Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#796 Access Better States

Your feelings are all temporary. When you are in an unresourceful state, you can calmly and objectively say to yourself, "I am in an unresourceful state right now. Let me think of ways to access a more resourceful state." The more frequently you access serene states, joyous states, empowered states, humorous states, enthusiastic states, and creative states, the more likely these will be your real, spontaneous, automatic feelings. This takes practice. Enjoy the entire process.

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#797 Focus on an Actions' Benefits

When you want to influence someone to do something beneficial - but which involves difficulty and pain - use the following strategy: At first, focus him on all the benefits to be gained by doing as you suggest. Only then should you mention the specific course of action you have in mind. Since a person's attitude is a key factor in the difficulty and pain he will experience, when you use this approach, his desire to attain those benefits will decrease the pain of the necessary effort.

In general, this is a useful principle to bear in mind for anyone who wishes to take a positive action which involves some unpleasantness. Focus on the benefits and not on the pain.

Today, think of something that you know you should do but have been pushing off. Write a list of all the benefits you will gain by doing it.

(see Ralbag - Shaar Hacharitzus, no.13)

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#798 Wish It Was So

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could have all your wishes fulfilled? We assume that if a person's big wishes come true, then happiness will be a cinch. Not necessarily so. Even if a wish is fulfilled, it could be disappointing. I remember hearing a story about an entire city where everyone was blessed that one wish of theirs would be fulfilled. Most of the people wished to win the large city's lottery. And they all chose the winning number. Since the grand prize was going to be divided among all those who made the correct choice, they had to divide the large amount of money between a large amount of people. The actual amount won was therefore only a few dollars each.

A great Chasidic master once gave this formula for having your wishes met. "If things don't go the way you wish, wish them to go the way they are," advised Rabbi Mordechai of Lechivitz.

Spiritually, what is best for you is what is. Therefore if you were able to see all of reality, you would really wish for exactly what is best for you, which is your actual experiences.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book "Happiness, p.127)

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#799 Worrying Is Not Your Job

Some people are so used to their career or business, that they feel tremendous anxiety over the possibility of losing their job, or of their product becoming obsolete.

This worry is analogous to a certain blacksmith's statement, "How fortunate I am that I chose to become a blacksmith. If I would have become a jeweler, I would have starved to death. In the 30 years that I have been a blacksmith, not one person approached me about jewelry."

The Almighty can always supply a person with different ways of earning a living. If until now you chose one way, you can still be successful in many other ways.

(Alter of Nevardok; Tnuas Hamussar, vol.4, p.306; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, pp.160-1)

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#800 Rise Above Personal Grievances

The editor of a journal once slandered and ridiculed Rabbi Yoel Teitlebaum. Some time later, the editor came to the rabbi to discuss his financial difficulties. His daughter was engaged to be married but lacked sufficient funds to purchase an apartment. After the rabbi gave him a large sum of money, someone whispered in his ear, "Don't you know who that is?"

"Of course I do," replied the rabbi. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he called back the editor and gave him even more.

(The Jewish Observer, Nov. 1979; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.309)

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#801 See Both Points of View

To get along with other people, it is essential to be able to see things from their point of view -- even if you disagree with them.

Realize that no two people view things exactly the same way. For example, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter said that taking away a broken box from a child is equivalent to sinking the boat of an adult.

Being aware of how someone else perceives a matter will decrease the chances of a quarrel -- even though you might disagree.

(Michtav M'Eliyahu, vol.1, p.99; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness,p.141)

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#802 Gratitude For When Things Do Work Well

Things don't always work as we would want them to. Machines break down. People don't remember to do what they said they would. Stores run out of things, and sometimes they are closed when they were scheduled to be open. Letters we were supposed to receive aren't always delivered on time. Messages are not always given to us. The amount of things that don't work out the way they usually do is enormous.

How will your emotional reaction be towards these types of occurrences? It's up to you.

