things that most people consider bad are not really bad, but ultimately good. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler explained that this is analogous to someone who had a successful operation for a potentially fatal illness. The operation itself was very painful, but under the circumstances was necessary and beneficial.

That should be our attitude toward all misfortunes: another successful operation.

(Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.3, p.12; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.243)

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#268   Picture a Prudent Response 

 

A bad-tempered person's mental reaction is that he should become angry if someone behaves in a manner that is against his will, or if someone insults him. This immediate reaction is accompanied by mental imagery. He has pictures in his mind of how he will react when expressing his anger.

We have to work on ourselves, so that our immediate reaction should be based on both Jewish values and what is sensible in that particular situation. When a person becomes angry, he is likely to react with self-defeating patterns. When you use your intellect to decide on the proper reaction, you will determine the most effective way to behave. The more you think in terms of what is sensible, the more it becomes part of your mental imagery and this will be your immediate reaction in future situations.

(Alai Shur, vol.1, p.144; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.201)

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#269   Lighten Your Evaluations 

 

Even if you find it too difficult to view certain events in a positive manner, there are variations of how "negative" you view them.

If you tell yourself, "This is awful, I can't stand it," by your own arbitrary evaluation you suffer a lot. But you can choose to tell yourself, "I find this very unpleasant, but I can still cope with it. If possible, I will change it; if change is impossible, I will work on accepting it, even if I don't like it."

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.240)

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#270   Be Prepared for the Unexpected 

 

A popular observation states, "Nothing is as easy as it looks. Everything takes longer than you expect. And if anything can go wrong, it will, at the worst possible moment."

When you are mentally prepared for events (without being nervous or anxious), you will find them much easier to cope with. If you always expect things to work out the way you wish, ask yourself what is the basis for your expectations. When you realize there is no basis for such an expectation, you will find it easier to give that up.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.236)

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#271   Make Joyful Associations 

 

Brains function like data bases. When something distressful happens, it's easy for your brain to think of other distressful memories. But you have the ability to channel your brain's associations to a more joyful path. Mentally connect minor frustrations to remind you to be grateful for what's positive in your life.

For example, if something falls from your hand, you can immediately exclaim, "Fantastic, gravity is still working for us." Or, if your computer doesn't work as you want it to, you can react, "I'm grateful for my eyesight that lets me see what's happening."

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.134)

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#272   Respect For Our Origins 

 

When the Almighty made the world, He took into consideration even the smallest of creatures. He did not give life to any being for which provision had not been made in the world.

The idea that no creature is insignificant for the Almighty's loving concern means that every living thing on earth deserves respect because it bears the stamp of the Almighty.

We ought to respect ourselves, too, as creatures of the Almighty.

(Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch, Commentary to Psalms 111:2; Gateway to Happiness, p.127)

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#273   Inner Ambitions 

 

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

(Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.1, pp.42-3; Gateway to Happiness, p.128)

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#274   Difficult Situations 

 

When things are going well and someone says he has trust in G-d, this is not sufficient evidence that he has truly internalized that attribute. The real test comes when difficult situations arise. Then his behavior will manifest his trust (or lack of it) in the Almighty.

Today, when something goes "wrong," recite to yourself: "There are no accidents in the world. Whatever the Almighty does is for my ultimate good."

(see Chazon Ish; Emunah u'Bitochon, 2:2, 5; Gateway to Happiness, p.82)

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#275   Be Open To Suggestions 

 

"Do not rebuke a scoffer, lest he hate you. Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you." (Proverbs 9:8)

A wise person is someone who continuously wants to grow. He appreciates when you point out what he is doing wrong. His goal is self-improvement, and he welcomes every opportunity to become a better person.

Be wise. Be open to suggestions on how you can improve. Thank the person who gives you positive suggestions… even if it's not worded in the best the way.

(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 9:8; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

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#276   Consider Your Actions 

 

There are two key steps to gaining self-awareness. First, objectively determine which actions are positive and which are negative.

Second, focus on your own actions to see whether they fall into the category of positive or negative. Before doing any action, ask yourself, "Is this a proper thing for me to do or not?"

Even when you are not in the midst of any particular activity that would call for such inner questioning, think over your previous actions. Become aware of your negative behavior in order to avoid it in the future. Think carefully about strategies that will help you refrain from negative behavior. And of course, be aware of your positive behavior in order to increase it.

What positive behavior do you wish to increase? Today, think about actions you can take to increase that specific aspect of your behavior.

(see Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto - Path of the Just, ch.3)

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#277   Consider Your Options

 

Acting impulsively causes errors and brings about many negative consequences. Before making an important decision, think the matter over carefully and do all you can to clarify which approach is the wisest.

Is there anything that might be considered "acting impulsively" that you are involved in right now? If so, stop and rethink your actions. And the next time you encounter such a situation, think carefully and comprehensively.

(see Ralbag- Shaar hazehirus, no.5)

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#278   Focus On Solutions 

 

What is the most important rule for dealing with problems? I believe it is to keep your main focus on finding solutions. This one piece of advice makes a major difference in every life situation - and especially in marriage.

When the major focus is on the problem, a couple can get into the totally counterproductive argument of, "Whose fault was it?" or, "Even if we are both to blame, who started, or who is more to blame?"

The way a couple discusses a problem can even lead to a bigger problem than the original problem itself! It is much wiser to focus on, "What can we do now to find a solution?"

