Ask the Rabbi

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9 Tishrei

Easy Fast

Every year as Yom Kippur approaches, I get into an anxiety mode. I have a really hard time fasting without food or water for an entire day. I try to eat a huge meal right before the fast, but it only seems to make me thirsty, and by the next morning I am starving. By the afternoon I am either wiped out in bed, or clawing at the refrigerator door!

Do you have any advice for me?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Fasting for 25 hours on Yom Kippur is undeniably difficult. But there is one thing that can make everything easier:

Hydration.

Most people think the challenge of fasting is feeling "hungry." In truth, avoiding thirst is much more important. The average person can survive for a month without food - but only three days without water.

With proper hydration, not only do you avoid the discomfort of thirst, but you also swallow more frequently, so your stomach does not feel as empty.

A large part of successful fasting is in the mind. Talking about your hunger will only focus your attention on food and make things more difficult. The key here is to distract your mind from food. The more you immerse yourself in prayer, the less you'll think about food.

Fasting is easier if you prepare your body in advance. See this article for "Seven Simple Steps" to maximize your hydration on Yom Kippur - leaving you with more strength and energy to do the truly important spiritual work of the day.

For more details, read Aish.com's “Seven Steps to an Easy Fast.”

http://www.aish.com/h/hh/yk/Seven_Steps_to_an_Easy_Fast.html

Wishing you an easy fast and a meaningful Yom Kippur!

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10 Tishrei

Yizkor

My mother recently passed away. Every year when I would go to synagogue on Yom Kippur, and then would get to the Yizkor service, I would leave the sanctuary with the other people whose parents were still alive. This year unfortunately I will stay and say the prayers. Can you tell me a bit about what to expect?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Yizkor is said four times a year the morning service after the Torah reading: on Yom Kippur, Shmini Atzeret, the 8th day of Passover, and the second day of Shavuot.

The Zohar explains that when the Torah is out, God's love for his people is aroused. At this time it is appropriate to say Yizkor for the deceased, as they may also be in need of God's kindness.

How can the dead be in need of God's kindness? This is because a person may not have fully perfected himself during his lifetime. The Yizkor service is a time when the living are able to help the soul obtain the corrections it needs, since the soul, without its body cannot perform good deeds in this world.

During the Yizkor service each individual pledges to give charity (tzedakah). This act, although done by the living, is recorded in the merit of the deceased. In that way the soul receives the help it needs, and the living are able to do an incredible act of kindness for their dearly departed.

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11 Tishrei

Definition of God

I have friends who are Buddhists, Mormons, and agnostics. We often have philosophical discussions, and everyone seems to differ slightly in their view of the Divine Being. As a Jew, I would like to offer our perspective as well. Can you tell me what is the Jewish definition of God?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You are asking the most fundamental question. Any issue in philosophy – the purpose of existence, free will, suffering, the course of history, the afterlife – stems from how you understand and define this question.

The first thing to know is that God is infinite. Infinite does not mean “very large.” It means totally without limit and containment. Anything that exists within space is by definition finite, no matter how big it gets.

Take a moment and try to picture God before there ever was a universe. Most people imagine God being everywhere, expanding and filling up everything. But to be everywhere, you need space. And there is no space, because it hasn't been created yet. Infinite means being beyond space.

Another aspect of God's infinity is “beyond time.” Being outside of time means being at all places at all times all at the same time – simultaneously. It literally boggles the mind.

We have a fundamental problem in trying to grasp what it means to be beyond time and space. We are stuck in a finite world. Everything we perceive is filtered through our finite minds using finite vocabulary. When imagining eternity, all we can muster is an image of something reaching back through the tunnel of history and stretching forwards towards the future. That's not eternity. Eternity is beyond time, not within it.

When talking about what the infinite is – eternal, all-powerful, all-encompassing – the very words we use are finite. We struggle to describe the infinite in a positive sense since the only language we have is wholly inadequate. Any perception of God must be filtered through a finite lens, therefore we can never truly describe the essence of God.

The Way of God by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (18th century) gives a succinct summation: "Every Jew must believe and know that there exists a First Being, without beginning or end, who brought all things into existence and continues to sustain them. This Being is God."

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12 Tishrei

Absolute Truth

I'm struggling with the sense on one hand that I want to instill Jewish beliefs in my children, but on the other hand I feel that would be diminishing the value and equal importance of the beliefs of other faiths. I feel that love, harmony and happiness are the most important values, and that we need to be accepting of everyone's beliefs. People are different, so isn't truth relative for each individual?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

If you think about it, you'll realize that "truth" cannot simply be everything that everyone wants.

What about the father of Protestantism, Martin Luther, who said, "The Jews are our misfortune," and fomented a hatred that later helped the Nazis generate anti-Semitism among the masses.

Are you unwilling to diminish the value of this "father of a major religion" in the eyes of your children?

What about the jihadists who blow up planes, trains and buildings – all in the name of religion?

Hitler wrote in "Mein Kampf:" "I believe today that my conduct is in accordance of the will of the Almighty creator. In standing guard against the Jew I am defending the handiwork of the Lord." ("The Holocaust" by Martin Gilbert, p. 28)

Do you agree with Hitler or not? Can you say unequivocally that he was wrong?

Reality is what is. You have to decide if you want to teach your children truth, or if you want to immobilize them with cushy phrases that have no connection to reality.

This does not mean that Judaism does not respect other people. It does mean that we are firm on our perception of reality which we have received from generations all the way back to the that momentous event at Mount Sinai, which changed the face of human history forever.

While we do teach that all human beings are inestimably valuable and deserve to be loved and respected, we do not teach that all beliefs have equal value.

For more on this, read: www.aish.com/sp/ph/48959701.html

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13 Tishrei

PVC Sukkah

I am redesigning my old sukkah and wonder if it is okay to use PVC for the structure, specifically the uprights.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The walls of a sukkah may be made from any material, as explained in the Code of Jewish Law (O.C. 630:1). This includes using existing walls of a building, or even a hedge of bushes.

When building with PVC, be aware that it is more flexible than it looks, and could bend under the weight of the "sechach" (foliage covering the sukkah roof). One year I built a beautiful sukkah using PVC, and about two hours before the start of the holiday (with a group of guests expected) the entire structure began swaying back and forth - and then came crashing down. Needless to say I had a frantic next two hours scavenging for sturdier metal parts! So if building with PVC, I advise you to take precautions to make sure the PVC is properly reinforced, or attached to a building.