Some people choose to be frustrated and disappointed. They feel stress and distress. They lack a feeling of well-being.

A master of gratitude will use all occurrences to gain greater mastery over gratitude. Each time something doesn't work out the way they would want it to, they remember to feel grateful for all the times that things do work out well. This pattern of thinking gives them feelings of happiness and joy.

When a machine breaks down, they are happy for all the times when this and other machines do work. If someone doesn't remember to do what he said he would, they are grateful for all the times this person did remember. And they are grateful for other people remembering to do what they said they would. When stores run out of things, it's a reminder to be grateful for all the times this store and other stores had the things that you needed and wanted. A message not given is a reminder to be more careful to give over messages yourself, and to be grateful for all the messages that you did receive. A letter not received on time is a reminder to be grateful for all the letters you did receive on time. All the many things that don't work out the way they usually do, are reminders to be grateful for all multitude of things that do work out.

A person who integrates this pattern will live a life of gratitude and happiness.

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#803 Adopt a Softer View

We can view the manner in which people treat us in many different ways. Why choose a negative approach, when you can choose a positive one?

For example, if your parents treat you in a manner you consider suitable for someone younger than you, you might be inclined tell yourself "It's awful how they treat me like a baby." But you can also view this as a manifestation of your parents' love and concern for you.

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.60)

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#804 All For The Good

The Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law) states: "A person should acquire the habit of constantly repeating [Rabbi Akiva's Talmudic statement]: 'Whatever the Almighty does is for the good.'" (Orach Chaim 230:5)

Imagine a day in which everything went well. Every conversation and transaction with others went exactly as you would have wished. All the hundreds of daily tasks and routines you engaged in worked out to your complete satisfaction. How would you feel? Extremely happy! (Unless of course you ruin it for yourself by worrying that perhaps in the future things might go wrong!) You'd probably be in such a good mood by the end of the day that trivial irritants would not bother you in the least.

Living with a Torah perspective means that every event that happens to us throughout the day is for our ultimate good. If we would internalize this concept, our standard mood would be joy!

(see Gateway to Happiness, p.65)

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#805 We Never had it so Good

Every person alive today derives great benefit from comforts and pleasures that were not available in the past. All of the latest technological advances serve us to a remarkable degree. For all this we should be full of appreciation and gratitude.

Today, take a few minutes and make a list of things available for your use today that did not exist a few hundred years ago (or even 20 years ago!). Notice how these things help you and make life easier and more comfortable.

(see Nachalas Yosef, Torah, p.115; Gateway to Happiness, p.44)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#806 This Too Is For The Good

No person can know what is really good for him in the long run.

We lack peace of mind because we feel anxious and worried about what has happened to us in the past, or what might happen to us in the future. But the reality is we can never know whether the ultimate consequences of events. Being fired from your job, or being forced to find a new home could likely lead to events that will be beneficial for you.

Today, try to recall a time when a "bad" event turned out for the "good."

(see Ohr Yechezkail - michtavim, pp.170 and 267-8; Gateway to Happiness, p.77)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#807 Love Doing Good

While almost everyone performs acts of kindness, some people only help others when coerced to do so. They assist someone only when he approaches them a few times and it is difficult to keep refusing. They do not do the act of kindness willingly and with a positive attitude.

We need to develop an actual love for helping others. There is a major difference between doing something only because you feel forced to do so, and doing something because you love to. Only when you love to do good, will you do it properly.

(Chofetz Chaim - Ahavas Chesed, 2:1-2; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.102)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#808 Trust In God

The ultimate happiness formula is trust in God. This trust gives you peace of mind. This trust transforms your life and adds a spiritual dimension to all that you do. Sincere trust in God makes you wealthy. If others just think you have this, it's like others just thinking that you are wealthy. If you say the right words but don't yet feel them, it's like saying, "I am wealthy," before attaining actual wealth.

