Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#453 Choose Your Thoughts to Avoid Worry

Worry is when you choose from millions of possible thoughts, only the few which deal with a potential misfortune or problem.

Once you accept your worrying as the act of choosing specific thoughts, you can consciously make an effort to avoid those thoughts that cause you needless pain and choose more constructive, positive thoughts.

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#454 A Soft Reply Turns Away Anger

"A soft reply turns away anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

When you communicate to others in a soft manner, this will calm someone who is already angry at you. This refers to both your tone of voice and the content of what you say. Be mentally prepared to apply this to someone who is likely to speak to you in anger.

When the person who is angry has a valid complaint against you, admit that he's right - and this will calm him down.

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#455 Overcome Fears Blocking Action

When trying to influence someone and you find that your first approach is not effective, try to figure out what specifically is holding him back from accepting your position. For example: What fears might he have? What obstacles might he be focusing on that would make it difficult for him? Then show the person why he has no reason to be afraid and that the potential obstacles will not be a problem.

Today, think about what fears are holding you back from taking some positive action that you know is in your best interest. Imagine that you have been given the gift of tremendous courage and confidence. Let this empower you - and resolve to take action!

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#456 Be Objective about your Actions

There is a strong tendency for an evil person to consider himself good, and for a truly good person to consider himself bad. The rationale behind this is simple: Their criteria of good and bad differ greatly.

A good person desires to help others, and when unable to do as much as he idealistically wishes, considers himself "bad."

An evil person considers himself "good" if he refrains from beating someone up after taking their money.

The lesson: Be objective about your actions.

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#457 Feel the Joy of Being Alive

If we truly appreciate the gift of life that the Almighty gave us, we will constantly say, "No complaints, I'm alive."

When you experience joy for being alive, these positive feelings create a context that free you from the thoughts and feelings that create complaints.

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#458 Boost Your Confidence

When you are confident that you can do something, that itself mobilizes more of your talents and skills.

Increase your appreciation for the Almighty's power and how He can give you the Divine assistance to succeed. This is the ultimate way to increase your level of confidence.

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#459 How to Give Advice

Giving positive advice to people who are open to hearing it, is one of the greatest acts of kindness you can do.

Be careful not to give advice when it is unwanted, even if you are well-meaning. A prerequisite for giving advice is to have the humility not to give advice unless you are certain it will have a positive outcome.

How you give advice is often a key factor in whether or not it will be appreciated. Giving positive advice takes great skill.

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#460 Ask for Good Advice

Ask people to share with you the best pieces of advice they ever heard. This is a great way to gather a treasury of wisdom.

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#461 Antidote to Arrogance

Arrogance is one of the most negative traits, and it leads to many counterproductive words and actions.

What's the antidote for arrogance? Awareness of the enormous size of the universe - and our microscopic position in comparison.

In every Jewish blessing, we say the words "King of the Universe," which is a constant reinforcement to eliminate arrogance.

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#462 Sound Advice

Sound is energy. This is a highly significant statement that effects you every time you speak to someone. Your tone of voice creates a specific type of energy. A soft and smooth tone of voice creates peaceful energy. An upbeat or joyous tone of voice creates positive energy. Both of these are in stark contrast to an angry tone of voice that creates an angry loop.

When you speak, your tone of voice creates either positive or distressful feelings in the person on the receiving end of that energy. The other person is likely to speak back to you in a tone that is similar to your own. For this reason King Solomon (Proverbs 15:1) advises us: "A soft reply turns away anger." A soft tone of voice has a calming effect both on you the speaker and on the listener.

Do you want others to speak to you in an upbeat tone of voice? Then speak to them that way. A word of caution: For some people an overly enthusiastic tone of voice is too intense. So observe the effects of how you speak and modify your intensity according to the reaction of the listener.

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#463 Courageous Silence

There are instances when it takes courage to remain silent. It would be easier to speak up, but the right thing to do is to be silent.

Someone insults you. You can easily say something in return that would be the equivalent of a devastating knockout punch. You don't say a word. Your silence is an expression of courage.

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#464 Do It Once

When fighting against the evil inclination, use the same strategy he uses. When he tries to prevent you from doing good deeds, tell him, 'It's just for this once,' or, 'I'm only going to start doing a little bit,' and similar statements that will enable you to get started. This way of talking to yourself lessens the difficulty of a task.

Think of a good deed that you would want to do, but don't do because you feel it will be difficult for you to continue doing it. Imagine that you will do it only once. Then take action.

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#465 Real Intelligence

It is easy for a person who feels less intelligent than others to have low self-esteem. This is unnecessary. While there are many advantages in having intelligence (for Torah study and other pragmatic reasons), when it comes to basic value of a person, intelligence is not a key factor. You can be righteous regardless of your intellectual ability. Similarly, intelligence is not a decisive factor in whether or not a person will be happy in life.

Since you can be both righteous and happy no matter what your level of intelligence, there is no necessity in feeling less of a person if others seem "smarter" than you.

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#466 Your Unique Importance

Every person is obligated to be aware that he has great worth. This does not refer to the illusory self-worth of arrogantly feeling better than others, but a true self-worth, enormous in size and scope. The Talmud says: "Every individual is obligated to say: 'The world was created for me.'" Rashi explains that we must think "I have the importance of an entire world."