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14 Tishrei

As Great as Moses

All my friends seem to be talented and smart. I'm just kind of average. I try really hard, but can't seem to ever reach a level of excellence. It's getting me worried about my future. What should I do?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Talmud says: "Everyone is responsible to be as great as Moses." But then the Torah tells us in Deuteronomy 34:10 that "no one will ever be as great as Moses!" How can I be expected to be as great as Moses, if no one will ever be as great as Moses?!

The answer is that just as Moses fulfilled his own personal potential, so too we are expected to fulfill ours. Each of us is born with a unique set of talents and tools. Some of us are rich, others are poor. Some are tall and some are short. One person can sing, another can write, etc. But these qualities are not what determine your greatness. Rather, it's how you deal with your particular circumstances.

Imagine two people competing in a 100-meter dash. One runs a world record time of 9.3 seconds. The other crosses the finish line in 30 seconds.

Who would you say is the success? The record breaker of course!

Now what if I told you that the one who clocked 30 seconds had developed polio as a child, was unable to walk until he was 14 years old, and had invested years of painful, grueling exercise until he was finally able to even traverse that distance?

We can never know the circumstances another person has to deal with; we cannot see whether he's naturally calm or whether he's had to struggle to control his temper; whether he was born with great intelligence or whether he's had to overcome learning disabilities; whether he's been handed the best of everything or whether he's had to surmount many obstacles.

That's why Judaism says: It's not important where you are on the ladder, but how many rungs you've climbed.

This is a crucial concept for parents and teachers. Consider: Which is the more important grade on a child's report card: "achievement" or "effort"?

The answer is effort. The reason we need grades for "achievement" is simply to have an objective gauge of how much material the child is grasping. But in ultimate terms, all that really matters is the effort.

The story is told of Zusha, the great Chassidic master, who lay crying on his deathbed. His students asked him, "Rebbe, why are you so sad? After all the mitzvahs and good deeds you have done, you will surely get a great reward in heaven!"

"I'm afraid!" said Zusha. "Because when I get to heaven, I know God's not going to ask me 'Why weren't you more like Moses?' or 'Why weren't you more like King David?' But I'm afraid that God will ask 'Zusha, why weren't you more like Zusha?' And then what will I say?!"

So in answer to your question, the Talmudic statement that "Nobody will ever be as great as Moses" means that nobody again will have that same potential. But you can maximize that which you do have. Life is not a competition against anyone but yourself. May the Almighty grant you the strength and clarity to be... yourself!

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15 Tishrei

Three Pilgrimage Festivals

The Bible speaks about the entire Jewish nation going to Jerusalem for the three pilgrimage festivals. Is that still practiced today?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

From a technical standpoint, it was only when the Temple was standing that people were required to appear three times annually and bring an offering – on Passover, Sukkot and Shavuot. (Shulchan Aruch O.C. 117:1; Nodeh BiYehuda O.C. 94; Chasam Sofer Y.D. 233; Yabia Omer O.C. 5:15; Tzitz Eliezer 10:1)

Nevertheless, citing the Midrash from Shir HaShirim, some opinions maintain that coming today to see the Temple Mount and the Western Wall still applies on the pilgrimage festivals (Ran – Ta’anit 7a; She'alat Ya'avetz 1:87; Yechaveh Daas 1:25; Teshuvah Kol Mevaser 2:10).

Whatever the case, today many tens of thousands of people make a point to come visit the site of the Temple and the Western Wall during the festival days. The Aish Center, whose spectacular rooftop terrace rises seven stories above the Western Wall Plaza, offers a particularly unique vantage point to fulfill this.

Your question also raises a unique aspect of pilgrimage that I think you'll enjoy:

Imagine we're a committee writing the Bible. If we made up a law that all the men in Israel are required to go to Jerusalem and visit the Temple, three times each year on the pilgrimage holidays, do you think it's a good idea?

On one hand, it unites the people. They get inspired to gather as a nation and see the priestly service in the Temple.

Why is it a bad idea?

If all the men are in Jerusalem, who's going to guard the land? What will happen when the enemies find out that no one is protecting the borders? It won't take long for them to figure out that three times a year the Jews leave themselves wide open to attack.

Of course, we could send the men in shifts, as opposed to all at once. But the Torah is very clear: "Three times each year, all your males shall present themselves before God, the Master and Lord of Israel" (Exodus 34:23).

And if one might think that is the making of a national tragedy, the very next verse promises: "[N]o one will be envious of your land when you go to be seen in God's presence" (Exodus 34:24).

In other words, don’t worry. God will make sure that no one will even think of attacking you! Who in their right mind would write this? The one thing the author of the Bible knows for sure is that he can't control the thoughts of their enemies, never mind the bullets!

Why take such an outlandish risk? Did the author actually expect the people to say, "Oh, that's a great idea; everybody'll just leave and we'll be unprotected. No problem." And even if by some fluke, the people swallow it, after the first pilgrimage or two, they're out of business, assuming they're still alive!

Which brings us to an astounding conclusion: Not only does this pilgrimage idea demonstrate that God has supernatural control, but simple psychology forces us to ask who else but God could write such a thing and expect people to accept it?

This is just another piece of evidence substantiating God as the Author of the Torah.

(based on Aish HaTorah’s Discovery Seminar)

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Two Days of Yom Tov

I live in England and want to know: Why do we celebrate one day of Yom Kippur, but two days of the other holidays? What's the difference?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

In the times of the Holy Temple, the high court (Sanhedrin) would declare each new month (Rosh Chodesh) only after witnesses would come and say that they saw the new moon. This is a special power that God gave the Jewish people to control time, and is irrespective of any scientific knowledge. When the Sanhedrin declared the day to be Rosh Chodesh, they would send messengers to notify everyone which day is the first day of the month, so that they could correctly calculate the Yom Tov, or other occasions.

Those who lived far from Jerusalem, where the messengers could not reach before the 15th of Nissan (Pesach) or the 15th of Tishrei (Sukkot), would keep two days Yom Tov, out of doubt regarding which day the witnesses saw the new moon.

