Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#365   Act As If In Company 

When strangers are present, a person finds it much easier to control his temper than when he is just among family.

The next time you feel angry at a member of your family, think how you would act differently if a stranger were present.

(Maaneh Rach, ch.5; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.210)

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#366   Insults Come From Ignorance 
 

Rabbi Yitzhak Meltzin never got angry with another person. If someone insulted him, he always ignored it. He said, "It is wrong to insult someone, and if this person insulted me it is because he lacks the necessary understanding. So why should I be angry at someone for his ignorance?"

(Tnuas Hamussar; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness)

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#367   Give People What They Want 
 

Every person in the world waits for signs of recognition and affection.

Students wait for signs of friendliness from their teacher; teachers await signs of respect from students. Children want signs of empathy from their parents; parents hunger for affection from their children. A customer wants his needs to be understood; a salesperson needs to feel that his merchandise is appreciated.

So give people what they want!

(Alai Shur, vol.1, p.191; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.138)

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#368   The Benefits Of Trust 
 

When you have trust in the Almighty, you have peace of mind. Even in very troubled times, a person with this trust will be able to handle life without worry and sadness. He experiences joy regardless of how much he possesses. He does not feel a lack, and he does not worry about what will happen tomorrow. He feels intensely that when he has this trust, he has everything.

Moreover, even if he does lack something today, he does not worry about it. His situation is similar to a growing, successful company. Even if on one particular day no orders come in, they don't worry. They know they have the right product and eventually will make a large profit.

So, too, with a person who has trust in the Almighty. Even if he is temporarily missing some things he needs, he will not complain. He feels secure that the Almighty will send him all that he truly needs. He maintains an inner serenity because he is certain that his path is the path of life.

(see Rabbi Yosef Hurwitz of Nevardok - Madraigos Haadam - Bitachon; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#369   The Torah View Of Man 
 

From the Torah viewpoint humans are the goals and the purpose of the entire creation. Without the Torah perspective, there is no essential difference between a human and a donkey.

Someone looking at the world from a completely secular viewpoint has no basis for the value of man. On the philosophical level, man would have no more inherent worth than any other piece of matter.

(Gesher Hachayim, vol.3, p.52, Gateway to Happiness, pp.118-9)

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#370   Help As Only You Can 
 

Every person has unique talents, skills, knowledge, and resources.

Utilize these to help others in ways that are uniquely yours. Learn from the kind deeds of other people, but don't compare yourself with anyone else. Others will be able to do things that you can't. And only you will be able to do certain things.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#371   Your Attitude Toward Insults 
 

Some people mistakenly say, "He hurt my feelings," or "He made me feel bad." But in actuality, no one can hurt your feelings or make you feel bad -- unless you allow their words to affect you. Your attitude toward an insult causes you pain, not the insult itself.

The emotional pain of an insult comes from what you add to it.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.294)

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#372   Don't Spread The Insult 
 

Some people become so upset when they are insulted, that they repeat the incident to others who would otherwise not know about it! By giving the matter additional attention, you are causing yourself additional embarrassment!

(Rabainu Yonah to Mishle 12:16; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.298)

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#373   Way To A Happy Life 
 

The only way to have a happy life is to keep your eyes focused on what you have and not on what you are lacking.

(Chofetz Chaim; Kuntros Nefutzos Yisroel; Cited in Gateway to Happiness, p.354)

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#374   Take A New Look At Life 
 

The Almighty creates everything anew, every single second. Each moment is like the very beginning of creation.

Viewing the world in this light will preserve its freshness in your eyes.

(Bais HaLevi - Genesis; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.143)

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#375   Breathe In Life
 

Often what seems to be a depressing situation is due only to the lack of fresh air. Get out into the air and breathe deeply, or at least open the window and fill your lungs.

Your emotions become normalized when your body is invigorated by the influx of cool, moist and moving air. This often has immediate effects. Drink deeply of the Almighty's bounty, and inhale a lungful of the champagne of life.

(Sing, You Righteous, p.315; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.182)

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#376   Learn From All Of Life 
 

Be resolved to learn constantly from everyone in your immediate surroundings. When you see someone with positive character traits, learn from him traits you can work on developing. And when you see someone with negative traits, focus on the harm of having those traits!

Keep learning from life itself. There is no phenomenon in the world from which you cannot learn something practical. By utilizing every opportunity to gain wisdom, you will constantly keep improving and growing.

Today, list at least five people you encounter frequently. Then think of a positive quality you can learn from each one.

(see Rabbi Chaim Mordechai Katz - Beair Mechokaik, p.192)

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#377   Assess Your Growth In Marriage
 

Everyone wants a happy marriage. The best way to ensure a happy marriage is to master the ability to experience joy in your life with each moment of growth. And each moment is an opportunity to grow. There are many forms of growth in marriage. Growth can mean you are happy with your marriage and constantly grateful to G-d. Growth can mean that you have a partnership that is eternal for both of you. Growth can mean that you are increasing your appreciation for doing acts of kindness. Growth can mean that you are improving in your character traits. Growth can mean that you act in an elevated manner even though things are difficult. Growth can mean that you develop resources to turn around a difficult situation. Growth can mean that you transcend your natural tendencies in order to be compassionate and forgiving.

Growth can mean that you make sacrifices for the benefit of your spouse and children. Growth can mean that you sustain a loving and respecting manner - even though this may not be reciprocated. Growth can even mean that you have the courage to end an abusive situation. Growth always means that you act according to G-d's will.

