Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#691   Don't Let More Successful People Lower Your Self-Confidence

Your self-confidence is an inner attitude that depends solely on you.

Self-confidence doesn't mean that you have to be smarter, more talented, skilled, or successful than any other person. When it comes to self-confidence, you are not in competition with anyone else. Even if someone else is more self-confident than you, his self-confidence has nothing to do with your self-confidence. Life is not a competitive sport.

You don't need to outdo someone else to win in your "game of life." Life is not a race to see who is the fastest. Life is not a jumping contest to see who can jump higher. Life is a spiritual journey in which you connect with the Creator and your own inner spirit.

Even if you have limited your own self-confidence for a very long time by comparing yourself to others, you can proclaim your mental freedom at any moment. Those who have realized this experience a deep sense of relief.

(Self-confidence, chapter 13 – Artscroll Publications)

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#692   Speak and Act Self-Confidently Even Without Feeling It

Your feelings determine whether you are experiencing happiness and joy or sadness and misery. Your thoughts, words, and actions create your feelings.

When your thoughts, words, and actions are at their best, you will experience great feelings.  Right now and every moment of your life, you have the free will to choose your thoughts, words, and actions.

Regardless of how you actually feel, you can choose to speak and act the way you would if you were feeling very self-confident.

Feelings are very important.  But they are not the main thing. What you say and do with your life will make the greatest difference in who you are and what you accomplish. You can still speak and act self-confidently, even if you are not currently feeling self-confident.

Don't be limited by a down mood or a negative state of mind. It's possible to feel insecure yet act and speak with self-confidence. In my experience, when people consistently speak and act with self-confident patterns, they usually internalize the awareness that they are more self-confident than they feel.

(Self-confidence, chapter 14 – Artscroll Publications)

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#693   Become Totally Absorbed

There are some people who are so shy and self-conscious that they constantly worry about others view them. The solution to this problem is to become so totally absorbed in what you are doing or thinking about, that you become almost oblivious to the people in your surroundings.

Concern about how others view you often prevents you from concentrating. But if you calmly work on becoming involved in worthwhile pursuits, you will overcome this self-consciousness.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p. 291)

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#694   Potential Thoughts

People with self-confidence are free to speak and act in ways that enable them to reach their potential. On the other hand, people who feel insecure and lack self-confidence might limit themselves greatly.

No human being can know the full potential of another person. Nor can any human being know his own full potential. You don't need to know your full potential before starting to speak and act in ways that will enable you to reach more of your potential. You only need to take the next step forward.

You don't need to know your potential self-confidence before you begin to think, speak, and act with self-confidence. You only need enough self-confidence to take another small step. That makes the process sound much easier, doesn't it?

 

(Self-confidence, chapter 15 – Artscroll Publications)

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#695   Mentally Picture Reaching Great Goals

What would you love to achieve and accomplish? What would you feel great about doing in your life? What meaningful goals would you wish to reach?

Imagine achieving and accomplishing everything that you would wish for.

Picture yourself reaching your highest aspirations and your most meaningful goals. Visualize yourself speaking and acting the way you would wish with the highest and best character traits.

Practice seeing yourself saying and doing the greatest things. Practice seeing yourself achieving everything that you would wish to achieve. This visualization is a great step forward in building your self-confidence.

(Self-confidence, chapter 16 – Artscroll Publications)

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#696   Boost Someones Self-Esteem

A person with low self-esteem tends to overlook the positive things he has done, and instead focuses solely on his failures and mistakes.

To help increase someone's self-esteem and confidence, help him become aware of his strengths and resources. Even if someone has many faults and weaknesses, he certainly has shown some positive behavior from time to time.

By pointing out how he has succeeded in a past endeavor, or how he was successful in learning at least one thing, or how he manifested strength and courage in a specific situation, you are giving him a powerful resource upon which he can build.

You have the ability to raise someone's entire self-image and encourage him to achieve important goals. This is a tremendous act of kindness.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.134)

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#697   Use Actions to Arouse Feelings

If a person finds that he lacks inner drive and zeal for good deeds, a technique to generate inner feelings is to behave externally as if you already feel enthusiasm.

We have more control over our actions than our emotions. So if we utilize what is in our power, we will eventually acquire what is not as much in our power. The external enthusiasm will then create an inner joy and a strong desire for spiritual growth.

