Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#742   Bouncing Back After Failure, Loss, or Disappointment

When a person is successful in ways that are important to him, it's easy to feel encouraged to continue to think, speak, and act in positive patterns. The challenge that we all face, some more and some less, is to be able to bounce back after experiencing failure, loss, or disappointment.

The more resilient someone is, the greater his ability to bounce back. People who grew up with constant realistic encouragement will be more resilient. People who unrealistically thought that they would always be invincible and successful are set up for strong disappointment when things don't go the way they wished. But facing disappointment is a natural part of life. Everyone has to face disappointment at some time. We all need to develop the mental toughness to get up again after a fall.

Being hopeful and optimistic are inner resources that are priceless. The more you have developed these valuable qualities, the more opportunities you will find to help others feel better and flourish after suffering disappointment.

Your encouragement is especially needed after a major setback. Positive words that create feelings of hope and optimism about a better future can bring life to someone who is down.

When you begin with sincere words of empathy and compassion, a person who is suffering emotionally is more likely to experience what you say to him as coming from a heart that understands and sincerely cares. Feeling understood makes it more likely that afterwards your words of encouragement will actually be helpful.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 25)

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#743   One Thought Away

Regardless of how discouraged we ever feel, we are actually just one thought away from feeling encouraged.

When we feel discouraged we can feel that it will take a long time to reconnect with our feelings of empowerment, but that isn't true. Our thoughts create our reality. And one heartfelt, encouraging thought can totally lift our mindset.

Many people are aware of the transformative value and power of autosuggestions. Some people have healed health issues with a combination of a healthy diet, an appropriate mixture of exercise and rest, and a steady dose of positive autosuggestions. Others use positive self-statements but don't really believe the truth of those positive sounding statements and see no effect.

Each of us is unique and different. So what exactly is the one thought that will transform your life? Perhaps a specific thought that inspired someone else won't be the one thought that will matter to you. When you realize what your specific encouraging thought is, you will go from feelings of discouragement to encouragement.

Imagine two people who are very similar in character and personality. They have similar levels of intelligence and creativity. They come from similar families and similar social and economic backgrounds. But one person believes, "I am powerless," while the other person's dominant thought is, "I am powerful."

The attitude and self-image of the person whose main thought is, "I am powerless," is one of discouragement. Someone who tells himself, "I am powerless," will feel weak and fragile. But a person who realizes, "I am powerful," will feel strong and even invincible.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 26)

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#744   Don't Take Things For Granted

A key element in why it's easy to lack gratitude is because human nature is to take things for granted when we get used to having them. To master gratitude we need to stop taking things for granted and to increase our thoughts of appreciation.

The Creator keeps bestowing His tremendous kindnesses on us each and every day when we are awake and when we are asleep, whether we are aware of them or not. There are so many things in our lives that we take for granted.

As an exercise, choose a day to not take anything for granted. Look at everything as if it were new. Look at everything as if this were the first time that this positive thing was happening. Look at all that you own as if you just bought or received them today. Look at what you have as if it were invented recently and you are one of the first people on the planet to get it.

Hopefully this exercise will give you the experience of what it's like to not take things for granted.

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

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#745   Encourage People to Live a Healthy Lifestyle

Since it is a Torah mitzvah to guard one's health and to live as long as we can, it is very important to maintain a healthy lifestyle. We should eat food that is beneficial to our overall health, being mindful of the quality of the food we eat, and of the quantity. Too much of a good thing can be detrimental to our well-being. We need to walk each day. We also need a sufficient amount of sleep to maintain our health.

Encouraging people to maintain a healthy lifestyle is a mitzvah. Encouraging people to eat healthful food is a mitzvah. Encouraging people to walk each day is a mitzvah. Encouraging people to get sufficient sleep is a mitzvah.

My father's teacher, the Chofetz Chaim, would personally extinguish the lamps in his yeshiva at night so his students would get enough sleep. Rabbi Avigdor Miller walked for an hour each day and encouraged others to do the same.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 27)

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#746   Take A Breather

As you read this paragraph, you will be breathing. Be aware of your next breath. Every time you breathe, you can either breathe subconsciously or you can choose to breathe mindfully. And then you can choose to be grateful for each breath, which is what the Midrash suggests that we do. Since you breathe regularly throughout the day, the practice of being grateful for each breath will fill your day with gratitude.

