Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#515   Awareness of Options

Keep asking yourself the question, "What's the best option for dealing with this?"

Using the word "option" tells you that there are always a number of options. And using the word "best" implies that you have a choice and that some options are better than others. When we are calm and clear- minded this appears to be obvious. But it's not so obvious to someone who is irritated, upset, or angry.

(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: Harmony with Others, p.26, artscroll.com)

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#516   Appreciate Common Pleasures

The world is filled with limitless opportunities for pleasure and enjoyment. What destroys this potential is that we become used to what we already have and take things for granted. We do not derive great joy and limitless pleasure from the natural world -- because we become habituated to its sights and experiences.

Today, try focusing your appreciation on an everyday occurrence you've been taking for granted. Here's one idea: Before eating, say the proper blessing and express gratitude to G-d for the good taste and sustenance of the food.

(see Rabbi Noson Tzvi Finkel, 20th century Jerusalem, in "Ohr Hatzafun, vol.3, p.84; and see Rav Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.34)

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#517   Learn to not Fear Failure

When things do not work out the way you would have liked and you see that you can still cope, use it as a lesson not to be excessively worried about the outcome of similar situations in the future.

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.61)

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#518   Your Weakness can be Your Strength

The highest level of being slow to anger is when a person's intellect is the master of his emotions. Such a person has his emotions work for him according to the dictates of morality.

A person who has a naturally cold personality or lack of tendency towards anger has not reached the level of the person who has a natural tendency to become angry, but has control over his temper.

(Hamaspik L'ovdai Hashem, p.43; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.187)

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#519   Anger, or the Will of Your Creator

The Chozeh of Lublin once wanted to arise early in the morning to take care of an important matter. The day before, he asked his wife to prepare his evening meal earlier than usual. But it turned out that the meal was prepared much later than usual.

He commented, "It would be natural for me to become angry now. But the only reason I wanted to have the meal early was to do the will of my Creator. This, too, is the will of my Creator that I should not become angry."

(Niflaos HaRebbe, p.52; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.186)

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#520   Joy at Overcoming Obstacles

A disciple of the Chozeh of Lublin was walking on the road to visit his rabbi. All of a sudden, a heavy rain came pouring down, and the disciple began to sing and dance.

He explained: "When people would walk to the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, no inconvenience along the way could deter them - because of their joyous anticipation of being in Jerusalem. Similarly, I greatly anticipate being near our great teacher - and therefore any difficulty simply increases my joy!"

(cited in Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.95)

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#521   Stop and Focus

The ability to concentrate is a prerequisite for acquiring wisdom.

Spend time mastering the ability to stop your "internal dialogue" in order to concentrate well.

Also, just realizing that your mind is wandering enables you to bring it back and focus on the activity at hand.

(See Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Self Knowledge, pp.168-9)

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#522   On Being Cautious

The Talmud says: "A wise person is one who sees the outcome."

A wise person will cautiously weigh his or her actions to make certain that the outcome will not be problematic.

Of course, it is important to develop a balanced attitude towards being cautious. Being overly cautious will waste much time and will prevent you from accomplishing. Not being sufficiently cautious will cause you many problems.

In what ways might you be more cautious than necessary? And in what ways are you not as cautious as you should be?

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.144)

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#523   Become More Ambitious

Imagine how much you and others would gain by your being more ambitious. What would you undertake if you were to increase your level of ambition?

Utilize everything you know about motivating yourself to increase your level of ambition.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.109-10)

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#524   Maintain a Positive Focus

When you consult someone to increase your happiness, know what you want, and ask for it. It's common to ask for what one doesn't want. "I don't want to be depressed." "I don't want to be so miserable." This way you might end up speaking more about depression and misery than on mastering joy.

You might need to discuss the roots and causes in order to change what can be changed. But keep your main focus on joy, happiness, and self-mastery. If this is what you really want, keep your focus on what you can do in thought and deed to create it.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.120)

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#525   Choose Your Response to Insults

The power of anyone else to cause you distress with an insult is the power you give that person. Don't empower anyone to cause you pain. You are too valuable and precious to relinquish your power to someone who is committing the crime of trying to verbally harm another human being which happens to be you.

Words are harmless in themselves even though they can be powerful. It is you the receiver of those words who is the ultimate decider of whether or not someone's insensitive words will be distressful.

When suffering from insults, the reaction is so swift and automatic that many people consider themselves helpless to prevent their suffering. But it is your personal interpretation of what is said that creates your reaction. Regardless of how you have reacted in the past, right now you can create new reactions. The ultimate reaction is to enjoy transcending insults.

Develop a spiritual awareness that if the Almighty is sending you an experience it is for your growth and development. If someone says something insulting to you, learn from it to be more careful not to cause anyone else pain with words. Learn from it to spread the consciousness that it is wrong to use one's power of speech to cause suffering to others.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.182-3)

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#526   Home Sweet Home?

Parents must frequently ask themselves: What kind of home do we have? Is it a place that develops unhappy attitudes, complaining, and irritability? or is our home a sanctuary of cheerfulness, of liking everyone, where incriminations and useless nagging are never heard?

(See Rabbi Avigdor Miller - Awake, My Glory, p.367; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Self Knowledge, p.149)

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#527   Whom Do You Want To Be?

What kind of person do you really want to be?

Writing this in the form of a mission statement or essay has a powerful effect on one's self-image. The act of writing that you want to be "kind" and "compassionate" motivates positive action.