(see Path of the Just, ch. 7; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," pp.108-9)

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#699   The Lens of Self-Confidence

When a person looks through a colored lens, everything seems to be that color. If the lens is tinted yellow or blue, everything seems yellow or blue.

A person who looks at life through the lens of gratitude will always find things to be grateful for.  A person looking from a place of kindness and compassion will always find opportunities to be kind and compassionate.

If a person decides to view life from a place of self-confidence, this confident lens will color all that he sees. More positive opportunities will appear.

Seeing through the lens of self-confidence allows much more light in your world. A self-confident person sees further and clearer. The world appears totally different. Your outlook is so much brighter.

(Self-confidence, chapter 17 – Artscroll Publications)

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#700   The Power of "Just For Today" and "Just For Now

People find it easier and simpler to accept a positive quality "just for today." Living one day with self-confidence seems less difficult than thinking you must be self-confident all the time.

We live our entire lives one day at a time, one moment at a time.  Having self-confidence "just for now" can get you through one encounter, meeting, occasion, or speech at a time.

People who have applied this "just for now" approach have found that after a few experiences their self-confidence has had such a boost that it's much easier for them to feel self-confident over and over again.

(Self-confidence, chapter 18 – Artscroll Publications)

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#701   It's Easier to Feel Self-Confident When You are In a Positive State of Mind

Your state of mind impacts your self-confidence. When you are feeling joyful or happy, you are more optimistic and feel better about yourself. In a good state of mind, your self-confidence will rise.

Make it a habit to be more grateful and more appreciative of all the gifts the Creator has bestowed upon you in the past and continues bestowing in the present.

While one does not need to be happy to experience self-confidence, it helps. It's so much easier for a master of happiness and joy to be self-confident. Every moment of happiness and joy is added to your mental library. You are always in the right time and place to improve yourself.

(Self-confidence, chapter 19 – Artscroll Publications)

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#702   Maintaining Self-Confidence When Challenged By Pessimists

Even the most talented and capable people will be challenged by pessimists. Don't automatically assume that others are correct with they try to dissuade you.

We need to be open to objective feedback. Perhaps the questions about our abilities or qualifications are valid. On the other hand, the other person's negativity might not reflect our actual abilities and potential.

Perhaps it just reflects his own self-image and mindset. When you have realistic self-confidence, you have a better chance of success.

Only by trying do we gain more knowledge of what we can and can't do at this time. If you have pure motives for what you are trying to do, it is wise to try.

The greatest people have become great because they weren't stopped by people who did not share their vision.  Many times people have had to make many attempts before they accomplished what they had hoped to accomplish.

The deep conviction that they would reach their goal led to tremendous success.

(Self-confidence, chapter 20 – Artscroll Publications)

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#703   If You Don't Know, Say So

Many people will perform mental gymnastics to avoid saying, "I don't know." Depending on the context of a situation, these three words can be very difficult to say.

Every time you don't know something that you're asked about, have the courage to say, "I don't know." View every time you repeat this three-word sentence as another time that you are increasing your level of courage.

This way, instead of feeling embarrassed that you don't know, you'll be able to focus on the fact that you are increasing your level of courage.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#704   Free Yourself From Worry

True freedom is freedom of the mind.

Only a person whose mind is free from worrying can be considered truly free.

Many wars have been fought to gain liberation. People have willingly undergone many hardships to gain freedom. It makes sense, therefore, to make the effort to free your mind from needless worry.

(Chochmah Umussar, vol.2, p.99; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.154)

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#705   Overcoming Worry

Many worriers believe worry is part of their nature and it is impossible to rid themselves of it. But worry is just a habit. Some people started this habit at a young age, so it may seem to be their nature.

But any habit can be changed. Even a chronic worrier can learn to lead a worry-free life. If you look at worry as a bad habit you picked up, and you try to think more sensibly, you have a good chance of overcoming your habit.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.157)

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#706   An Avoidable Worry

An Avoidable Worry

Oftentimes the calamities that people worry about never occur. Imagine: If you constantly worry about potential disasters, even if your life will work out perfectly in all respects, you will still live a life of suffering. Such suffering is entirely self-caused and unnecessary.

Whenever you catch yourself worrying about a potential negative event, ask yourself, "How do I know for sure this will occur?"