There are courses on art appreciation and music appreciation. Breathing appreciation will enhance your life even further. Spend five minutes counting your breaths. This will increase your awareness of how often you breathe and will slow down your breathing.

When you breathe slowly and deeply, your nervous system relaxes and becomes calmer. Slow, deep breathing alleviates anger, tension, fears, and stress. These states are not conducive to clear thinking or happiness. As you breathe slowly and deeply your mind clears and you will be able to gain a broader perspective that is helpful in dealing with those underlying issues that have caused the distressful feelings in the first place. When you add gratitude, the process becomes much more effective.

I am often asked, "What is the one spiritual exercise that would help me connect with the Creator?"

"Breathing," I suggest.

"Breathing?" is often the incredulous reply.

"Yes, breathing! When you make breathing a spiritual experience, you gain a greater awareness of the Almighty's love and kindness. You appreciate that He gave you a need for oxygen so you would be constantly reminded that He is giving you what you need to stay alive.

We are all addicted to oxygen. Try to hold your breath for thirty seconds and the only thing you will be thinking of is, "I need my oxygen fix right away." This is a healthy addiction, and no one suggests that we give it up. So since you are breathing anyway, upgrade its quality. Be grateful for each breath. Begin right now with your next ten breaths.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness", p.23-4)

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#747   Encourage People to Utilize Their Full Spiritual Potential

"A person has to know who he really is," the great Sage Rabbi Aharon Leib Steinman said. "And he has to know what he can be. And what he needs to be. And utilize his complete potential L'shaim Shamayim (for Heaven's sake)."

We all have habitual patterns of thought. When we have lived with thoughts that limit us for a long time, our perception seems real and we don't even question it. But almost everyone has much more potential than they realize. Truly great people are happy to encourage others to upgrade their self-perception and what they can accomplish.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 29)

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#748   Results of a Mental Accounting

A few years ago a person who would be considered successful by most people's standards shared with me, "Looking back at my childhood, a pattern that I remembered having is, ‘He has more than me.' ‘His birthday present was better than mine.' ‘He gets to travel to more interesting places.' ‘He is luckier than I am.' ‘He has more friends.' ‘He lives in a nicer house.'

"On my fortieth birthday I made a mental accounting of my life. I thought about various traits and patterns that I had. The most distressful part of this mental accounting was that I noticed I wasn't very happy in my life. When I asked myself why, and thought about it, I realized that I kept feeling that I had less than others. I was told to look back at my childhood for this pattern, and that's when I realized how often this theme came up. There were many ways that others had it better than I did. And my mind was full of thoughts of not only having less, but of being less.

"I realized that if I wanted to live the rest of my life joyfully, I needed to do one of two things. Either I could make it my goal to be so successful in every way that is important to me that I would be far ahead of everyone I knew. Then I would find it easier to be grateful for my accomplishments, successes, and possessions. Or I could learn to gain greater mastery over my thoughts. I would choose to think thoughts of gratitude as my automatic way of thinking. The first choice would take so much time, effort, and energy that I would be in a constant frustrating race with others. I might never reach my goal and even if I did reach it, it was certainly not going to last. Eventually someone would pass me by. This way of thinking would give me many years of stress and frustration and there really wasn't a way that this would give me gratitude and happiness. It was obvious that the wiser approach would be to be grateful for what I had. Choosing this pattern of thought was one of the best choices I have made in my life."

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

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#749   Encourage People to Repeat This Great Affirmation

I had a long-distance telephone conversation with a fellow who told me that he was feeling awful about himself and his life. He wanted to feel better and to accomplish more but he was pessimistic about ever feeling better.

I told him that his phone call showed a real desire to improve the quality of his life. I felt that one, simple affirmation would make a major difference to him.

I suggested that he repeat the following sentence with me:

"I am more and more grateful, joyful, and kind each and every day."

Then I asked him, "If you were to truly integrate and internalize this message, could you see how you would be better off than you are now?"

He agreed that he would.

"So the price to pay for this improvement is repeating this affirmation a number of times each and every day, whether you feel like repeating it or not. If you repeatedly repeat this enthusiastically, over time this will be more natural for you. Eventually this is who you will be and become."

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 30)

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#750   What About Having to Face Daily Challenges?