Every human is a one-time phenomenon, with a unique blend of character traits and personality. Each is born in a specific time of history and in a specific environment. Never before and never again.

This uniqueness gives you great importance. Only you can accomplish your unique life tasks.

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#467 Get Thorough Advice

Each person thinks differently. If you have a problem and consult a number of people, you will hear diverse opinions. Therefore, after gathering all the different opinions, consult one wise person and present the various opinions you've heard. With his wisdom, he will be able to help you formulate a final opinion based on all the interviews you have conducted.

Even when making the final decision yourself, it is wise to ask different people for their opinions, to get a more comprehensive picture of your options.

Today, pick a problem… and ask around!

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#468 Give Good Advice

When someone comes to ask your advice, your obligation is to give him the same advice you would need to hear if you were in his position. Focus only on the welfare of the person you are talking to, and not on any personal benefit you might derive from giving a particular type of advice. If you are unable to do this, then you should not be giving any advice at all!

The next time someone asks you for advice, view this person as yourself or as your beloved child. What is the absolutely best advice you could give?

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#469 Develop Patience

The Talmud (Shabbos 31a) relates how someone tried to get the great sage Hillel angry by continually interrupting him on Friday afternoon when he was in the middle of bathing for Shabbos. Although the man asked Hillel ridiculous and irrelevant questions, Hillel answered him patiently.

The Talmud says we all need to strive to reach this level of humility. That is, we are all obligated to work on ourselves to develop the total patience of Hillel whom no one could anger. See my book, "Anger: The Inner Teacher" (ArtScroll) for elaboration of a nine-step program for conquering anger.

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#470 Spread Love and Peace

Aaron, Moses' brother, was a master at making peace between people. He had intense love for everyone, and with this great love he was able to motivate other people to love each other. Flames of love came from his heart, and this entered the hearts of everyone else.

Today, think of two people you know who need to make peace, and use Aaron as a model.

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#471 Tone of Voice

A speaker's tone of voice is a key factor that will make a major difference whether he will have a positive effect or not. Matters pertaining to cold logic do not need a special tone of voice. However, when your goal is to arouse elevated spiritual feelings in someone, it is important to speak in a tone of voice that will inspire the appropriate elevated state.

Today, when speaking to someone about a personal matter, be conscious of how your tone of voice can enhance your message.

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#472 Power of Patience

The Talmud (Airuvin 54b) relates that Rabbi Praida had to repeat each lesson to a certain student four hundred times until the student understood it. This is usually cited as an example of the patience needed to be a teacher. We can also see the courage and perseverance of the student. Most people would give up after twenty or thirty repetitions and say they lack the necessary intelligence to comprehend the subject. This student realized he would eventually understand if he just heard each point enough times. When you say you cannot understand something, how many times did you try before you reached your conclusion? We have tremendous ability to understand almost anything if we have the patience to hear the ideas enough times. Pride gets in the way, and so does frustration. But a truth seeker does not worry about what others might think and keeps his mind on the goal.

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#473 Trust in G-d Brings Peace Of Mind

What is "trust in G-d?" It is the realization that there are no accidents in the world, and that all aspects of a person's life are guided by the Almighty. This includes life and death, food, clothing, children, job, house, and health. Trust in G-d requires that a person accept the will of G-d in all these areas since he knows that whatever the Almighty does is for his ultimate good. In this way, the person who trusts in G-d will constantly have peace of mind.

A person without trust in G-d, however, will tend to suffer even when things are going well - because of anxiety about the future. About such a person, King Solomon said in Proverbs: "All the days of those poor (in wisdom) are unhappy ones."

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#474 Gratitude to the Source

The pleasure we feel with what we have does not come only from the thing itself, but also from whom we received it. That is the lessons of the blessings we make. They help us appreciate that the Almighty is the One who has bestowed us with the pleasures of this world. This awareness greatly enhances the value of these pleasures."

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#475 You Create the Place

In 1856, Rabbi Avraham Yaakov Friedman of Sadugura, was arrested because of a libel and was kept in prison.

"I am permitted to serve the Almighty undisturbed," Rabbi Avraham Yaakov told his visitors, "What difference does it make whether I am here, or anywhere else?"

His father in law, Rabbi Aharon Perlow of Karlin, who was allowed to stay with him for a while in his cell, asked him, "How do you feel in this awful place?"

Rabbi Avraham Yaakov replied, "Does the place one is in make a difference? The Almighty's glory fills the earth. He is everywhere. Even here, in this awful place."

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#476 Courage is a Choice

No situation is exactly like any other situation. Every situation is new. Therefore, even if you haven't acted with courage in the past, you presently have the capacity to make new choices when new situations arise.

We each change all the time, either slightly or considerably. The new situations that arise are always more advanced than at any time in the past when you were faced with a similar situation. Let this thought strengthen you in your ability to have more courage than you ever did before.

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#477 Choose your Tone of Voice

Be aware of the effects of your tone of voice. Find a range of tones that your friends and family find comfortable.

The listener is always more sensitive and aware of the tone of voice than the speaker is. The more aware you are of your own tone of voice and the effect it has on the listener, the easier it will be for you to recognize when there is a change in your tone.

One way to become more aware of your tone of voice is to ask your spouse for feedback, by saying, "If my tone of voice ever distresses you, please point it out to me. And when you especially like a certain tone of voice, please tell me."