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.161)

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#707   Use Positive Imagery

Positive use of imagery is very important for controlling one's feelings.

A person with a tendency toward sadness is likely to habitually imagine unpleasant scenes. When you find yourself visualizing negative scenes, make a conscious effort to imagine a positive one. Make a list of positive scenes you can focus on. Take a few minutes to actually experience the positive feelings of focusing on those scenes.

(Daas Chochmah Umussar; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.181)

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#708   Honor Is Temporary

When a person feels sad because someone did not show him respect or give him approval, he can say to himself, "What will I actually gain if this person shows me respect or approval? And what do I really lose by his insulting me?"

The answer is: Nothing! Both honor and humiliation are very temporary states, and rarely make practical differences in our lives. So why get upset because someone failed to honor you?

Someone who internalizes the truth of this concept, will never feel sad about lack of honor or approval.

(Ma'aneh Rach, ch.5; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.278)

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#709   Shyness And Approval-Seeking

Shyness, which might seem like the opposite of approval-seeking, is really based on the need for approval. A shy person is afraid others will disapprove or look down at him if he speaks up.

If your goal is to seek wisdom or to correct a wrong-doing, you have no need to be shy. By overcoming your need for approval, you will overcome your shyness. Ask yourself, "Do I have a right to speak up now? What exactly am I afraid of, and would that really be so awful?"

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.282)

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#710   Avoid Extremes to your Self-Esteem

Rabbi Eliezer Kamarner said, "When a person's heart breaks into a thousand pieces, and he is afraid he will become depressed, he should search for his positive qualities and praise himself. At other times, when he fears he might become conceited, he should search for his mistakes and faults."

(P'air Yitzchok, p.37; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.220)

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#711   A High Level

One of the great ethical personalities of the last generation, Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein, wrote in a letter:

"I am envious of someone who takes a calm, accepting attitude to his suffering -- even though he has not reached the higher level of accepting it with love. Not rebelling against the Almighty's will is in itself a high level."

(Ohr Yechezkel - Michtavim, p.57; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.235)

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#712   Use Great People as Models

Use the lives of great people as models for your own life. When you see the elevated behavior of people who achieved excellence, learn from them and walk in their footsteps. This will help you to be successful in all areas of your life.

Today, think of five great people you would like to emulate. As you reflect on these people, you will become more and more like them.

(see Ralbag - Shaar Hadaios, no.2)

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#713   To Be Humble Is To Be Selfless

False modesty is characterized by feelings of insignificance and inadequacy, and inactivity to the extent of not venturing to say a loud word or take a step forward. That modesty is a weakness, not a virtue.

The Torah ideal of humility is poles apart. Was not Moshe, the greatest person of action, at the same time the most humble of all people?

In the highest selflessness lies the greatest power. Ultimately, neglect of duty is due to selfishness. Because of selfishness we omit the good and commit the bad. Selfishness makes us shrink from the fulfillment of our life-task.

The humble person with integrity has no trace of selfishness. His self-sacrifice is not obstructed by egoism. He is always ready to use the last spark of his energy and the last fiber of his being in doing good. He feels he has been granted life only for the fulfillment of good. When he has departed from this world, one may say of him: He was alive!

(Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch, Wisdom of Proverbs, pp.200-1; Gateway to Happiness, p.126)

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#714   Give Up Perfectionist Demands

If your peace of mind depends on getting everything you want and having everything just perfect, this is a recipe for unhappiness. Why? Because no human being can sustain this perfection over any period of time! As soon as the situation changes and you find yourself missing things, your life will be full of suffering and worry.

To achieve constant peace of mind, master the ability of not desiring anything unrealistic.

Today, ask yourself: Do I demand perfection, or am I willing to give in to things which are beyond my control?

(see Madraigas Haadam; Nekudas haemes, ch.3; Gateway to Happiness, p.76)

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#715   Everyone Needs Encouragement

Everyone in the world from the most successful to the least needs encouragement. Make it your career to give others encouragement.

(Heard from Rabbi Avigdor Miller; cited in Gateway to Happiness, p.388)

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#716   Consulting For Encouragement

What you subjectively believe about events and your abilities is the way you perceive reality. If you consult someone who merely points out what is negative, you are likely to become discouraged.

Someone who has the talent to point out your strengths and what is positive about your situation will give you encouragement to spur you on to greater achievements.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.264)