Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#428 Courage Builds Self-Respect

Courage builds self-respect. When you sacrifice for principles and ideas, you increase your self-respect. When you face a painful situation and react with dignity, you increase your self-respect.

When you say, "No," to temptation even though others will try to persuade you to say, "Yes," you increase your self-respect. When you don't allow opposition to stop you from doing what you know must be done, you increase your self-respect.

In short, every act of courage makes you feel better about yourself.

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#429 Don't Despair

Even if a doctor says there is no chance of recovery, one should not despair. There are an extremely large amount of cases when doctors have given up hope and nevertheless the patient recovered. While it is irresponsible to disregard reliable medical advice when something practical can be done, doctors are only human and are fallible. It is important for doctors themselves to realize this and even when the situation appears bleak, they should realize that while we cannot rely on miracles, medical miracles do occur.

Whenever Rabbi Yehoshua Leib Diskin was told that a doctor had given up hope on a patient, Rabbi Diskin would comment, "A doctor has a right to heal, but who gave him the authority to despair?"

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#430 Never Give Up Hope

"Even if you are in the midst of great suffering, do not give up hope" (Pirkei Avos 1:7; Rashi). Life situations might at times seem so bleak and desperate that you see no hope for the future. You might tell yourself things like, "My life is a terrible mess, and I don't think it will ever improve." Such thinking leads to very painful feelings. The Sages advised us never to give up hope. Ask yourself, "What proof do I have that things will never improve?" While you might not have a guarantee that things will be better, you can never be certain that they will not improve. Don't give up hope when in a very short time your whole situation might change dramatically for the better.

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#431 Turn Criticism into a Blessing

The biggest blessing for a person is when someone points out to him not only his strengths and virtues, but also his weaknesses and shortcomings.

We see this in the Torah when Yaakov blessed his children before he died. Yet we see that he reprimanded some sons for having faults such as impulsiveness and acting in anger. But that itself was the blessing! When Yaakov told Revuen that he acted impulsively and Shimon and Levi that they acted in anger, he was helping them to focus on the traits they needed to improve. This is the way to self-completion and it is the best blessing possible!

Today, think of a weakness that someone pointed out to you that you need to overcome. Think about how you can improve in this area and turn this criticism into a blessing!

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#432 Don't Cause Pain, Give Pleasure

Marriage can be either the source of life's greatest joys... or the root of much misery, even tragedy.

There is a five-word formula that is the key to a joyous marriage. "Don't cause pain, give pleasure." Both with words and deeds, be careful not to cause your spouse needless pain. And do as much as you can to give your spouse pleasure. Your capacity for kindness is unlimited!

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#433 Grow From Setbacks

Use difficulties and setbacks as challenges to help you become a better person. Think of a specific difficulty or setback that has already helped develop your character.

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#434 Calculated Risks

"Part of being careful is not to be excessively careful."

If a person is excessively careful about not doing anything unless he is absolutely certain of success, he will not accomplish very much. While we should be careful not to take rash risks, calculated risks are necessary for anyone who wishes to utilize his potential.

Before taking a risk, list the pros and cons and weigh them carefully. But don't demand absolute certainty before taking action.

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#435 Kindness Brings Spiritual Benefits

As you expand your consciousness of kindness, you create a more spiritual life. Your kindness and compassion for the Creator's children is an expression of your love for our Father, our King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe.

With your kindness and compassion you emulate God. As you help others, you create an inner light that illuminates your entire being.

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#436 Have the World in your Pocket

Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Parshischo said that every person should have two slips of paper in his pocket.

On one should be written: "The world was created for me."

On the other should be written: "I am but dust and ashes."

The trick is to have the wisdom to know which slip of paper to read at the right time.

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#437 Feel Joy in Improving your Character

For a wise person, there is no greater joy than that of improving his character traits. When someone reaches this level, he can feel joy even when someone insults him - because he has worked himself free of all animosity and resentment.

Take pleasure every time you: - control yourself from getting angry - are patient with others - overcome your desires - react positively instead of with envy about someone else's accomplishments.

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#438 Elevate the World with You

Since you are part of the planet, and also part of the entire universe, by your making yourself a more joyous and serene person, our planet and the entire universe is automatically a more joyous and serene place. By your reacting in an elevated manner, the world has become a better place. Let this thought empower you. This will broaden your feeling of self-importance and increase the value of what you say and do.

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#439 Feel Grateful for What You Have

Feel joy with what the Almighty has given you, and do not focus your thoughts on what He has not given you.

Imagine how you would feel if you gave someone a present (although you had no obligation to do so), and he immediately complained that you didn't give him twice as much! You would certainly regret having given him anything.

Failure to appreciate what the Almighty gives you is behaving in a similar manner.

Today, write a list of things you feel you have overlooked appreciating in the past. Be resolved to start feeling grateful for those things.

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#440 Consider the Effect of Your Words

When you focus on the outcome of your words, you will be careful not to insult others. Imagine the harm you are causing yourself by turning this person against you! Practically speaking, you never know when you will need this person's help or friendship.

Of course, we should avoid hurting people with words because it's the right thing to do. But at least we should do so out of enlightened self-interest!

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#441 Don't Identify with your Possessions

When your property or possessions sustain some damage or loss, work on yourself to accept the Almighty's judgment with love. Realize you were born without any belongings, and you will eventually leave the world without belongings. You need not identify with your possessions since they are not an integral part of you.