Nowadays, we do not have the Sanhedrin declaring Rosh Chodesh, and everything follows a preset calendar established by the patriarch Hillel II in the 5th century CE. Yet we still keep two days Yom Tov (Sukkot, Pesach and Shavuot) in the Diaspora, in commemoration of those days when we had two days Yom Tov in the Diaspora. (Maimonides - Kiddush HaChodesh 5:5)

On another level, some want to suggest that a second day Yom Tov was added in order to make a distinction for those living in the Diaspora: that for a Jew, not residing in the Holy Land is in a sense an aberration.

The reason that Yom Kippur is only one day even in the Diaspora is that it would be too difficult for people to fast for two days straight.

On Rosh Hashana (which is always the first day of Tishrei - i.e. Rosh Chodesh), we sometimes had two days of Rosh Hashana in Jerusalem as well. If the witnesses did not arrive the first day, they would keep Yom Tov that day, just in case they'd show up in middle of the day; and the next day. Therefore, by rabbinical decree, even in Jerusalem, we observe nowadays two days Yom Tov. (Maimonides - Kiddush HaChodesh 3:9, 5:7-8)

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17 Tishrei

Mitzvah to Live in Israel

I'm trying to get clarity on whether it is considered a mitzvah to live in Israel. Should a believing Jew live in Israel, or are other countries equally compatible with a Jewish life?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Land of Israel is central to Judaism. It is an intrinsic part of the covenant that God promised to Abraham and his descendants (Genesis 12), and most events recorded in the Bible took place in Israel.

The mitzvah to live in Israel is based on the verse, "You shall possess the Land and dwell in it" (Numbers 33:53). The Talmud states that "every 4 amot (about 7 feet) that a person walks in Israel is another mitzvah."

The question, however, is whether this mitzvah is compulsory in our times when the Holy Temple is not standing. This is the basis of a dispute between two great Talmudic commentators, Maimonides and Nachmanides. A leading 20th century sage, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, concludes that living in Israel is a "mitzvah kiyuma" – while it is a great mitzvah, there is no absolute obligation to do so.

The general approach today is that if both places (Israel and the Diaspora) are equally "livable," one should make the effort to live in Israel. Every year, approximately 3,000 Jews make aliyah from North America – 90 percent of them religious.

Over the centuries, Jews have always yearned to live in the Holy Land, so much so that many individuals, and occasionally small groups, risked their lives to be there. Nevertheless, the mass movement of aliyah ("going up to Israel") for the most part did not occur until the advent of political Zionism in the 20th century.

Nachmanides (13th century Spain) knew that he would have to endure great difficulty in coming to Israel due to the primitive travel conditions and plagues that often broke out on the way. Nevertheless, at the ripe old age of 72 he made the ascent.

When he came to Jerusalem, he was struck with both awe and grief – awe that he was standing in the place where Isaac was bound on the altar, where Jacob dreamed of the ladder, and where King Solomon built the Holy Temple. But grieved by fact that the entire city lay in ruins; a recent attack by Mongols had left Jerusalem with only 2,000 survivors, and barely a minyan of Jews. When he saw the desolation, he tore his clothes to mourn Jerusalem's destruction.

He had come to Israel to achieve a higher purpose. The Talmud says that "A person who dwells in the Diaspora is like one who worships idols" (Ketubot 110b). The commentators explain that it is important to live in the right moral and spiritual environment – even if this means sacrificing some material comforts. One who doesn't follow this path is as if living under the aegis of negative forces.

Indeed, Israel is the only land conducive to prophecy, the highest level of communion with God. Even today, those who live in Israel experience extraordinary Divine assistance in Torah study and spiritual growth. As the Sages said, "The air of Israel makes one wise." Despite the security situation, in many ways one can experience a higher level of tranquility in Israel than can be experienced elsewhere.

Furthermore, many commandments only apply in Israel – for example the mitzvot of Trumah and Maaser (tithes), the Sabbatical year (Shmitah), and more. In fact, the Bible tells us that after Moses erred by hitting the rock, God informed him that he would not merit to enter the Land of Israel. Moses begged to be given permission – solely because he wanted the opportunity to perform the mitzvot associated with the land.

Of course, this is not to say that life outside of Israel is somehow not "worthwhile." A life dedicated to Torah and mitzvot is worthwhile wherever it is. Sometimes a person's contribution to the Jewish people can be even greater outside of Israel, especially when involved in Jewish education, outreach or community matters.

For someone pondering a move to Israel, many factors should be considered. Will you be able to find work that provides you with the time and money to fulfill the mitzvot – for example, Torah study, giving charity, and providing a Torah education for your children? The Sages emphasize that a person should come to Israel only if he is reasonably certain that he can support his family and guarantee a successful education for his children.

Interestingly, many Western immigrants in Israel today maintain a full-time job back in their country of origin (e.g. America and England), either by tele-commuting or flying back and forth. Many creative options are available.

Other factors to consider: How will you deal with living far from family? How do you feel about the security situation? How will you adapt to a new culture? What suitable marriage prospects are available? What appropriate Torah study program will you connect with?

Coming to Israel is sort of like getting married: Everyone should do so eventually, but not because a well-meaning relative bullies you into it. If you do so when the time is right, you're more likely to fall in love.

Of course, don’t wait forever. One man I know woke up one morning and realized: If I don’t go now, I'll never go. That day he announced at work that he was leaving, and so he did.

Finally, you should know that it takes time to get past the "I can't take it here anymore, I'm going home!" stage. Dealing with all the adjustments and bureaucracy in Israel can be frustrating. Indeed, the Talmud says that the Land of Israel is "only acquired with difficulty." But I assure you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and life in Israel is both marvelous and miraculous.

To help ease the transition, here are two excellent resources: Nefesh B'Nefesh (www.nbn.org.il) facilitates aliyah and even provides grant money, and AACI (www.aaci.org.il) is devoted to servicing the needs of immigrants from North America.

We pray to soon see the final redemption and the full ingathering of the Jewish exiles to our homeland.

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18 Tishrei

Angels

What does Judaism say about angels? Are they involved in our lives? I've always felt like I have a guardian angel, but I'd like to know more. Does it have a name? How do I communicate with it?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

First, let's try to understand exactly what an angel is.

