Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#821 Courage Is Inner Control

There are many instances when we will lack the ability to control a situation. Some people feel strong when they feel in control. But they feel overwhelmed when they can't control events.

You always have the ability to control your mental attitude toward what occurs. Courage enables you to maintain an inner sense of empowerment even when you lack the power to control external events.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#822 Choose Happy Thoughts

You feel sad when you keep your mind focused on negative things. Your thoughts are the cause of your unhappiness.

You have a large choice of what to think about. Instead of causing yourself sadness, focus on happiness-producing thoughts.

Imagine that you have a tape recorder and are choosing between two tapes. One will make you happy and cheerful, while the other will make you sad and miserable. Only a fool would choose the tape that causes suffering.

Your mind is constantly playing tapes. It is always your choice between self-statements and thoughts that that will make you happy and cheerful, and those that will cause you misery. Consistently choose positive thoughts and you will live a happy life.

(from Sefer Hamidos; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.173)p.46)

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#823 It is not Upon You to Complete the Work

When you are involved in helping others, especially when it involves your family or community, you might feel overwhelmed with the sense of responsibility. This contributes to a lack peace of mind.

Remember the words of the Sages (Pirkei Avos 2:21): "It is not upon you to complete the work. On the other hand, you are not free to refrain from trying."

If you realize you are not responsible for what is beyond your control, you will retain your peace of mind - whatever the outcome.

Today, if a project you're working on does not produce the desired result, say to yourself, "Well, I know I tried my best. Now let's see how I can do even better the next time."

(see Rabbi Eliyahu Meir Bloch - Shiurai Daas, p.113; Gateway to Happiness, p.84)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#824 Objects of Appreciation

Every time you go to use a utensil or instrument, take pleasure and feel gratitude for the fact that you have such an object available. If you focus on this, you'll be able to be lifted many many times each day.

Some common examples include: a pen, fork, cup, key, computers, clock, chair, stapler, and eyeglasses.

(see Yesod Veshoresh Hoavodah: Tzava no.32; Gateway to Happiness, p.44)

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#825 Choose Your Reaction

Facts themselves are neutral. You do not have emotional reactions to facts. Your emotional reaction is always based on your subjective evaluation of any situation.

When you evaluate something as negative, awful, tragic, or a misfortune, you will feel sad, depressed, miserable, angry, or full of anxiety.

When you think that something does not affect you in any way and are apathetic to it, you will feel neutral.

When you evaluate something as good for you, you will react with happiness and joy.

It takes practice and effort, but ultimately the choice is yours.

Today, try reacting to one "negative" thing with joy.

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.53)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#826 Gifts that Express Gratitude

Giving gifts is a powerful way to express gratitude. When you give someone a gift, think about what this person would actually appreciate. What does this person need? What would this person like to have even if he doesn't actually feel a need for it now?

When you see an item that you feel would be great to give someone as a gift, ask yourself, "Who am I grateful to that would appreciate this as a gift?"

Books are great gratitude gifts. A book can be read over and over again. And even when it is read only once, the book on the bookshelf is a frequently reminder that you are grateful.

There are many inexpensive items that would be greatly appreciated as a "Thank you" gift.

If you want to make sure that what you will be buying someone as a gift is something that this person would truly appreciate receiving, think of someone you can consult. You might ask someone to ask for you, "Is there something that you probably would not buy for yourself but would appreciate someone buying for you as a gift?"

A general rule to keep in mind is, "Don't just get someone a gift that you personally would like to receive. Give what you think this individual would like."

I once met someone who is considered an expert gift giver. "How did you develop your expertise?" I heard someone ask this person.

"I keep asking people, 'What are the gifts that you have appreciated the most?' I even ask this to strangers I meet in lines at stores. I have heard a tremendous amount of people answer this question. This has given me a strong sense of what different people appreciate as gifts."