A middle aged man who had a consistently sad look on his face attended a class on happiness. He challenged the Rabbi who spoke about being grateful for the good in our lives, "That's fine and well for younger people who have hope for a good life of abundance and accomplishment. They have a lot to look forward to. They have their health and have the energy to accomplish. But what about someone whose life is closer to the end than to the beginning? What about a person who faces daily challenges?"

"How have you developed as a person from the difficulties that you've experience in life? How have you developed into a more mature person and a deeper thinker because of your challenges? How have you gained from what you've experienced that you wouldn't have gained if you were to have an easy life of leisure?"

The person went on to say that his intellectual understanding of the purpose of life is much more profound and comprehensive than if he would have had an easy life. He has gained much wisdom from his life experiences. He has realized strongly that our purpose in life is not just to live a superficial life of pleasure. Life has a spiritual dimension that is really the purpose of our lives.

"Are you grateful for having gained this wisdom and depth?"

"I certainly am," he replied.

"That is what is meant by being grateful for challenges. It's not that you wanted to suffer. But that you are grateful for what you've gained spiritually and intellectually."

"This does make sense to me," the man acknowledged.

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

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#751   Encourage People To Attend Inspirational Lectures

Different people are inspired by different speakers. Many people miss out by not attending any classes because they were not inspired by a particular speaker at a previous session. By encouraging someone to attend a potentially inspiring class, you are having a positive influence on that person. This way even if you don't give classes, you can have the merit of influencing others. You and the inspirational speakers are now partners.

Some people love to attend classes and lectures but aren't always aware of what's available. It's relatively easy to share information about classes and lectures with people who are looking for the information.

It's much more difficult when someone isn't interested in attending a potentially helpful session. He thinks he will be bored. Or he just isn't in the mood to go. If you "sell" the class or lecture, he might give it a try. This encouragement could have a lifelong impact on someone's life. It will take tact and diplomacy to be successful. Don't expect it to be easy. Think about what you might say to a specific individual that will encourage him to attend.

Today there are many Torah classes that can be accessed with a telephone call. This gives you many opportunities to encourage people to listen to great lectures from a wide variety of speakers.
 

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 36)

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#752   Use Your Imagination

Utilizing the gift of your imagination, mentally create experiences of being encouraged by the greatest people of all time. Think of the people you would find most encouraging to speak with.

What would you like them to say to you?

Imagine hearing their words of encouragement in any and every important area of your life.

Some people only need one imaginary encourager as a mentor or coach, while others would like a few. You can choose how many encouraging people to imagine, even ten or more, because they're all in your imagination!

Some people would have liked for a parent or a specific teacher to give them words of encouragement, but didn't receive that gift. Even if parents and teachers were encouraging, perhaps they weren't encouraging enough. It's never too late to imagine words of encouragement that you wished to hear. You might realize how much you would have gained if words of encouragement were delivered with more enthusiasm and with greater belief in you when you were younger. Now you can imagine hearing what you would have wished for, said in the way that you would have wished.

Realize that all truly great people view encouraging others in a positive way as a great privilege. The Torah mitzvah of love your neighbor includes all aspects of kindness. Encouraging someone else is a mitzvah that every truly great person wants to fulfill. Therefore, all great people truly would want to encourage you. But if they lived a long time ago, they can't actually speak to you. Nevertheless, they would all be happy for you to utilize their memory as a tool and technique for encouragement.

Imagine that King David encouraged you to recite his Psalms. Imagine that King Solomon encouraged you to learn from the wisdom of Mishlei (Proverbs). Imagine that Hillel and Rabbi Akiva encouraged you to study Torah. Imagine that the Baal Shem Tov encouraged you to pray with passion and fervor. Imagine that the Chofetz Chaim encouraged you to be careful with your power to speak, and to speak words of positive encouragement and never to speak negatively about others or to insult people. Imagine that Rabbi Levi Yitzchok of Berdichev encouraged you to see the good in others and to find merit for them. Imagine that Rabbi Meir Shapiro encouraged you to learn Daf Yomi and to encourage others to do so. Imagine that Rabbi Noah Weinberg encouraged you to light the fire of Torah in every Jewish heart.
 

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 37)

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#753   Encourage People To Read Inspiring Books

When you read an inspiring book or article, ask yourself, "Who could I encourage to read this so he might benefit from it?"

