Joke of the Day

[phkrause]

Clown Joke

Q: Why won't sharks eat clowns?

A: They taste funny!

[phkrause]

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering

what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captaind asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!!

[phkrause]

Buffalo Joke

Q: What did the buffalo say to his kid when he dropped him off for school?

A: Bison.

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How do you make a goldfish old? Take away the g!

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Belt Joke

Q: Why did the belt go to jail?

A: It held up a pair of pants!

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State Joke

Q: What did Tennessee?

A: The same thing as Arkansas

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Q: What is a redneck's definition of weather?

A: Relative humidity.

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Watch Joke

Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

A: Because he wanted to be on time.

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Pencil Joke

Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

A: Pointless.

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Opera Joke

Q: Why did the opera singer go sailing?

A: Because she wanted to hit the high Cs!

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Hello Joke

Q: How does the ocean say hello?

A: It waves!

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Ice Joke

Q: Why can't you tell a joke while standing on ice?

A: Because it might crack up!

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Tire Joke

Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

A: At forks in the road.

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Tree Joke

Q: What is a tree's favorite drink?

A: Root beer!

[phkrause]

Show-and-Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is the Crucifix."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, " My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole."

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Cantaloupe Joke

Q: Why did the cantaloupe jump into the lake?

A: It wanted to be a watermelon.

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When Life Begins

There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

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Wall Joke

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?

A: Meet you at the corner.

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Teddy Bear Joke

Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?

A: Because they’re always stuffed.

[rudywoofs (Pam)]

LOL... cute!

[phkrause]

Shaving Joke

Q: Who can shave six times a day, but still have a beard?

A: A barber.

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School Joke

Q: What's the only school where you have to drop out to graduate?

A: Skydiving school

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Zen Judaism

 

Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.

Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But, first, a little nosh.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, warlike nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."

 

[phkrause]

Carpenter Joke

Q: What nails do carpenters hate hammering?

A: Fingernails

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What Goes Up Joke

Q: What goes up, but never comes down?

A: Your age.