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#442 Get Up and Continue

There is a very serious mistake that many people make when they think about the perfection of the great scholars and righteous people of the past. They focus solely on the end result of all the years these great people spent working on themselves and overlook the conflicts they had to overcome. The impression is given they were born great and needed no effort to become that way. We do not know about all their inner battles or their falls and mistakes along the way. The result of this is that when a strongly motivated person with high aspirations comes across obstacles and pitfalls he becomes discouraged and feels like giving up. The truth is that everyone feels downhearted at times. Do not expect your path to be an easy one. Regardless of how many times you fall, keep getting up and continue striving and you are guaranteed success in the end.

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#443 Reassess your Value

Low self-image usually forms at an early age. A person might have had excessively critical parents or teachers, failed to get along well with other children, or received low marks in school.

Though this attitude was formed long ago, the only reason it lasts in the present is because a person now keeps repeating it to himself. Yet he has the ability to tell himself, "In the past I may have judged myself to be inferior, but I will now think for myself and appreciate my true value."

Being aware of the source of poor self-image makes it easier to challenge the assumptions upon which it is based. It is possible that while you had certain faults in the past, you presently are learning to overcome them.

Or, perhaps the people who judge you unfavorably were using a yardstick that you do not presently accept. For example, in school a student is usually judged by the marks he receives on tests. Some students with low grades worked hard to understand, and more importantly may have internalized the concepts and practiced them to a greater degree than others who received higher grades. As a child, the diligent student with poor grades might have felt inferior, but as an adult he has the ability to appreciate how he may have really accomplished more.

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#444 Feel Secure in Your Value

A king arose in the middle of the night and fixed the wick of a lamp to prevent it from extinguishing. His subjects asked him, "Why did you not ask us to do it?"

"I was the king when I arose, and I was still the king when I went back to sleep," he replied.

The lesson: Someone who is aware of his value does not worry about losing it.

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#445 We can Control our Thoughts

You possess the ability to control your thoughts. Even if your thoughts wander, you can bring them back and focus on what you wish.

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#446 Shrink Problems Down to Size

The best way to gain a proper perspective about life is to visit a cemetery.

You might have many problems, but that is part and parcel of being alive. Compared to those buried in the cemetery, just how serious are your difficulties?

Learn to have a sense of proportion to events. If you fail to do so, you might react with equal levels of distress to someone's spilling soup on your clothes as you would to news of the outbreak of global nuclear warfare.

Today, when something bothers you, ask yourself: "On a scale of one to 100 (with 100 applying to nuclear war), what number would I give this situation?"

You'll find with this perspective that many potential mountains will easily shrink to molecules.

Rabbi Nachum of Huradna used to say, "If I had already died and the Almighty told me I could come back to life again, imagine how happy I would be. Now that I am alive, I should feel that same joy!"

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#447 Stages in Willingness to Forgive

There are three levels of willingness to forgive others:

(1) Some people forgive anyone who wronged them if that person comes over and asks forgiveness.

(2) Others go out of their way to meet those who wronged them to make it easier for them to ask for forgiveness.

(3) People on the highest level explicitly state each night before they go to sleep that they forgive anyone who insulted them, even if those people will not ask for forgiveness on their own.

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#448 Learn to Let Go

For those who have mastered serenity, fifteen seconds ago is ancient history. They realize that once something is over, it is over regardless of whether it has been over for many years or for a relatively short time. It is understandable that it can take different people varying amounts of time until they are able to let things go. But the goal should be to let go of what is over and done with. In truth it is gone whether or not you let it. It is just a question of the degree of emotional mastery that you will have. Regardless of where you are at this moment, you can always improve on your ability to let things go as soon as they are gone.

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#449 Patience Enhancing Scripts

What are some of the scripts that create patience?

"Things are going as fast as they are. I will do what I can to speed things up and I will accept the reality with serenity."

"Each second of life is precious. And I won't waste it by causing myself needless distress."

"One never knows where it is best for one to be at any given moment. I will try to make the wisest choices. But I will realize that where I am could be the best thing for me."

"I choose my emotional state and I am committed to living my life experiencing positive, resourceful states."

"Opportunities for personal growth can be found wherever one is and in any given situation. Right now I will look at the present as a gift and an opportunity."

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#450 Beware the Fruits of Impulsivity

Be careful not to panic into taking action or saying something, until you carefully think it over in your mind. The fruit of acting impulsively is regret. When you act impulsively, you might make irreparable mistakes.

It is especially important not to make major life changes when you are guided by emotions. If you are emotionally excited (either in the positive or negative), wait until you calm down before taking action.

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#451 Use Auto-Suggestion for Approval

Repeat to yourself slowly and calmly again and again, even hundreds of times, "I do not need the approval of others," or, "What others think of me does not make a difference."

Contemplate these thoughts until you start to internalize them. Repetition will help you integrate them. Realize that you may have repeated many thousands of times the need for approval of others. Counteracting these takes many repetitions.

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#452 Show Concern Instead Of Anger

Rabbi Yitzchok Blauser's daughter once went to the cupboard, and all the glasses, cups and dishes fell and broke. He did not get angry at her, and he did not even ask her why she wasn't more careful.

Rather, his only concern was that she should not be upset or frightened. He said to her, "Don't worry. There's not need to get upset. It's all right."