Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#440   Consider the Effect of Your Words 

When you focus on the outcome of your words, you will be careful not to insult others. Imagine the harm you are causing yourself by turning this person against you! Practically speaking, you never know when you will need this person's help or friendship.

Of course, we should avoid hurting people with words because it's the right thing to do. But at least we should do so out of enlightened self-interest!

(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 11:12; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

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#441   Don't Identify with your Possessions 

When your property or possessions sustain some damage or loss, work on yourself to accept the Almighty's judgment with love. Realize you were born without any belongings, and you will eventually leave the world without belongings. You need not identify with your possessions since they are not an integral part of you.

(Raishis Chochmah - Sha'ar Ha'anava; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.252)

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#442   Get Up and Continue 

There is a very serious mistake that many people make when they think about the perfection of the great scholars and righteous people of the past. They focus solely on the end result of all the years these great people spent working on themselves and overlook the conflicts they had to overcome. The impression is given they were born great and needed no effort to become that way. We do not know about all their inner battles or their falls and mistakes along the way. The result of this is that when a strongly motivated person with high aspirations comes across obstacles and pitfalls he becomes discouraged and feels like giving up. The truth is that everyone feels downhearted at times. Do not expect your path to be an easy one. Regardless of how many times you fall, keep getting up and continue striving and you are guaranteed success in the end.

(Pachad Yitzchok, Igros Uksovim, p.217; Gateway to Happiness, p.379)

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#443   Reassess your Value 

Low self-image usually forms at an early age. A person might have had excessively critical parents or teachers, failed to get along well with other children, or received low marks in school.

Though this attitude was formed long ago, the only reason it lasts in the present is because a person now keeps repeating it to himself. Yet he has the ability to tell himself, "In the past I may have judged myself to be inferior, but I will now think for myself and appreciate my true value."

Being aware of the source of poor self-image makes it easier to challenge the assumptions upon which it is based. It is possible that while you had certain faults in the past, you presently are learning to overcome them.

Or, perhaps the people who judge you unfavorably were using a yardstick that you do not presently accept. For example, in school a student is usually judged by the marks he receives on tests. Some students with low grades worked hard to understand, and more importantly may have internalized the concepts and practiced them to a greater degree than others who received higher grades. As a child, the diligent student with poor grades might have felt inferior, but as an adult he has the ability to appreciate how he may have really accomplished more.

(Gateway to Happiness, p.129)

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#444   Feel Secure in Your Value 

A king arose in the middle of the night and fixed the wick of a lamp to prevent it from extinguishing. His subjects asked him, "Why did you not ask us to do it?"

"I was the king when I arose, and I was still the king when I went back to sleep," he replied.

The lesson: Someone who is aware of his value does not worry about losing it.

(Orchos Tzadikim, ch.2; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.131)

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#445   We can Control our Thoughts 

You possess the ability to control your thoughts. Even if your thoughts wander, you can bring them back and focus on what you wish.

(see Rabbi Nachman of Breslov; Likutai Aitzos: machlokes, no.16)

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#446   Shrink Problems Down to Size 

The best way to gain a proper perspective about life is to visit a cemetery.

You might have many problems, but that is part and parcel of being alive. Compared to those buried in the cemetery, just how serious are your difficulties?

Learn to have a sense of proportion to events. If you fail to do so, you might react with equal levels of distress to someone's spilling soup on your clothes as you would to news of the outbreak of global nuclear warfare.

Today, when something bothers you, ask yourself: "On a scale of one to 100 (with 100 applying to nuclear war), what number would I give this situation?"

You'll find with this perspective that many potential mountains will easily shrink to molecules.

Rabbi Nachum of Huradna used to say, "If I had already died and the Almighty told me I could come back to life again, imagine how happy I would be. Now that I am alive, I should feel that same joy!"

(see Chayai Hamussar, vol.2, p. 176, 200; Gateway to Happiness, p.65)

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#447   Stages in Willingness to Forgive 

There are three levels of willingness to forgive others:

(1) Some people forgive anyone who wronged them if that person comes over and asks forgiveness.

(2) Others go out of their way to meet those who wronged them to make it easier for them to ask for forgiveness.

(3) People on the highest level explicitly state each night before they go to sleep that they forgive anyone who insulted them, even if those people will not ask for forgiveness on their own.

(Eikev Anavah, p.58; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.307)

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#448   Learn to Let Go 

For those who have mastered serenity, fifteen seconds ago is ancient history. They realize that once something is over, it is over regardless of whether it has been over for many years or for a relatively short time. It is understandable that it can take different people varying amounts of time until they are able to let things go. But the goal should be to let go of what is over and done with. In truth it is gone whether or not you let it. It is just a question of the degree of emotional mastery that you will have. Regardless of where you are at this moment, you can always improve on your ability to let things go as soon as they are gone.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.51)

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#449   Patience Enhancing Scripts 

What are some of the scripts that create patience?

"Things are going as fast as they are. I will do what I can to speed things up and I will accept the reality with serenity."

"Each second of life is precious. And I won't waste it by causing myself needless distress."

"One never knows where it is best for one to be at any given moment. I will try to make the wisest choices. But I will realize that where I am could be the best thing for me."

"I choose my emotional state and I am committed to living my life experiencing positive, resourceful states."

"Opportunities for personal growth can be found wherever one is and in any given situation. Right now I will look at the present as a gift and an opportunity."

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book "Patience," published by ArtScroll - www.artscroll.com)

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#450   Beware the Fruits of Impulsivity 

Be careful not to panic into taking action or saying something, until you carefully think it over in your mind. The fruit of acting impulsively is regret. When you act impulsively, you might make irreparable mistakes.

It is especially important not to make major life changes when you are guided by emotions. If you are emotionally excited (either in the positive or negative), wait until you calm down before taking action.

