Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#641   Apply What You Have Learned

When you hear a good idea, focus on what you can do on a practical level to apply what you have learned. Don't feel that you fulfill your obligation by just hearing good ideas. On the practical level, what can you do to improve?

(see Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian - Lev Eliyahu, vol.1, p.154; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#642   Learn from Trial and Error

The greatest teacher in the world is known as: "Trial and error." This has given more people more wisdom than any other teacher possibly could. "There is no greater wise person than someone with experience."

What does it mean to have experience? It means that one has learned from trial and error. If everyone would get it right the first time, experience would not be needed.

Having the courage to try -- even though you might make a mistake -- enables you to learn from trial and error. This is a valuable reframe.

Instead of becoming overly frustrated or discouraged when you make a mistake, realize that you are now becoming wiser.

(Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm, From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#643   Feel Joy in Spiritual Growth

Rabbi Yeruchem Levovitz used to say that studying mussar (ethical writings) properly does not prevent one from being happy. Just the opposite, the proper study of mussar speaks to the soul. A person begins to identify with his soul and acquires a greater awareness of his Creator. He becomes enlightened, which brings true joy.

Sadness comes from not being satisfied with your present level of behavior, but still not wanting to work on improving. When someone sincerely strives to improve himself, he will feel joy.

(Ma'archai Laiv, p.196; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.223)

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#644   Experiential Proof of Progress

If you feel discouraged about lack of progress in Torah study or spiritual growth, look back a few years and see how much you have grown from when you began. (Pachad Yitzchok, Igros Uksovim, p.218)

This experiential proof will supply you with an indisputable refutation to the premise that you cannot grow. Since you already have progressed, you have a good basis for believing that you can continue to improve.

(Gateway to Happiness, p.383)

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#645   Our Potential for Self-Improvement

The Chazon Ish (20th century Israel) described the level a person is potentially capable of attaining if he has a long term goal for self-improvement: "If a person constantly strives to improve his character traits, it is possible he will eventually reach a level that he no longer gets angry, will not feel hatred or resentment, will not take revenge nor bear a grudge, will not have ambitions of seeking honor, and will not desire mundane pleasures."

Today, view every person you find difficult as your partner in character development. View every encounter as an opportunity to develop your positive qualities.

(see Rav Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.31, and "Anger: The Inner Teacher," p.343)

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#646   Choose Your Responses In Marriage

You and your spouse are faced with constant choices about how you will speak and act with each other. Some choices will make you partners in fulfilling the blessings that you received at your wedding. Other choices will take you far away from those blessings. Hopefully, you and your spouse will make the wise choices that will make your life "an echo of the Garden of Eden."

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book "Marriage", Chapter One, pp.21-2)

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#647   Winners Finish First - In Conversation

In some areas, competition motivates us to do our best. But at other times, competitiveness can be a negative trait.

Work on transcending your competitiveness. Go out of your way to let another person have the last word in a conversation. This will put you in control of the trait.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.163)

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#648   Learn to Communicate Clearly

When you are articulate, you will be able to get your messages across more effectively. Listen carefully to the way other people speak in order to learn from them.

And when you speak, watch the facial expression of the person you are talking with, to see if your message is being well communicated.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge,"pp.130-1)

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#649   Define Your Problems Clearly

Every problem can be looked at in many ways. Your perspective will either make a solution easier to find or make it more difficult. The Sages say: "The question of a wise person is half a response." That is, the very way that the wise person formulates the question points us in the direction of a solution.

Whenever you are in a dilemma or in the middle of a problem, think about the best way to phrase your question. This applies not only when you ask your question to someone else, but even when you pose a question to yourself.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book entitled "Marriage" - ArtScroll Publications, 1998, Chapter One, p.48; see also Migdal Oz, - Hilchos Teshuvah, ch.5)

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#650   Repetition Makes it Real

If you want a concept to become part of your habitual thought process, keep repeating it to yourself again and again. Even though you might not gain a deeper understanding of the concept, the constant repetition enables you to internalize it until it becomes part of your own way of thinking.

The Talmud relates that Rabbi Prayda had a student who needed to hear a lesson 400 times until he comprehended it. Rabbi Moshe Rosenstein used to say that when it comes to elevating our attitudes, we are all the same as that student. If we sincerely want to integrate a new attitude, we need to repeat it over and over again. Even if a person is highly intelligent, unless he reviews the concepts hundreds of times, they will not be properly ingrained.

(see Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.114; Darkai Mussar, p.60; Gateway to Happiness, p.69)

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#651   This World is like a Dream

A group of people lost a large amount of money. There was one person in the group who was still happy, even though the others were miserable over their loss. The others asked him how he could be so happy while they were so sad.

He replied, "I'll give you an analogy. A person once came into a room where a few people were sleeping. The sleepers were dreaming nightmares and cried in their sleep. The person who was awake did not join them in their crying for he realized it was merely a dream. Similarly, I realize this world is like a dream. People upset over worldly matters are as in the midst of a nightmare. I am awake, and cognizant of how illusory worldly suffering really is."

(Pele Yoatz - Tza'ar; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.246)

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#652   Watch for Positive Occurrences

Take note of any positive occurrence that happens to you and give thanks to the Almighty for it.

Some common examples: your eyeglasses fall to the ground and do not break, or you find something you'd been missing.

(see Yesod Veshoresh Hoavodah: Tzava, no.32; Gateway to Happiness, p.44)

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#653   Be Grateful You Didn't

When a shirt falls from a high place, there are some people who say, "I am grateful I was not in that shirt." At first glance, this seems like a very odd thing to say. But after some thought we can see it makes sense. Human beings are susceptible to all sorts of diseases and accidents. Many things can harm a person. Even a person walking on solid ground can trip and break a limb. Someone could choke on his food. With imagination you can picture events that have remote possibilities of actually happening.