If you see little children flying around your head with their wings flapping happily behind them, don't think these are angels. They're hallucinations! Real angels don't have bodies, wings, or one drop of physicality.

The reason, however they are quite often described as being winged humans (such as in Exodus 25:17, Isaiah 6:2, Ezekiel 1:5 and 10:18) is to help us understand something about their essence. This is similar to how the Torah describes God as having a "strong hand and outstretched arm." Of course, God doesn't have an arm! Rather, the Torah is conveying to us something about God's mighty strength in a way that we can understand. (Maimonides - Book of Knowledge 2:4)

Angels are defined as metaphysical beings who are messengers of God. They are spiritual, but they have no free will. They can only do exactly what they have been commanded to do by their Creator.

The word "Malach" (Hebrew for "angel") means "messenger," and it also translates as "work." In other words, an angel is a "messenger" of God who carries out His "work." Similarly, the English word "angel" comes from the Greek word "angelos" meaning "messenger" or "agent."

Angels are sometimes referred to as the "Heavenly Court," due to the fact that they administer the work of the King, God. That is to say, just as a King makes the plans but his court discharges them, so too God makes the plans and His angels discharge them.

This is the meaning of the Midrash which says, "No blade of grass grows without an angel telling it to 'Grow!'" This teaches us that everything on earth has a spiritual counterpart that influences it. Even a blade of grass has an angel looking over it to make sure it receives nourishment, or causes it to die at its appointed time. Nations also have angels appointed over them. For example, the Torah recounts the famous story of Jacob fighting with Samael, the angel of Esav. (see Genesis 32:5, Midrash - Genesis Rabba 10:6, and "The Way of God" 2:5:3)

Each angel has only one particular task to fulfill. The most well-known angels are:

• Micha'el - (literally: "Who is like God") carries out God's missions of kindness. He accompanies a person on the right side, since "right" is always associated with kindness.

• Gavriel - "My strength is God" - is on the left side, which is always associated with the attributes of strength and judgment.

• Uriel - "My light is God" - goes in front of a person, as if illuminating the proper path to go.

• Raphael - "My healer is God" - protects a person from harm, and goes behind a person to "cover the backside."

Interestingly, we find three of these angels visiting Abraham in Genesis 18:2. Micha'el (kindness) had come to bring Sarah the good news of her pregnancy, Gavriel (judgment) came to overthrow Sodom, and Raphael (healing) came to heal Abraham following his circumcision. The angels such as those who spoke to Abraham were purely spiritual forces which appeared in human form.

Due to their unique nature, it is impossible to communicate with angels, although there have been stories of great Sages who were able to do so.

It is certainly forbidden to pray to angels. Not only forbidden, but it would be a waste of time since angels can only do what God tells them to do anyway!

However, God always has an attentive ear to his children, and He is waiting for your prayers. One good place to start is by reading the "Bedtime Shema," which includes a beautiful prayer about the four protecting angels that we mentioned above.

When you perform a mitzvah, you create an angel that accompanies you. The commandments which create that attachment are the true "guardian angels" of a person.

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19 Tishrei

Killing Insects

I have noticed a large increase in the number of insects and other unwanted creatures in my house. Without thinking I automatically squash and kill them. I'm not sure if swatting a fly is the same as cruelly hunting a deer for sport, but there is a small concern that I am destroying one of God's creatures.

My questions are: What is the purpose of these insects and small creatures? Even though I do this painlessly, am I permitted to kill them?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The great 16th century Kabbalist the Arizal stated that it is spiritually insensitive to kill even an ant for no reason.

However, let me ask you a question: Suppose you are a doctor, lying in bed at 3 a.m. and a mosquito is dive-bombing you so you can't sleep. You have an important surgery the next day, trying to save the life of a little girl. If you don’t get a good night's sleep, the likelihood of your being successful in the surgery is reduced. Can you kill the mosquito?

Of course! God made this world and everything in it for the benefit of mankind – both to use, and to protect. That's why it is permitted for us to eat cows – yet at the same time we have to protect species from extinction.

The bottom line: You can kill an animal if it serves a human purpose.

Of course, if it is just as easy to remove the insect from your house without killing it, that would be preferable. But if it will take time away from more important activities, then it is not worth it.

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20 Tishrei

Get Document - Importance of

I am in the process of divorcing my husband, and my rabbi tells me that it is sufficient to go through the civil divorce proceedings. But other of my fiends have also done the Jewish ”Get” document. Which is correct?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Although divorce is common in today’s social landscape – over half of all marriages will end in divorce – it is still a heartbreaking way to end a marriage.

Unlike some religions, however, which do not permit divorce, Judaism recognizes the necessity under certain circumstances. Indeed, following the proper procedure for divorce is one of the 613 mitzvahs in the Torah.

What is the method of a Jewish divorce?

Just as marriage is a metaphysical reality – two souls fusing together to create one complete soul – so too divorce is a metaphysical reality. For a Jewish couple to become divorced, the man must give the woman a document called a "Get," as prescribed in the Torah (Deut. 24:1-4). A Get terminates the Jewish marriage and certifies that the couple is now free to remarry according to Jewish law.

Aside from the legal considerations, a Get can provide a sense of emotional closure – just as the marriage began with a Jewish ceremony, it ends with one as well.

Without a proper Get, even though the man and woman have physically separated, they are still metaphysically bound together – and considered as if fully married. This is true to the extent that if a woman were to become “remarried” without having received a proper Get, the second marriage is null and void, and is considered adultery.

A secular divorce does not count for a Get.

When getting divorced, a Get is not only the right thing to do, it is the wise thing to do. Regardless of one's personal convictions or beliefs, it solves a lot of problems down the line – ensuring free social interaction within the Jewish community.

For example, someone who is divorced for many years and then wants to remarry, cannot do so without a Get. If it wasn’t take care of the first time, they would now have to track down the "ex," wherever s/he is, and ask for their cooperation in the process of a Get. Imagine the possible heartache and complications. Any responsible rabbi will refuse to officiate at a wedding unless both the man and woman show proof that any prior marriage was properly terminated according to Jewish law.

Furthermore, if the divorce is not performed properly, there is a danger to future generations: If a child is born to a mother who is still technically married to someone else, that child may be considered illegitimate (mamzer). Such a child may be barred from marrying into the broader Jewish community, possibly depriving them of the opportunity to marry the individual of their choice. A very powerful novel, Yesterday's Child (CIS Publishers), deals with this issue.

