Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#698 Radiate What You Want Reflected Back

King Solomon in Proverbs 27:19 states the basic principle of how people react to one another: "Just as with water, the face [in the water] reflects the face [of the observer], so, too, is the heart of one person to another." Whatever expression is on your face when you look into water, that is the expression you will see staring back at you.

So, too, if you feel positive about another person, that person will feel positive towards you. But if inwardly you feel negative towards someone, even if you do not verbally say anything bad to him, he will have negative feelings towards you.

Today, greet five people as if you were totally thrilled to see them. If this is too exuberant for you (or them), then modify your approach. Try smiling and waving to three strangers. Notice their reaction.

Another idea: Think of someone you know who would appreciate an exuberant telephone call of well-wishing.

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#699 The Lens of Self-Confidence

When a person looks through a colored lens, everything seems to be that color. If the lens is tinted yellow or blue, everything seems yellow or blue.

A person who looks at life through the lens of gratitude will always find things to be grateful for. A person looking from a place of kindness and compassion will always find opportunities to be kind and compassionate.

If a person decides to view life from a place of self-confidence, this confident lens will color all that he sees. More positive opportunities will appear.

Seeing through the lens of self-confidence allows much more light in your world. A self-confident person sees further and clearer. The world appears totally different. Your outlook is so much brighter.

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#700 The Power of "Just For Today" and "Just For Now

People find it easier and simpler to accept a positive quality "just for today." Living one day with self-confidence seems less difficult than thinking you must be self-confident all the time.

We live our entire lives one day at a time, one moment at a time. Having self-confidence "just for now" can get you through one encounter, meeting, occasion, or speech at a time.

People who have applied this "just for now" approach have found that after a few experiences their self-confidence has had such a boost that it's much easier for them to feel self-confident over and over again.

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#701 It's Easier to Feel Self-Confident When You are In a Positive State of Mind

Your state of mind impacts your self-confidence. When you are feeling joyful or happy, you are more optimistic and feel better about yourself. In a good state of mind, your self-confidence will rise.

Make it a habit to be more grateful and more appreciative of all the gifts the Creator has bestowed upon you in the past and continues bestowing in the present.

While one does not need to be happy to experience self-confidence, it helps. It's so much easier for a master of happiness and joy to be self-confident. Every moment of happiness and joy is added to your mental library. You are always in the right time and place to improve yourself.

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#702 Maintaining Self-Confidence When Challenged By Pessimists

Even the most talented and capable people will be challenged by pessimists. Don't automatically assume that others are correct with they try to dissuade you.

We need to be open to objective feedback. Perhaps the questions about our abilities or qualifications are valid. On the other hand, the other person's negativity might not reflect our actual abilities and potential.

Perhaps it just reflects his own self-image and mindset. When you have realistic self-confidence, you have a better chance of success.

Only by trying do we gain more knowledge of what we can and can't do at this time. If you have pure motives for what you are trying to do, it is wise to try.

The greatest people have become great because they weren't stopped by people who did not share their vision. Many times people have had to make many attempts before they accomplished what they had hoped to accomplish.

The deep conviction that they would reach their goal led to tremendous success.

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#703 If You Don't Know, Say So

Many people will perform mental gymnastics to avoid saying, "I don't know." Depending on the context of a situation, these three words can be very difficult to say.

Every time you don't know something that you're asked about, have the courage to say, "I don't know." View every time you repeat this three-word sentence as another time that you are increasing your level of courage.

This way, instead of feeling embarrassed that you don't know, you'll be able to focus on the fact that you are increasing your level of courage.

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#704 Free Yourself From Worry

True freedom is freedom of the mind.

Only a person whose mind is free from worrying can be considered truly free.

Many wars have been fought to gain liberation. People have willingly undergone many hardships to gain freedom. It makes sense, therefore, to make the effort to free your mind from needless worry.

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#705 Overcoming Worry

Many worriers believe worry is part of their nature and it is impossible to rid themselves of it. But worry is just a habit. Some people started this habit at a young age, so it may seem to be their nature.

But any habit can be changed. Even a chronic worrier can learn to lead a worry-free life. If you look at worry as a bad habit you picked up, and you try to think more sensibly, you have a good chance of overcoming your habit.

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#706 An Avoidable Worry

An Avoidable Worry

Oftentimes the calamities that people worry about never occur. Imagine: If you constantly worry about potential disasters, even if your life will work out perfectly in all respects, you will still live a life of suffering. Such suffering is entirely self-caused and unnecessary.

Whenever you catch yourself worrying about a potential negative event, ask yourself, "How do I know for sure this will occur?"

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#707 Use Positive Imagery

Positive use of imagery is very important for controlling one's feelings.

A person with a tendency toward sadness is likely to habitually imagine unpleasant scenes. When you find yourself visualizing negative scenes, make a conscious effort to imagine a positive one. Make a list of positive scenes you can focus on. Take a few minutes to actually experience the positive feelings of focusing on those scenes.

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#708 Honor Is Temporary

When a person feels sad because someone did not show him respect or give him approval, he can say to himself, "What will I actually gain if this person shows me respect or approval? And what do I really lose by his insulting me?"

