Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#415   Feel Joy for the Miracle of Teshuva 

God's acceptance of our commitment to correct ("teshuva") is a miracle greater than all other miracles.

The requirements of teshuva are: regret for what one has done wrong in the past, and resolve to improve in the future.

To the degree a person is aware of his wrongdoings and feels pain for what he has done, to that same degree his teshuva is of greater value. The essential thing is to feel extreme joy for the miracle of teshuva, and to praise the Almighty for this good fortune.

(Rabbi Moshe Chevroni; Masaas Moshe, p.65; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.228)

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#416   Most Tests are Subtle 

 

The tests and challenges that come to a person from the Almighty are so concealed and subtle the person being tested usually does not feel what is happening to him is a test. If he is aware it is just a test, he would definitely be able to withstand the difficulties and rise to the challenge, but then the test would not be a real test. Therefore, tests are concealed in such a manner that a person thinks they are merely obstacles and nuisances. A person who withstands such tests is truly elevated.

(Tehilas yoel, p.190;Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.235)

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#417   Stupidity is not Courage 

Courage is only courage when it is connected to wisdom. It is immature to risk one's life or health for fun or thrills. Not only is this immature, it is dumb. The Sages ask: "Who is a wise person? One who foresees the outcome." (Talmud - Tamid 32a)

Driving a car at speeds high above the speed limit because one enjoys the feeling, is stupid. Climbing in dangerous places when one doesn't have a valid need isn't courage, but foolhardy. Walking in dangerous places just to prove to others that one is brave is reckless.

Life is too precious to waste it with illusory courage.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage -- Formulas, Stories, and Insights," http://artscroll.com)

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#418   Accept What May Be 

In order to have peace of mind, prepare yourself in advance to accept with serenity whatever occurs. People who expect everything to go the way they want are caught off balance by difficult life situations. Have an awareness that difficulties constantly arise. Being prepared in advance to accept what happens makes it much easier to cope with the vicissitudes of life.

When you feel anxiety about a future event, imagine the worst and accept it. This has a very calming effect. For example, if you are afraid you will miss a bus and feel anxiety, imagine you have already missed it and accept the consequences. If you are afraid you will be fired from your job, imagine you have already been fired and accept it.

Then "reality" can only get better!

(see Ohr Yechezkail: michtavim, p.286; Gateway to Happiness, p.75)

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#419   State your Goal when Impatient

Develop the habit of repeating, "This, too, will increase my patience."

How often will you say this? The more impatient you are when you start this process, the more frequently you will find this beneficial. The problem itself will be the source of the solution.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)

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#420   Use Joy To overcome Impatience 

A master at accessing and creating joyous states will find it easier to master patience. While others stew and fret over delays and the need to wait, the joyous person will use the Creator's gift of a brain to experience positive thoughts and feelings.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)

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#421   Choose your Words Carefully 

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21).

If you were writing a newspaper article, you'd be sure to choose your words carefully. You'd even ask others to help edit what you wrote.

It is equally crucial to watch what you say when speaking to your husband or wife. Your words to your spouse can create feelings of joy, love, closeness, gratitude, and hopefully even radiant bliss. Your words can console, comfort, inspire, motivate, elevate.

Other words can create feelings of pain, distress, and anger.

Choose carefully.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll Publications, 1998, p. 137)

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#422   Appreciate being Asked to Help 

Don't complain that other people keep asking you to do things for them. If others come to you for help, it's an expression that they believe you are a kind person.

You might not be able to meet other people's needs right now, but by being aware of their needs, you might think of a creative solution.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#423   Judge People Favorably to avoid Anger

There is a mitzvah in the Torah to judge people favorably (Leviticus 19:15). When we fulfill this commandment properly, we will not get angry with others.

Whenever you get angry with someone, it is because you are blaming him for doing or not doing something. If you realize that it's not his fault, you won't be angry with him. For example, if someone took your umbrella, you might get angry with him. If, however, you find out that he is blind and mistakenly thought he was taking his own umbrella, you won't be angry.

By making it your habit to judge people favorably, you will be able to assume that perhaps the person made an honest mistake, and had different intentions than you assumed.

While we should be on guard to protect ourselves from possible harm, when nothing practical can be done about a situation, we should not assume guilt. Keep asking yourself, "How can I judge this person favorably?"

(Erech Apayim, p.45; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.203)

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#424   Who's Calling Whom? 

 

When we pray due to suffering, we usually think that the suffering comes because of external situations and hence we have to pray.

But this is not correct. The very purpose of the suffering is that we should pray. By pouring our hearts out to the Almighty, we become closer to Him. Hence the suffering is a tool for our elevation.

(Nachalas Yosef, Torah, p.125; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.255)

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#425   Counter Sadness With A Treat 

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.180)

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#426   The Mistake is to not Try 

Try to become as great as you can. Some people are afraid to accomplish because they might make mistakes -- and those mistakes will be more serious than if they remained simple!

This is not valid reasoning. Each person is obligated to develop himself to the best of his ability. The smallest person has potential for greatness if he utilizes all that is within him.

(Rabbi Yosef Leib Bloch - Shiurai Daas, vol.3, p.130; Gateway to Happiness, p.131)

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#427   Better Than Duct Tape 

One person who frequently lost his temper, finally learned to control it with the following method:

Whenever he felt angry at someone, he would take a sip of water and hold it in his mouth for five minutes. Only after the five minutes passed would he criticize someone.

During this time his anger subsided and he was able to talk calmly.