How do you know when you need to increase your trust in God? When you worry about the future, hear the inner message: "Trust in God." When you are intimidated by another person, hear the message: "Trust in God." When you are upset about the way something turned out, hear the message: "Trust in God." When you don't attain what you wished for, hear the message: "Trust in God."

(From Rabbi Pliskin's "Happiness",p.47)

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#809 What Your Gratitude Can Do For Someone

An elderly retired teacher in a nursing home. He had retired fifteen years before and rarely had visitors. He was lonely and often felt that the many years he had devoted to his students was long-forgotten. He still read a lot and his mind was active. But the thought that nobody remembered him made him sad. His wife had died seven years before and his three children lived far away and rarely visited. They did call him regularly, but day in, day out, the thought that what he had done for so long was not appreciated, weighed on his mind.

Then one day he received a call from a former student. He asked if it would be all right if he and some of his friends from school came to visit. The retired teacher was thrilled. "Of course, it's more than all right. I look forward to your visit."

Over twenty now grown-up students surprised him with a gala party in his honor. Each former student got up to speak and expressed appreciation for what the teacher had done for him. They related that much of their success in life was because of his positive influence on them. They taped the speeches and took many pictures. For the rest of his life those pictures gave him a glow. He was remembered. The work he had done lived on. He had asked them to call him every once in a while. They did and told their friends that their calls would be appreciated. Each call was a symbol of gratitude that added much light to his life.

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#810 Courage For Good

Courage enables a person to say what is on his mind. This is wonderful for someone who has deep respect for other people. He realizes that each person is created in the image of the Creator and therefore he has a basic respect for every person he encounters.

This is wonderful for someone who consistently sees the good in others, and even though he is aware of faults and limitations, he focuses on the good and the potential good. This is wonderful for someone who is on a high level of love for other people and therefore would never want to needlessly cause anyone pain.

For courage to be valuable, the owner of that attribute needs to be sensitive to the feelings of others. While he has the assertiveness to say whatever he feels like saying, he would not feel like saying something that is needlessly painful. He will be careful how he says whatever he says. He pays attention to the outcome of his messages. Since there are always a multitude of ways to word any message, he will choose the most sensitive approach.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#811 Renew Your Mood

Events by themselves cannot make you sad. It is your attitude toward those events that make you sad.

To overcome feelings of sadness, become aware of the message your negative thoughts are communicating -- about yourself, about the event, or about life in general. The next step is to change these negative thoughts to more positive ones.

Repeat positive statements to yourself. Your mood will change.

(from Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.173)

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#812 Use 'All For The Good' With Care

The concept that "whatever happens is for the best" should be used with care. If misused, it could cause harm.

Only use the concept after the fact. When you are able to take action to rectify a situation, take that action. Do not rationalize laziness by saying that "whatever happens is for the best," and hence you are free from your responsibility to take action.

The Baal Shem Tov admonished someone who misused this concept: "It's a good thing you didn't live during the period when Haman made his decree to destroy the Jewish people. You would have said it was for the good."

Of course, there was benefit from Haman's decree. It brought the people of that generation to great spiritual realizations. But it takes wisdom to discern the true good in every situation.

Be careful not to allow negative things to happen because of carelessness, procrastination, or desire for comfort, and then justify your inaction by saying what is happening is for the good. Only when nothing can be done should you accept it for the best.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.243)

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#813 Being in the Almighty's Favor

The Chofetz Chaim writes that because we are so involved in worldly matters, we lose our sensitivity to the great amount of joy we can potentially experience when performing a mitzvah (good deed). He offers the analogy of a man who was granted an audience with a powerful ruler. Imagine that the ruler is greatly impressed with the man, and has the conversation recorded in his personal diary. What a thrill! Upon returning home, the man's face would glow with elation as he retells his experience to all his friends and neighbors. Even if he'd previously been worried over personal problems, he'd quickly forget them! Over the next years, whenever he'd meet others at some gathering, his successful meeting with the ruler would invariably be the topic of conversation.