As such, attaining a proper Get is an important component of preserving Jewish unity.

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21 Tishrei

Apology Guidelines

If a person has done something to wrong another person, and wants to make amends, I know he is supposed to apologize. But in this case the person he wronged doesn't know he has been wronged – and if he were to learn about it, would be deeply hurt. What should be done?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

If it will embarrass the person, one should not mention the reason for the apology. He should just apologize generally for any wrong he may have done to him. (source: Mishnah Berurah 606:30)

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22 Tishrei

Completing a Book of the Torah

I am a lay leader at my temple. Since our rabbi is away, I will be leading this week’s Shabbat service. I have beginner-intermediate skills for chanting Torah. Your pasha page was very helpful. Could you define the words "Chazak Chazak Venis-chazeik,” so that I can explain it to the congregation?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Upon completing a public reading of one of the Five Books of Moses, everybody stands up and shouts "Chazak! Chazak! Venis-chazeik!" which translate as "Be strong! Be strong! And may we be strengthened!"

This Shabbos, we will be completing the book of Exodus in the synagogue and saying these words.

Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin (in "To Pray as a Jew") explains that this is a cry of encouragement to continue with the reading of the next book, and to return to this one again in due course. The triple use of the word "Chazak" may symbolize past, present and future.

Be strong and may you be strengthened!

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23 Tishrei

Intentional Mistakes

I've been enjoying the philosophy articles on Aish.com. The approach to life resonates with me much more than the Western style of consumerism and media hype. Regarding the obligatory nature of mitzvot, however, I think sometimes humans have to disregard the boundary and be disobedient against the command. It might be painful, but I believe you come away with a higher appreciation that God and His commands are ultimately correct. Do you agree with this thinking?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

You have touched on a deep truth, but ultimately your principle is mistaken. The Talmud states: "In a place where a reformed sinner stands, even a righteous tzaddik does not stand." The idea is that after having erred, you can analyze your negative acts, learn from them, and use that knowledge as a foundation to motivate you further.

While all this seems to imply that it is better to make mistakes and then correct them, rather than never have made the mistake in the first place, that is not true.

Let's take the mundane example of the rule: "Always look both ways before crossing the street." There are two ways to learn this lesson: 1) Listen to the advice of teachers and parents to look both ways before crossing, or 2) cross recklessly, get hit by a car, and then while lying in the hospital acknowledge a lesson well-learned.

The problem in choosing the second path is that there is always a residual effect from our mistakes. A teenager who experiments with drugs may grow up to realize the dangers, but a lot of brain cells have been killed in the meantime.

There is one other danger: That the person will never correct their mistake. The child who recklessly crossed the street may be killed in the process, or the teenager who experiments with drugs may wind up in an advanced stage of addiction.

We human beings like to basically think of ourselves as independent. We have a built-in resistance to authority, and have a difficult time acknowledging that we need someone else's information.

The great kabbalist the Arizal explains that was the mistake of Adam and Eve - and look how much it cost us. In the Garden of Eden, the Snake argued that by eating from the forbidden fruit they would taste the flavor of evil, reject it, and then achieve a new level of holiness!

Nobody builds a skyscraper without expert advice and a plan. But "life" is much more complicated than constructing a building or performing surgery. You'd never dream of using trial and error in the operating room. So why do so with your personal life?

Many people would rather make their own mistakes, than learn from those who have already made them. We think we can learn everything by ourselves. We imagine we can get married, raise children, and live a meaningful life - "figuring it all out" as we go along!

Life is too short for this. We're bound to make mistakes; why add those we could otherwise prevent? Instead, Judaism teaches us to seek out people who truly possess wisdom. Hang around them, and bring a whole list of questions to ask them at every possible opportunity. On the wisdom scale, you can achieve in a few years what might otherwise take a lifetime.

The Talmud says that we are to give particular honor to two types of people: an elderly person, and a Torah scholar. What they both have in common is wisdom. The elderly person by virtue of life experience, and the Torah scholar by having absorbed the deep wisdom contained in Torah books. Note that they have both attained wisdom, but the Torah scholar can do so in a fraction of the time - and without suffering the many bumps and bruises along the way.

As the saying goes: "A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

[phkrause]

24 Tishrei

Disposing of the Four Species

The Sukkot holiday is finished. We've taken down the Sukkah and put away the boards, but we're not sure what to do with the lulav and esrog that we used throughout the holiday. It doesn't seem right to just throw it into the trash. My son suggested putting it into the Geniza box where we put old Torah books. What do you suggest?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Lulav and the other species should not be placed into Geniza. On the other hand, since they were used for a mitzvah, they also cannot be thrown into the trash. Therefore you can hold onto them until Passover, and then burn them together with your chometz which you will also burn. In this way you are “using one mitzvah for another.”

Alternatively, you can dispose of the four species by placing them in a bag, and then disposing them in the trash. Since they are wrapped separately, it is considered as if they are not with the other trash.

[phkrause]

25 Tishrei

Punishing a Child

I have a child-rearing question. We found some coloring on the wall. We suspected our 4-year-old, and asked him if he did it. He denied it. We are not positive he did it, but he has a guilty look and it is very unlikely that another child did it.

What do we say to him? Do we just forget about it? Do we try to convince him to tell the truth? Do we punish him even though we are not 100% sure? What should we do?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Your question touches on fundamental concepts of child-raising that will affect your child for a lifetime, and I commend you for taking this seriously enough to write.

The bottom line? You must not punish him unless you are 100% certain he did it.

The best thing to do is to ask the child to help clean up the walls. Do not accuse or punish. Asking for his admission isn't productive since his goal is only to escape from punishment.

After the fact, you should simply say, "We love you even if you color on walls – but it's important to tell the truth." And leave it at that.

The idea here is to help the child develop an appreciation for telling the truth that will last a lifetime. Not to necessarily get him to tell the truth regarding one incident of coloring on the wall.

Don't worry – even though you may lose this "battle," you are more likely to win the war.

In other words, teaching him to tell the truth does not have to be done specifically right now over this event. The lesson can be taught in a series of follow-up stories over the next few weeks. Use the straw man technique to develop a main character who gets into a similar situation as your son – e.g. “Once upon a time there was a boy called Mikey...”