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#827 Feeling Follows Action

External behavior that expresses enthusiasm is the result of an inner feeling of enthusiasm. But it is also true that by behaving externally as if you were enthusiastic, this will also develop a similar inner feeling. If someone is doing a good deed with external signs of speed and enthusiasm, then little by little that outward behavior will influence inner feelings. On the other hand, if someone's external behavior is lazy or depressed, his inner feelings will soon be consistent with that.

This is one of the most important principles for mastery of one's emotional state. Identify the mental states that you want and then act externally as if you were already in that state. This includes your total being: posture, facial expression, and even your tone of voice.

This method will give you increased joy, enthusiasm, confidence and serenity. With practice, you will gain true self-mastery.

(see Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto - Path of the Just, ch.7)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#828 It's Easier The Second Time

Even very righteous people are likely to fall from their spiritual level from time to time. Nevertheless, when you do reach a high level, impressions of that level always remain, and enable you to more easily rise out of the lower levels into which you sometimes fall. Eventually, you will once again return to those higher levels.

(see Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev - Kedushas Levi, Shir Hashirim; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#829 Express Appreciation

Some people find it difficult to express their positive feelings. If they are grateful, they hesitate to express it.

Today, think of someone you appreciate, and be resolved to let that person know about it.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp. 131-3)

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#830 Enter People's Reality

Enter the reality of other people. Put yourself in their shoes. See life through their lenses. This leads to a sense of identification and oneness, and is literally the fulfillment of the mitzvah to "love others as yourself.

Of course, if someone's reality is counterproductive, don't stay there for too long! And the same applies to your own. You can't always change your external reality, but you do have the power to upgrade your internal reality.

Think of someone you have a difficult time understanding or being empathic with. The next time you talk to that person, try to enter his reality and see the difference.

(see Rabbi Yeruchem Levovitz - Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol.2, p.6)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#831 Turn Your Faults Into Virtues

The Dubner Magid offered the following parable: A king owned a magnificent diamond which accidentally sustained a deep scratch. The royal diamond cutters said no amount of polishing would remove the flaw entirely. But one expert volunteered, "I can rectify the flaw in a manner that will render the diamond more valuable than before." The king told him to go ahead, and with great skill he engraved rose petals on the diamond. The deep scratch served as the stem of the flower.

Similarly, said the Dubner Magid, a person can transform negative traits into virtues. With creativity, you can use your mistakes and faults in a way that will gain you more than you would have otherwise.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.226)

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#832 Show Some Compassion

When you are compassionate, you are emulating the Almighty.

Today, think of someone who would benefit from your compassion and express it as soon as possible.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.160-2)

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#833 Positive Motivation

Be aware of how you speak to yourself in general, and what you say to yourself when you try to motivate yourself in particular. People who motivate themselves with heavy criticism likewise tend to do so with others also. Even if someone finds that this works better for himself than a softer approach, it is still not the pattern of choice when trying to motivate children and students. The harm to their self-image could be devastating.

Choose positive words of encouragement. Believe in the potential of children, students, and anyone else you want to motivate. And speak to them in a way that will motivate them to believe in their own potential.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",(p.77)

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#834 The Right Comparison

A person can potentially use comparisons to mess up his life. For example, a person can go to the most elegant restaurant which employs the greatest chef. He can order the most expensive food. Then for the rest of his life he can say about any other meal, "This isn't as good as the meal I once had in that five-star restaurant."

I recently related this example to a group of tourists. They laughed. And then one spoke up and said, "I just realized that I do this all the time. Just last night at the fancy hotel we were staying at, my first comment after the meal was, 'This wasn't as good as the food I ate at another restaurant five years ago.' I didn't realize how foolish this response is."

