Daily Lift by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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#771 Everything is for the Best

One concept that will make the most difference in the emotional quality of your life is... the awareness that all the Almighty does is for your benefit. There is no greater wealth than mastering this attitude. When you reach this level, you will not be broken or become sad regardless of how the Almighty sets up your life. You will accept whatever happens with love.

(see Rabbi Chaim Zaitchyk - Maayanai Hachaim, vol.3, p.176; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")

The counsel given in #771 is excellent and to learn to accept with love the ultimate challenge to all of God's children

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#772 Plan for Difficulties

Before difficulties arise, think in advance about what could go wrong, and then try to work out potential solutions. By devising a variety of solutions, you will be prepared to cope in a productive manner with whatever contingency may arise.

Today, think of one potential difficulty that might arise in your life. Brainstorm with yourself and think of five possible solutions.

(see Ralbag - Shaar hacharitzus, no. 15)

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#773 Learn From Your Mistakes

When you utilize your mistakes as learning experiences to help you improve in the future, you grow from the experience. Therefore, the Talmud (Gittin 43a) says that a person does not have an entire grasp of a Torah concept until he has erred in it. Making a mistake can lead to greater clarity about how to prevent more serious mistakes in the future! The fool is someone who fails to learn from his mistakes and continues repeating them.

Think of a mistake you feel bad about. Now view that mistake as a learning experience. Realize how the lessons would have been missed had you not made that mistake. This will put the "mistake" into a whole new perspective.

(see Rabbi Simcha Zissel Ziv - Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.144)

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#774 Feel the Light of Success

Here is a fundamental principle of metaphysics: When you act in a positive manner that goes against an innate negative tendency, then you receive a great light. Each person on his own level can personally experience this. When you overcome even a minor temptation, you experience unlimited joy. And the greater the temptation, the greater the ecstasy of overcoming it!

The next time you overcome a temptation, visualize a great light permeating your entire being.

(see Rabbi Yeruchem Levovitz - Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.74)

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#775 Grow From Your Mistakes

Your feelings of self-worth need not depend on any external situation. Every human being has intrinsic value regardless of what he does. If you make mistakes and transgress, do not feel discouraged and lose your feelings of importance. There is no greater danger than that. Rather, when you have transgressed, strengthen yourself to elevate above those transgressions.

Keep your mind focused on your great potential for accomplishment. Regardless of how much wrong you have done in the past, you can always improve.

(Rabbi Noson Tzvi Finkel - Tnuas Hamussar, vol.3, p.273; Gateway to Happiness, p.130)

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#776 Learn From Your Anger Tests

Anytime you become angry, view that as a lesson to gain more insight into yourself. What pushed your button?

Recall experiences when you didn't become angry, even though others might have. Be aware of what thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs enabled you not to become angry in the first place.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge, pp. 111-5; and see Anger: The Inner Teacher)

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#777 Pass Along Life's Lessons

It is a praiseworthy achievement to overcome a phobia, limitation, or bad habit.

But a greater achievement is when that person shares his knowledge and experiences with others who have similar phobias, limitations, and habits. Not only are they helped, but they can pass on this knowledge to others, creating an expanding benefit from the original sharing.

Consider: If this information were to have remained in the first person's brain cells, it would have eventually disappeared without accomplishing a fraction of what it accomplished by being passed along.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book Kindness)

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#778 For the Rest of Your Life

I met an elderly person who lived alone and had many physical problems and financial challenges. Yet this person was highly upbeat and happy. I wondered how he was able to experience such positive emotions with the difficulties he faced. I asked him about his life experiences and what were the most important lessons he learned about life that I could share with others.

A key point that he told me was, "When something goes well for you, be grateful for it for the rest of your life. I had a happy childhood. My childhood was happy no matter what else happened to me later on. For my entire life I can be grateful for the many things I enjoyed when I was growing up. I can be grateful for all the positive memories my late wife gave me. I can be grateful for the good things that people did for me throughout my life. Some of the people I am grateful towards are no longer alive. But my feelings of gratitude towards them remain."

"But isn't it difficult to keep on feeling grateful for what is no longer here?" I asked him.

"No. Once this becomes your habitual way of thinking it's automatic. It's not hard at all. I've met people who are angry and resentful towards people who are no longer alive. It makes a lot more sense to keep up the positive quality of being grateful."

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

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#779 An Hour of Gratitude

There is a powerful exercise that will greatly help you upgrade your level of gratitude. Designate an hour a day to be your hour of gratitude. During this hour keep your focus on gratitude.

Isn't an hour a long time to do this? Yes, it is. When you actually do this exercise for a month, you will find the benefits so great that you will make the effort to keep it up for an hour a day tremendously worthwhile.