The "plot" of each story is, naturally, that the boy lied because he was afraid – and then he told the truth and everyone was so proud of him! Also, he did not get punished for what he did, because he told the truth and said he was sorry. If the "crime" in the story involved damages of some kind – e.g. coloring on the wall – you should add in the story how he cleaned it.

The next time something like this happens with your son, remind him of the boy called Mikey who told the truth, cleaned the wall, and did not get punished.

Ask him if he wants to be like Mikey.

Tell him that if he tells the truth, then he only will have to 1) wash off the wall, and 2) say he is sorry.

If he tells the truth, then make a big deal about it – e.g. let him hear you tell the grandparents on the phone how wonderful he is, etc.

All of the above holds true in the event that you are not certain if he did it.

If you are 100% certain that he did it, then do not ask him if he did it. Just state matter-of-factly that you know that he did it, ignore any denials and get straight to the point. He must:

1) Say he's sorry

2) Clean off the wall

3) Possible punishment

Of course, point out to him that item #3 – punishment – only comes when we deny it.

And finally, one word of practical advice: Any house with young children should have washable walls!

[nuff sed]

Next time don't ask him 'If' he did it. Ask him "why' he did it. Nuff Sed

[phkrause]

Next time don't ask him 'If' he did it. Ask him "why' he did it. Nuff Sed

Excellent answer 'nuff sed! I will recommend you as the next "Ask the Rabbi." :)

[phkrause]

26 Tishrei

Suffering: Why?

I have had a very difficult life, beset by illness, unemployment, and disappoint from those who had pledged to care for me. I am having trouble seeing the benevolent God in all this. What do you say, rabbi?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I am very sorry to hear about the difficult times that you have had to endure. The trials that you have gone through no doubt have obviously made your relationship to God a difficult one. I can understand why.

As a rabbi, I have witnessed the most horrendous situations imaginable. I have experienced a 20-year-old who lost both of her parents in a car crash. Can you imagine a girl so close to her parents and in one day they're gone? I've lived through a husband coming home to find that his wife has collapsed, and in two days she's dead. There was nothing wrong with her before. And on and on and on.

When someone is in the midst of suffering, that's not the time to offer answers. It's a time to listen and empathize and be with the person as best you can. If there's anyone going through a painful time and is looking for a sense of relief, I am skeptical whether these intellectual answers will offer any kind of relief.

Dealing with pain and suffering is never easy, particularly since we often feel so helpless and out of control. But one thing we do have control over and that is our attitude. Try to stick to this 3-part formula:

1) Look for the positive side to things.

2) Try not to judge God, Who knows more than we do.

3) Ask God for the clarity to understand how this is for the best.

Our perceptions of good and evil are directly related to our understanding of the world. An African tribesman who never saw a hypodermic syringe in his life could think upon seeing a doctor inoculate a child that the doctor was actually trying to hurt the child! Our perceptions change with information.

Therefore the Jewish approach to "suffering" is that everything happens for the good, but since we are finite and cannot see the whole picture, we perceive some things as bad.

God has more information than we do; thus we cannot judge Him and say He is doing something bad. We trust God and say, "I haven't yet figured out why, but God knows this is for the best."

The Talmud tells the story of Rebbe Akiva who was traveling on the road late one night. His only source of light, a candle, blew out; his mode of transportation, a donkey, ran away; and his only source of food, a chicken, died. The next morning Rebbe Akiva realized that armed bandits had plundered everything in the area. Had they seen his candle, or heard his chicken or donkey, they would have victimized him as well.

We can accept pain and suffering in the world by trying to see what positive side it may have. For example, a woman whose child was killed by a drunk driver went out and started MADD - Mothers Against Drunk Driving. This organization was responsible for revolutionizing the laws against drunk driving in America, and as a result has surely saved thousands of lives. It could be said that the purpose of this child was to elevate his mother to the towering heights of greatness that she indeed achieved as a result of the tragedy.

Of course it is not always easy to find the positive side. But even the attempt helps tremendously. It is interesting that if we look back on our own lives, the times we have grown the most are not when things have gone easy, but when they've been difficult. So many times what appears as "bad" or "negative" ends up being a blessing. A person could lose their job, for example, only to realize later that was the opportunity they needed to break into a growing, new field!

In the meanwhile, we have invested so much time and energy into worrying or regretting - all for nothing and all to our detriment. It is wise to remember that worry is defined as "interest paid in advance on a debt which often times never comes due." So when we are having problems, we can ask ourselves, "What have I learned or gained?"

Also, there are two excellent books I can recommend: "Why me, God?" by Lisa Aiken (published by Aaronson), and "Confronting the Loss of a Baby," by Yamin Levy (Ktav).

[phkrause]

27 Tishrei

Pleasure

I could scarcely believe my eyes when I read your claim that Judaism teaches that the purpose of life is to seek pleasure. How can you, as a rabbi, be serious?

Judaism teaches no such thing. In the deepest sense, Judaism teaches that the purpose of life - the purpose of the world, the universe, and of God Himself - is ultimately beyond human understanding. In the more mundane sense, people do have a purpose, but seeking pleasure falls far behind doing what is right, just, and kind (whether or not doing so is pleasurable). Judaism does teach that there is nothing wrong with pleasure in itself, but it DOES NOT make pleasure the central point of living!

On what basis do you make this outrageous, unbelievable, and stridently non-Jewish claim?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Perhaps we need to define our terms. What is "pleasure"?

Every creature in the universe is programmed to pursue pleasure. The wolf seeks meat, the bear seeks warmth. That is an indisputable fact, and that's the way God wants it.

Human were created for pleasure, too. But unlike other creatures, humans have the ability to tap into their spiritual soul, and to pursue pleasure which is beyond the physical. That includes love, meaning, power, sacrifice for a cause, goodness, etc.

For example, the fact that a human will choose to give charity (instead of using that money to buy pizza), does NOT mean the person is giving up pleasure. Rather, they are trading a lower pleasure for a higher pleasure. The pleasure of helping others is perceived as having more value than another slice of pizza.

It's interesting that humans are the only species who will trade physical pleasure for a higher spiritual pleasure. (You will never see the wolf saying, "C'mon, guys, let's not push in line. And be sure to save some meat for Charlie, he's not feeling well today.") That's because only humans have a spiritual, Godly soul, which enables us to transcend the finitude of the physical world and to strive for the ultimate pleasure: the unity of One God.