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll Publications, 1998, Chapter One, p.47)

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#279   Facial Expressions

 

When trying to have a positive influence on someone, it is crucial to observe the person's face very carefully. When you practice this long enough, you will gain the sensory acuity necessary to notice subtle changes in a person's face. This will enable you to become aware of his inner reactions.

Today, when having an important conversation, focus on the other person's facial expressions, and how they may change based on what you say.

(see Rabbi Chaim Zaitchyk -Maayanai Hachaim, vol.3, p.91; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#280   Bring Out The Best In Each Other 

 

We are all very different when at our best than when we are at our worst. We can even seem like two different people. This isn't a rare case of "multiple personality disorder." Rather, it is simply that when we feel good we think clearly, while when we are stressed we may get angry.

We all have met people who bring out the best in us. Around them, we feel better about ourselves. We think clearer. We act kinder and more elevated. Around other people, however, we might sometimes behave our worst.

This will be true for you, and true for the person you are married to. Your task is to bring out the best in yourself and the best in your spouse. (And before you complain that this seems unfair, remember that your spouse has the same task!)

A husband and wife who know how to bring out the best in each other will live blessed lives. They will cherish each other and create a wonderful environment in which to raise their children.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book "Marriage", Chapter One, pp.24-6)

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#281   Don't Let Others Control Your Happiness 

 

"A truly happy person does not allow his happiness to be dependent on any external factor over which he may not have control." (Chochmah Umussar, vol.2, pp.331-2)

Base your happiness on your own attitudes, and you can be its master. If you tell yourself that you can only be happy if others do or say what you wish, your happiness is under the control of those people. You can never have a guarantee how others will behave. Even when they do behave as you wish, you are likely to feel uneasy about how they might behave in the future.

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.29)

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#282   A Personal Program Geared Towards Reaching Goals 

 

Here is a personal program geared toward reaching goals:

"I am now committing my mind and resources toward taking positive action to reach my most important goals. I can see myself speaking and acting in ways that enable me to reach my goals. I will feel great when I take action to accomplish what I want to accomplish. I will have the necessary wisdom to know what to do.

I will feel joy and happiness because I am making progress. I will enjoy every step that I take. I will find it tremendously pleasurable to do what I need to do. All blocks and obstacles will melt away. I will find it easier and easier to take action. I pray for Divine assistance in reaching my important goals. I will keep learning the knowledge and skills that will enable me to reach my goals.

I am grateful for all the goals that I have already reached. I will greatly enjoy the process. I am thankful to those who have helped me so far and will help me from now on. I will do all I can to help others reach their positive goals. I will be calm and serene about the entire process. I thank you, My Father, My King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe, for your assistance."

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: "Conversations With Yourself", p.211) [Artscroll.com])

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#283   Courage Empowerment 

 

You have the amazing ability to tell yourself, "With every breath I take, I am breathing in courage."

As you breathe slowly and deeply, feel yourself taking in oxygen and at the same time feel yourself taking in more and more courage. Realize that oxygen is a gift to you from the Creator, as is the capacity to take the oxygen into your lungs and from there have it sent to all the cells of your body. This is a magnificent and brilliant system.

The Creator of the entire universe is All-powerful. Allow your awareness of His power to empower you with the courage you need to accomplish all that you can in this world.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#284   Open Up Your Present 

 

A person who masters coping and, better yet, feels joy in the present, need not worry about the future. When the future comes, it will be the present and he will be able to handle it.

Moreover, if you master feeling joy in your present moments, you need never to be concerned that you are missing anything, since whatever you are engaged in can be transformed into the most elevating experience.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.151)

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#285   Live In The Present

 

For many people, sadness and suffering is not a result of present experiences. Rather it is pain caused by regretting and resenting the past, or worrying about the future.

Living in the present saves you from needless emotional pain. Additionally, keeping one's mind on the present is necessary to concentrate on the important tasks of the day.

Be aware of your failure to keep your mind on the present. This will help increase your ability to do so.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.143)

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#286   Don't Let The Past Weigh You Down 

 

Every person has moments of suffering and unpleasantness in life. If you master the skill of living in the present, you will keep these moments limited to the actual negative experiences. Both before and after a painful experience, you will focus on what actually is at that moment, freeing you from much unnecessary pain in your life.

Very young children have this skill naturally (we all have it when we were younger), and that is why they enjoy life, unless they are presently in pain.

As we grow older, our ability to use our minds and think about the past and future increases. This ability can be utilized in very beneficial ways, but it can also be used in a detrimental way. We can transform our lives into suffering and torture by keeping in mind all our unpleasant experiences of the past.

Forgetting those experiences is the positive aspect of forgetfulness.

(Chovos Halvovos; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.145)

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#287   View Yourself As Patient 

 

Our self-image creates us. This applies to the strengths we see in ourselves, as well as weaknesses and limitations.

Patience is no exception. People who view themselves as "impatient" will have many thousands of reinforcers over the years. For example, if someone became impatient just three times a day for five years, he will have 5,000 experiences of impatience! Focusing on these experiences will make it relatively easy to be impatient in the future.

By viewing yourself as a person who is patient, you will find it easier to be patient whenever patience is called for. If you have been patient just three times a day for five years, you have 5,000 experiences of patience. Each new time you are patient adds to your self-image of being patient. Your foundation will continuously become stronger and stronger.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Patience")

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#288   Step Back When Impatient 

 

If you find yourself being impatient, step back and gain composure. When we get caught up in our experience of being impatient, we might forget to step back. We often aren't consciously aware that we have become impatient. But as soon as you do become aware, you have the ability to immediately change your state by mentally or physically stepping back.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)