Actually, the question "What kind of person are you?" is answered by the way you speak to others and what you do for them.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#528   Grow From Your Daily Routine

Character is developed one positive action at a time. Therefore nothing is actually trivial in our lives. To grow in character development, pay attention to seemingly trivial matters. Someone who grows from each minor life event will eventually reach high levels of character perfection.

Today, think about one character trait that you can develop further by paying close attention to a seemingly trivial aspect of your daily routine.

(see Rabbi Simcha Zissel Ziv - Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.9)

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#529   Virtues are Gifts of the Almighty

Ultimately, any virtue a person has is a gift from the Almighty.

If a person has nothing of his own and someone gives him a present, he does not feel arrogant. It was an act of kindness and he feels fortunate to receive it. This will be the attitude of anyone whose eyes are open and who sees the reality of his own human frailty, yet was fortunate to receive the kindness of the Almighty.

A person with true humility has these behavioral aspects:

- He speaks in a pleasant manner to all people.

- He does not insult others or put them down.

- His posture and mannerisms are in the average range - neither boisterous nor meek. - He is willing to sit next to simple people and not only those he considers important.

- He is able to tolerate the slights and insults of others.

- He flees from personal honor.

- He shows honor and respect to every human being - both in speech and behavior.

Today, ask yourself: "What am I most proud of?" View it as a special gift from the Creator to you. This will give you a more profound appreciation, and a greater sense of humility.

(see Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto - Path of the Just, ch.22)

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#530   Wish for the Good of Others

When you envy the good fortune of others, you destroy your own happiness and wellbeing.

On the other hand, when you sincerely wish for the welfare of others, you make others feel good, and you yourself live a good life.

Today, undertake to give a blessing of good wishes to five people.

(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 11:25; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

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#531   Enjoy the Success of Others

Feeling joy when someone else studies Torah shows a sincere appreciation of Torah - rather than concern for personal gain.

Anyone who loves Torah will be full of happiness and joy when he sees a budding scholar who can be compared to a beautiful tree which will soon give off sweet fruit.

(see Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin - cited in Hachofetz Chaim, vol.3, p.819; Pachad Yitzhak - Igros Uksovim, p.239; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.99)

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#532   The Joy of Giving to Others

Whenever you help another person in any way, take pleasure and feel joy that you are fulfilling the commandment of "Love your neighbor."

It is especially important to express feelings of joy when giving charity to a poor person. In fact, showing displeasure when giving charity erases the merit of the giving!

(see Code of Jewish Law - YD 249:3; Yesod Veshoresh Hoavodah - Tzava no.45; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p. 101)

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#533   Tailor your Advice to the Situation

If someone solicits your advice, ask yourself, "How would I feel if I were in this person's situation?" Try to really empathize.

Furthermore, keep in mind that each individual is unique. Take this person's personality, life situation, and resources into consideration before giving advice. (If this seems like a big task, that's because it is!)

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge,"pp. 104-6)

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#534   Honor the Person, Not the Money

You should show honor and respect to every person you meet, regardless of whether they are wealthy or poor. The only difference between a wealthy person and a poor person is in the amount of money they have. But both are created in the image of the Almighty, and when we honor people we are ultimately honoring the Creator.

(Raishit Chochmah - Shaar Ha'anavah, ch.2; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.138)

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#535   An Emergency Tool For The Sensitive

At times there is so much suffering in the world that a sensitive person finds it difficult to tolerate. The Brisker Rav, Rabbi Yitzhak Zev Soloveitchik, applied the following Talmudic statement as his advice for such people in such times: "He who wants to live should act as if he were dead."

There are times when human suffering is so great that a person who feels the suffering of others will simply not be able to continue living. While we have an obligation to feel the suffering of others, we should protect ourselves from overdoing it and destroying ourselves.

At times, said the Brisker Rav, we should adopt an attitude as if we were no longer alive and only then will we be able to exist.

(Moadim U'zmanim; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.257)

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#536   Obstacles In Helping Others

Don't regret good deeds when you end up suffering. In every business there are negative aspects. When you do acts of kindness, realize in advance there are likely to be some unpleasant aspects and accept them.

Realize that when you help others you are helping yourself. You will find it easier to tolerate difficulties.

(Rabbi Eliyahu Meir Bloch - Shiurey Da'as, p.116; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.254)

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#537   Write The Story Of Your Life

Write The Story Of Your Life

View each day as a page in your autobiography.

You have the ability to fill each page with beautiful stories of spiritual growth and kind deeds. Past pages are already written, but you can revise their significance by learning from your mistakes. In a panoramic view of your life, those mistakes become stepping stones for growth.

Future pages are not yet ready to be written. Only the present pages are before you. You have the opportunity to be the author of a masterpiece which describes the life of a great person: you

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#538   Peace of Mind Leads to Love

Only when a person has peace of mind can he really feel love for humanity. Lack of peace of mind leads to animosity towards others. Peace of mind leads to love.

Only if a person has peace of mind will he be able to pass the test of dealing properly with other people. He will be able to kindhearted to everyone. His peace of mind will enable him to tolerate others and be patient with them.

(see Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol.2, p.203; Mussar Hatorah, p.10; Gateway to Happiness, p.73)

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#539   Compose an Appreciation List

One way to build up a positive mental data base about your spouse is to compose an "appreciation list."

Every time your spouse says or does something you appreciate write it down. Then keep rereading your list. As you focus on the positive actions of your spouse, you will notice things that you previously had taken for granted and overlooked. Moreover, your positive feelings will create an atmosphere in which your spouse will say and do more positive things!

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll Publications, 1998, Chapter Two, p.94)