Says the Chofetz Chaim: If this is the joy of someone who found favor with a mortal (who will eventually die and whose glory is short-lived), all the more so should we feel joy when we doing something which finds favor with the eternal Creator of the universe. Even afterward, when recalling the good deed, we will feel a glow of pleasure. In fact, the Torah (Deut. 28:47) stresses that we should feel more joy in serving the Almighty than from all other pleasures that exist.

(Shaim Olam 2:11; cited in Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," pp.91-2)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#814 Self Worth and Outside Factors

Someone lacking clarity as to what is truly important can still feel inferior, based on nonsense that has no bearing on self-worth.

An example is Nebechudnezzer, who was a monarch with tremendous power, but nevertheless failed to find satisfaction. The Midrash says he constantly felt embarrassed because he was short and fat.

He had a choice of focusing on his power and enjoying it, but instead focused on his physical shortcomings. He thus turned his life into a constant state of misery - when he should have rather ignored these things (which pragmatically made no difference anyway).

As a tool, ask yourself: "How does a certain factor prove that I am less of a person?"

Remember: Lack of skills and talents are practical liabilities, but in no way detract from the essential value of the person.

(Rabbi Yosef Leib Bloch - Shiurai Daas; Kol Tzofayich; Gateway to Happiness, p. 122)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#815 Find Triggers for your Joy

Find triggers for your joy. Today, every time you hear a telephone ringing, hear a joyous inner cheer, "I am alive." Every time you hear a horn or bell, hear a joyous inner cheer, "I am alive." Every time you hear something that used to get you irritated or frustrated, allow yourself to hear a joyous inner cheer, "I am alive."

(see Rav Pliskin's "Anger: The Inner Teacher," p.342)

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#816 All For One Or One For All

Some people need your help only once in a while. Others will need your help over and over again.

Each act of kindness is a separate entity of immense value. If you do 100 acts of kindness, these produce 100 sources of light -- whether they were done to help 100 different people or the same person.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#817 Gratitude For Encouragement

Someone shared with me that a phrase would run through his mind quite frequently. It was, "You can do it!" Whenever something he was doing seemed to become too difficult, he would hear an inner voice saying, "You can do it!" Whenever he felt too tired to take care of something he knew he had to take care of, he heard this inner voice saying, "You can do it!" This seemed so much a part of him that he took it for granted and didn't give it much thought.

When it was suggested to him to think about gratitude for those who had encouraged him, he remembered a childhood incident. He had an older brother who had repeated this phrase to him a few times. His brother was just three years older, but when he was little, those three years made a big difference. Without his realizing it, those words stayed with him and helped him innumerable times.

Over the years he had grown apart from his older brother and there was a lot of tension and stress in their relationship. They tended to avoid each other. Realizing how much his brother's encouragement had helped him, his sense of gratitude motivated him to renew their relationship. His positive feelings towards his brother aroused positive feelings in return. They both found it almost miraculous that they became so close.

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#818 Humility Leads To Acceptance

A person with humility is able to accept misfortunes and suffering. The arrogant person, however, is not able to tolerate these events.

(Chovos Halvovos 6:10; Gateway to Happiness, p.239)

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#819 View Insults From a Distance

Insults bother us because we're upset that someone failed to show us the honor and approval we demand.

But look objectively at our planet in relationship to the entire universe, and you will realize how ludicrous it is to be upset over such matters. Seen from outer space, our planet is merely a speck of dust, and we individual inhabitants are microscopic. This perspective helps decrease the distress of insults.

(Gesher Ha'Chaim, vol.3, p.39; Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness," p.295)

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#820 Stick To the Topic In Arguements

Whenever you argue with someone, keep the argument limited to the issue at hand. Refrain from bringing in other matters which increase the emotional intensity.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.125-7)