Growth always means that the Torah is your guide for which patterns of speech and action to increase... and which to eliminate from your repertoire.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll Publications, 1998, Chapter One, pp. 61-2)

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#378   Life as a Growth Seminar
 

When people go to workshops and seminars that will help them develop and grow, they are willing to try out all types of exercises and experiments. They consider it fun and enjoyable to do things that they have not done before and might even have experienced as distressful. But since it is being defined as part of the growth experience, they reframe it in a positive manner. In fact, the more difficult something is, the more you gain by trying it out. When you view your entire life as a growth seminar and all that happens as just exercises and experiments, each experience teaches you something. You learn something from each reaction. You learn how to prepare yourself for similar things that might occur in the future. The difficult becomes fun. Even what is not that enjoyable is viewed in a positive light for it enriches you and adds depth.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.117)

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#379   Your Anger Causes You Harm 
 

The Talmud states: "When a person becomes angry, he acquires only his anger."

There are usually no benefits in becoming angry at others. Becoming angry merely causes harm to your health and makes you feel miserable. Your anger does not help you, and the person you are angry with usually pays less attention to what you are saying than if you'd have said it tactfully and patiently.

(Kiddushin 41a; Toras Avraham, p.440; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.189)

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#380   Visualize Without Fear 
 

Make it a regular practice to mentally visualize yourself behaving in a fearless manner in situations where you presently experience fear. Think of something that, if you would be able to do it, would make a big difference in your life and vividly imagine yourself doing it without fear.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.232)

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#381   Re-Channel Your Enthusiasm 
 

Develop even more enthusiasm for doing good deeds and spiritual growth - than you have for financial gain and physical pleasures.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.220)

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#382   The Most Satisfying Pleasure 
 

When it comes to matters pertaining to this world, it is never possible to be completely satisfied. If you seek only physical pleasures, regardless of how much you do have, you will always be lacking.

But when you make it your main ambition to serve the Almighty, you will feel a sense of wholeness. The pleasure of serving the Almighty is so intense that it is above any other pleasures. Hence when you attain this, you are missing nothing.

(see Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev - Kedushas Levi, Parshas Tetzaveh; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#383   Reapply Old Ideas 
 

My father's teacher, who was known as the Chofetz Chaim, used to say: "There is a popular expression that 'Every fool is wise in respect to himself.' My experience has shown that many wise people act like fools with respect to themselves."

Many important concepts for living sound quite simple and obvious. Think of an idea that you dismissed as not being for you because you felt that you had already mastered it or, just the opposite, it was too difficult for you. Now find a way that you can apply that idea.

With the next idea that you come across today, ask yourself, "How can I apply this?"

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.20)

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#384   View Challenges As Elevating 
 

When you are faced with a challenge, you have many choices of how to view it. Some ways can cause more pain than necessary.

For example, your spouse might push your buttons more than anyone else. But you can look at this challenge as a vote of confidence from your Creator. You can say to yourself, "G-d believes in me. He believes that I can face this challenge and grow from it. If He believes that I can handle it, then I'm confident that He gave me the intelligence and emotional strength to deal with this."

Be the best person you can be. The more difficult the situation, the better person you become by acting in an elevated way. Our purpose in this world is to keep growing and developing our character. Without challenges... our growth is limited.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll Publications, 1998, Chapter One, p.55)

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#385   Duplicate Spiritual Greatness
 

It can take a long time until something is invented. But once one person has already broken through the creative barrier, others can easily follow suit and produce the same results. For example, it took many years until someone invented the first railroad train. But after one person invented it, many others built similar railroad trains. It doesn't take a genius to model the work of a genius!

The same principle applies to spiritual growth. There were people in previous generations who reached great heights. They were innovators in the field of Jewish metaphysics. Since we now have them as models, the knowledge of how to reach spiritual greatness is available to all of us.

Today, think of five great people you have met or read about. What qualities do you most respect in each one? As you reflect on these qualities, consider how you would apply these same attributes to yourself.

(see Rabbi Yeruchem Levovitz - Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol. 2, p.40)

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#386   Elevate Your Outlook at Work
 

When you are working at your job, focus on how you are helping other people and fulfilling the commandment of "love your neighbor."

Moreover, your job is an opportunity to work on being honest and trustworthy in every transaction.

(see Rabbi Yisroel Salanter in Michtav M'Eliyahu; Chochmah Umussar; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.104)

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#387   Show Children Their Greatness 
 

Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein wrote:

"The way to educate youngsters is to elevate them by pointing out the greatness they can achieve by utilizing their potential."

(Ohr Yechezkel - Michtavim, p.219; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.133)

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#388   Emulate The Great 
 

If you have to explain something to someone who needs many repetitions, imagine that you are Rabbi Praida, who repeated each idea 400 times to a slow student.

You personally might not yet have developed the level of patience of Rabbi Praida. But when you imagine that you are Rabbi Praida, you plug into his amazing ability to be patient.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)

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#389   Two Ways to Make a Situation Worse 
 

An ill person can needlessly worsen his situation in one of two ways. He can mistakenly consider himself not to be ill, and fail to seek the doctors and the medicine he needs. The second is the opposite. His sickness might be severe, but he exacerbates his situation by considering himself even more sick than he really is and this leads to his giving up hope of ever being cured. He himself increases the damage of his sickness by his discouragement.

This is very important for a sick person to keep in mind. But it is also appropriate in the area of spiritual welfare. A person not aware of his faults and failings will not work on self-improvement. But if he over exaggerates the extent of his negative qualities and behavior, he will become discouraged and his discouragement will prevent him from improving.

(Chosen Yehoshua 1:8; Gateway to Happiness, p.378)