The answer is: Nothing! Both honor and humiliation are very temporary states, and rarely make practical differences in our lives. So why get upset because someone failed to honor you?

Someone who internalizes the truth of this concept, will never feel sad about lack of honor or approval.

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#709 Shyness And Approval-Seeking

Shyness, which might seem like the opposite of approval-seeking, is really based on the need for approval. A shy person is afraid others will disapprove or look down at him if he speaks up.

If your goal is to seek wisdom or to correct a wrong-doing, you have no need to be shy. By overcoming your need for approval, you will overcome your shyness. Ask yourself, "Do I have a right to speak up now? What exactly am I afraid of, and would that really be so awful?"

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#710 Avoid Extremes to your Self-Esteem

Rabbi Eliezer Kamarner said, "When a person's heart breaks into a thousand pieces, and he is afraid he will become depressed, he should search for his positive qualities and praise himself. At other times, when he fears he might become conceited, he should search for his mistakes and faults."

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#711 A High Level

One of the great ethical personalities of the last generation, Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein, wrote in a letter:

"I am envious of someone who takes a calm, accepting attitude to his suffering -- even though he has not reached the higher level of accepting it with love. Not rebelling against the Almighty's will is in itself a high level."

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#712 Use Great People as Models

Use the lives of great people as models for your own life. When you see the elevated behavior of people who achieved excellence, learn from them and walk in their footsteps. This will help you to be successful in all areas of your life.

Today, think of five great people you would like to emulate. As you reflect on these people, you will become more and more like them.

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#713 To Be Humble Is To Be Selfless

False modesty is characterized by feelings of insignificance and inadequacy, and inactivity to the extent of not venturing to say a loud word or take a step forward. That modesty is a weakness, not a virtue.

The Torah ideal of humility is poles apart. Was not Moshe, the greatest person of action, at the same time the most humble of all people?

In the highest selflessness lies the greatest power. Ultimately, neglect of duty is due to selfishness. Because of selfishness we omit the good and commit the bad. Selfishness makes us shrink from the fulfillment of our life-task.

The humble person with integrity has no trace of selfishness. His self-sacrifice is not obstructed by egoism. He is always ready to use the last spark of his energy and the last fiber of his being in doing good. He feels he has been granted life only for the fulfillment of good. When he has departed from this world, one may say of him: He was alive!

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#714 Give Up Perfectionist Demands

If your peace of mind depends on getting everything you want and having everything just perfect, this is a recipe for unhappiness. Why? Because no human being can sustain this perfection over any period of time! As soon as the situation changes and you find yourself missing things, your life will be full of suffering and worry.

To achieve constant peace of mind, master the ability of not desiring anything unrealistic.

Today, ask yourself: Do I demand perfection, or am I willing to give in to things which are beyond my control?

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#715 Everyone Needs Encouragement

Everyone in the world from the most successful to the least needs encouragement. Make it your career to give others encouragement.

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#716 Consulting For Encouragement

What you subjectively believe about events and your abilities is the way you perceive reality. If you consult someone who merely points out what is negative, you are likely to become discouraged.

Someone who has the talent to point out your strengths and what is positive about your situation will give you encouragement to spur you on to greater achievements.

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#717 Appreciate Small Improvements

When working on improving yourself, it is easy to become discouraged because you do not see sufficient progress. Keep trying and do not give up. Every small amount of improvement is a success. (Rabbi Reuven Dessler; Tnuas Hamussar, vol.5, p.174)

Learn to appreciate even the most minute improvement. If you become angry one time less than before or with less intensity, that itself is improvement. If you speak a little kinder to others, that is improvement. If your prayers are ever so slightly improved, that is improvement. The more pleasure you feel with each drop of improvement, the more likely you will keep trying to improve.

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#718 Learn The Value Of Patience From Others

When someone else is impatient, it's easier for us to understand why that person should be more patient. Great! Every day, you have many teachers who don't even realize they are doing you a service by teaching you to become more patient!

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#719 Avoid Unnecessary Arguments

The Chafetz Chaim used to say, "Be careful to avoid unnecessary debates, for this can easily lead to anger."

Before getting into an argument, ask yourself: "Is it really worthwhile to argue over this matter?"

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#720 Open Yourself Up To Friendship

A person who tries to keep everything about himself hidden will not have close friends. Building a close relationship with others requires self-disclosure.

While it is not prudent to disclose personal secrets to everyone, if you want to become close to others, you need to go beyond discussing superficial matters such as the weather and politics, and be willing to tell them more about the real you.

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#721 Be Soft Spoken

Always speak to others in a manner that makes it a pleasurable experience for them. Your tone of voice should be calm and pleasant. Do not speak in anger or raise your voice.

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#722 Everyone Has Life Challenges

Difficulties will occur in everyone's life. We are typically much more aware of our own difficulties than those of others. This can easily breed unwarranted envy. But knowing that everyone has challenges in life can make your own easier to cope with.

Marriage is a constantly changing, fluid, evolving process. Each stage of marriage has its unique character-development opportunities. God will always set you up in situations that will challenge you and enable you to access hidden strengths that you may not realize you possess!