* * *

Yet why is "doing the right thing" so often perceived as non-pleasurable? Because it can be uncomfortable to make such choices.

Pain is actually the price we pay for pleasure. All of life's lasting pleasures - good relationships, successful careers, the pursuit of meaning - require a lot of pain and effort to achieve. When an Olympic athlete pushes beyond the limits of endurance, he's in a lot of pain! But he does so because he is focused on the higher pleasure; in this case, victory.

The proof that humans are made for pleasure is that the Torah says: "And God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden" (Genesis 2:8). The word "Eden," according to the famous commentator Radak (among others), is the "Garden of Pleasure."

You are correct that in the final analysis, the world is beyond our understanding. But the Almighty gave us a measure of intelligence, and He wants us to figure things out the best we can.

So perhaps your question is only one of semantics. For a fuller Jewish definition of "pleasure," read "The Five Levels of Pleasure" by Rabbi Noah Weinberg.

[phkrause]

28 Tishrei

Halloween - Trick or Treat?

One of my fondest memories growing up was taking my little orange UNICEF box and collecting pennies - as well as yummy treats - on Halloween. It was also a great day for acting rowdy and causing a little trouble around the neighborhood.

Now that I have my own kids, I'm wondering - what is the Jewish position on Halloween?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Halloween has its roots in paganism, and was later adopted by Christians as All-Saints Day. (see Halloween history at: http://www.holidays.net/halloween/story.htm) Today, of course, the decorations and dressing up for Halloween in the U.S. is an innocuous secular holiday.

As for participating in such celebrations, one should not feel the need to “add” holidays to the existing Jewish calendar. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein writes regarding the secular holiday of Thanksgiving, for example, that Jews can celebrate the day without declaring it as a regular holiday or declaring steady customs like eating a special meal of turkey on that day. ("Igros Moshe" Y.D. 4:11-12)

I once heard a representative of the Jewish community being interviewed on the radio on the topic of Purim. "What is the significance of the Purim holiday?" asked the radio host. Explained the Jew: "Just as the Irish have a springtime drinking holiday called St. Patrick's Day, so too the Sages instituted Judaism's own springtime drinking holiday called Purim."

Absurd.

In truth, Purim is the Jewish costume day! Which reminds me of a wonderful story:

A man moved from the U.S. to Israel, and for some reason, in the middle of March, trick-or-treaters of every shape and size were buzzing around the streets of Jerusalem. Many of the costumes were incredible, and even some adults were dressed up.

When the doorbell rang, this man panicked. He didn't have a drop of candy in the house to give out. Who knew what tricks this crowd was capable of playing if he turned them away without a treat. Remember: "Trick or treat - double treat to smell my feet!" And what a nightmare the morning after could be, cleaning up the damage done by kids I that hadn't been "treated" well enough.

He opened the door, and standing there, grinning from ear-to-ear, were five costumed pre-teens, each holding a fancier stash of goodies than he'd ever imagined.

"I'm really sorry, guys," he started to say. "I just don't have anything to give you. I didn't know today was Halloween, please don't vandalize my house." The kids gave each other a puzzled look and began to giggle.

Finally the biggest boy quieted the others and said, "Mister, I don't think you understand. We didn't come to take anything from you. We came here to give you something." And with that, each of them handed him a beautifully wrapped gift baskets.

"Today is Purim," said a boy in a gorilla suit. "These are 'shalach manos' baskets. We all go around today and bring gifts of food to our friends and neighbors. Happy Purim!" With that, they turned and left. Empty-handed and happy.

Think about it. In Jewish consciousness, the real “trick” for having joy in life is not to take... but to give.

[phkrause]

29 Tishrei

Safe to Visit Israel?

I'm a college student and have always wanted to visit Israel. I have the opportunity this summer to come for a free Birthright trip. But my parents are afraid of the security situation. Is it safe to come visit Israel at this time?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

In the absence of a full-scale war, things in Israel are about the same as they've always been. Aish.com’s offices are located directly across from the Western Wall, and it's been "work as usual." Of course, we use common sense and stay out of heavily-populated Arab areas.

If there would be an imminent and real danger, the rabbis would have called upon all people to leave Israel, being that life is of paramount importance. (Talmud – Pesachim 25a)

As with any activity in life, we must always objectively evaluate what is a reasonable amount of risk to take. For example, there is a clear mortal risk in driving a car. Yet this is an acceptable risk, because it is a risk that the public is willing to take. The Talmudic concept of "Dash B'rabbim" teaches us that although something does contain an element of risk, we can rely on the fact that God will protect us if it is a common activity.

Israel is one of the most dangerous countries in which to drive and over 600 people are killed each year in Israel through car accidents. An average of 100 Jews have been killed each year by terrorists – a fraction of the number killed in car accidents. But no one refuses to go to Israel for fear of being in a car accident.

As for the risk of violent crime, Israel is probably safer than most Western cities. Los Angeles, with a population of 3.8 million averages about 500 murders annually - 19 per 100,000. Between terror and other violent crime, the murder rate in Israelis 7 in 100,000. In terms of terror, 90% of violent incidents take place in the territories. If one avoids public buses and crowded restaurants, the risk factor drops to virtually zero.

The news creates a perception of a lot more violence than there actually is. A few deaths in Israel make headlines around the world. People who visit here comment on how “normal” life is.

In sum, while there are no guarantees of safety anywhere, the statistics do not point to a real risk when going to Israel.

Also, in deciding whether to visit Israel, it is important to consider that the goal of the terrorists is to break the morale of the Jewish people. Israel is under siege from the world press. During the height of violence, the drop in tourism and the impact on Israel's economy has been devastating. Choosing to stay away contributes – albeit indirectly and unwittingly – to aiding the terrorists in their effort to break the Jewish people.

The Jewish people are one. If our position in Israel is weakened or discredited, it will become unsafe for Jews throughout the world. Take note of the recent bombings of synagogues throughout Europe, and anti-Semitism on North American college campuses. By coming now, you act as a morale booster for Israel and the Jewish people throughout the world.