And what about spending an hour a day focusing and thinking about what you don't like, what you are unhappy about, what you are resentful about, what you are envious of, what you find frustrating, what's not happening that you want to happen, what might go wrong in the future (also known as worrying), what has already gone wrong in the past. Isn't an hour a long time to spend on thinking these thoughts? Yes, it is. And many people would find it a great blessing to only think these thoughts for just one hour a day and the rest of the day to think more pleasant and enjoyable and beneficial and growth-oriented thoughts. Making a resolution to designate an hour a day reserved for thoughts of gratitude will make it easier for you to overcome a tendency to think thoughts that create stress and distress.

"But I don't have that many things to be grateful for," some people might argue. "You would be surprised!" is the answer. Try it out and you will find that you have much more to be grateful for than you usually are aware of.

If you go to a store to buy something, be grateful that the store is there. Be grateful that you have the money to buy what you want to buy, or that someone is willing to lend you the money, or that a store is willing to give you credit.

If you meet someone you know, be grateful that you have people who are friendly towards you.

If the telephone rings, be grateful that you can hear.

If you see anything, be grateful that you can see.

If you have food to eat, be grateful for that food.

If you read something, be grateful that your brain is functioning and you know how to read.

If you smile to yourself in a mirror, be grateful that you have the positive feedback that will help you master positive states.

If you begin to feel irritated or upset over something and remember that this is your hour of gratitude, be grateful that your memory is working and that you have things to be grateful for and that you can access a gratitude state rather than an unpleasant one.

If someone else needlessly makes a negative comment, you can say, "This is my hour of gratitude, and I would be very grateful to you if you could point out some things we can be grateful for during this hour."

(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: THANK YOU! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)

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#780 Control Your Desires

Feel pleasure in controlling counterproductive desires.

Repeat to yourself, "The more I feel the pull of my desires, the stronger will be my self-mastery."

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," p.197-9)

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#781 Build On Your Successes

Every time you accomplish anything, you do so based on your inner resources - your traits, emotional states, talents, and skills. These are all gifts from your loving Father and King, Creator and Sustainer of the universe.

Once you have actualized potential, it is yours for a lifetime. From there, you can keep building. Knowing this will give you a sense of confidence that will enable you to accomplish much more in the future.

Be aware of what prevents you from accomplishing even more than you already are.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge,"pp. 101-2)

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#782 See Both Sides

Develop the habit of seeing things from the viewpoint and perspective of the other person.

Apply this when you find yourself disagreeing with someone. Even though you might still disagree, you will be able to address the specific concerns of the other person - instead of just repeating your point over and over again.

(For a series of probing questions on this topic, see Rabbi Pliskin's "Gateway to Self Knowledge," pp.125-7)

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#783 Cherishing Opportunities

When someone deeply loves another person, he cherishes opportunities to express that love by coping with hardships for the sake of that person.

Similarly, a person who loves the Almighty will cherish periods of suffering as opportunities to express his love and devotion.

(Mesilas Yeshorim, ch.19; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.252)

See Rabbi Pliskin's new book "Self-Confidence"

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#784 Material Worries

A person who places his main focus on spiritual growth will not worry about material matters. He wants material goods for their function as tools for his spiritual needs. He therefore feels assured that he will be supplied with whatever he needs to meet his spiritual needs. If he lacks something, he realizes that he does not have a spiritual need for it.

(Michtav M'Eliyahu, vol.1, p.206; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.164)

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#785 Shelve Those Worries

At times you may be obsessed with certain worries.

You do not want to worry the entire day. A useful technique is to set aside time slots for giving thought to those matters. When a worry arises during the rest of the day, tell yourself, "Now is not the time for worry. At 9:00 this evening I will think about it, but not now."

This gently pushes away worries, and gives you confidence that you have control.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.168)

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#786 Acceptance Lessens Sadness

Sadness is a negative trait because at the root of sadness is selfishness. Feelings of sadness come from thinking too much about oneself. A sad person thinks: "I should have more than I do. I am missing a lot."

A person who thinks this way should realize that there is no reason why things should be any different than they are (although he would like them to be). That will make it much easier to accept reality.

If something can be changed, try to change it for the better. If it cannot be changed, demanding that things be different makes you needlessly unhappy.

(from Rabbi Aharon of Karlin; Dor Daiah, vol.1, p.167; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.172)

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Focus On The Roses

"A person who gathers honey will not escape being stung by bees. A person who gathers roses will not escape being scratched by thorns."

The positive things in life also have negative aspects. Keep your focus on the beautiful roses of the world, and the thorns will seem trivial and inconsequential.

