Members phkrause Posted September 27, 2013 Author Members Posted September 27, 2013 Sorry to anyone that gets offended, but I couldn't help it! I've been laughing for the past half hour and the tears are just rolling outa my eyes. An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!" Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted October 2, 2013 Author Members Posted October 2, 2013 Q: What has one eye but cannot see? A: A needle. Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted October 4, 2013 Author Members Posted October 4, 2013 Q: What is gray, has four legs, a tail, and a trunk? A: A mouse on vacation. Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted October 16, 2013 Author Members Posted October 16, 2013 Q: What did the fork say to the knife? A: "You're looking sharp!" Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted October 17, 2013 Author Members Posted October 17, 2013 Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? A: Ouch Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Moderators Kevin H Posted October 18, 2013 Moderators Posted October 18, 2013 Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? A: Ouch Love it!!! Quote
Members phkrause Posted October 31, 2013 Author Members Posted October 31, 2013 Q: What do you call a vampire who makes pancakes? A: Count Spatula! Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted November 1, 2013 Author Members Posted November 1, 2013 Q: Why don't skeletons get into fights? A: They don't have the guts Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Moderators Kevin H Posted November 1, 2013 Moderators Posted November 1, 2013 Just read this on facebook and please forgive me for sharing: A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears: Bump... BUMP... BUMP... Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on his heels, the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket... and, (hopefully you're ready for this!!!) The coffin stops. Quote
Members phkrause Posted November 1, 2013 Author Members Posted November 1, 2013 Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Moderators Kevin H Posted November 2, 2013 Moderators Posted November 2, 2013 Went to the 'Everything's A Buck' store yesterday. I gave the clerk a dollar and said I want everything. She was not amused and I can't go back without adult supervision. Bummer. Quote
Members phkrause Posted November 3, 2013 Author Members Posted November 3, 2013 Went to the 'Everything's A Buck' store yesterday. I gave the clerk a dollar and said I want everything. She was not amused and I can't go back without adult supervision. Bummer. Exactly, I've thought about that myself a few times Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted November 8, 2013 Author Members Posted November 8, 2013 Q: What's the best way to talk to a monster? A: From a distance. Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted November 10, 2013 Author Members Posted November 10, 2013 Church Bulletin Bloopers If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted November 13, 2013 Author Members Posted November 13, 2013 Q: What did the hat say to the scarf? A: "You hang around, and I'll go on a head." Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted November 14, 2013 Author Members Posted November 14, 2013 Q: What's blue and smells like red paint? A: Blue paint! Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted November 21, 2013 Author Members Posted November 21, 2013 Q: What did the triangle say to the circle? A: "You're pointless." Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Moderators Kevin H Posted November 28, 2013 Moderators Posted November 28, 2013 What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?... Quote
Members phkrause Posted November 29, 2013 Author Members Posted November 29, 2013 Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede? A: A walkie-talkie! Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted December 7, 2013 Author Members Posted December 7, 2013 Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye? A: "Between you and me, something smells!" Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members phkrause Posted December 22, 2013 Author Members Posted December 22, 2013 Q: Why did the fish cross the ocean? A: To get to the other tide Quote phkrause When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29;2
Members rudywoofs (Pam) Posted December 22, 2013 Members Posted December 22, 2013 **groan** lolol Quote Pam      Meddle Not In the Affairs of Dragons; for You Are Crunchy and Taste Good with Ketchup. If we all sang the same note in the choir, there'd never be any harmony. Funny, isn't it, how we accept Grace for ourselves and demand justice for others?
olger Posted December 22, 2013 Posted December 22, 2013 Q: What's blue and smells like red paint? A: Blue paint! Aarrgghhhhhhh Quote "Please don't feed the drama queens.."
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