One additional point: Jewish law states that if one feels that his spiritual growth would benefit by being in Israel, while his parents are afraid of the security situation, this is one instance where it is permitted to go against the parents' wishes. (Code of Jewish Law – Y.D. 240:25)

I recommend two interesting articles about trips to Israel: "The Mother Brigade" (www.aish.com/h/iid/48891097.html), and another article pasted below.

=============

Sandy Thorn Clark, "All of Israel is Not at War," Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Indiana)

Perhaps CNN and the rest of the American and British media will deal Israel far more of a blow than Palestinian terrorists...

CNN's ammunition comes in 20-second sound bites and two-minute video highlights of the daily skirmishes, bloodshed and killings in the Mideast. American and British media's contribution: two- to three-minute snippets leading most international newscasts and almost daily frozen-frame front-page photos of the sniping and slaughter in the Mideast.

The battle is not fought in the whole of the "Mideast" as it's become known in headlines. It's not even fought in the whole of "Israel."

Instead, it's fought mostly in the Gaza Strip along Israel's western border. Sometimes, it's in Ramallah. Sometimes, it's in Bethlehem or Hebron or Jericho or Nazareth. Sometimes, it's on Temple Mount. And, yes, sometimes it's even in Jerusalem. Though rock-throwing, name-calling, rioting, bombing, suicide bombing and killing are generally contained within small pockets or neighborhoods in Israel, the misleading inference from dramatic news footage and still photos is that all of Israel is entangled in war.

All of Israel is not at war.

I've just walked the serene shores of the Mediterranean, climbed the brick pathways at peaceful Old Jaffa, leisurely shopped in Tel Aviv's colorful Carmel Market, took a six-hour bus ride from bustling Tel Aviv to the resort of Eilat, rode an affectionate camel for four hours in the desert and mountains, relaxed on a calm four-hour cruise on the Red Sea, ate falafels at an outdoor cafe, sat on a balcony at Eilat's prestigious Crowne Plaza viewing the Jordanian border, explored the intriguing history of the Jewish people at Diaspora Museum, enjoyed a Spicy Craze pizza at Eilat's Pizza Hut, observed Israelis folk dancing on an outdoor patio, rubbed elbows with Israel's youthful military, and endured minimal security at Israel's Ben-Gurion Airport - all with the security and safety of my unadventurous daily walk at my local mall, Glenbrook Square in Fort Wayne, Ind.

[phkrause]

30 Tishrei

Misquoting the Talmud

I recently stumbled on an anti-Semitic website and they had a whole list of Talmud sayings that sound very non-PC. One example was: "It is permitted to marry a 3-year-old girl," which they said means that Judaism condones sexual abuse of a young child. Another example was: "The best of the Gentiles, kill." Does the Talmud really say this stuff?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Misquoting Talmudic texts or taking them out of context is an age-old method used to incite anti-Semitism.

In the example that you cite, that a Jew may marry a 3-year-old girl, it simply means that under the age of 3, a "marriage" contract has no validity. Beyond that, any "marriage arrangement" made at above the age of 3 must be accepted and validated by the girl herself at such time that she attains maturity. The Talmud is discussing a technical legal point, not condoning abhorrent sexual activities.

As for: "The best of the gentiles, kill," the context here is very crucial. The question was raised, how could there be any horses chasing after the Jews with chariots (in Exodus 14:7), when they were all killed in the plague of hail (Exodus 9:19). The Midrash (Tanchuma – Beshalach 8) answers that the horses were owned by those who heeded God's warnings and locked his animals indoors (Exodus 9:20).

The Midrash concludes that these God-fearing Egyptians -- the best Egyptians – turned out to be the ones that gave their horses to chase the Jewish people. In other words, in this particular instance, even the best Egyptians turned out to be oppressors, too. Yet even they – "the best of the gentiles" – were deserving of death.

The Torah states unequivocally that ALL men were created in the image of God (Genesis chapter 1). In fact, the Talmud emphasizes that Adam was created from the dust of all four corners of the earth (so to speak), so that no one nation could claim superiority. And of course, it is forbidden for a Jew to kill a Gentile. (source: Talmud Sanhedrin 57a; "Taz" Y.D. 158:1).

So you see, one can change the meaning of anything by taking it out of context. And better not to waste time refuting these points one by one. God's Torah is morally perfect, and if something ever sounds otherwise, it is because it is not understood properly.

[phkrause]

1 Cheshvan

Who is a Jew?

I have always been under the assumption that being Jewish meant being of the Jewish faith, and/or being of the Jewish race. Please let me know if this is correct.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

"Being Jewish" is a technical status that requires citizenship in the Jewish nation, like being a U.S. citizen. Citizenship acquired in one of two ways:

(1) Born Jew: Jewishness is passed on via the mother. If the mother is Jewish, the child is 100% Jewish. If only the father is Jewish (but not the mother), then the child is 100% not Jewish. Jewish identity passed on through the mother has been universally accepted by Jews for 3,300 years, and was decided by God, as recorded in the Five Books of Moses in Deut. 7:3-4. The Talmud (Kiddushin 68b) explains how this law is evident from those passages.

According to Jewish law, this will remain the person's status forever. There is no way one can lose his status as a Jew even if he does not formally practice Judaism, and even if he has gone so far as to convert to another religion.

(2) Conversion: If a non-Jew wants to become a Jew he can do so by converting. Because of this, Judaism is clearly not a "blood-race." There are Chinese Jews, African Jews, Eskimo Jews, etc.

Once a non-Jew converts, he becomes a Jew in every regard, and his relationship with God is on the same level as any Jew. According to the Code of Jewish Law, there are three requirements for conversion to Judaism:

1) He must believe in God and the divinity of the Torah as well as accept upon himself to keep the commandments in the Torah.

2) If male, he must undergo circumcision by a qualified "Mohel." If he was already circumcised by a doctor, then he undergoes a ritual called "hatafas dam".

3) He must immerse in the Mikveh – a ritual bath linked to a reservoir of rain water.

All of the above have to be done before a court of three Jewish men who keep the commandments, and believe in God and the divinity of the Torah.

These are the rules that Jews have followed since time immemorial. Historically, any attempt to introduce new rules has created a tragic schism in our people. We hope and pray that Jewish groups today who are pursuing this path will realize the serious damage this can cause to the ideal of Jewish unity which we all sincerely seek.