Joke of the Day

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Tomato Joke

Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?

A: With tomato paste!

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Strawberry Joke

Q: Why was the little strawberry crying?

A: His parents were in a jam.

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Money Joke

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A: He wanted cold, hard cash

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Mouse Joke

Q: What is gray, has four legs, a tail, and a trunk?

A: A mouse on vacation.

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A little boy was in church next his father and at his father’s request said a small prayer, "Dear God, please bless Mommy and Daddy and all the family to be healthy and happy." 

 

Suddenly he looked up and said out loud, "And please don't forget to ask grandpa to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!" 

 

"There is no need to shout like that," said his father. "God isn't hard of hearing." 

 

"No," said the little boy, "but Grandpa is."

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A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. 

 

"Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.

Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

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Capital Quiz

Q: What is the capital of Washington?

A: The W

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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, 

 

"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." 

 

The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 

 

"That's interesting, " she said, "how do you make babies?" 

 

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

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Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. 

 

It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. 

 

If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you're the grandma. 

 

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.

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Fork Joke

Q: What did the fork say to the knife?

A: "You're looking sharp!"

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Porcupine Joke

Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?

 

A: Ouch

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Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please leave your message after you hear the beep. Beeeeeppp …

 

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of “arrival” so we know who it is.

 

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2.

If you want to borrow the car, press 3.

If you want us to wash your clothes and do the ironing, press 4.

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5.

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6.

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7.

If you want to come to eat here, press 8.

If you need money, dial 9.

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, take us to a restaurant, start talking – we are listening!

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Dinosaur Joke

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

A: There weren't any chickens yet.

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A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following: 

 

"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. 

 

"They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. 

 

"They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. 

 

"At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. 

 

"My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck. 

 

"My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."

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Skeleton Joke

Q: Why can't skeletons play church music?

A: Because they have no organs.

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4's Joke

Q: Why didn't the two 4's want dinner?

A: Because they already had 8

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Hat and Scarf Joke

Q: What did the hat say to the scarf?

A: "You hang around, and I'll go on a head."

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Paint Joke

Q: What's blue and smells like red paint?

A: Blue paint!

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Shapes Joke

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?

A: "You're pointless."

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Cinderella Joke

Q: Why didn't Cinderella make the basketball team?

A: She ran away from the ball.

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Q: What do giraffes have that no other animal has?
A: Baby giraffes.

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Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."

 

Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

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Q: Why did the pig leave the costume party?

A: Because everyone thought he was a boar.

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Witch Joke

 

Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?

A: Spelling!

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Cheerleader Joke

Q: Why do ghosts make such good cheerleaders?

A: Because they have so much spirit!