Our patterns of comparisons will either be a way we prevent ourselves from enjoying what we have, or a way by which we gain a greater sense of appreciation. A sage once said, "In spiritual matters look up and raise your sights. But when it comes to material and physical matters look down." That is, in spiritual matters keep looking for role models to motivate yourself to reach higher and higher levels. But when it comes to appreciating your possessions and your financial situation, look at those who have less than you and gain a greater sense of appreciation for what you have.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.67-8)

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#835 Talk away Sadness

The Chafetz Chaim wrote that a person with a tendency towards sadness might be able to overcome it by engaging in enjoyable conversations. But great care must be taken not to talk against other people.

(Shmiras Haloshon - Shaar Hatvunah 3; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.181)

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#836 Feeling Follows Action

Those who have internalized a "kindness consciousness" are fortunate. They act and feel in ways that enhance their life and the lives of others.

But what about those who don't yet feel "kind?" They should repeatedly do kind acts. Every kind act strengthens one's sense of being a kind person.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#837 Worry About Spiritual Concerns

A person who worries about spiritual matters no longer worries about material matters.

(Chafetz Chaim; Chayai Hamussar, vol.1, p.117; Michtevai Chafetz Chaim, p.110; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.164)

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#838 Resolving Indecision

If a person is indecisive about which of two courses of action to take, the question to ask is: "Which choice will bring more honor to the Almighty?" The reply to this question is the path to choose.

(Rabbi Shmuel Tzvi of Alexander - Eser Zechuyot, p.93; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.259)

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#839 Righteous Indignation

Some people behave properly when they are calm and all is going well. But as soon as they become angry, they behave as if all the morality does not apply to them.

The foundation of Torah is to be in control of your behavior even when you find yourself in difficult situations.

(Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.337; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.187)

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#840 You Control Your Reaction

You do not have complete control over anyone else. But you do have a strong degree of control over your reaction to any given situation.

Knowing this will improve your skill of thinking instead of reacting emotionally. The more confident you are that you can control a situation using wisdom, the less chance you will lose your temper.

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#841 Serene Visualization

Your power of visualization is one of the most valuable gifts the Creator gave you. With your ability to imagine, you can develop every positive trait, state, pattern, habit, and way of being that you wish.

Mentally picture yourself being serene. If you can do this easily, great. If you cannot yet do this easily, relax; eventually you will be able to. Visualize a relaxing scene where you would certainly be able to feel calm. See details of the most peaceful place you could possibly imagine.

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#842 Facing Opposition

Frequently, when you spend a lot of time, money, and energy on a worthwhile project, some people will oppose your plans. It is easy to feel discouraged in such situations.

Rabbi Yechezkail Levenstein (Ohr Yechezkail: michtavim, p.53) wrote to someone facing such a challenge, "Don't pay any attention to those opposing your work. Every worthwhile project will face some obstacles and opposition." When you realize that it is normal for people to oppose you when you try to accomplish, you will find it much easier to tolerate and overcome the difficulties of that opposition.

(Gateway to Happiness, p.374)

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#843 True Ambition

Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler wrote: "When you have a true ambition for something, you will not give up hope. Giving up hope is a sign that you are lacking ambition to achieve that goal."

(Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol. 1, p.60 ; Gateway to Happiness, p.375)

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#844 Goals Of Communication

An important rule in communicating with others is anticipating how the other person will react. Keep asking yourself, "What is my present goal in what I'm saying?"

Be flexible. If your first approach does not get desired results, try another approach. For example, if you are trying to calm someone and what you say increases his anger, try saying something else or speaking in a different tone of voice.

When one strategy doesn't work, try another. This sounds obvious, but it's amazing how often this simple rule is violated. People tend to continue the familiar even when it does not bring them their desired results.

In communicating with another person always keep your goal in mind and ask yourself, "Am I getting closer or further away from my goal?"

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.263)

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#845 Clarify Your Motivation

How can you clarify if you do good deeds because it's "the right thing to do," or merely to gain honor and approval? Ask yourself, "Would I do this if I were all alone and no one would ever find out about my good deed?"

(Orchos Tzadikim, ch.1; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.278)