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Move Beyond Mistakes

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch wrote that even the most depressing awareness of having committed wrong need not irredeemably rob you of good spirits. Once you recognize your wrong deed, do not cover it up and let it gnaw at you. Rather view your act in a clear light, admit it to yourself and before the Almighty, and try to make up for it as best as possible.

Before the Almighty, earnestly promise to avoid such harmful acts in the future. From this determination, you can regain the serenity which is essential to fulfilling your goals and responsibilities.

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#789 Ground Your Worries

Frequently people jump to the conclusion that they have a problem, when in reality there is nothing to worry about. To overcome this tendency, make it a practice to look closely at the available facts. By carefully investigating the situation, it will often show that your original worries were groundless.

(Tnuas Hamussar, vol.1, p.132; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.158)

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#790 Resolve Your Worries

When you are worried, pinpoint exactly what you are worried about, and then try to think of solutions to the real problem.

For example, if you're worried about how to make a living, your anxiety level might be commensurate with someone who's worried that they'll starve to death!

But is that really the case? Most likely, you have the necessary talent to deliver mail, work in a factory, clean floors, or similar jobs. Perhaps such jobs do not enable you to utilize your potential, or you feel they are below your dignity, or will be very boring. So realize then that your real problem is pride or boredom, not starving to death. Your worry level will be decreased if you realize the exact nature of the problem.

Now that your question is how to make a boring job more interesting or how to use your potential, you can make an inventory of all your skills, hobbies, and interests -- and figure out how to best utilize them to earn a living.

(Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.158)

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#791 Relive Positive Memories

Recall the good things that happened to you in the past. If you mentally relive those experiences, you will be in a much better state of mind to deal with the present more efficiently.

Keep a list of the good things that have happened to you. When you feel sad, take out your list and read it over. Think especially about those things you felt joy over when you first obtained them, things you still have. By recalling your original joy, you will feel better now.

Sad people tend to talk about their misfortunes and this causes them needless misery. They should form the habit of talking about the positive experiences of their life. When you talk about positive experiences and thoughts, they have a positive effect on your emotional state. By doing this a few times, you build up your confidence in your ability to evoke positive emotions.

(Hishtapchus Hanefesh; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.181)

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#792 Love Makes For Allowances

The Chazon Ish wrote: A person who has reached a proper level of love for others will not feel hurt or anger by what they say to him. Love has the ability to cancel all wrongdoings. Although he personally will be meticulously careful to show respect to everyone, he realizes that the majority of people have not perfected their character traits, and so he does not have excessive expectations about others. Such an elevated person will not have to constrain himself to not feel anger or the pain of embarrassment, for he is in a constant state of happiness.

Though the level the Chazon Ish describes takes much working on oneself to achieve, it is humanly possible to obtain, and we should strive to travel in that direction.

About this and similar ideals, I often quote my teacher, Rabbi Gavriel Ginsberg, who said, "When you reach for the stars, you might not catch any. But at least you won't get your hands in the mud."

(Chazon Ish - Emunah Ubitochon 1:11,15; Rabbi Pliskin's Gateway to Happiness, p.205)

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#793 Admit To Your Mistakes

When you did something wrong, or you forgot to do something you know you should have done, get in the habit of responding, "No excuses. I was wrong." This will increase your sense of courage. This will prevent many arguments. This will enhance your integrity.

The difficulty of saying, "No excuses. I was wrong," is only in the beginning. After saying this a number of times, one will experience these words as empowering.

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, "Courage")

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#794 Focus Reinforces

Whatever you focus on gets reinforced. Focus on serenity. Use the word "serenity" frequently. Get in the habit of saying sentences like, "I would like to be more serene." "My goal is to master serenity." "I will be aware of what I can do to increase my serenity." "The way of serenity is going to be my way."

(From Rabbi Pliskin's book, Serenity, p.33)

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#795 Channeling Desires

It is impossible for a person to remove all desires. But we have the ability to channel our desires from physical and material pleasures to spiritual endeavors.

This is analogous to a person who went to a fancy restaurant where two full plates of food were presented to him. One was full of fish and the other was full of meat. There was too much food for him to eat both dishes. Since he liked fish better, he chose the fish and pushed the plate with meat to the side.

Another person walked by and looked at him with amazement. The second man, who liked meat much more than fish, thought to himself, "How could this person who has a plate full of delicious meat decline to eat it?" The second person made a mistake. The first person was not overcoming a desire to eat meat.

Rather he was gratifying his desire for fish, which he enjoyed more than meat. Similarly, someone who finds fulfillment in spiritual matters is not being deprived of pleasure. Rather he is gaining more pleasure than is possible in material matters.

(Ohr Yohail, vol.2, p.27; Gateway to Happiness, p.359)