(Shaarey Kedushah 1:6; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.261)

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#451   Use Auto-Suggestion for Approval 

Repeat to yourself slowly and calmly again and again, even hundreds of times, "I do not need the approval of others," or, "What others think of me does not make a difference."

Contemplate these thoughts until you start to internalize them. Repetition will help you integrate them. Realize that you may have repeated many thousands of times the need for approval of others. Counteracting these takes many repetitions.

(Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p. 289)

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#452   Show Concern Instead Of Anger 

Rabbi Yitzchok Blauser's daughter once went to the cupboard, and all the glasses, cups and dishes fell and broke. He did not get angry at her, and he did not even ask her why she wasn't more careful.

Rather, his only concern was that she should not be upset or frightened. He said to her, "Don't worry. There's not need to get upset. It's all right."

(Hosair Kaas Mailibecho, p.185; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness)

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#453   Choose Your Thoughts to Avoid Worry 

Worry is when you choose from millions of possible thoughts, only the few which deal with a potential misfortune or problem.

Once you accept your worrying as the act of choosing specific thoughts, you can consciously make an effort to avoid those thoughts that cause you needless pain and choose more constructive, positive thoughts.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, pp.157-8)

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#454   A Soft Reply Turns Away Anger 

"A soft reply turns away anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

When you communicate to others in a soft manner, this will calm someone who is already angry at you. This refers to both your tone of voice and the content of what you say. Be mentally prepared to apply this to someone who is likely to speak to you in anger.

When the person who is angry has a valid complaint against you, admit that he's right - and this will calm him down.

(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 14:30 and 15:1; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

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#455   Overcome Fears Blocking Action 

When trying to influence someone and you find that your first approach is not effective, try to figure out what specifically is holding him back from accepting your position. For example: What fears might he have? What obstacles might he be focusing on that would make it difficult for him? Then show the person why he has no reason to be afraid and that the potential obstacles will not be a problem.

Today, think about what fears are holding you back from taking some positive action that you know is in your best interest. Imagine that you have been given the gift of tremendous courage and confidence. Let this empower you - and resolve to take action!

(see Ralbag - Shaar ahavas rayim, no.12)

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#456   Be Objective about your Actions 

There is a strong tendency for an evil person to consider himself good, and for a truly good person to consider himself bad. The rationale behind this is simple: Their criteria of good and bad differ greatly.

A good person desires to help others, and when unable to do as much as he idealistically wishes, considers himself "bad."

An evil person considers himself "good" if he refrains from beating someone up after taking their money.

The lesson: Be objective about your actions.

(Imrai Binah, p.45; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.132)

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#457   Feel the Joy of Being Alive 

If we truly appreciate the gift of life that the Almighty gave us, we will constantly say, "No complaints, I'm alive."

When you experience joy for being alive, these positive feelings create a context that free you from the thoughts and feelings that create complaints.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.164-7)

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#458   Boost Your Confidence 

When you are confident that you can do something, that itself mobilizes more of your talents and skills.

Increase your appreciation for the Almighty's power and how He can give you the Divine assistance to succeed. This is the ultimate way to increase your level of confidence.

(See Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Self Knowledge, pp.171)

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#459   How to Give Advice 

Giving positive advice to people who are open to hearing it, is one of the greatest acts of kindness you can do.

Be careful not to give advice when it is unwanted, even if you are well-meaning. A prerequisite for giving advice is to have the humility not to give advice unless you are certain it will have a positive outcome.

How you give advice is often a key factor in whether or not it will be appreciated. Giving positive advice takes great skill.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.104-6)

Edited September 6, 2015 by phkrause

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#460   Ask for Good Advice 

Ask people to share with you the best pieces of advice they ever heard. This is a great way to gather a treasury of wisdom.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp. 104-6)

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#461   Antidote to Arrogance 

Arrogance is one of the most negative traits, and it leads to many counterproductive words and actions.

What's the antidote for arrogance? Awareness of the enormous size of the universe - and our microscopic position in comparison.

In every Jewish blessing, we say the words "King of the Universe," which is a constant reinforcement to eliminate arrogance.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge,"pp.127-9)

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#462   Sound Advice 

Sound is energy. This is a highly significant statement that effects you every time you speak to someone. Your tone of voice creates a specific type of energy. A soft and smooth tone of voice creates peaceful energy. An upbeat or joyous tone of voice creates positive energy. Both of these are in stark contrast to an angry tone of voice that creates an angry loop.

When you speak, your tone of voice creates either positive or distressful feelings in the person on the receiving end of that energy. The other person is likely to speak back to you in a tone that is similar to your own. For this reason King Solomon (Proverbs 15:1) advises us: "A soft reply turns away anger." A soft tone of voice has a calming effect both on you the speaker and on the listener.

Do you want others to speak to you in an upbeat tone of voice? Then speak to them that way. A word of caution: For some people an overly enthusiastic tone of voice is too intense. So observe the effects of how you speak and modify your intensity according to the reaction of the listener.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.171)

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#463   Courageous Silence 

There are instances when it takes courage to remain silent. It would be easier to speak up, but the right thing to do is to be silent.

Someone insults you. You can easily say something in return that would be the equivalent of a devastating knockout punch. You don't say a word. Your silence is an expression of courage.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#464   Do It Once 

When fighting against the evil inclination, use the same strategy he uses. When he tries to prevent you from doing good deeds, tell him, 'It's just for this once,' or, 'I'm only going to start doing a little bit,' and similar statements that will enable you to get started. This way of talking to yourself lessens the difficulty of a task.

Think of a good deed that you would want to do, but don't do because you feel it will be difficult for you to continue doing it. Imagine that you will do it only once. Then take action.

(see Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler - Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol. 3, p.293; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")