(Erech Apayim, p. 85; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.211)

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#428   Courage Builds Self-Respect 

Courage builds self-respect. When you sacrifice for principles and ideas, you increase your self-respect. When you face a painful situation and react with dignity, you increase your self-respect.

When you say, "No," to temptation even though others will try to persuade you to say, "Yes," you increase your self-respect. When you don't allow opposition to stop you from doing what you know must be done, you increase your self-respect.

In short, every act of courage makes you feel better about yourself.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#429   Don't Despair 

Even if a doctor says there is no chance of recovery, one should not despair. There are an extremely large amount of cases when doctors have given up hope and nevertheless the patient recovered. While it is irresponsible to disregard reliable medical advice when something practical can be done, doctors are only human and are fallible. It is important for doctors themselves to realize this and even when the situation appears bleak, they should realize that while we cannot rely on miracles, medical miracles do occur.

Whenever Rabbi Yehoshua Leib Diskin was told that a doctor had given up hope on a patient, Rabbi Diskin would comment, "A doctor has a right to heal, but who gave him the authority to despair?"

(Amud Aish, p.158; Gateway to Happiness, p.377)

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#430   Never Give Up Hope 

"Even if you are in the midst of great suffering, do not give up hope" (Pirkei Avos 1:7; Rashi). Life situations might at times seem so bleak and desperate that you see no hope for the future. You might tell yourself things like, "My life is a terrible mess, and I don't think it will ever improve." Such thinking leads to very painful feelings. The Sages advised us never to give up hope. Ask yourself, "What proof do I have that things will never improve?" While you might not have a guarantee that things will be better, you can never be certain that they will not improve. Don't give up hope when in a very short time your whole situation might change dramatically for the better.

(Gateway to Happiness, p.372)

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#431   Turn Criticism into a Blessing 

The biggest blessing for a person is when someone points out to him not only his strengths and virtues, but also his weaknesses and shortcomings.

We see this in the Torah when Yaakov blessed his children before he died. Yet we see that he reprimanded some sons for having faults such as impulsiveness and acting in anger. But that itself was the blessing! When Yaakov told Revuen that he acted impulsively and Shimon and Levi that they acted in anger, he was helping them to focus on the traits they needed to improve. This is the way to self-completion and it is the best blessing possible!

Today, think of a weakness that someone pointed out to you that you need to overcome. Think about how you can improve in this area and turn this criticism into a blessing!

(see Genesis 49:1, 2, 28; Rabbi Chaim Mordechai Katz - Beair Mechokaik, pp.83-4)

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#432   Don't Cause Pain, Give Pleasure 

Marriage can be either the source of life's greatest joys... or the root of much misery, even tragedy.

There is a five-word formula that is the key to a joyous marriage. "Don't cause pain, give pleasure." Both with words and deeds, be careful not to cause your spouse needless pain. And do as much as you can to give your spouse pleasure. Your capacity for kindness is unlimited!

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll Publications, 1998, Chapter Two, p.123)

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#433   Grow From Setbacks 

Use difficulties and setbacks as challenges to help you become a better person. Think of a specific difficulty or setback that has already helped develop your character.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.206)

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#434   Calculated Risks 

"Part of being careful is not to be excessively careful."

If a person is excessively careful about not doing anything unless he is absolutely certain of success, he will not accomplish very much. While we should be careful not to take rash risks, calculated risks are necessary for anyone who wishes to utilize his potential.

Before taking a risk, list the pros and cons and weigh them carefully. But don't demand absolute certainty before taking action.

(Chovos Halevovos, Introduction; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.259)

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#435   Kindness Brings Spiritual Benefits 

As you expand your consciousness of kindness, you create a more spiritual life. Your kindness and compassion for the Creator's children is an expression of your love for our Father, our King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe.

With your kindness and compassion you emulate God. As you help others, you create an inner light that illuminates your entire being.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#436   Have the World in your Pocket 

Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Parshischo said that every person should have two slips of paper in his pocket.

On one should be written: "The world was created for me."

On the other should be written: "I am but dust and ashes."

The trick is to have the wisdom to know which slip of paper to read at the right time.

(Simchas Yisroel, p.41; Gateway to Happiness, p.126)

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#437   Feel Joy in Improving your Character 

For a wise person, there is no greater joy than that of improving his character traits. When someone reaches this level, he can feel joy even when someone insults him - because he has worked himself free of all animosity and resentment.

Take pleasure every time you: - control yourself from getting angry - are patient with others - overcome your desires - react positively instead of with envy about someone else's accomplishments.

(see Chazon Ish - Emunah U'bitochon, 4:15; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.110)

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#438   Elevate the World with You 

Since you are part of the planet, and also part of the entire universe, by your making yourself a more joyous and serene person, our planet and the entire universe is automatically a more joyous and serene place. By your reacting in an elevated manner, the world has become a better place. Let this thought empower you. This will broaden your feeling of self-importance and increase the value of what you say and do.

(see Rav Pliskin's "Anger: The Inner Teacher," p.340)

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#439   Feel Grateful for What You Have 

Feel joy with what the Almighty has given you, and do not focus your thoughts on what He has not given you.

Imagine how you would feel if you gave someone a present (although you had no obligation to do so), and he immediately complained that you didn't give him twice as much! You would certainly regret having given him anything.

Failure to appreciate what the Almighty gives you is behaving in a similar manner.

Today, write a list of things you feel you have overlooked appreciating in the past. Be resolved to start feeling grateful for those things.

(see Dubner Maggid; Sefer Hamidos: shaar hasinah, ch.2; Gateway to Happiness, p.37)