A wise person is constantly aware of his lack of power to protect himself and realizes how easily he can be harmed. When he observes something falling, he is immediately aware that he could easily fall down, too. This serves as a reminder that he should be grateful to the Almighty for guarding him and keeping him alive. The main desire of each and every person is to live a life of happiness. This is the underlying motivation behind diversions such as games and music. Why should the art of feeling joy that potential harm did not happen be less than the art of enjoying music? The person who can feel joy because he is not ill or injured lives a happy life.

(see Chochmah Umussar, vol.2, p.73; Gateway to Happiness, pp.39-40)

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#654   Learn to say, "I Don't Know"

By learning to reply, "I don't know," you will save yourself from embarrassment.

When you try to answer something you are not certain about, you are setting a trap for yourself. You hesitate to say, "I don't know," because you fear disapproval. But if others find out you gave them misinformation, you will suffer even more disapproval.

Consciously make an effort to say, "I don't know," whenever you are unsure. Write a list of times when you answered, even though you did not know if what you were saying was true.

When you say something wrong, admit to people that you made a mistake. If you have the courage to do this, you will no longer fear saying, "I don't know."

(Talmud Brachot 4a; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, pp.262-3)

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#656   More Pain for Others

Rabbi Mendel of Vorki required surgery on his finger. Although no anesthetics were available, Rabbi Mendel calmly sat through the operation without a sound.

After the operation, the doctor remarked how astounded he was for someone to be so calm. "He reacted as if it were not his finger. He felt no pain whatsoever."

Rabbi Mendel observed: "He doesn't understand. When a person comes and tells me his financial difficulties, even if he does not always act as properly as he should, I feel much more pain and suffering than when they operated on my finger."

(Eser Zechuyot, p.100; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.256)

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#657   Impart Serenity to Others

When you become calm and serene, others may ask you how you do it. Then you will have opportunities to do acts of kindness for them which they will then be able to pass on to others.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.73)

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#655   Consulting Others

One might expect that a wise person to whom people come for advice would rely on his own wisdom and not feel a need to consult others. Whereas a fool should realize he frequently makes mistakes and should therefore seek counsel from others before taking action.

In reality, it is just the opposite. The wise person, though justified in relying on his own judgment, nevertheless listens to the advice of others. He realizes his biases and prejudices might cause him to make errors in his own matters. The fool, however, who should realize how often he makes mistakes, considers himself wise and does not listen to what others have to say.

(Mishlei 12:15; Rebbeinu Yonah; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.264)

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#658   Preempt Your Fears

"If you have something negative about yourself that you wish to share with others, take the initiative to say it right from the beginning." (Talmud - Baba Kama 92b)

This is an effective tool to use when it comes to overcoming needless fears of other people. If you want to ask a question and are afraid that someone will become angry at you, at times it's worthwhile to start off, "I would like to ask you a question, but I am afraid to ask."

Most people will reply, "You don't need to be afraid. Feel free to ask."

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#659   Learn Courage From Others

From this moment, every new act of courage you see, hear or read about can be viewed as part of your lifetime program of learning how to act with courage.

You will be more aware of this attribute wherever you are and wherever you go. You will observe what you would have missed out on, had you not been viewing the courage of others as your model to learn from.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#660   En-Courage Others

When you build up your own courage, you will be able to serve as a coach to others. Some of the best courage coaches are those who had to struggle to attain the courage they now have. Since it didn't come easy to them, they know what it's like to lack the courage to do what others consider easy.

If you don't yet have the courage you would like, let the knowledge that you will inevitably be able to help others serve as a further motivation to increase your own courage.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#661   Worry About Others

Everyone can find things to worry about. Fortunate is the person who worries about other people, for he will be free from personal worries.

Altruistic worrying about the welfare of others may cause you some pain, but unlike personal worries, it will not destroy the essential quality of your life.

(Rabbi Eliyahu Meir Bloch - Shiurai Daas, p.116; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.164)

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#662   Pray For Others

Pray for the welfare of others, even when they are not aware you are praying for them.

Every person we meet has needs for which we can pray: success in spiritual matters, success in financial matters, good health, a good marriage, raising children properly.

Saying a quiet prayer for the people you meet, even complete strangers, will give you positive feelings toward them. Through this, you have as much to gain as the recipient of your prayers.

(Chafetz Chaim - Ahavat Chesed 3:8; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.140)

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#663   Bless Others

Rabbi Noson Tzvi Finkel of Slobodka would sometimes sit near the window of his house and quietly bestow blessings and prayers on all those who passed by.

Once when Rabbi Finkel was walking down the street, he turned toward a house and said, "Good morning." Rabbi Finkel explained: "Most people only wish someone a good morning when they see them face to face. But even when we do not see them, we should still develop good will toward them."

(Hameoros Hagdolim, p.233; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.140)

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#664   Bounce Love Off Others

King Solomon wrote: "As water reflects a face back to face, so too one's heart is reflected back to him by another" (Proverbs 27:19).

We all want others to be friendly and kind to us. The behavior of others is not in our direct control, but our own behavior is. We play a large role in creating the world we live in, especially how others will behave toward us. If you behave toward others in a positive manner, they are much more likely to reciprocate.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.136)

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#665   Make Room for Others

An arrogant person demands that others behave in the manner he wishes. This frequently causes resentment, especially if others perceive his demands as arbitrary and unreasonable.

A person with humility gets along well with others because he is flexible and considerate of others. He will not push people around just for the sake of feeling power and authority. Being with him is a pleasurable experience.

(Chovot HaLevovot 6:10; Mesilat Yesharim ch.22; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.138)