Inspiring stories have influenced many readers to learn from those great role models. You have probably found other books in addition to this book that you have found inspiring. Encourage people to read books that could inspire them.

Develop the habit of asking people, "What books have inspired you?" Hearing that a specific book inspired someone might inspire you to read that book. Moreover, you will have more confidence when suggesting that book to someone else because you had heard how that book was inspiring. It could inspire others who heard about the book only because you suggested it.

 

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 38)

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#754   Exercise Your Will-Power

Three times a day, use your will-power to take actions that you do not feel like doing.

Start off with some minor tasks that you know would be helpful to you but you tend to procrastinate. For example, you can apply this to acts of kindness that you could easily do, but tend to put off. Or, you can apply this to doing things for your spiritual well-being and to your health.

After maintaining this for one month, you will find that you have achieved greater self-mastery

(see Rabbi Simcha Zissel Ziv - Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.65)

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#755   Encourage People to Repeat the Words: "My Thoughts Create Me"

 

Our thoughts create the quality of our lives. Some people are so enlightened and inspired by, "My thoughts create me," that once they hear and realize the truth of the statement, their lives are totally transformed. Other people need to hear these four words many times and also need to repeat it frequently.

When I teach I tell students, "Let's all repeat these three sentences:
"My thoughts create me.

"Your thoughts create you.

"Their thoughts create them."

In this last sentence, "they" and "them" refers to everyone who is not you or me.

Your thoughts are the key element. Your thoughts decide whether you will be a happy and self-confident person or the opposite.

Your thoughts decide whether you will be a spiritual, calm, and serene person or the opposite.

Your thoughts are the key element whether you will be kind and compassionate or the opposite.

Your thoughts are the key element in your self-image. Keep improving your thoughts about yourself and your self-image will change too.

Your thoughts are the key element in all your character traits. Certain positive thoughts create positive character traits. Some traits need action, but the actions we take or don't take are ultimately the results of the thoughts we think.

When you encourage someone to upgrade the quality of his thoughts, you will be improving this person's entire life.
 

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 39)

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#756   Encourage "One Day At A Time" Thinking

Many people who have successfully overcome addictions of all forms have found that it's much easier to accomplish if they have a "one day at a time" attitude. They say, "Just for today I will refrain from a counterproductive habit or pattern." We don't need to be totally certain that it will never happen again, just that it's not going to happen today.

We live our entire lives one day at a time, so we only need to commit to today. It's always just today. So someone who is sincere about refraining "just for today" has the necessary tool not to engage in a counterproductive behavior.

This same idea can also be beneficial in engaging in a positive habit or life-improving pattern that is difficult to implement. Right now, it might seem like climbing the tallest mountain to think that we will always do the positive thing. But "just for today" seems easier and more practical. Just as we can only breathe taking one breath at a time, anything positive we will do we can only happen "today."
Encouraging just "one day at a time" is often more practical than thinking right now about doing or not doing something "all the time." Some people love this idea and have found it highly beneficial. If you like the idea and "just for today" works for a specific person you want to motivate to do or not do something, then apply this approach as you offer encouragement.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 40)

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#757   Will Power

A Jewish principle states that "nothing can stand in the way when you have strong desire to accomplish something."

Think of something that you would like to accomplish but are not doing all you can in this area. Increase your intensity of "will," and be totally motivated to utilize all your resources and energy to accomplish it.

(see Rabbi Yosef Hurwitz of Nevardok - Madraigos Haadam; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

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#758   Encourage Making and Reaching Meaningful Goals

Everyone wants to accomplish and achieve in life. People who are clear about their specific goals actually accomplish more. People who make and reach meaningful goals live meaningful lives. Make it your goal to encourage other people to make and reach meaningful goals.

When a person strives to reach goals that will make a difference in his own life and the lives of others, he will benefit greatly from encouraging words. Even if you don't have the knowledge and experience to know exactly what to say about his goals, the very fact that you say sincere, encouraging words will be very helpful.

Those who have not yet reached their goals will benefit greatly from the encouragement of people they respect. They will think, "If this person believes in me, it must be because he sees something in me that makes him believe that I can reach my goal. So I will also believe in myself." The more self-confident a person is, the less he needs encouragement to set and reach meaningful goals; someone less self-confident needs more encouragement. But even very self-confident people can benefit from encouraging words.

People who have failed at reaching their set goals strongly need encouragement that they can still be successful. You can say, "Everything that you experienced until this moment has given you more wisdom and insights. You now know more than you knew before. You have a much better chance of being successful with all the knowledge that you have gained."
 

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 41)

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#759   When People Don't Want Your Encouragement

While it is a great act of kindness to try to encourage people who appreciate your words, they can be a source of great irritation if you try to encourage people who don't want your encouragement.

Even if your intentions are entirely for that person's welfare and benefit, if a person you want to encourage becomes annoyed by what you are saying, it is a bigger act of kindness not to say anything.

Some people might feel okay if you speak concisely and to the point. But lengthy encouraging speeches might be a source of irritation and distress.

There is a valuable rule when it comes to communication: The results show the meaning of your communication. You might want to be helpful but if that person feels uncomfortable because of your words, it transforms something meant to be positive into something negative. Then what you meant as an act of kindness is actually the opposite.

 

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 42)

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#760   Encourage People to Reflect on What They Would Want Written on Their Tombstone

The words we want written on our tombstone reflect our deepest values and what is important in our lives. One wit commented, "I want written on my tombstone that I lived a long and healthy life." But great people want their tombstones to reflect the high ideals and spiritual values that guided their lives.

Thinking about tombstones can encourage us to figure out how we would like to be remembered. Writing down those values could help us work toward that ideal. Although we aren't perfect, the very fact that we cherish some high ideal indicates what is truly important to us. We might be far from that ideal right now, but sincerely wishing to be that way puts us on the path to elevate ourselves.

Encouraging someone to think about the words they want on their tombstone is, in essence, trying to encourage someone to live a more meaningful life. Some people might not feel comfortable sharing the words they would want for posterity. Specify that they don't have to tell you what those words are. But reflecting on this question will automatically be elevating and beneficial.
 

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 44)

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#761   Hold New Ideas for Later

There are times when a person's heart and mind are closed and new ideas are not able to penetrate. In such instances, a person should keep those ideas in mind. Eventually when his mind is receptive, they will "fall into place" and become part of his automatic attitudes towards life and events.

(see Pachad Yitzchok, Igros Uksovim, p.205; Gateway to Happiness, p.64)

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#762   Happiness Is Healthier

One of the greatest Sages of the 20th century, the Chafetz Chaim, writes: "Torah prohibits us from endangering our health. We must be more stringent in these matters than other prohibitions." (see Mishnah Berurah 472:11)

Lack of happiness is dangerous to one's health. A wide range of psychosomatic diseases are caused by emotions like sadness, worry, envy, anger, and anxiety The connection between our emotional and physical health is an idea that is gaining in popularity. The Torah has known this for centuries. As Rabbeinu Yonah (17th century) says in his commentary to Proverbs 17:22: "Happiness will heal a person from illness."

Don't wait to become ill. Increase your level of joy TODAY!

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.25-6)

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#763   Laugh At Your Troubles

Today, be resolved to view potentially frustrating situations in a humorous way. If something trivial goes wrong, just laugh.

(see Rav Pliskin's "Anger: The Inner Teacher," p.342)

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#764   Grow From Your Mistakes

It is easy to feel frustrated and miserable when you make mistakes. But you can always learn from your mistakes and failures. If you use them as learning experiences, you can view them as positive. Although you would rather not have made those mistakes, you can now view them as stepping stones to growth.

Today, think of one time in your life where you came out better in the end after having made a mistake. Then appreciate the growth you experienced.

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.61)

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#765   Love Lessens Offenses

When someone feels an inner animosity towards another, then even a minor offense can arouse great animosity. Even though the immediate incident could be trivial, the previous negative feelings create quarrels.

However, when someone feels love for another person, he is able to overlook many things, and to forgive whatever the other person does.

Increase your love towards others and forgive them.

(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 10:12; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

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#766   Encourage People to Transform "I Can't" into "I Can!"

Accomplishments require persistence. When someone is confident in himself and his abilities, there is a chance (but no guarantee) that he will succeed. When he does not believe in future success, his lack of confidence prevents him from acting toward that goal. If he starts to try, he is more likely to give up and quit.

When you encourage someone and you transform his belief about his potential, you have changed that person for the better. He will now be more likely to achieve what he otherwise would not have achieved.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Encouragement", chapter 45)